PinkTulip Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rutamattatt Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 My MIL and I have struggled from the get-go, but after 13 years we are making some good progress. I agree wholeheartedly about recognizing that your son/daughter has a new nuclear family and to respect that his/her priority is to be a husband/wife more than it is to be your child once they're married. Grandchildren do not belong to YOU. They are not your do-over. While you are a majorly important relationship in your grandchild's life, you are not the primary one. If you give us an opportunity, we will invite you to be a major part of their life, but we can't have the pleasure of inviting you when you are constantly bombarding us with demands. If you have a beef with your child and their spouse, please talk it through with your child. Like someone else said, don't assume it is the IL that is causing the trouble. Send the email assault to your child's email account. I will say, I have learned a lot about being a DIL in the last 13 years. Now that I have children, I can appreciate much more how difficult this must have been for my MIL. DH and I were only dating 6 months when we got engaged, she had only met me once, and DH was young and had never even talked about marriage before I came along. She and I have different personalities, and it must have been just as hard for her to deal with me as it was for me to deal with her! I was her first DIL and had her first grandchildren. She was learning, too. I think I spent too much time assigning bad intent to her when really, she was just trying to figure out how this IL thing went. We still have our issues, and it isn't easy, but I appreciate how hard we have both worked to come as far as we have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Oh, yeah, add that one to mine, too! And please, PLEASE don't give reviews of teA "sweetners"....ever :ack2: Wait....she's your EX MIL?? You made it to the other side? There is hope! Did you have to divorce the husband to get rid of her or can you just divorce the MIL? :D I divorced the husband. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pegasus Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I am very fortunate to have a great MIL. One of the things that has impressed me the most is her ability to not offer advice. Even when we were struggling with potty training and I finally turned to MIL for advice, she replied "I don't really remember potty training." :lol: She has never said a word for or against the way we parent. I hope to be just like her when my children have families of their own. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 IDK. I'll ask my SILs. Not trying to brag but they always tell me I am the best MIL and I honestly have no idea why. I don't even try to act normal around them or anything. Maybe my style of crazy is amusing. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Treat your kids-in-law with respect, as individuals, always assume they want the best for your kids even if they disagree with you and do your best to form individual relationships with them. I don't always "get" my mil, but she is always respectful of me, she never gives unsolicited advice, she trusts that I love her son and that I'm a good mother so she doesn't question my decisions, and she loves her grandchildren. So we're good. We don't have to be best pals. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sourpatchbaby Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Oh, I want to say that part of my plan on being a good MIL involves giving each of my kids a one/two month housecleaning service gift certificate to be redeemed on or around the time each of them have a new child. That way they can spend those first few weeks after baby is born/just prior to being born not worrying about housework. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Do not dictate to the future dil how many people she is allowed to have at the rehearsal dinner. Do not rearrange the head table at the beginning of the reception to include your relative (whom the bride has never met) and moving the bride's grandmother to a different table without even asking the bride, who was looking forward to sharing her special day with her grandmother. Do not share your views on transracial adoption when son and DIL have already made a decision to adopt and don't care what your opinions may be. Showing up unannounced does not make for a good relationship. Respect the fact that son has chosen someone with whom to share his life and that your relationship with him will be very different. Do not complain about the other DIL's to the DIL who is present. She will know that you complain about her as soon as her back is turned. Oh, I'm barely scratching the surface...:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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