How would you handle this... bday party question

[labst60]

Sincere thanks to everyone who helped! I deleted b/c I know a lot of ppl irl who may be on here and it's just better that way :-)

 

I really appreciate the different perspectives, honest advice and lack of judging - I have a couple of different things to think about - and with all your advice and DHs help (and a good night sleep) I am sure it will all turn out fine - and drama free - without me needing to feel taken advantage of. Not sure how it will play out, but my first priority (as always) will be my kids - and that means not only making sure they are HAPPY but setting the example that I want them to see.

 

Thanks again everyone! :-)

[NorthwestMom]

After reading some of the comments, I'm a little taken aback. So if I don't throw my kid a birthday party, this is what you think of me bringing my kid to yours? Thanks for the heads up.

 

There may be many reasons for a mom not to throw a birthday party. Maybe she doesn't bake, maybe she works 7-day weeks, maybe she has a difficult situation in her home that isn't conducive to parties. Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable with that level of materialism, or her kid has too many toys already, or it's against her religion. Maybe she doesn't want her ex or mother-in-law to show up. Why is it anyone else's issue? I'm sure each family knows how to make their own child feel special regardless of what everyone else does.

 

No, I don't judge people for celebrating differently! It's all about the backstory with this family.

[redsquirrel]

I don't think anything is lost by taking the high road here. She is 7. It's not her fault her parents are weirdos, lol. Just be prepared to sing happy birthday if the situation seems to warrant it. A teensy gift isn't our of order. If you really don't want to give her one, then put a little 'extra' in the goodie bag...maybe you can find a bag that says 'happy birthday' and tie it with a ribbon or put a bow on it. I only mention the goodie bag because I think the OP mentioned it. I am not a goodie bag person.

 

If the mom takes advantage, well, that is on you to deal with in your interactions with her. But a song and a cupcake or a couple extra glitter pencils isn't taking anything away from your daughter.

 

Just play it by ear. If you go into the situation all inflexible you are likely to make the party about something more than it really is. If the tension can be eased by singing HB, then just do it and move on.

 

Or, you can be passive aggressive and make a big announcement and say something like "Hey kids, today is also XX's birthday and because every kid should have a party and songs on her birthday, lets all sing HB one more time just for her!" It might sort of point out what SHOULD be happening.

[Murphy101]

Honestly? I think the lady was rude to put you in that situation. I wouldn't have said anything and I would have told my child 7yr old to keep it to themselves as well. If they couldn't handle it, then I would politely decline the invitation.

[SKL]

Or, you can be passive aggressive and make a big announcement and say something like "Hey kids, today is also XX's birthday and because every kid should have a party and songs on her birthday, lets all sing HB one more time just for her!" It might sort of point out what SHOULD be happening.

 

No, it's not up to you or anyone else to decide or suggest what "SHOULD" be happening on the little girl's birthday. This kind of thing would make the 7yo feel bad that she's deprived and everyone knows it. It would also short-change the 5yo by implying she has to "share" her birthday party as opposed to just politely acknowledging the other girl's birthday. Meanwhile it would embarrass every adult with any sensitivity.

[Tidbits of Learning]

I have often not done parties for my kids b/c it is overwhelming, but even when we did not do a full blown party...we did a birthday lunch or took them out or something.

I would not have taken my birthday child to a birthday party on their birthday. The mom sounds a bit out of it b/c she knows her child is going to misconstrue things and it does sound to me like she wants in on the birthday action. Otherwise, she would have politely declined the invitation saying it is her child's birthday and the family is going to be celebrating the special day.

It sounds completely odd that the Mom is not celebrating the birthday at all.

Her wording does not sound like full disclosure. It sounds like a nudge that her child is going to raise a stink. The description of the child sounds like this child is going to raise a stink.

Bottom line-we would not be going to another child's birthday party on any of our kid's birthdays or our birthdays. That is just odd. Even if you don't do birthday parties, most people celebrate birthdays at home with family or they take the kid out to eat or something. :001_huh:

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Honestly? I think the lady was rude to put you in that situation. I wouldn't have said anything and I would have told my child 7yr old to keep it to themselves as well. If they couldn't handle it, then I would politely decline the invitation.

 

Yeah, I'm reading all the replies and thinking this too. But obviously, given the backstory, it's not this mom's style. Because it's DD's first party all to herself, personally, I would protect that. I wouldn't sing to anyone else. I would, however, give this girl a small gift—or have my own birthday girl give it to her—when I give her her goody bag, privately, and wish her a special happy birthday and tell her that we were happy to see her today. Anything beyond that is her own parents' responsibility.

[susankenny]

No, I don't judge people for celebrating differently! It's all about the backstory with this family.

 

I agree. I don't care if people give their kids parties, celebrate Santa, or trick or treat! It's none of my business!

 

In this situation, the OP implied the child might expect something and her parents may not redirect her. Umm, that's an issue....and not an issue that should become the OP's problem on her daughter's birthday.

 

Susan