Have you ever left a child behind?

[mytwomonkeys]

i've never left my child in the sense that i completely left the premises, but when my son was a newborn i had his carseat in the shopping cart. i literally walked to the next aisle completely forgetting that i had a newborn with me. it was only a minute but i remember being floored that i had actually forgotten for a moment that i had a 3 week old baby with me and walked away from him completely! even typing this, i still can't believe i did it and he's 8!

[lynn]

No, but I have had a moment of where is my dd. I was very tired and dh had taken all the children including my then 3 year old dd. I awoke from a nap thinking where is baby girl. I looked in her crib, empty, checked the carseat, empty....next thought was did I leave her at Publix at which point I was more awake and realized she was with dh for the afternoon. That was a panic moment I never, ever want to feel again, EVER!

[GoVanGogh]

I have an only child, but know many people with larger families that have left a child behind on accident. I think it probably happens way more often than anyone would care to admit. (Especially when one parent is going in one vehicle with some of the children and the other parent is going with the rest of the children.)

[Bluegoat]

That's obviously a very different security arrangement than what is standard for a US president and his family.

 

*But* I can certainly understand large group + parents traveling separately = miscommunication. I haven't left my kids, but I can understand circumstances like those arising.

 

Yeah, American security for the President is pretty much totally different than in other countries. In a lot of cases national leaders may not have any security when they are out and about.

[elfgivas]

if a teacher lost a child on a field trip, there would be a huge uproar. i think we forget sometimes to develop the skills needed to not have it happen, because it doesn't feel like we have enough children that it should matter. it matters.

 

count when they go out. count when they come in. count when they are swimming. institute a buddy system - this is your sister buddy for this outting. you must always know where she is. she must always know where you are. and then randomly check with them, so they know you are serious.

 

we hand kids off. "so mary is staying with you,dh?". "who is driving with dad?"

 

and we teach the kids they don't ever, ever get in a car or change locations without letting their current "significant adult", usually mom or dad, but occasionally grandma, know. we start this very young. they have a code word that the person putting them in a car must know or they won't go. and they really won't. and when we hand off children or teens, we comment to the child/teen.... "so now dad is your significant adult". this started when i was a single mom, but has carried over in a really nice way into shared parenting.

 

what makes this work for everyone is that we say yes as often as we can, but not always, so the kids aren't afraid that if they ask, we'll say "no".

 

and routines and rituals save us. i am the last person out of the house every single time. dh is the first. first thing when we get in the car, i check kids and purses and teddy bears (things that would bring an outing to a standstill if we misplaced them). lately, i've also had to start asking "does everyone know where there shoes are?" how children get into a car with shoes and then misplace them is a little mind boggling, but we've been managing that amazingly well lately.:001_huh:

 

fwiw,

ann

[Bluegoat]

I once went in the house with my older dd and left the baby in the car for about 10 min before I realized that something was missing.

 

When I was a child one summer I went to my sister's daycare while I was out of school. My aunt normally picked us up after work and dropped us off at home. One day she just didn't show up - it turned out my uncle had come to pick her up and take her out to dinner and she had totally forgotten, even though she'd done it most days for over a year!

[Laura Corin]

i think we forget sometimes to develop the skills needed to not have it happen, because it doesn't feel like we have enough children that it should matter. it matters.

 

Does it matter so much? I know that some strangers do dreadful things to children, but the incidence is tiny compared to other risks that we run routinely. Think about all those children who are killed and maimed in car accidents, but most people don't think twice about driving their children on unnecessary errands.

 

The Camerons' little girl spent fifteen minutes 'helping' the staff at the pub. That sounds like she learned that a) most adults are helpful and nice, b) Mum and Dad will come back and c) adults mess up too. Not a bad day.

 

Laura

[Bluegoat]

Does it matter so much? I know that some strangers do dreadful things to children, but the incidence is tiny compared to other risks that we run routinely. Think about all those children who are killed and maimed in car accidents, but most people don't think twice about driving their children on unnecessary errands.

 

The Camerons' little girl spent fifteen minutes 'helping' the staff at the pub. That sounds like she learned that a) most adults are helpful and nice, b) Mum and Dad will come back and c) adults mess up too. Not a bad day.

 

Laura

 

This makes me think of the bit in Free Range kids where it describes how in some Asian countries, the staff at restaurants take kids away to play while the parents are having dinner!

[Laura Corin]

This makes me think of the bit in Free Range kids where it describes how in some Asian countries, the staff at restaurants take kids away to play while the parents are having dinner!

 

I needed to go to the toilet and one of the stewardesses offered to hold him while I went. When I came back out, she and he were nowhere to be seen. I decided not to worry, went back to my seat and had a precious ten minutes to myself. The stewardess came back with Calvin: he had started to get unhappy while I was in the loo and she had thought that he might be happier seeing Caucasian rather than Asian faces. She had taken him up to the flight deck to play with the Australian pilots.

 

This all seems just fine to me.

 

Laura

[mommymilkies]

This makes me think of the bit in Free Range kids where it describes how in some Asian countries, the staff at restaurants take kids away to play while the parents are having dinner!

 

I have had this happen at a few Asian restaurants! It was weird at first, but they are so nice. :)

 

Laura makes a good point.

[Joani]

I've done it twice.

 

Once when my older son was about 8 or 9, I took my three kids swimming along with a few of my daughter's friends. When I came out of the changeroom with all the girls and my younger son, I went straight to the car, buckled them in and drove away without waiting for my oldest to come out of the boys changeroom. I realized it about ten minutes later and when I got back, he had gotten himself a snack from the vending machine and was sitting down waiting for us to come out of the changeroom. He thought we were just being slow.

 

A couple months ago, Dh and I took all our kids out for dinner and left in two cars, each thinking that Dss9 was in the other car. No one realized until we got home, but I called the restaurant while Dh went back to get him and he was just fine. Our waitress had noticed him sitting by himself and sat with him until Dh got there. We've almost left him behind a couple times since then, but I'm careful to check now because he's so quiet.