wanting to never leave the house again

[Wheres Toto]

I realized after typing out the below that it's kind of long and rambly. I'm feeling tired and uncertain this morning.

 

My son is gifted, adhd, sensory issues and who knows what. We are able to do school at home fairly well but whenever we are out of the house, especially in group situations, he gets out of control. I run a 4-H Cloverbud club that I started so he could do a group "class" situation without torturing some other teacher. It goes well most of the time although he had some major issues with another parent at our last meeting.

 

Other than 4-H I generally avoid signing him up for anything that resembles a class where sitting or listening is expected since trying to get him to not be disruptive is exhausting. Then I feel bad for all the things we're missing out on but even if I sign them up, we're still basically "missing out" since he's not going to get anything out of it. Similarly, team sports are a nightmare.

 

So how do you accept that there are just some things you won't be able to do? Do you feel bad for your other kids missing out?

 

We're looking at diet changes but his sensory issues affect his eating habits and he's very picky about textures.

[Lecka]

Is there a chance of medication for ADHD?

 

My son has two friends who are able to live much fuller lives with medication. One has a side effect of not being hungry, one does not.

 

I also know someone who switched medications b/c her son lost weight.

 

So I know it is not all roses, but if dietary changes don't help enough I think it might be worth looking at.

 

With one boy I had quit having him over to our house b/c he pulled down a curtain in my son's bedroom. And, we were about the only people willing to have him over even then. I am glad his mom tried medication instead of just watching him lose all his friends and playdate options (though it took him having consequences like this before she was ready to try it). And, the first medicine she tried made him very sleepy and she didn't like that. But this year he seems to me to be doing so well! Though I am not his parent and don't know all the ins and outs.

 

I would feel bad about my other kids missing out -- but not a kid born in 2007. I have twins born in 2008 and I don't think they need organized activities yet. But later on -- yes, I would try to let them do things. I think my daughter will be able to do drop-off activities earlier than my son and think she will get to do some while he doesn't. Right now my older son does drop-off things they don't attend - -so I think it will be no different between the other kids even though they are twins.

 

I wonder too if someone more knowledgable might recommend OT?

Edited June 29, 2012 by Lecka

[starwarsmomma]

My friend has similar in her son. The ONLY thing she eliminated in her son was High fructose corn syrup (and regular corn syrup whenever possible but dont stress too much if he does ingest a little). It has made such a HUGE difference, that even people who do not know them well can tell a difference.

 

They went from almost breaking down and giving him the meds (which they did not want to do for personal reasons), to just eliminating one thing in his diet.

 

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack the thread.

 

I understand the stress of having limited options. I have that for medical reasons for 2 of my boys. People keep asking me why I just don't do it anyway, for ME... well, it's just not possible. that's why.

[Wheres Toto]

We want to wait to try medication because I know they usually affect appetite and he barely eats as it is (sensory issues), because giving him any medicine even when he feels awful and knows it will help is a nightmare that I do not want to take on a daily basis, because he does fine with school, and because so far it's not effecting friendships since he mostly does okay at park-days and other unstructured stuff.

 

If things don't improve with age and diet changes, we will certainly consider it.

 

I just feel discouraged sometimes at all the things I see people do that I know we just shouldn't even try.

[FairProspects]

Have you done OT for the sensory issues? When I was at the point you are, I called for an OT evaluation and it was one of the best decisions we have ever made. I always heard when the issues interfere with everyday life or you are changing your plans, you should look for help/therapy. This was the advice of my Mentor Mom (also works for a college in child development and homeschooled 2 kids through high school).

 

Post-OT we are doing all of the activities I thought we had to forgo and it is going great - swimming, baseball, Co-op classes, movies, even family vacations. Ds could not have handled any of these prior to OT.

[onaclairadeluna]

DS eliminated gluten and found that helped.

 

When my son was young I spend about a year at home doing very little just to regroup. Then we added activities slowly until we found our sweet spot. I find one or two days of structured activity a week is optimal for my kids. One is minimum for my daughter two is the maximum for my son. So we do one or two and leave it at that.

 

I do not feel bad at all that there are some things we can't do. For example he never did team sports of any kind. It would have been a disaster for him so we just didn't go there. My husband plays sports with the two kids in the back yard. Not a big deal. There are a million activities available for kids. I had to do a little experimenting to find the right match. Some kids function better as they mature. Mine did. He was really impossible at around 7 or 8 but growing up actually helped quite a bit. I remember that age though :grouphug:

 

ETA: Oh yes OT! If I had a time machine I would go back and do that with my son.

[SonshineLearner]

Meds are hard to try, but my son has become able to appropriately behave in group activities and at home. Here's the thing.... I didn't even realize what I could have at home, until I gave him meds. The difference is incredible. He doesn't have the sensory issues... but the ADHD meds for us make a huge difference..

[PeterPan]

Well I'm not crunching numbers enough mentally at the moment to have a clue of the ages of your kids, but like the others I'd encourage you to look into OT or diet changes that can help. As for activities, it may be you're setting as important or worth pushing for things that aren't really important to HIM. Even an adhd dc will be much more focused (in general) if they really want to be there. 4H might not rank there. Might be a lego robotics class or something more interactive and hands-on would, kwim? If you spend the next how many years feeling sad over the things he's NOT doing, you're just gonna be sad. Gotta flip it to things he IS good at and does want to do. Any sports? Karate? Ice skating? He might be humdinger at ice hockey... Lots of sensory there, lol.