People good at wording - does this sound okay?

[k2bdeutmeyer]

It's a really long, drawn out story - and I don't have time to explain it all right now, but we've been having issues with DD's softball coaches all year. Last night, things finally came to a head when DD sat out 3 of the 5 innings we played for no good reason. She almost sat out 4. We have 2 VERY new girls on the team and just last week at the parent's meeting we were told all about how these new girls wouldn't get to play in tournaments because they had a lot to learn, etc. And THOSE girls both played all 5 innings. One of them on the infield.

 

She was also thrown in to pitch (although they almost took that opportunity away from her too, even though they had already told all 3 pitchers that they would get to pitch) without having warmed up AT ALL. She sat out the inning before she pitched and there was a coach in the dugout. No excuse.

 

Anyway, I typed up a quick email to the coaches and need to know if it sounds okay. You know....we're not supposed to question the coach's judgement, but this is getting ridiculous. We have issues that go a lot deeper than these that I do plan to take up with the board of the program, but these are our immediate concerns.

 

"Coaches:

 

 

First, we have some concerns regarding Shaylyn's pitching last night. She was thrown into the game to pitch without having warmed up at all. From our limited experience, we have come to learn that this is unsafe and could easily cause injury. We're quite disappointed that even though she was on the bench the inning prior to pitching, there was nobody there to warm her up. She also stood on the mound for several minutes with nobody at the plate while everyone else warmed up & the catcher got her gear on. When we noticed this, Tony asked if somebody could catch while the catcher was getting ready and nobody even responded.

 

 

We also have some concerns regarding playing time. While we understand that this is a somewhat competitive league and not everyone will get to play all the time, it seems a little unfair that Shaylyn sat out over half the game last night (3 innings). There also seemed to be some discussion regarding whether she was going to actually pitch that last inning. It was stated several times that everyone was to just play where they had played the inning before. That would have meant Shaylyn would have been on the bench for 4 of the 5 innings we played. We are not aware of any disciplinary action taken against her currently, and don't understand why she would've sat out that much of the game. Hoping you can help us understand what's going on here.

 

 

Thanks,

 

Kristin & Tony"

 

Thoughts?

[mom2samlibby]

It sounds pretty defensive to me. What are your goals for sending this email? Are your questioning the safety? Playing time? I can see this email having the opposite effect of what you are trying to change. I would reword it to see if you can accomplish those goals in a nicer way.

 

My kids don't play ball, but I can't see it going over well and can see more bench time in your dd's future.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Well...to be honest...I'm quite angry about the whole situation.

 

I know it's hard to understand without the whole back story, but we have 3 other pitchers. Both were allowed to warm-up before they pitched. There is no excuse for throwing a girl in to pitch without having warmed up.

 

This isn't our first rodeo. We played for the same program last year (different coach). I'm not here to say my kid is a rock-star. She's not. But she's a decent player, loves the game, an awesome leader, a fantastic hitter, etc.

 

Nobody else on the team sat out for more than 1 inning! My kid almost only played ONE out of FIVE. That is not common or even really heard of in this league. We have 11 girls on the team. There is no reason they shouldn't all get a lot of playing time.

 

This is from the coach who, in front of the entire team, told my daughter "You're the worst thrower on the team". She is NOT....and even if she was, you don't do that. He's chastized her for being slow (and that she is, but don't be on her case about it all the time when she's trying really hard). There is never any positive feed back. DD is a STRONG hitter, but is stuck at the bottom of the batting order, regardless of how well she has been hitting. Things AREN'T being handled fairly and I can't just sit back and let it keep going.

[Mergath]

I agree that it does sound somewhat defensive. In a situation like this, I'd go for a more casual tone, something like,

 

"Coach,

 

In the future, is there any way that my daughter could warm up before she pitches? I worry about her injuring herself otherwise. Also, I noticed she hasn't gotten as much playing time lately. I know there are a lot of kids, but if my daughter got to play a bit more, she'd be incredibly happy.

 

Thanks for your time."

[Princess Peach]

I wouldn't send it. I don't think it will help, in the first place. But secondly, it sounds a little too overprotective for an 11 year old in a competitive sport. JMO.

[Mergath]

Well...to be honest...I'm quite angry about the whole situation.

 

I know it's hard to understand without the whole back story, but we have 3 other pitchers. Both were allowed to warm-up before they pitched. There is no excuse for throwing a girl in to pitch without having warmed up.

 

This isn't our first rodeo. We played for the same program last year (different coach). I'm not here to say my kid is a rock-star. She's not. But she's a decent player, loves the game, an awesome leader, a fantastic hitter, etc.

 

Nobody else on the team sat out for more than 1 inning! My kid almost only played ONE out of FIVE. That is not common or even really heard of in this league. We have 11 girls on the team. There is no reason they shouldn't all get a lot of playing time.

 

This is from the coach who, in front of the entire team, told my daughter "You're the worst thrower on the team". She is NOT....and even if she was, you don't do that. He's chastized her for being slow (and that she is, but don't be on her case about it all the time when she's trying really hard). There is never any positive feed back. DD is a STRONG hitter, but is stuck at the bottom of the batting order, regardless of how well she has been hitting. Things AREN'T being handled fairly and I can't just sit back and let it keep going.

 

It sounds like the coach is a royal jacka**. At this point, I'd probably suggest my daughter find a different sport.

[AngieC]

The letter definitely sounds defensive and I don't think you will get the outcome you are hoping for by sending it.

 

Did you talk to them about letting her walk home last week (or the week before)? Are they possibly mad at you over that and are taking it out on your dd? Since you say that you've had problems with them all year I wonder if they are just treating her poorly in hopes that you remove her from the program.

 

I hate to say it, but I think your letter would be more well received if you came off as a little more deferential and try to gently ask questions rather than demand answers. I know you're upset and it sure sounds like you have a right to be, but I think they're going to shut down immediately if they get the letter you have written.

[meggie]

"Dear Coach,

 

Is there a reason why she only played two of the five innings when everyone else played four? Is there a reason why you had her pitch without letting her first warm up? Is there a reason why you yelled at her?"

 

 

No offense, but your letter is really long. I would think a shorter letter would have a better chance of being read. Let him explain himself, he can either apologize and change or might dig himself into a hole. Either way it's his doing.

[Jan in SC]

Is everyone guaranteed a certain amount of playing time? If not, I wouldn't ask about time spent on the bench. If you really want to send an email, I would send one asking what you can do to help your child improve. If you don't attend practice, or sit close to the dugout during games, I would also do those things.

 

It probably is a bad/ jerk of a coach, but my dh is a rec league coach and I have been amazed by some of the kids and parents. The kids mumble incredibly rude things to teammates and complain constantly. My dh can overlook a lot, but if a child is in the field, or running a base and completely ignores what he tells that child to do, he will sit him. (baseball) Before this season I would have been all over your child's coach, but now, I say - really play close attention to what is happening and make sure your child isn't a problem. (I doubt she is!!)

 

If this is a travel type team, then I would make sure she is actually practicing between official practices. Then, if she has improved, you really know where you stand with that coach.

 

I realize this isn't the -the coach stinks response- and I would love to give it, but I've seen too many parents complain this season and they are doing nothing to help.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Okay, now that I have my littles picked up from preschool, I can give a bit more info.

 

DD played on the 10U team for the same league last year. We were a class A ASA team (fairly competitive travel type team). We had almost enough girls for a tournament team and a developmental team (this team would've been more like a class C team). DD was a starter on both teams. The coach had her using the developmental team to work on her pitching and 1st baseman skills. We had 5-6 pitchers last year, so there was no way to give them all pitching time on the tournament team. She was a strong player, and always complimented on her ability to get her team fired up and her sportsmanship (by the parents and coaches). I sat at EVERY.SINGLE. PRACTICE/GAME last year. I watched COUNTLESS hours of softball. I feel like I have a pretty good handle on her abilities (hitting, field control, instinct as to what to do) and weaknesses (speed, catching pop flies, throwing strength/distance).

 

The coach from last year's daughter is still young enough to be 10U, so he stayed down there, but DD had to move up to 12U due to age. We played "nice guy" in the fall when DD hated it because EVERYTHING is always negative. She went from eat, breathe, sleep softball to hating it and wanting to quit. Last year she spent at least 8hr/wk playing softball, often more. We had a meeting with the coaches from this year and basically were told "suck it up". We're not throwing out compliments to anyone.

 

The team this year is a class C ASA team (still travel, but much less skilled). Very much developmental. We only have enough girls for ONE team. In fact, we were told that we only have 11 girls (not counting the 2 new ones that are supposedly not allowed to play in tournaments because they're too new) and if anyone can't make it to a tournament we'll have to forfeit.

 

This league is a feeder team for our local high school. The idea is to groom these girls and develop them, so that the high school can have a stronger team when these girls get up there. We've been quietly saying nothing all winter long after we did the nice guy thing in the fall, and working with DD on the idea that not every coach is going to be awesome, and sometimes you get one you don't like. We've told her to look for the little bits of information she can take from him and learn from and focus on those instead of all of his negative feedback.

 

She's tried, but when everything is just negative, negative, negative, it's hard. To me, seeing it so blatantly last night was the last straw. Nobody else is being treated the way she has been. She is a strong player and batter. It's not just me....any coach or parent from last year would vouch for that. There's no reason or explanation for this.

 

I don't think being the "nice guy" will get me anywhere either. Yes, I know I'm risking, but really, I'm not sure it can really get any worse.

[Jennifer in MI]

Oh man. I really, really feel for you. My ds (now 14) had a coach like this a couple years ago. Same situation, really. My son was one of the best players out there. He was played the requisite three innings/game. He was a wonderful pitcher and wasn't asked to pitch that entire season. THEN, the coach threw my ds into a game at the end of the season (without warmup! sound familiar?) and he, of course, did horribly. He was out there fighting back tears when I said something to the coach. Coach said something about making a man out of him. I lost it and said, "No! You are showing him that you're a bully."

 

When he wasn't selected to play on the tournament team, my dh finally broke and confronted the coach. (In our case, the coach actually lied to us saying that my son's batting average was lower than it was - we had video of him getting more hits than the coach said he had all season! And, we missed a lot of them!) Anyway, we got NO response. NONE.

 

BUT, the next year, my ds got a wonderful coach. Absolutely wonderful. Ds was asked to be on the tournament team. He currently plays for what is considered the best travel team in our area and he is one of the top two pitchers. It can get better.

 

All that said, my dh now wishes he had said something MUCH earlier in ds' season that one year it went bad. He wishes he'd pulled the coach aside and talked about it - man to man. (It would have gone over much better than my telling him he was a bully! But, boy, that felt good!) Can your husband say something in person?

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I know how hard this is to see your child be demoralized by a horrible coach.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would ask your dh to write a sample e-mail just to see if his approach might be different. I'm venturing a guess that it might have a tone that might be received better. I'm not saying that is "fair" but that it is often the case.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

I would ask your dh to write a sample e-mail just to see if his approach might be different. I'm venturing a guess that it might have a tone that might be received better. I'm not saying that is "fair" but that it is often the case.

 

Thing is....he's already read my draft - I sent it to him for critique before I sent it off. FWIW, he thought it was fine - even after I told him of the feedback I received here.