Amy loves Bud Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Oh, how I would love to be anonymous right now. My son encouraged another boy to pull down his pants yesterday. Then one of the other boys encouraged this same boy to touch various toys in the room with "it". All have come clean about what happened and the stories match. I don't want to blow it out of proportion, but at the same time, I want to reinforce to DS that he needs to respect his body and those of others as the gift that they are from God, and he needs to live in a manner that is above reproach. At this point all indoor play with friends is suspended. Beyond that I'm not sure. Help me please! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrianne Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 How old are the kids involved? Is this the first time you have had problems of this nature with him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bkpan Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 If this was a one-time event, I'm not sure that I would impose additional consequences. I'm sure that you have already spoken to him about why this is wrong, and then when dh gets home, I would have him have a serious talk with ds to ensure that it never happens again. Also, I would be sure to tell the other boys' parents what happened. This is probably more of a "teachable moment" rather than a discipline issue IMO. Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 My son encouraged another boy to pull down his pants yesterday. Then one of the other boys encouraged this same boy to touch various toys in the room with "it". All have come clean about what happened and the stories match. I don't want to blow it out of proportion, but at the same time, I want to reinforce to DS that he needs to respect his body and those of others as the gift that they are from God, and he needs to live in a manner that is above reproach. First, I'd prayerfully review if he's been inappropriately exposed to "too mature" information or media. Next, since he's shown that you can't trust him out of your sight, he needs to be moved back to an earlier stage of supervision. And an intense study/character study on body boundaries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 I'm not sure this is all that "abnormal" for a boy that age (either your 7yo or 9yo). I'd certainly speak with said child about his private parts and the parts of others being just that...private. It sounds like normal curiosity, to me. Touching various objects with "it" sounds a bit more "inventive", but I'm not sure it is something to be really concerned about. Personally, I would not impose any punishment but I might keep a closer eye on the child and his friends when they are over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jami Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Could he have a chore of scrubbing the toys in question? Since that's hardly a clean part of the body to be touching things with. Not "unclean" in an embarrassing, unhealthy sort of way, just not hygienic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy in Ky Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Being a parent is so hard. Sadly, this is probably not all that abnormal. Kids just....do things. Kwim? I think back to my own childhood and I think, "We should have had more supervision." :w00t: I would not allow this child to play unsupervised with other children for several weeks or months. Drastic action. Let him know what he did is serious, that you take it seriously, and that you are going to do everything you can to help him resist the temptation to do it again. Tell him that you know it is hard to be a kid, that you know temptations are there, and that God gave you to him to help him. That is why you are the parent. Tell him if you didn't love him, then you would let him go on, choose his own path, and end up in disaster. But you do love him--and that is why you are going to help him. This is basically the approach we take with our children when their sin nature rears its ugly head in outstanding ways. ((hugs)) We are behind you, and we all have our own peculiar situations with our own kids. Total depravity. We all have it. :blink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy loves Bud Posted June 6, 2008 Author Share Posted June 6, 2008 He is 9, the boy he egged on is 7. The other boys there were 7-10 years old. The boy who encouraged the 7 yr old to touch things with "it" was 7. We don't have tv, and we are careful about movies, and he only sees internet when sitting with us, so I'm not concerned about exposure to more mature topics. I am very confident that this is a first time situation and I don't really think it is so far out of the realm of normal for this age. Inappropriate absolutely yes, abnormal no. The children present are from four families that we are very close with, and all I can say is I feel blessed because we all knew about it right away and are in agreement that there will be no indoor play for the boys for a while. I talked with him about the importance of respecting one's body and other's bodies, and the importance of looking out for and being a role model for younger children. I was very matter of fact and not overly upset when I talked to him about this, but when I just went to his room to find him he was crying under his bed. He is VERY remorseful. Bud will be home shortly and we'll make a final ruling, but for now no indoor play with other kids seems to be the direction we will go. Unfortunately for him, that means missing a birthday party tonight. I imagine I will have him go apologize to the other kids who were there and their parents as well. Thanks for your input, y'all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy loves Bud Posted June 6, 2008 Author Share Posted June 6, 2008 Being a parent is so hard. Sadly, this is probably not all that abnormal. Kids just....do things. Kwim? I think back to my own childhood and I think, "We should have had more supervision." :w00t: Amen to that! My own experience is the reason I'm not totally freaked out right now, LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 My son's best friend just turned 8. I am quite surprised at what comes out of his mouth regarding anatomy. Must be something about that age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrianne Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Unfortunately for him, that means missing a birthday party tonight. I imagine I will have him go apologize to the other kids who were there and their parents as well. Thanks for your input, y'all. I am not sure punishment is the way I would go here. Yes it is inappropriate but they have no way of knowing or understanding at this age the ramifications of those actions. They are just 7 to 10 year old boys who think touching their p**is is funny. I would not make a big deal about it. I do understand how you feel. I stopped giving my boys a bath together(9 and 5) because they are too interested in playing games with it. (like who can pee the farthest or I am going to get you with my laser firing p**is). It makes me and dh feel very uncomfortable. But I have never punished for it - its child's play. I just keep having conversations about their bodies and God's plan for their body. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich with Kids Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 I am not sure punishment is the way I would go here. Yes it is inappropriate but they have no way of knowing or understanding at this age the ramifications of those actions. They are just 7 to 10 year old boys who think touching their p**is is funny. I would not make a big deal about it. I do understand how you feel. I stopped giving my boys a bath together(9 and 5) because they are too interested in playing games with it. (like who can pee the farthest or I am going to get you with my laser firing p**is). It makes me and dh feel very uncomfortable. But I have never punished for it - its child's play. I just keep having conversations about their bodies and God's plan for their body. :iagree: I think a talk about what is appropriate is in order, but I know mine have been fascinated with theirs since they could get to it. I wouldn't make a big deal about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 It seems alarming to us sometimes, but I've heard of all sorts of these situations, including with my nephew. Part of it is the age. They are curious but they're also just weird sometimes. Personally, I'd talk a little about privacy and areas covered by bathing suits. It'd be short and to the point, no lecturing. If it were my home, I'd have ds clean everything. And I'd just make sure that the kids were checked on more (possibly have to be in ear/eye sight) for a little more time. Again, I just think this is little boys being weird. If you have ever questioned whether ds has had a situation of too much information, a sexual encounter, etc, then you have to deal with that, but assuming he's not, just remember little boys sometimes behave oddly and are curious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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