grantmeawish Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 My ds is 7. He plays daily with about 6 other boys in the neighborhood most of whom are older (ages 9-12). Usually they play well, but there are times when he comes in crying because they are calling him stupid or other names. I try to figure out the whole story from my son but I never can get a clear picture as to what is going on. I haven't intervened yet because my son gets over it and continues to play with the boys that aren't being mean at the moment. Do kids just do this? I don't want to intervene unless i really need to. I guess I am not sure when that point is. I wish these kids would just be nice! I don't know if they act this way because they are older or what. WDYT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 I think you need to be outside, watching what's going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 I think you need to be outside, watching what's going on. :iagree: Right. There's not enough info. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grantmeawish Posted September 10, 2012 Author Share Posted September 10, 2012 Too be completly honest. I can't be watching him outside 4 hours a day. We live in a small culde sac and the kids are all over it in everyones yard playing war, running through backyards etc. I watch from the window and I go outside and watch for a few every so often, especially when I think something is up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Too be completly honest. I can't be watching him outside 4 hours a day. We live in a small culde sac and the kids are all over it in everyones yard playing war, running through backyards etc. I watch from the window and I go outside and watch for a few every so often, especially when I think something is up. But if you're not out there, you will never know exactly what's happening. I'm not suggesting that you have to do it forever, but if you want to know what's going on, you'll need to be out there. I have no idea how else you would be able to find out what's happening if you're inside your house. Also, if my son was coming into the house crying, you can bet I would want to be out there to keep an eye on those kids, because I would be too worried to leave him out there alone with older boys who were being mean to him. Some kids can get pretty mean, especially after they've all been outside playing for hours. I do sympathize with you, though, because it's such a pain when a few kids get nasty and ruin the fun for the nice kids. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsanniep Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 If they were all the same age, I wouldn't worry about it. My boys encounter the same ups and downs with the kids they play with in the neighborhood, brush it off and go back out to play. However, because of the age gap, I'd like to know more about what's causing him to cry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshin Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 I'm in the camp that doesn't think you have to be watching your kids constantly. Aware of where they are and checking up on them, yes, but sitting outside for four hours watching them? Not so much. And yes, this is normal behavior. I would hazard to guess that the older boys and the 7 year old are both to blame. My youngest is 7. My oldest is 12 and most of the neighborhood kids are in the 9 to 12 year range. My 7 year old sometimes pushes buttons on purpose. Or he says something that seems appropriate to a 7 year old but annoys the older kids. The older kids retaliate back by sticking out their tongue or calling him a name. He then overreacts and comes in crying, insisting I need to punish them all. Since I have an older boy out there, I usually get the full story. My way of handling it is simple. He is not to tattle unless someone is hurt or in danger of getting hurt. Being called a brat isn't being hurt. If he feels they are being mean, he can come inside for a bit or play on our deck for a bit. Usually he retreats to the deck, one or two of the other boys see him and feel bad, so they join him on the deck, and within 30 minutes the entire group is playing together again. Seven is a hard age. They want to be a big kid but at the same time they tend to get a bit more hyper and loud, which annoys the older kids. We used to have a mean kid on our block. None of the other kids really liked playing with him but he was always out. I did lay down the law with him and told him point blank we do not call people names or push them. He was welcome to continue that behavior on his own lawn but he would not be allowed to cross my lawn anymore (he would have to cross my lawn to reach where the other kids mainly play). I must have scared him, because the behavior stopped. I was relieved when his family moved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Too be completly honest. I can't be watching him outside 4 hours a day. We live in a small culde sac and the kids are all over it in everyones yard playing war, running through backyards etc. I watch from the window and I go outside and watch for a few every so often, especially when I think something is up. My dh would say this is pretty typical behaviour. If you could somehow have a teen boy you know and trust in the mix, that would probably help matters out tremendously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Your son is really MUCH younger than the other boys. It won't be long before they'll be talking middle-school boy talk, some of which you won't want your son to hear. They'll be playing violent video games. They'll want to watch movies that you won't want your son to see yet. I would make more of an effort to find your son some new friends. Not saying he has to dump the old ones, but I don't think the situation with the older boys seems promising long-term. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 The behavior is typical I'd say. You don't have to be out there at all times; of course, if you are concerned then go out and keep an eye on things for a little while. Six to 12 is a pretty big age gap, especially if we are talking about traditionally-schooled children (in my experience this sort of behavior is a bit less pervasive among homeschoolers but certainly not unheard of...my own boys do this sort of thing to each other all the time). Anyway, six tends to say and do things that are perceived as immature by 12, and six is younger and smaller. Six is easy pickings, you know? If my ds still wanted to go out and play with them then I wouldn't be overyly concerned about him being picked on. Perhaps keep an eye and ear out for mature language and topics of discussion from the older children. It's always possible that those sorts of things come about and the mixed ages of the playmates makes it more likely, I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momma4Boys Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 I gotta agree that this is typical. I have 4 boys and we usually have 3-4 other boys over here daily after school. Boys are violent, loud and have quick spurts of "testosterone energy". But they usually get over it just as fast. Calling other kids "stupid" and "dork" is almost a loving nickname to junior high boys. It is weird to watch - I grew up with only a sister and female cousins so I am always baffled by boys... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepymommy Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 I agree that this is pretty typical. My boys played with some older boys on our old block and it happens. I did have a few talks with some of the older boys about how they are older and should behave like the older ones and not get too physical with the younger ones since they are bigger. But overall they were nice kids and I knew them and their parents pretty well so I didn't worry too much. If I got the feeling they were bullying or being excessively rough even after being called out on it, then I would not allow my boys to play with them. It's tough if everyone's on the same cul-de-sac though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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