Help me help my dd...

[Joker]

I need help and am really at a loss. She's 12 yrs old and seems to hate her changing body. It's hot here and she's wearing jeans, two shirts, and a hoodie. She has now decided she doesn't want to dress for the pool or beach because it's uncomfortable. I've purchased her board shorts and a rash guard but she doesn't even want to wear shorts or anything that remotely fits her body. She's taller than me already and is changing quickly and just seems very uncomfortable/embarrassed by it all. We've talked (or at least I've talked to her, she doesn't have much to say) and purchased her books and journals. She just hates that it's happening right now.

 

Dh and I are wondering if we should push or just completely ignore it for a while. She loves to read for information, so I'm wondering if there are any books directed at her age that could help her.

 

Any ideas????

 

ETA: She talks to me about crushes and her period, so it's not like she can't talk to us. She just really hates the obvious physical changes.

[Mommyof4ks]

My dd is 12 also, and she was like that last summer. She changed very quickly as well, and it seemed to overwhelm her. We talked a lot, and she has always come to me with her questions or concerned, but nothing I said seemed to make her feel better about her body. I finally just left her alone, and she did snap out of it. She has been a modest dresser since she was about 6, but it got a bit out of control last year. This year she has picked out some shorts, and she asked for a bathing suit earlier this week, but she will not wear a shirt that is not baggy. If she was still as embarrassed this year as last year, then I was going to have her speak to a few college age girls that she looks up to, but it seems to have largely resolved itself and she is more comfortable in her own skin. this is such a hard age. :(

[Susan C.]

She'll probably adjust, just let her wear what she wants as much as possible. It might be time to see if women's smaller sizes (or juniors) fit her. 12 is awkward! (Sports bras were a hit over here). Get a growing up book, and put it in your nightstand, tell her its there to take when she wants it. I can't remember what one I got, I picked it up at a homeschool fair. Don't get mad if certain girl/bathroom items of yours turn up missing, just get more.... and don't say anything... at some point you will be able to shop together for most (but not all) of them!

[Unicorn.]

My dds are 13, and one of them starting wearing very baggy clothes at about 12 too. She will be 14 in August, and has finally starting wearing shirts that fit. Not tight, but not baggy either. It does happen fast, and it is overwhelming. Just be there for her when she wants you too, and don't push too much. She'll accept it in her time. :grouphug:

[Renthead Mommy]

Is she shaving her legs? If she needs to shave, that can be a huge embaressment. It may at least get her into shorts.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I say leave her alone. I am 28 years old and still hear carp from my parents about what i wear!

 

One year my step mother took me clothes shopping and i wanted skirts. I wore one to school and was made fun of the entire day. I never wore another skirt. My fathers memory is that my step mother spent $500 on back to school clothes, but i was a brat that refused to wear anything she bought.

 

Its terrible to always have people talking about what clothes someone wants to wear. Oh, i did not go in water (pools, etc) for years.

[Remudamom]

Leave her be. She'll come around.

[LaxMom]

Leave her be. She'll come around.

 

Yup. She's having a Professor Klump experience in slow motion. The body she's lived in for 12 years is poking out all over. Clothes feel/look different (aka "wrong"). When it slows down, she'll get more comfortable.

[SunD]

Is she shaving her legs? If she needs to shave, that can be a huge embaressment. It may at least get her into shorts.

 

A question worth asking. My mom didn't ask if I wanted to shave until the end of 8th grade! Sure, I could have just *done* it, but where would I have gotten a razor? We didn't share a bathroom, so I guess I would have had to sneak into her master suite to "steal" one. I didn't go to the store without her, so there was no buying my own, and I was not about to bring it up and get shot down, or worse, invite a discussion about my changing body!

 

Also, I remember being more uncomfortable with the in-between state than actually with the fact that my body was changing. I was fine with changing, but I would have felt better about it if I had woken up looking womanly one day. During the obvious changing phase, I felt like a little girl who was faking it and thought it was supremely humiliating to be walking around in a training bra when I had no real bOOks to speak of. I felt like I either needed to hide it (hoodies!) or fake it (push-up water bra!). So, the issue with the fit of clothing might resolve itself as she changes more.

[Joker]

Thanks, everyone! I guess I was more worried about it than I should be, and I'll completely let it go for a while and hope she comes around.

 

To answer a few questions above, she's been shaving her legs for about a year now. She's also been wearing juniors/women's clothing for a year also. She started bundling up about the same time children's clothing quit fitting her. I do think part of the problem is that she's a 1/2 in size and that's ok for jeans, but shirts/tops that she finds modest are harder to find (so she's covering with a hoodie because the shirts are too fitted in her opinon). I don't think she's getting comments, but I do know she doesn't like getting looks from boys.

 

I just want her to feel comfortable in her own skin. I honestly don't remember going through any of this, but I was much older than her when I had to deal with it all.

[Unicorn.]

Thanks, everyone! I guess I was more worried about it than I should be, and I'll completely let it go for a while and hope she comes around.

 

To answer a few questions above, she's been shaving her legs for about a year now. She's also been wearing juniors/women's clothing for a year also. She started bundling up about the same time children's clothing quit fitting her. I do think part of the problem is that she's a 1/2 in size and that's ok for jeans, but shirts/tops that she finds modest are harder to find (so she's covering with a hoodie because the shirts are too fitted in her opinon). I don't think she's getting comments, but I do know she doesn't like getting looks from boys.

 

I just want her to feel comfortable in her own skin. I honestly don't remember going through any of this, but I was much older than her when I had to deal with it all.

 

WRT the bold. Have her layer. My dds where a bra, then a cami or tank top over that, and then whatever top they wear. Even t-shirts. I tell them they don't need a cami w/ their t's, but they insist. And we are in TX- it's too hot to layer! imho

[Joker]

WRT the bold. Have her layer. My dds where a bra, then a cami or tank top over that, and then whatever top they wear. Even t-shirts. I tell them they don't need a cami w/ their t's, but they insist. And we are in TX- it's too hot to layer! imho

 

She already layers. The other day she didn't wear a hoodie for the first time in a long while, but she had on five layers of tanks/shirts ~ in addition to a bra!

 

Part of the problem is that she takes Zyrtec because she has cholinergic urtcaria (she's breaks out in hives whenever she gets hot or emotional). So, the way she's layering combined with the heat usually means even wth the meds she's breaking out at different times of the day.