Halcyon Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 My son did this narration on his own (meaning he wrote it himself), and I'd like feedback. I have included all errors as he wrote them. The "led dictation" instructions were to write 3-4 sentences on the Britons, using details. "When Julius Caeser landed in Deal it was an unknown part of the world, and the only people who lived there were savages. The savages were the Britons but they were not called that back then. The savages usually did not wear shirts and somtimes painted themselves. These fierce fighters almost held back Julius Ceasar's army. Julius Caesar came back the following year and travelled a little farther into the country. He found out that the savages' houses were mostly made of stones and were not huge castles, and that they hunted boars, wolves and other forest animals. First of all, it's longer than the instructions suggested. Other than that, thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted November 12, 2011 Author Share Posted November 12, 2011 bump Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 I think it looks great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 I'd be pleased if my dd9 wrote this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 Totally an aside, but can you call it a narration if he did it himself? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 Totally an aside, but can you call it a narration if he did it himself? What would it be called then? :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
papillon Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 I think he did a very good job, and, like you, I'd call it a narration, a written narration. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 Thanks everyone. It's very nice to have outside perspective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acurtis75 Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 I think it's good. He seems to summarize well and even though it's a little longer than what you asked for there don't seem to be a lot of unneccesary details. This looks better than the writing of some high school students. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmy Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 I think it's very good! I would particularly be pleased with his punctuation on the possessive form of savages and on his spelling. The information he included is very good. Combining those shorter sentences into compound sentences will come over time. Really, this looks fantastic, I think he's doing quite well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted November 15, 2011 Author Share Posted November 15, 2011 I think it's very good! I would particularly be pleased with his punctuation on the possessive form of savages and on his spelling. The information he included is very good. Combining those shorter sentences into compound sentences will come over time. Really, this looks fantastic, I think he's doing quite well. Thank you. He did misspell Caesar as Ceasar once, but I figure that's normal. We have been working hard on plural possessives, so I am happy he caught that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth in SW WA Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 I'd be pleased if my dd9 wrote this. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted November 16, 2011 Author Share Posted November 16, 2011 :iagree: Thanks Beth- I always value your opinion! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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