happyhomemaker25 Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I was reading in another thread about people who were upset because they felt like other people were ignoring their loss. (We are talking about miscarriages) I wanted mine ignored. At least for a little while. When my friend rushed to the hospital after my emergency surgery for my ectopic pregnancy the first thing I said to her was, "I can't talk about it!" The only person I could talk to about it was my husband. My best friend drove hours to be here and I would only talk to her about her family. I could type about it and talk about it on the internet all day long when it happened. I just could not verbally speak about it to anyone but DH. Not even my mom. I can talk about it a little more now. But, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I would probably not ask you anything about your loss. If you wanted to talk to me about it I would listen and say what I could, but I would not bring it up. I'm not ignoring it, but I'm dealing with it the way I wanted mine dealt with. Is that wrong? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Wrong? You are asking for a blanket rule to be applied to everyone and all situations? It is right for dealing with people like you and wrong with people who aren't like you. No amount of studying in advance can prevent all the back and forth, stumbling and working it out situations in life. The best a person can do in such a situation, I would think, is to ask if they want to talk or not. That would be uncomfortable too, but a smaller discomfort than getting it wrong. People who expect everyone to always act the way they wish without having told them what they want are labeled with mental illness. :p The rest of us expect uncomfortable situations to be uncomfortable and appreciate people who will stumble their way through. :grouphug: Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 We all deal with things differently. I am a very honest, up front person. I didn't want others to walk on eggshells. I wanted people to ask me about my miscarriages. I wanted to talk about it. I couldn't stand the pitiful looks in my direction. Just tell me you think miscarriages suck. You won't be reminding me. I could never forget something like that. Just talk about it and get it out of your system. You could not possibly make me feel any worse about losing a baby/babies. Again, we all deal with crap differently. You are not wrong for wanting to kinda ignore it. That is how YOU dealt with your loss. However you got through it is ok. Miscarriages suck. A lot. Getting through to the other side is an accomplishment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Of course you are not wrong; we all handle things differently. I handle things similar to you. I had a horrific loss over a year ago. It was so terrible, I could not verbally speak to anyone about it, by phone or in person. I told all my friends not to call me. (I was out of the state for a very long time, so they couldn't visit me in person.) They were/are all very caring people, and they have honored my feelings, but they did want to check in often. They texted me -- that's something I could handle. And I could send a quick text back. Even now, I can only speak to a handful of people about it. My friends know this is how I deal with it best. That's just the way it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Is that wrong? No, I don't think you are wrong. I don't think you are unusual in your feelings; although I have not experienced a miscarriage, I am sure that I would feel more along the lines that you do. Not everyone needs support and encouragement in the same way. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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