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why can't my 2 older kids get along with each other??


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we have a dd 12 and ds 10....sometimes they get along really well...but then all of a sudden this huge screaming, crabbing, crying thing blows up and I AM GETTING TIRED OF IT. Our 8 year old acts older than our other 2 kids. They know exactly how to press each other's button...dd gets bossy, ds gets naughty, dd thinks she has to "inform" us of his naughtiness, but not until she bosses him around first. They both are stubborn and won't listen to each other or us. I am about ready to SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Why, why, why can't they act their age (and not their shoe size)??????????

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:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Know that you are not alone. My 13yo and 9yo boys do the same thing. The 2yo looks at them both like they're crazy and I end up falling off my chair laughing as the little guy goes "not nice" in his toddler voice. They either end up in the corner, cleaning the kitchen, or scrubbing the toilet!! :lol: :lol:

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My dd and youngest ds fight like that. She "mothers" him, and he delights in annoying her.

 

If it's just starting, I'll make them do something together, or *horrors* a hug and kiss. They both hate that. :tongue_smilie:

 

If the situation has escalated because I was mia (in the potty, outside, etc), then it's off to their rooms!

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My oldest, reading over my shoulder, wants you to know what I used to tell my two girls (now 14 & 11).

"If you can't get along with each other, you can't get along with anyone else."

And so, they didn't go to anything fun or to friend's houses until they could get along with each other.

 

She also wants me to add her least favorite line of mine, "You obviously don't have enough to do." Which was always followed by a chore or two or three or six.

 

It isn't perfect, but I really do believe you need to be able to get along with your siblings.

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One thing that helps with sibling problems is make to sure they know their "roles" and to foster a sense that they are truly allies. She is older than him and his is her brother with a specific responsibility toward his sister. They are both going through hormonal phases, but start looking for opportunities to acknowledge their differences. They are not the same age, and they do not have the same role in the family. She is not his mother, but she is older and has a responsibility toward him. Help them to find ways to be allies and to respect their alliance. They may not ever be friends, but they will always have each other - make sure they know that.

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