Any tips for making post-partum easier?

[Dawn in Ohio]

Baby #5 is due in just over a week. I am getting so nervous!! I am trying to get done what I can now, but I am still dreading those first few weeks post partum. My house is clean and organized. Baby things are ready. But I know things will fall apart so quickly and I will feel stressed out and overwhelmed. Is there anything I can do now to make things easier for myself?

 

The biggest stressor for me is that my parents will stay with us for a week. The idea is that they are supposed to be helping, but it doesn't usually feel like help. I get SO frustrated because my mom doesn't see what needs to be done. I don't feel like I can tell her what to do, so I just end up angry and frustrated because the house is a mess.

 

Is there anything I should be doing now to ease the impending stress? Buy disposable plates, cups, etc? Get lots of videos from the library to entertain the kids?

 

Dawn

[Mom2legomaniacs]

Do you feel comfortable putting a TO DO list on the fridge? Then others can see what you would like to be done and do it!

 

Don't worry about the state of the house for a while. It will be there. Just try to rest and enjoy the new little one. You know that eventually you will feel like doing stuff again.

 

I would just ask her to do things. Tell how much you appreciate the help and just be honest about what you want done! Put the kids to work too. Give them lists of easy pick up jobs. They can do plenty to help if they are given specific tasks.

And congrats!!!! :grouphug:

[Kay in Cal]

Fill up the freezer with easy to reheat meals--or, if you can afford it, tape the take-out menus prominently by the phone.

 

I love Melissa's idea about taping a "To Do" list to the fridge. Then if anyone asks "What can I do?" you can just poin the way!

[Karen sn]

Good advice so far. I might even break it down into my normal routine.

AM chores: feed kids

clean kitchen (dishes, counters, table)

tidy or deep clean bathrooms

wash,dry,fold one load of laundry

 

afternoon chores: Lunch

clean kitchen

sweep floors in whole house

another load of laundry if needed

 

PM chores: Dinner

kitchen

walk around the house with a basket - throwing everything in it that needs to be put away - all the kids help put stuff away.

 

 

It sounds like your mom is not the kind of person who can just do what needs done. Having a timeline might help.

 

I might even have a special list for kids:

watering garden, feeding pets, making their beds, bringing dirty laundry to central laundry basket every night, washing dishes, sweeping porch, shaking out throw rugs, etc.....

And it would all be in an am, afternoon, pm type schedule.

Do your morning chores - then go play.

Eat lunch, do chores, then free time.

Some chores before dinner - eat - a few more lite chores (getting laundry together, brushing teeth, basic pick up and put away of the day's clutter).

[DIY-DY]

Do not be afraid to articulate your needs, and when someone offers to help, take them at face value. "What can I do to help?" should be answered with, "You know, it would mean so much if you could x, y, and z, please." If someone says, "Do you want me to a, b, or c," and none of that would be beneficial to you, take a deep breath, smile, feel loved, and say, "You know, d-e-f would be so much more helpful to me (for my sanity, make everything more comfortable - insert whatever result you need and would get from d-e-f, make sense?) Would you mind taking care of that?"

 

It took me FIVE births to suck it up and say something like that. And you know what? People were MORE than happy to help. People want to help, even if they don't know how to help. By asking for specific things, by being clear, we're not only reducing our own stress, but we are allowing people to be as helpful as they feel like they're being in their minds. Seriously.

 

But the big thing, at least for me, is to remember that if I feel GREAT one day, it's because I stayed put, in bed, and rested. That means I need *more of the same*. It does not mean it's time for me to get up and put everything back together. A-HA! Again, took me five births, but I *finally* broke the one step forward, two steps back cycle. I kept my butt in bed for a full week, just shut my eyes on the way to the bathroom and sang to myself, "la-la-laaaa, I'm not looooooking!" And this was, by far, the fastest, easiest, most nearly enjoyable recovery I have ever had. Treat yourself to it, if you can, and no matter how much you want to get up and think, "I'm feeling good. I'll just tidy this, or wash that, or move this..." DON'T. You didn't get to feeling good by doing those things. Stay put, suck it up, take another nap. Trust. Me.

[SuzyKS]

I only have one child but I hurt my ankle last year and my Mom (bless her) came in to run my home daycare for a few days. She loved the idea that I had made her a list and a time-line of our day. She said it made her feel much more comfortable and we got along wonderfully. I just said that I knew that I was going to be sleeping a lot and not able to be "right there" when she needed to ask me questions so I wrote everything down for her. Things didn't run as smoothly as they normally do but they were much better than I expected!

[3lilreds in NC]

That's what got me through, LOL. Of course it can bother the baby so if you're nursing you'll have to watch for that. :D

 

I like Karen's idea of posting a schedule of things to do. I am pretty bad about seeing what needs to be done sometimes, at least in my own house, until someone comes over. Then I see it all with brilliant clarity! I'm sure your mom really wants to help, so just tell her what to do. My mom and I get muddled fairly easily. It helps so much to know specifically what to do!

 

If you can get meals in the freezer, that would be lovely, too. Hire a cleaning lady for a few months? I did that too and it ROCKED. I had to pick up the house to get ready for them so we never hit the state of chaos that we seem to be in right now. :willy_nilly:

[Dawn in Ohio]

Hmmm. Thanks for the feedback. It seems like most of you are advising that I just tell my mom what needs to be done. Why is that so hard for me to do? I have no problem asking dh or my kids to do things for me, but I find it really tough to tell my mom to do the dishes after dinner. I mean, isn't that what normal people do when a meal is done?! Even making a list for her seems kind of rude. My kids do have lots of standing chores that they do pretty well. Just their chores are enough to maintain things to some extent. I don't know... maybe it is just my hormones that make the whole thing so unbearable. I know my parents want to see the new baby and I know they want to help... I guess I'll just suffer through.

[Ohio12]

Hmmm. Thanks for the feedback. It seems like most of you are advising that I just tell my mom what needs to be done. Why is that so hard for me to do? I have no problem asking dh or my kids to do things for me, but I find it really tough to tell my mom to do the dishes after dinner. I mean, isn't that what normal people do when a meal is done?! Even making a list for her seems kind of rude. My kids do have lots of standing chores that they do pretty well. Just their chores are enough to maintain things to some extent. I don't know... maybe it is just my hormones that make the whole thing so unbearable. I know my parents want to see the new baby and I know they want to help... I guess I'll just suffer through.

 

 

I understand what you are saying here. If your mom isn't thinking of doing the dishes, it is hard to ask her to do them. (who doesn't know that that is how you help though!!! I want to make myself a list to remember for when my kids have kids) I actually asked my mom not to come for baby #2, after my experience with baby #1! It can be such a difficult time. No real advice, just understanding where you are coming from.

[Rosie_0801]

Is there anything I can do now to make things easier for myself? The biggest stressor for me is that my parents will stay with us for a week. The idea is that they are supposed to be helping, but it doesn't usually feel like help. I get SO frustrated because my mom doesn't see what needs to be done. I don't feel like I can tell her what to do, so I just end up angry and frustrated because the house is a mess.

 

1. Tell Mum what to do, and if she gets offended you can blame hormones ;) If it helps, put on a really pathetic voice: "Oh Mum, would you please do the dishes? I would feel so much better without that clutter in the kitchen. Oh, you're such a gem!" Then toddle off to the bedroom and lie down :) If you can't do that, ask your dad instead. "Dad, would you do the dishes while Mum reads a story to the kids?" From my experience, dads like to be helpful but mothers are so busy rushing around (whether they are doing anything or not,) the blokes end up standing in the corner to stay out of the way. Odds are, either it will happen that way, or your mum will insist on washing the dishes and have your dad read the story. Either way, you win.

 

2. Fill the freezer with party sized sausage rolls, preferably home made, and muffins. I don't think I'd ever eaten so much in my life during that first week post-partum. I gutsed down a dozen of my mother's little sausage rolls at 3 o'clock one morning!

 

3. Assign some non-vital school work to Mum. Some topic that will interest the kids, but doesn't require it to be taught well or at all. That should keep everyone except you occupied for an hour a day. I'm sure Mum can draw time lines and colour in flags as well as anyone.

 

Just my ideas!

:)

Rosie

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Get yourself some nice jammies, and plan to stay in them for 2 weeks (more for a C-section).

 

Yes! I'm serious.

 

If you are showered and dressed, and look like you've got it together, everyone will expect you to be at their beck and call.

 

If you stay in your jammies, showered, but with your hair slightly disheveled, you send out the signal that "I am not available to do that for you." It's not a loud signal, but if you stay in a reclined position most of the time, they'll get the message.

 

Then, put your blinders on, and let your parents help in whatever way they can! Does your mom keep her own house clean? If so, then hide yourself in your room and don't come out. She knows what to do. She's probably just nervous about over-stepping into your territory. Just let things go. It's okay if the house is a mess.

 

Really. It's okay if the house is a mess.

 

Honest. It's okay if the house is a mess.

 

And, I love Rosie's idea of getting your dad involved.

 

Try to relax and enjoy your tiny, wee one. They're little for such a short time.

 

Blessings to you and your family,

Suzanne

[Another Lynn]

Get yourself some nice jammies, and plan to stay in them for 2 weeks (more for a C-section).

 

Yes! I'm serious.

 

If you are showered and dressed, and look like you've got it together, everyone will expect you to be at their beck and call.

 

If you stay in your jammies, showered, but with your hair slightly disheveled, you send out the signal that "I am not available to do that for you." It's not a loud signal, but if you stay in a reclined position most of the time, they'll get the message.

 

Then, put your blinders on, and let your parents help in whatever way they can! Does your mom keep her own house clean? If so, then hide yourself in your room and don't come out. She knows what to do. She's probably just nervous about over-stepping into your territory. Just let things go. It's okay if the house is a mess.

 

Really. It's okay if the house is a mess.

 

Honest. It's okay if the house is a mess.

 

And, I love Rosie's idea of getting your dad involved.

 

Try to relax and enjoy your tiny, wee one. They're little for such a short time.

 

Blessings to you and your family,

Suzanne

 

:iagree:

 

Stay in your bedroom with the baby and don't come out. You have one purpose and one purpose only during the first 2 weeks. Bond with that baby and get him/her nursing (if you breast feed). Congratulations, by the way! I'm due in 2.5 weeks with number 5 too! My memory of other postpartums is that sometime there will be an emotional break down (hormonal, of course) - either a breast feeding issue or something more minor will cause it and I will have one whole day of crying before some semblance of "normal" returns.

 

I appreciate your post though because it is reminding me that I should plan *now* for who should do what. My parents are close by, so I don't have the added stress of visitors in my house (bless your heart!) But my Mom can babysit 4 kids for only so long before she goes a little batty (can't blame her there!) but she's great at food prep (and clean up). So I need to ask her now to think about helping us with meals the week of the birth, but put my dh on "kid duty" so she's not pulling her hair out. Actually dh is better than clean up than I am, so he can help with that too.

 

I'll add that I feel SO lousy during my pregnancies that my house is not especially organized or clean right now (:smilielol5: at the thought). So I feel like it will only get better from here!

 

So, stay in your room, forget your other responsibilities, and close your eyes. Take care of the baby and of you - forget the house. Someone else will do it if you make it clear (actions and words) that you are not. For one, they'll need clean dishes eventually :D.