When is it okay to just let them be done?

[Adrienne_in_TX]

I'll try to keep this concise.

 

High school has been a roller coaster with our second dd. She started out in ps, had a moral meltdown, and we brought her back home for school. She spent the better part of that year very angry and didn't gain much ground. The next two years she was a different kid emotionally, very much turned around and very committed to her faith with a great attitude, but still not gung-ho about school.

 

A little backstory:

 

We suspected dyslexia in late elementary, but testing was inconclusive. She's very smart, has more common sense and social skills than many adult women I know, is a coveted employee and advances quickly. She doesn't test well, learned to read late, phonics and spelling never really clicked for her, and math is a thorn in her side.

 

She's a senior and reads and writes at or above grade level. Her spelling is quite good now that she cares about how she appears in her writing (one benefit of facebook). She wants to be a missionary (her grandparents are missionaries to Nicaragua) and has been on several short-term trips as well as a 6-week training program in Mexico. She worked at Chick-Fil-A for about 1 1/2 years and has now been working at Mardel for two months and has already had a promotion.

 

But school . . .

 

She is just so undermotivated and is in a hole that I don't think we can dig out of without another year, which she's unwilling to do. She's naively insisting that she can get it done. (When we talk about it, she's motivated; it doesn't translate into action though). She works at school every day, but doesn't do a full day's worth. I can get her done in every subject except math by the end of summer, but (for a lot of valid and invalid reasons) she's still doing Algebra 1. I talked to her about the GED last summer, but she decided against it. Yet, here we are in the same boat.

 

She wants to move to Nica next fall and do some CC classes online. She'll likely only get a two-year degree if she pushes on with college. What do y'all think. I won't give her credit for work she hasn't done, and a transcript won't be sufficient with only 1 or 2 math credits. I'm stuck.:confused:

 

ETA: We have such a good relationship now, but all we seem to talk about is school . . . and these are stressful conversations. I'm frustrated; she feels judged. She's just ready to be an adult (and conducts herself as one much of the time) and do life. I know there are great arguments for pushing through and getting it done; I've used them all, and she agrees that it would be best. We just can't seem to make it happen right now.

Edited September 27, 2012 by Adrienne_in_TX
additional info

[laundrycrisis]

A GED would be better than just an incomplete transcript.

[Lori D.]

A diploma is better than a GED, and both are better than unfinished high school. :)

 

 

Sounds like DD is being responsible now (working) and has a solid post-graduation plan (go to Nicaragua, take online CC classes). If you want to know what I would do (LOL), I think I would use her senior year to help her move into those plans, and to be able to have the joy of graduating her from homeschool high school in the spring.

 

 

It looks like you are in Texas. Homeschool laws there do not look like they require you to have certain amounts of credit in order to graduate. Nor do they require certain *kinds* of credits. Texas public school high school students need 22 credits, of certain types, but as a homeschooler you do not have to follow public school requirements! :)

 

I would suggest setting a realistic goal for YOUR homeschool graduation. For example, 20 credits is not too unreasonable. That translates to about 5 classes per year of the 4 years of high school. And then determine what *kind* of credits truly will best benefit THIS STUDENT and her future. I would NOT get too hung up thinking she needs 3-4 math credits -- instead focus on what specific math credits will best help DD achieve her post-graduation goals... Gently, Consumer Math or Accounting would help her as a missionary, an entrepeneur, and in living/working on her own. Algebra 1 and 2 and Geometry will not.

 

I would also count her jobs towards a credit of some kind, because she has learned real-life skills there -- maybe 1.5 to 2 credits of "Vocational Ed." or other course title??

 

Count up what credits your DD has already achieved in her high school years. (Include both her public school and home school ). When you count that all up, how many credits does she have? Would it be reasonable and do-able for her to complete the amount remaining? (I would say 4-6 credits would be do-able; maybe 7 if 1-2 of those credits were dual enrollment at the community college, and are knocked off in one semester rather than in one year.)

 

 

Now list what kinds of classes would most benefit YOUR DD? Ideas:

- being able to solidly write (English/Writing)

- comfortable with everyday math (=Consumer Math; Personal Finance)

- "home ec" types of things: being able to shop, cook, budget, basic sewing/mending, basic auto home/maintenance, how to efficiently clean, etc.

- CPR and First Aid certification -- even better, EMT certification through the CC (very helpful to a missionary to a foreign country)

- Foreign Language: Spanish (to quickly adjust to living in a Latin American country)

- Latin America history/cultural studies (to better understand the people, politics, economics, social issues, etc. as a missionary to Nicaragua)

- Worldview training (know what you believe and why (apologetics); how to share your faith; what do others believe; beliefs lead to actions)

- Bible study (for spiritual support; and to learn how to study the Bible for herself and to lead others in study, prayer, mission work, etc.)

- basic study skills and other helpful skills (touch typing; familiarity with word processing and spreadsheet software; etc.)

 

Remember, she could take dual enrollment classes at the local CC in the spring, or as a summer class. Also, some dual enrollment classes are worth 1 YEAR of credit for a 1 SEMESTER course (such as foreign language).

 

I HIGHLY recommend the following as possible dual enrollment in the spring:

- Writing 101

- Conversational Spanish course

- EMT training

 

Since online CC is a goal of hers, this helps her "get her feet wet" in a limited way, with family to help encourage and support her.

 

Abeka or Bob Jones Consumer Math AND Dave Ramsey Foundations in Personal Finance or Crown Ministry Collegiate Financial Education materials are excellent, could count towards math credit, and could all be done at home around her work schedule.

 

If EMT training is out, then CPR/First Aid can be done at a weekend training session.

 

Worldview Training could be going through the Summit Ministry materials; do the Truth Project video series together with a small group; go to the 1-week Worldview Academy Christian Leadership camp near you this summer...

 

Latin American history/cultural studies and Bible Study could also be done at home around the work schedule, or be done outside the home programs.

 

 

This will help you and DD plan out her coursework for her senior year, and all of it will be moving her towards HER goal. It should be pretty easy to get her buy-in and work to complete all of this.

 

 

The other thing is to have a back-up plan that you and DD discuss NOW while discussing all of the above -- and that is, what to do if she does NOT complete your high school requirements by May, or the end of the summer, when she will be wanting to leave to go to Nicaragua. Having her take the GED prior to leaving might be a reasonable consequence to not completing your high school requirements. If DD really wants to avoid the GED and have a high school diploma, you would be helping her do that -- but the responsibility of doing it would be on her shoulders, and she would understand that she would not be going to Nicaragua without either the diploma or the GED.

 

 

Wishing you and DD the very BEST in her senior year, and cheering her on towards completion to then be able to move forward into her passion! Warmest regards, Lori D.

Edited September 27, 2012 by Lori D.

[Jann in TX]

My oldest dd was hopelessly behind.

 

She barely completed 2 math credits in 4 years.

 

She did not complete a single essay.

 

She ALMOST finished Biology...

 

Learning was just HARD for her... concentration/focus...LOGIC...

 

At age 19 I had to let her go. She passed the CC entrance test. It was time.

 

I typed up a 'transcript' and signed it as 'final'.

 

Since dd was over 18 -- the CC did not bat an eye that it was not 'complete' compared to PS. It was in her file and that was that.

 

DD completed a 3 year degree (they call it a 2 year but it is IMPOSSIBLE to complete in less than 3. She graduated WITH HONORS!

 

The dd that did not complete a single essay was writing several 1000 word essays EVERY WEEK her last semester--and making A's on them!!!!.

 

Her classes were challenging and she excelled!

DD also has a job she loves that required her degree/certification. It has future potential too.

 

I'm a proud mom!

[Adrienne_in_TX]

Thank you ladies so much! I needed your wisdom and encouragement today. I'm going away to a women's conference this weekend, and it will give me a chance to rejuvenate and then attack this head on with a fresh perspective.

 

Lori, thank you for your thoughtful response. I was struggling with doing what is acceptable (in whose eyes?) and what is best for dd. Your ideas gave me some good direction and made me realize that we have more done and can finish more than I was thinking.

 

Jann, thank you so much for sharing your daughter's experience! I really needed someone to tell me that it was okay that this dd isn't going the expected route and that she can still excel and be okay! I think I knew that, but I needed to know that I wasn't the only one. Anyone who meets her sees a polished, well-spoken, compassionate young woman with great initiative. She's not wearing that transcript on a sandwich board, and I need to stop focusing on it so much.

 

I think we're going to take a balanced approach of getting as much done as we can in the time we have (it will be enough for a basic transcript) and then calling it done. I'm going to get Algebra 2 off my mind and hers which will be a relief to both of us. She's finishing TT Algebra 1, and I have TT Geometry already purchased (she's done about 1/4 of it).

 

Next week I'll sit down and make a working transcript. Thank you all again.

[Rene']

This thread has been such an encouragement to me!! Thank you, Adrienne, for posting it, and thank you Lori and Jann for your replies. I'm going to print this!

 

My oldest will be 15 soon. She *is* behind, especially in math, but we are finally making progress! Do I need to think about starting a transcript now or is that something that I do when she is 18 and I just look back over what we've done?

[Lori D.]

My oldest will be 15 soon. She *is* behind' date=' especially in math, but we are finally making progress![/quote']

 

 

:hurray: I have a math-struggler too. It took 1.5 years EACH to struggle through Algebra 1, and then Algebra 2 :eek: -- and that was with MUS, which is about as gentle as it gets, and with me helping, and him having to do most lessons 2, and even 3 times... whew! But we survived and he has graduated -- and scored well on the math assessment at the community college he is going to this year -- scored WELL beyond any remedial course! Wow! I bet your DD will do even better, what with you working with her. :)

 

 

 

Do I need to think about starting a transcript now or is that something that I do when she is 18 and I just look back over what we've done?

 

 

Well my vote is to start a transcript earlier rather than later; it's less work for you than trying to do it all at one time' date=' and it's easy to forget things you did 2, 3, 4 years back. :) Also, you never know when you might unexpectedly need a transcript even now while in the midst of high school -- sports or other extracurricular activity; scholarship application; job application; dual enrollment; college applications.... It would be horrible to have to stay up all night trying to figure out how to make a transcript for the next day! ;) And once you've figured out what you want to include and how you want it to look, it's very easy to just update it at the end of each semester -- takes 10 minutes.

 

Here's a recent past thread with lots of info to get you started with transcripts: Time to write a transcript; are there instructions somewhere?

 

BEST of luck! Warmly, Lori D.

Edited September 28, 2012 by Lori D.

[goldberry]

DD completed a 3 year degree (they call it a 2 year but it is IMPOSSIBLE to complete in less than 3. She graduated WITH HONORS!

 

 

DD also has a job she loves that required her degree/certification. It has future potential too.

 

I'm a proud mom!

 

Not to hijack, but can I ask what her program was?

[Shellers]

My oldest dd was hopelessly behind.

 

She barely completed 2 math credits in 4 years.

 

She did not complete a single essay.

 

She ALMOST finished Biology...

 

Learning was just HARD for her... concentration/focus...LOGIC...

 

At age 19 I had to let her go. She passed the CC entrance test. It was time.

 

I typed up a 'transcript' and signed it as 'final'.

 

Since dd was over 18 -- the CC did not bat an eye that it was not 'complete' compared to PS. It was in her file and that was that.

 

DD completed a 3 year degree (they call it a 2 year but it is IMPOSSIBLE to complete in less than 3. She graduated WITH HONORS!

 

The dd that did not complete a single essay was writing several 1000 word essays EVERY WEEK her last semester--and making A's on them!!!!.

 

Her classes were challenging and she excelled!

DD also has a job she loves that required her degree/certification. It has future potential too.

 

I'm a proud mom!

 

Ahhh.... I want this to be my happy ending...

 

My DD16 had a really rough year last year. Her depression took 4+ months to get under control. I'm just thankful homeschooling is an option, because honestly, if I had to leave her in high school, she'd be dead.

 

She completed an economics community college class last year, but I really don't push her with high school stuff. I guess I'm letting her be an unschooled highschooler? She reads constantly, I actually have complained about her reading for years because she reads too much! This kids never watches TV, she prefers to read.

 

She definitely want's to get her AA, so she is motivated, but I'm not going to push her. She's a great kid, I couldn't ask for better, and I considered myself blessed. I think for some kids high school is a waste of time, my DD is using that time to peruse her own interests.

 

We were just looking at the 4 credit math requirement for some colleges, and she told me, "Well, I tried Algebra 3 times, does that count mom?" LOL

[tex-mex]

I love what Jann shared about her dd. We need to keep in mind that not all children HAVE to take Algebra I, Algebra II, Geometry, etc. A basic course like consumer math, Pre-Algebra or such may be the ticket. And CCs accept all types of kids from all kinds of tracks (college prep/general ed/remedial/special ed) in high school. I say don't compare your child to others and keep plodding on. Try her on a Compass (CC) exam and if she passes... give her the transcript like Jann did.

 

My only concern to the OP is that many online courses for college are for those who are VERY motivated and organized. Can her dd work independently and complete the course in a timely manner? Why not try one class at a cc first (in person on campus) and see how she does with it?

Edited September 29, 2012 by tex-mex