RainbowSprinkles Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 We have not been to church in a few months and I have no intention of going to any church. My DH is fine with this, although his reasons are probably a lot different than mine. My beliefs/thinking have drastically changed. The problem is my dc, especially my dd, is asking when we will go to church again. I have no idea what to tell her and if anything how much. We weren't a real religious family before, but they know about Jesus and how you need to be "saved" to get to heaven. (I no longer believe this.) Anyway, I just need some advice from someone who has btdt. If you were going through something similar how did you handle this when kids asked questions? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 We have not been to church in a few months and I have no intention of going to any church. My DH is fine with this, although his reasons are probably a lot different than mine. My beliefs/thinking have drastically changed. The problem is my dc, especially my dd, is asking when we will go to church again. I have no idea what to tell her and if anything how much. We weren't a real religious family before, but they know about Jesus and how you need to be "saved" to get to heaven. (I no longer believe this.) Anyway, I just need some advice from someone who has btdt. If you were going through something similar how did you handle this when kids asked questions? If she wants to continue going is there someone who could take her? My folks go to the same church we do and when we're running late or can't make it they pick up the healthy kids who want to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainbowSprinkles Posted June 10, 2012 Author Share Posted June 10, 2012 If she wants to continue going is there someone who could take her? My folks go to the same church we do and when we're running late or can't make it they pick up the healthy kids who want to go. This would be a great idea, but we are military and do not live near family or close friends atm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 If she wants to continue going is there someone who could take her? My folks go to the same church we do and when we're running late or can't make it they pick up the healthy kids who want to go. :iagree: As long as you are willing to have her go. I've not btdt, but I've had lots of difficult discussions with my kids. If you and your husband are not interested in going to church, and don't want them going to church with others (or have no way for them to go with others), then you should just explain it to them as simply as possible. I think first you have to work out with your husband what you both believe and how you feel your children should be raised. You said you think your husband has different reasons than you for not going. Does he still believe? If he does, then he has a duty to continue their instruction. That doesn't have to be in church; he can do it at home. One thing I've learned from hard experience is not to leave kids' questions unanswered. They begin to wonder what the problem is, and sometimes come to wrong conclusions on their own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deniseibase Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Been through something similar, although my kids were a little younger at the time. Just tell her that your ideas about these issues are changing, and give her some reasons why - without getting TMI, of course. Hard to tell you exactly what to say because I don't know your situation, of course, but just simple explanations like "I no longer believe X because of Y". If your "Y" is very personal or painful, then you may just want to explain that a lot of people believe a lot of different things, and people's beliefs change over time, and your beliefs have changed recently. I WOULD emphasize to your kids that THEY are free to make up their own minds and believe what they feel comfortable with. Might see if your local library has Parenting Beyond Belief by Dale McGowan, I seem to recall some sections in there for dealing with kids' questions about beliefs. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juniper Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Well, we have gone through something similar except it was from a Pastor's family-nonattendance-EO. When the kids asked questions, something they did at different stages, we would explain what we could given their level of maturity. I tend towards the really honest. "Right now, precious, Mommy and Daddy are not comfortable with some of the teachings at XYZ. So, until then we are going to be making an effort to learn about ABC and when we feel more confident we will either attend or find a different spiritual/family outlet." If there were questions about what issues we had, I would say something along the lines of, "Well, one thing is how this church explains Hell (this is one of my own examples) I am not sure that I agree or that it lines up historically, but I do not have all the answers yet so I need to study a little more. What would you do if you were not sure the answers you were receiving were the correct ones?" ...and then we would actually talk about what to do when you do not know the answers or are no longer in agreement with a particular church/company/volunteer organization's platform. One of the really important aspects is to ferret out why they want to go back? Is it a social issue? I would validate those feelings and do what I can to connect them with friends. Is it a fear issue? Be reassuring. Is it their own spiritual hunger issue? A little trickier, because you will want to encourage and allow for this in way that does not completely go against your personal beliefs as the parent. Hope that helps! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Well, We stopped attending church a few years ago. My youngest son....a bit ummmmmmm, quirky.....did not deal well with Sunday school. The nonsense we had to endure was ridiculous....and I refused to return. Anyway, My kids were so annoyed with the treatment my son received at the hands of these " well meaning" idiots that they refused to go back as well:glare:. We have been digging deep into the word as a family and have grown closer .....and my youngest ds has become a loving, sweet little boy.....full of fun and surprises. I am so glad we stuck to our guns! Anyway, I would just very simply tell dd we no longer felt that church was a good fit for our family and we would no longer be attending. Find something else to do on Sunday....take a hike, watch a cartoon, study the Word etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Some of this depends on what you want for your kids. For me, I share my beliefs with my kids, but I also want to help them develop their own beliefs so I would be fine with my kids choosing to follow a different religious path than me or dh. However, that's not okay with some families, where they want to raise their children with a certain set of beliefs. Where do you fall? For me, I would also try to see if someone from the church could take her occasionally... this is assuming that it's an open, loving church where no one is going to berate you or dd or try to tell your dd that her parents are bad person for not going to church. Another option might be if you were willing to try a Unitarian church if there's one in your area. You might find the church community that your dd wants but in a way that doesn't infringe on your own developing ideas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 It's difficult. My kids asked to go back when we stopped attending because it was highly entertaining to go to the church we had been visiting. They literally had the adults in costumes putting on plays every Sunday. The kids' area would get repainted every so often to match the new curriculum they bought. Yet, if we asked them what they learned that Sunday we would get blank stares. We weren't really motivated to keep taking them. Normally I have no problem with my kids having fun and being entertained but I didn't want them growing up thinking that that's what our religion consists of. So when they asked, we put them off, said we might start visiting again soon. We didn't really intend to stop going to church entirely but we are both very disillusioned with church but for very different reasons and because our reasons are so different, we've been unable to really come to any kind of agreement on how to find a church that meets both of our needs. :) My kids eventually stopped asking. Part of me feels really guilty about this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 This would be a great idea, but we are military and do not live near family or close friends atm. Call the church and ask if there's a service that picks up shut-ins and if you could get her a ride that way--if she wants to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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