mathwonk Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 I have not been a full fledged homeschooler, just someone who tried to navigate formal schools for my kids and supplement them at home, with varying success. I generally disliked school myself until reaching adulthood. Ironically, partly as a result, I had to spend longer than average in school to achieve the degrees I wanted/needed for my ambition. For my kids the best part of formal school was sports, networking, and the occasional excellent teacher. Now there are new young people I am concerned about. What do you suggest when you have a child who seems to need the socialization offered by formal schooling with a group of other children, but whose teachers cannot manage her, partly because of her strongly independent personality but also her giftedness? Some teachers interpret it simply as "defiance" by not following directions, and humiliate her in front of the class, (tearing up her imperfect work), when it may be that the assignments are unchallenging. Some have recommended martial arts as a lesson in focusing attention. What have you tried? Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 I'm all ears. My dd5 is starting 1st grade and Pastor's wife will be her teacher. She has a habit of acting like she didn't hear what she's told to do, until she decides she wants to act on it. (Her hearing is fine.) I'm not sure she believes me when I tell her it's disrespectful. (She is a peaceful, quiet child, so who knows what is going through her mind when she's busy ignoring?) I keep telling myself that it's a transition thing. That everything will be fine once everyone gets into their groove. I wish I could give you some ideas, but I'm more in the listening phase right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 There is currently a blog tour for parents of gifted kids going on right now that address/will address the problems you mentioned. It's being put on by parents on here. There is also another blog tour being put on by a more "official" organization. You can find more information here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathwonk Posted July 17, 2012 Author Share Posted July 17, 2012 (edited) Thank you very much for the ideas. This is a strong willed child with real focusing issues, but in a series of assessments obtained from each teacher, the (male) math teacher considered her more or less fine, and the other two (female) non science teachers considered her rather difficult and defiant. (I know she can be difficult.) Could there be a gender thing going on too? ... Ok I asked, and on this last point my wife says it is more the subject matter difference. I.e. the math teacher just gives the her the assignments and she hands them back perfect, so he thinks she is fine. He doesn't actually teach her anything and hardly knows who she is. I am so glad you guys are here. Edited July 18, 2012 by mathwonk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBM Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 What do you suggest when you have a child who seems to need the socialization offered by formal schooling with a group of other children, but whose teachers cannot manage her, partly because of her strongly independent personality but also her giftedness? Some teachers interpret it simply as "defiance" by not following directions, and humiliate her in front of the class, (tearing up her imperfect work), when it may be that the assignments are unchallenging. Humiliating a student does not lead to cooperation. It sounds to me like there is some head-butting going on. I would schedule a meeting (or more) with the teachers involved to work on a plan to gain cooperation. (Incidentally, in our school district, all teachers have been attending empathy training classes designed by one of the dads, a child psychology prof from Yale, who is on sabbatical here. It's a program I hope will catch on throughout the U.S. Results have been wonderful for both students and teachers -- very much win-win.) I'm a little alarmed to hear the teacher is seeking perfection. Personally, in our house, we want our kids to progress. Sometimes, that involves failure and then introspection preferably on the student's part. Failure is a part of the learning process and can help with developing perseverance and self-confidence. Perfection can keep a student from moving forward out of fear they might be less than perfect, even if it's only slightly less than perfect. So regarding that issue -- ugh. Some have recommended martial arts as a lesson in focusing attention. What have you tried? Thank you. Exercise can help with focusing. John Ratey, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, wrote a book called Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain that explains how schools are using exercise to help students do better with academics and behavior. It's a good book. Worth buying, IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennynd Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Could there be a gender thing going on too? ... . I think there is some of that too. How old is the kid?? DD4 is a very difficult child and do not follow direction. The teacher comment before that she often caught my DD not paying attention DD got bored easily and she shows it. Unlike my DS who will still gladly participate, my DD usually just wonder off. DD still young, so I really don't know how it gonna be when she gets older. As far as the humiliation part, I will really make clear to the teacher that is not acceptable, and I will communicate to principal if needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathwonk Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 (edited) This a 10 yr old girl, somewhat like your DD4. The assignments that were torn up apparently were not academically flawed, but showed something trivial missing (maybe name at top,...) from lack of paying attention to the directions given for them. A child psychiatrists has suggested that the teachers be aware that unchallenging assignments may be unattended to fully by gifted kids, and should be patiently repeated. We will see if the school responds to the recommendations. Edited July 19, 2012 by mathwonk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emerald Stoker Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 I'm homeschooling 2 kids like this. We manage by having many outside activities that cater better to their intensitities and interests. My oldest went to 2 years of PS and really enjoyed it socially, but did not learn anything and quickly became a disruption trying to entertain the class. He is not 2E. I would definitely not rule out homeschooling for an extroverted child who enjoys peers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Martial arts and horseback riding both help a lot with self-control and self-awareness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathwonk Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 Her parents are definitely in her corner. We are all just trying to learn as much as we can. This is very helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serendipitous journey Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) I have been reflecting on your original post. RE the martial arts: for what purpose exactly -- for the focus? You & her parents, if you are seriously considering this, might want to consider carefully which form would be of most use to her. I myself did an American style that was perfectly useful for Personal Growth but impractical in real life -- everything I learned to actually do would have hurt someone, and while I sometimes wanted to get my guy friends to PUT ME DOWN! they were never deserving of having broken noses. DH, on the advice of a brilliant teacher he admired, studied Aikido which is actually very very useful and has a nice philosophy too. The whole point is to disarm/redirect without harming, and it is VERY effective. So do think carefully about what style you select, about the philosophy the local school emphasizes, on whether you are particularly interested in a useful outcome, and obviously somebody probably wants to observe the instructor to see if the school's environment is a supportive and kind one. RE the humiliating teacher & such conflicts with the school's personnel as may occur: one resource I have been pointed to is the Nonviolent Communication Book and method. This is super useful for conflict management, and will help focus on managing observable and specific behaviors in the child and the teacher ... I do recommend a read, if possible. I have differences with the text in several places, and find the method challenging to execute but invaluable in cases of strong feelings & flawed communication. Regarding the child, I think one very useful strategy -- if you aren't already doing this -- is to provide a great deal of support for the desired behavior in the beginning as you train it; to respond to failures with a very neutral reaction, minimally negative; and to respond to successes with a great deal of positive affect, and affection. In Charlotte-Mason-speak it seems that the challenge you are having most trouble with is attentiveness? Perhaps there are consequences for "not hearing" or other inattentive behaviors that can be gently and firmly imposed, and some help can be given to train her to pay attention. For example, before speaking, call her name and ask her to listen. You could help with the minutiae of her school work by learning what information is required on each assignment or each page and teaching her to write it. Respond to failures with some predetermined consequence -- maybe practicing writing headings on a few blank pages -- and to successes (perhaps a day, or a week, with properly labeled papers; you can check with the teacher to confirm) with praise and/or chocolate :D. &c. My own mother helped me navigate some challenges with teachers by insisting that I be respectful; that I look at the teacher while the teacher lectured or spoke (not that I listen, per se, but that I accord the respect of looking right between the instructor's eyes in a politely attentive way :) ): these strategies helped me rather a lot. These are just some thoughts that are sure to fall a bit wide of the mark, but perhaps will be useful. My best wishes for the little one & for your family! Edited July 20, 2012 by serendipitous journey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathwonk Posted July 21, 2012 Author Share Posted July 21, 2012 Thank you for all the ideas, insights and links! This is both helpful and inspirational. (Now we will try to learn to implement them.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.