S/O RAD

[beaners]

Is this a fairly new thing? Is something about adoption and the foster and adoption systems throughout the world making this more common? Was it only never talked about before, or were these children institutionalized, or somehow hidden?

 

As background, I have 2 uncles who were adopted from Vietnam. In addition to them, several other children passed through the house before moving into their permanent homes. I never heard of a single problem. One of those uncles was nothing short of devoted to my grandparents, who have both passed away.

 

I had a few childhood friends who were adopted both domestically and internationally. I saw children grow up within my family's extended circle without incident. My husband has relatives who were adopted internationally.

 

I can think of one child with some defiance, but never some of the things mentioned when RAD comes up. I do truly believe it exists. I'm just wondering why children and families seem to be suffering more often now. I don't think that any of the people I have mentioned were hiding RAD behind closed doors, and in most cases I'm certain of it.

 

Can anyone offer me some insight into this? Adoption and fostering are things my husband and I have discussed doing when (if?) we have an empty house again. Are there particular aspects of both the foster and adoption process today that make this more common? Where were all of the children with these problems when I was growing up?

[jillian]

I think it's getting talked about more now. I also think a lot of it is called "adjustment issues". I am about to finish up an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy and we didn't even discuss it except in one class, one and that was only discussed in someone's class project not even with the professor. Also the school of "love is enough" is very prominent. Just my .2

[jennsmile]

Where was Autism? Bipolar? Aspergers? ADD? ADHD?

[unsinkable]

I think it has always existed, yet wasn't named.

 

i read a article about a baby that was abandoned by his mom at the hospital and raised in a series of foster homes and group homes until he was finally permanently put in a detention/group home before he was 10. he had been in trouble at school and with police (shoplifting, skipping school, running away) since he was 7. he was smacked around and beaten from his earliest memories.

 

then ending is not for the faint of heart. and even tho' this happened dozens of years ago, i am convince this kid had what is now called RAD.

[rwjx2khsmj]

I think it's been around for years. I would be willing to bet that if my husband had taken an inventory at the age of 7 he would have been diagnosed with RAD. When he was younger they just said you were a bad kid or disobedient or whatever and dealt out punishment accordingly. There was much less interest in finding out what was wrong and labeling it than in stopping the inappropriate behavior.

[Ottakee]

I think it was around but I also think that the more and more widespread use of drugs and alcohol during pregnancy really hurt the baby before they are born as well.

 

Also, in many years past (before abortion) many adoptions were teenage pregnancies but really without issues and now more and more adoptions are due to abuse/neglect/substance abuse, etc.

 

Also, things might not have had a name back then either.

[southernm]

I have considered adoption before. *BUT* this and the other thread has really opened up my eyes to the issues that could come up. It sounds like something I need to completely research before I consider it again.

[Ottakee]

You do need to know what you are going into but adoption can be a very wonderful thing for both the family and child. Often it helps to go in with realistic expectations--no instant bonding in some cases, lots of behavioral issues, issues regarding adoption/birth parents, etc. that keep surfacing, etc.

 

We adopted 3 with special needs and have never regretted it. Not always been easy, but very blessed.

[Heather R]

Also, many of the "first" international adoptions were infants, because there was not much red-tape involved. Now, even children who enter orphanages as infants are often not in their "forever families" until they are two or three, or even older, because of all the adoption paperwork that must be done.

 

Please not, I do think it is good that due diligence is done before sending kids off to another country, but it does have the unintended consequence of children spending much longer in an institution, which is directly related to risk of RAD.

 

Heather

[deacongirl]

I think there just wasn't awareness of it. Also, many children with RAD are outwardly charming and people outside of the home may not see the effects. RE: your uncles adopted from Vietnam...I might guess that if they were not adopted as infants, that prior to their adoptions they may not have been abused or neglected. They may have been lovingly cared for and attached to their first parents (or extended family) prior to becoming orphans. Also, IN GENERAL, the Vietnamese people love babies and children and love to hold and comfort them. Of course there are exceptions--but in general I believe that children in a Vietnamese orphanage would receive more love and affection than in an institution in Russia/Ukraine. (This is based on firsthand information from people who have spent time in orphanages in different areas of the world.)

 

It depends on the circumstances leading to the adoption and the resilience of the child. So you could have one child adopted under 1 yr. with RAD, and an older child with a traumatic background who is able to attach to the adoptive parents and does not have RAD. But RAD or not--all PAPs should be aware of it, what the risks are, and know how to foster attachment. Even if a kid doesn't have RAD they could be insecurely attached if a parent doesn't have the information they need.

[Ester Maria]

In the past there were less attempts at a systematic theoretical explanation of WHAT happens and WHY it happens - the attitude towards societally unacceptable behaviors was a lot more pragmatic, i.e. driven by the force to change it, adapt it, rather than understand it. Also, you must keep in mind that the culture on the whole was a lot less child-centered. It is not that child's interests were not held dearly or appreciated, but children were simply not systematically dealt with in a way in which they are dealt with today - people were also typically maturing earlier, the mentality was much different and much more rigid in some ways, and it was more about "duties" than about "rights", if you get what I mean. People still had loving families and all, but when I am told of how things were "back then" by the older members of my family, it really seems like a whole different world, so whatever existed in that whole different world, probably also manifested at least somewhat differently. And, possibly, if it manifested in the extreme forms, it was swept under the rug so as not to "shame" the family, in all ways imaginable - from MUCH more prevalent institutionalization of certain groups of people with certain kinds of disorders, to extremely authoritarian and discipline-based parenting, etc. It is a real question whether some issues are statistically more prevalent today or they are simply more visible than in the epochs past, where a lot of people were de facto excluded from the active circulation in the society if their behavior was societally unacceptable.

 

Possible attachment disorders are one of the reasons why we never seriously considered adoption - even before I knew the name for it, we had heard of various outcomes and struggles people have had. I admire people who are brave enough to undertake that journey, but I know my personal emotional limits. Adoption in many cases means having no. clue. whom you are accepting into your house, what is their medical history and family medical history, and what kind of burden that child has in their emotional memory, even if not in their conscious, cognitive memory. Having in mind also what a PP wrote about the prolonged adoption procedure nowadays, it means that the child has known even more unknown-to-you factors which shaped them before they got to you. Personally, I am of a disposition pessimistic enough in general not to fool myself that "love is all it ever takes", but even I was shocked to learn from the conversations with some people of how deeply rooted and problematic the attachment issues with the adopted children may be. These conversations literally erased in me a desire to adopt a "complete stranger", if there ever was such a desire (I think it was more a general curiosity on my part than a desire, before I informed myself).

[Murmer]

I think it always was just not always known....I think about the beginning of Anne of green gables when mrs. Lynn tells about all the horrible things orphans did to their adoptive family.