mazakaal Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I mean Indian as in from India, not native American. We had a meal at the home of an Indian family yesterday, and I'm just wondering if this is typical of the culture. The meal was fantastic and the family was very kind, but they didn't sit down to eat with us. We sat and chatted with the husband while the wife and her sister-in-law finished preparing the food. Then we sat down at the table that was set for just the five in our family. The wife and sil stood by serving us and adding to our plates. The dh and bil stood chatting with us. The kids kind of ran in and out and did their own thing. After lunch we sat down with the dh and bil. They wouldn't let me help clear the table or anything, and then the women disappeared into a back room where the kids were all playing. We had a very nice time. Everyone was very kind. And the food was amazing. But I've never experienced this sort of thing before. Is it typical of how Indian people have guests? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Absolutely. This is what happens to us here all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cammie Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Yes, very typical. They wanted to have you home, treat you as guests, serve you a meal. It was not about "sharing a meal together" the way that it is for most Americans. And generally, in more traditional families, men and women still socialize separately. If you had wanted to go to where the wife was sitting with the children that would probably have been fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazakaal Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 Phew. I'm glad to hear that. I was worried we had offended somehow. And I wondered if I should excuse myself and try to find the wives, but I hadn't been invited back there, so I wasn't sure if I should. At one point I went to look for the kids, thinking I could use that as an excuse to sit with the wives, but the kids were in the kitchen at the time, so it didn't work out. I'd like to have them over for a meal as well, but I'm not sure what to do. Should we serve them the way they did us, or go American/British style? They've been in the west for years, so I'd assume that they know how we do things here. Would it offend if we all sat down together? And I'm intimidated that I won't be able to put together such an amazing meal. It was quite a spread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 The only Indian people that I've dined with in their home have lived here for many years and their kids are grown, so when they invite us, they do sit down with us. When we arrive Dh and the husband grill outside, while I chat in the kitchen with the wife. Then, I help her bring stuff to the table and we all sit down to eat, although the wife barely eats anything at all. In your case, I would invite them to your house for dinner and just do what you normally do when you invite guests. I would all sit down together. I really don't think that would offend them. I think they would be happy to experience dinner at your house, however you serve it. I think it would be more about spending time together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 And I'm intimidated that I won't be able to put together such an amazing meal. It was quite a spread. Actually, our "Indian side of the family" loves coming to dinner at our house. This past week we made them a thanksgiving meal and they loved it! They tell us they like eating "western" food although they tend to add hot sauce to everything I make. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazakaal Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 they tend to add hot sauce to everything I make. :D :lol: I can imagine. They love their spicy food. Our hosts were concerned that they had made the food too spicy, but it was just right. Fortunately, our family likes a little spice too. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Learner Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 LOL, Being Indian, it felt very funny how you perceived their behaviour. Their beahviour was completely natural, Females make/serve the food, while males and guests enjoy it. Next time we have some Amerian friends I will make sure we behave in western way:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazakaal Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 Well, you don't have to behave in an American way, but maybe you could just explain your customs so your guests know that this is how you do things. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 The meal was fantastic and the family was very kind, but they didn't sit down to eat with us. We sat and chatted with the husband while the wife and her sister-in-law finished preparing the food. Then we sat down at the table that was set for just the five in our family. The wife and sil stood by serving us and adding to our plates. The dh and bil stood chatting with us. The kids kind of ran in and out and did their own thing. After lunch we sat down with the dh and bil. They wouldn't let me help clear the table or anything, and then the women disappeared into a back room where the kids were all playing. We had a very nice time. Everyone was very kind. And the food was amazing. But I've never experienced this sort of thing before. Is it typical of how Indian people have guests? Yes, this is typical. We have a saying here that "The guest is a God" :001_smile:. Which means that you serve the guests, including adding to the plates. It is a sign of hospitality and service. They've been in the west for years, so I'd assume that they know how we do things here. Would it offend if we all sat down together? No. Not at all. Since they have been in the west for a long time, they would be comfortable with sitting at the table with the hosts and serving themselves. Newly immigrated families, or more traditional families may find it odd though. Some Indians may also hesitate to serve themselves a second helping because they don't want to seem too greedy or to leave too little for the others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nansk Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Females make/serve the food, while males and guests enjoy it. When I was growing up, I thoroughly hated this practice! I always ended up with a massive headache by the time it was my turn to have lunch (with my mother & aunts). Now when I invite guests over, we prepare the meal in advance so that we can all sit together and talk and enjoy the food. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Not extraordinary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazakaal Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 No. Not at all. Since they have been in the west for a long time, they would be comfortable with sitting at the table with the hosts and serving themselves. Newly immigrated families, or more traditional families may find it odd though. Some Indians may also hesitate to serve themselves a second helping because they don't want to seem too greedy or to leave too little for the others. Thanks for this insight. It's good to know. I'll keep offering to top up their plates so they don't feel greedy about asking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Thanks for this insight. It's good to know. I'll keep offering to top up their plates so they don't feel greedy about asking. Yes, it's very bad form not to offer more, and it's polite to ask 3 times even if they say "no" the first two times. Saying "no" a couple of times is good manners, as it prevents embarrassment for a host who might not have much extra. My friend from India has a funny story about her first meal with Americans. She said "no" whenever offered food, and ended up quite hungry as well as offended. Eventually she learned that for us, "no" actually means "no." She still exasperates Americans by offering again and again even though they have clearly said "no thank you." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 My friend from India has a funny story about her first meal with Americans. She said "no" whenever offered food, and ended up quite hungry as well as offended. Eventually she learned that for us, "no" actually means "no." She still exasperates Americans by offering again and again even though they have clearly said "no thank you." Yea, I was hungry and thirsty a lot my first year in the US after growing up in Japan. (Same cultural norm there.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 My friend from India has a funny story about her first meal with Americans. She said "no" whenever offered food, and ended up quite hungry as well as offended. Eventually she learned that for us, "no" actually means "no." She still exasperates Americans by offering again and again even though they have clearly said "no thank you." LOL. Our exchange students (all from Asian countries so far) have told us that students living with homestay families have an orientation class devoted to "No" and what it means to Americans, and how it can differ from other cultures, and how Americans hear/use "no." :D Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.