8 yr old attitude

[GTJo1996]

I need some help. This is our 2nd yr HSing and DD has just about killed me with her attitude. I don't want to put her in PS but of course all my friends say "You've done a great job. Now just put her back in PS." I feel that my commitment to HS her has not waivered, but my stamina is shot. I cannot continue to argue with Dr. Jekyll/Miss Hyde every day.

 

I am struggling to find what the TRUE issue is...honestly I have been struggling for about 6 months and I have found no solution to her outbursts. She is defiant about school, particularly math. She is bright and I think she has just now started to be challenged by the math. Writing and reading have come easily to her.

 

I am a laidback mom. We start school around 9am. If she is compliant, we can finish our lessons by 12 or 1pm and she can play or do crafts the remainder of the day. But somehow she cannot see the advantage to "just get it done". I have tried starting later (maybe she's not ready to do school that early?) but that backfires and we don't finish.

 

I am not an overachiever type. I do not feel like it is too much to complete math, spelling,writing, and history daily. We usually throw in a few workbooks for critical thinking skills which she sees as fun. And of course there is reading on her own.

 

I have talked to her calmly and asked if she has a problem with math or with me being the teacher. I have explained that school is not an OPTION it is a REQUIREMENT in life. She is very demanding of me and wants me to sit with her during all lessons. If she hits a rough patch, she will simply lay her head down and cry rather than move on to the stuff she can easily do on her own.

 

I guess my question is this: are all 8 yr old sassy and hateful and defiant brats at some point? Is it just that 2nd/3rd is the first year where hard thinking skills are required? Is my kid out of control? Do I need an intervention? HELP!!!!:boxing_smiley:

[fairfarmhand]

I need some help. This is our 2nd yr HSing and DD has just about killed me with her attitude. I don't want to put her in PS but of course all my friends say "You've done a great job. Now just put her back in PS." I feel that my commitment to HS her has not waivered, but my stamina is shot. I cannot continue to argue with Dr. Jekyll/Miss Hyde every day.

 

I am struggling to find what the TRUE issue is...honestly I have been struggling for about 6 months and I have found no solution to her outbursts. She is defiant about school, particularly math. She is bright and I think she has just now started to be challenged by the math. Writing and reading have come easily to her.

 

I am a laidback mom. We start school around 9am. If she is compliant, we can finish our lessons by 12 or 1pm and she can play or do crafts the remainder of the day. But somehow she cannot see the advantage to "just get it done". I have tried starting later (maybe she's not ready to do school that early?) but that backfires and we don't finish.

 

I am not an overachiever type. I do not feel like it is too much to complete math, spelling,writing, and history daily. We usually throw in a few workbooks for critical thinking skills which she sees as fun. And of course there is reading on her own.

 

I have talked to her calmly and asked if she has a problem with math or with me being the teacher. I have explained that school is not an OPTION it is a REQUIREMENT in life. She is very demanding of me and wants me to sit with her during all lessons. If she hits a rough patch, she will simply lay her head down and cry rather than move on to the stuff she can easily do on her own.

 

I guess my question is this: are all 8 yr old sassy and hateful and defiant brats at some point? Is it just that 2nd/3rd is the first year where hard thinking skills are required? Is my kid out of control? Do I need an intervention? HELP!!!!:boxing_smiley:

 

 

she is a first born perfectionist, who may only feel that she counts when she is right or perfect. (ok that's my dd not yours) You can do this. But it will be hard. My dd has the same struggles. She is so used to coasting in school that she falls apart if something requires an ounce of effort. She has not developed the character that comes through trying, failing, trying, failing and finally getting the hang of it.

 

Around the 4th grade is when it all blew up in my face. We still have issues with it. I would tell your daughter that I will sit with you during a and b (the hardest subjects), and I will be close by during the rest of your work. However, you start the drama, I go away till you can pull it together.

 

I do think that some kids need more handholding. My eldest could complete her work without me right there. My second is ten and still needs me to help her stay on track.

[Rebecca VA]

Is she lonely? She might need to blow off some steam by interacting with other kids or somehow getting out of the house more. It's very hard to be stuck in the house when you know other kids are having exciting times at school, participating in activities, and being part of the usual kid drama.

[Zebra]

My friend and I were talking about this awhile ago. My friend's dd is 6 months older than mine, and she has a friend with a daughter 6 months older than hers. They all developed an attitude, right on schedule, when they were 8.

 

I don't know what your particular situation is, but I have done some reading about girls starting to want some independance at this age. They start to look at their mothers and say, "Gee, I am different than her, and now I am going to prove it." I have no idea, but I would guess DH isn't quite getting the same attitude that you are. You are the teacher, and the mom, and it could be that your dd is flexing her indepedance muscles at you. And my guess is, this is just a trial run for the teen years.

 

I have had to be a lot harder on my dd lately. She simply has to do the work, and if she doesn't she will be punished with things that matter to her, no wii or free time, etc.

 

It could be way off, but that's been my experience with my dd.

Edited May 5, 2012 by MeAmy

[pbb119]

ds went through this!!! I thought I was gonna lose it, and honestly, when dh starting pushing the idea of ps, I was a lot more on board that I am willing to admit. The only thing that actually worked for me was that if he refused to do his work, he was more than welcome to skip school for the day. But, I had a list of chores that had to be completed. A few times of vacuuming, mopping, cleaning bathrooms, and he straightened up a bit. He still wasn't Mr. Charming Personality in school, but he did his work and pulled off a great show of at least looking like he was interested and trying! I can't say how long this lasted, but I don't remember it being a very long time (he is 9.5 now).

 

Good luck!! :grouphug:

[black_midori]

I guess my question is this: are all 8 yr old sassy and hateful and defiant brats at some point? Is it just that 2nd/3rd is the first year where hard thinking skills are required? Is my kid out of control? Do I need an intervention? HELP!!!!:boxing_smiley:

 

No good answers or help, but I can TOTALLY commiserate with this!!! My oldest just turned 8 a couple months ago, and the last 6-8 weeks or so have been night-and-day from what I was dealing with 6 months ago. He is a ***PILL***!!!!

 

I was just complaining to dh last night on the phone (he is out of town for awhile) about how ds seems to go out of his way these days to irritate me. Snide comments, disregarding when I ask him to do specific things & then getting all sobby & thinking I'm mean when I come down on him for disrespect & disobedience, "accidentally" hurting his brother by playing too rough (even though he has NEVER been one to play rough before). It is getting old FAST!!

 

PS is not an option we are at all interested in doing, and won't be doing, but SOMEthing has to change! lol. We had a deep discussion yesterday, in which I basically told ds to shape up or lose his computer & tv access indefinitely, and that I would start adding on chores & additional punishments as needed. Sigh.

[6wishes]

I too can say both of my girls (one now 10, and one soon 9) have and are going through this as well. I have other friends who have noticed the same thing about this age. We have a lot of room time right now...I won't put up with the back talk, and I will stop school to send her to her room, and just let her know I have no problem finishing in the evening when all the neighbor kids are home, and she can't play. I also take away privileges etc...it is very frustrating, and unfortunately, it takes a while to work through this stage. But, I don't let her get out of the work because otherwise I think they feel as they can control things, and they need to understand we're the parents and will stand our ground-we just do it the hard way instead of the easy way :)...and I spend a lot of time in prayer to be honest :)! I'll keep you in my prayers...on the bright side, my ten year old is getting a lot better on the anger/self control thing (just in time for the teens :) )...

[fairfarmhand]

I also thought of one other thing.

 

Stop explaining so much. At least about certain things like "School is not an option...etc." She probably knows this.

 

for my dd, I actually typed up a list of school standards. "Try your best. I can tell when you are not trying. If I see you not trying, you will have to do x" "No whining. If you whine or complain, y will happen."

 

My dd needed to see a standard expectation of behavior in black and white. I even posted it on the refrigerator for awhile. This meant that she had been warned and if she didn't follow through there would be consequences..

[Alicia64]

just my .02 not knowing your daughter at all. I have two boys who just turned nine. One is very dramatic (I think a lot like a girl) and one is very bright and sometimes manipulative.

 

What has helped the most: creating a solid habit for them. I'm fairly laid back myself, but having a routine/habit has been seriously helpful.

 

And I do motivating things like: toss candy into the mix or offer a favorite DVD if they get their stuff done without being rude (they don't watch TV so this is a big deal).

 

But, in other words, I don't just let things "happen when they happen." Because without the routine they balk at doing anything.

 

SWB said that smart kids especially need a routine and need to know exactly what the routine/habit is. That they prefer to know the schedule.

 

Alley

[shinyhappypeople]

....

Edited May 6, 2012 by shinyhappypeople

[Mamachick2]

I have 2 boys who behaved the same way. This year, we implemented Sue Patrick's Workboxes, exactly as she recommends. http://www.workboxsystem.com/ MUCH less whining and complaining, and our day goes much smoother. They really do get twice as much done in half the time! It's a little more work on my part up front, but once the system is in place, it takes no time at all to load those boxes.

Edited May 5, 2012 by Mamachick2

[Mommy22alyns]

:bigear:

 

My main problem with Rebecca is just dawdling. She does work better if I'm right there; she usually does Latin and TT without my direct supervision and it can take her for-ev-er. :glare:

[Mamachick2]

My guys are dawdlers too. When I implemented workboxes, I told them they must do them in order, they must do them completely, NOT finishing was not an option, and when all the boxes were empty, they were finished with school.

They started to realize that playtime came quicker if they'd just do the workboxes. It's kind of weird, but something about emptying those boxes and moving them over to the "completed" side, gave them a real sense of accomplishment, and they finished much quicker! It took me almost a year to decide to use this system, and I wish I'd done it sooner!!

[Mama Anna]

I don't deal with attitude (back talk, defiance, etc.) as much because dd8 is so veeerrrrry compliant. But the histrionics are incredible! Math is our biggest hill to climb each day. She's improved over the past year in that she'll actually try to find her mistake when she gets a problem wrong and realizes it - but only the first time. She gets frustrated so easily that it's really hard to deal with. This last week she had a hard chapter. Honest - it was difficult stuff for her age level. Tuesday morning showed me just how difficult. So I cut the assignment for Wednesday. One problem took 1.5 hours - we skipped the rest. I rearranged things again for Thursday and she raced through Math. Oh, it was WONDERFUL!!!! She was even focusing well in the midst of a musical rehearsal that I and a couple friends (who each brought along their youngest sons) were having - I was so proud of her!!! I told her so. Then she called me over to help her. I came into the kitchen and she looked at me with eyes full of tears and said, "Mama, I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to my AWANA teacher last night and now I'll never see her again!"

 

:confused::001_huh: Where did that come from?

 

To her credit, she didn't completely dissolve. But aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! What's a mama to do?!? She brings this emotional stuff with her, plasters herself with it, etc, and falls apart. Too often.

 

On the other hand, she very nicely made me a little "Bang Head Here" sign for when I'm stressed . . .

 

The best suggestion I've heard is a reward chart for not falling apart. We have yet to implement it. I just make her run around the cul-de-sac when she loses it, or head off to Rest Time early. Sometimes she'll work with me on regaining control and things will get better. I'm hoping it's a stage. I'm hoping I get a break before the teenage years. I'm hoping at some point we finish dh's PhD and maybe move closer to grandma's house so I can have a break occasionally.

 

Is that any help? At least you're not alone!!

 

Mama Anna

[KirstenH]

Mine is 8 next month and I could have written the OP. No advice, just . You are not alone.

[BrettW]

I, too, have a DD10 who was full of attitude (probably starting at age 7). I've been so frustrated with her attitude that I've actually registered her for PS several times, but I've never gone through with actually sending her. :)

 

One new thing I did this school year which I think has helped is having a schedule written on a white board each morning detailing what schoolwork must be accomplished each day. I think part of the problem is that she really didn't know what to "expect" each day and strongly reacted to that lack of "control". If I'd forget to update the board some evening she would come down in the morning and ask me to write everything out before we started our day. I think it just made her feel better about the day. We always start our day with math, but I let her choose the order of everything else (with the knowledge that it ALL must get done during school time - usually before 1 pm). I think she craves for independence (even though she still wants my "help" with everything) and CONTROL. It's a weird age, I guess. Anyway, she has gotten quite a bit better, though not perfect, of course...;)