perfect score from writeahome...what do you think?

[ilovemy4kids]

Okay, I posted the paper on the writing forum above. My son received a perfect score for his research paper. I don't think it is a perfect paper. Opinions? thanks so much!

Sandra

Edited November 7, 2011 by ilovemy4kids

[8filltheheart]

I didn't read the entire paper, but based on the part that I read, no, I would not give the paper a perfect score. In our homeschool, I would not accept the paper as written and would have made my student re-write it. I am short on time, so I am going to be very direct (so please don't take offense at my critique......fwiw, my kids have to live w/me. :tongue_smilie: )

 

Let's look at just the 1st paragraph:

 

The history and ideals of the creators of the Linux operating system and of the operating system itself is a very interesting and diverse subject. First, the paper will cover the parent operating system, UNIX. Then, the paper will briefly explain the GNU project and MINIX, which are both foundational to the birth of Linux. Next, the paper will discuss the creation of Linux, its name, and its licensing. Thereafter, the paper will discuss Andrew Tanenbaum’s attacks on Linux and finally how Linux is being adopted world wide as a leader in operating systems and its future.

 

I would never allow my students to refer to the paper in the paper. My high schoolers are expected to write more precisely than "very interesting." The 1st sentence is grammatically incorrect. The subject of the sentence is The history and ideals which requires a plural verb.

 

In the 2nd paragraph, I don't allow my children to write in absolutes. The sentence C is a programming language, in fact, it is what absolutely everything in the entire computing world is based on, from super computers to wrist watches, from your calculator to your oven, absolutely everything that involves a computer is based in C. is a run-on.

 

That is as much as I have time to post. Hopefully you will get better responses than mine.

 

FWIW, if I had paid for the class, I would be upset. I don't think you are over-reacting.

Edited November 7, 2011 by 8FillTheHeart

[ilovemy4kids]

THANK YOU! I knew I wasn't nuts! I am quite disgruntled at the end results of the paper, and the grading. Not a happy camper. I told my hubby that I would have given the paper a D if I graded it, which of course wouldn't be acceptable. Below a C and forget it, you do it over.

 

:)

[regentrude]

I agree with 8. I am sorry, but I found the essay extremely hard to read and did not manage to read everything thoroughly. The very long sentences contribute to this lack of readability.

My hunch would be: the grader had no knowledge about, or interest in, the subject matter and did not go to the effort to read the paper careful enough for an actual evaluation.

 

A few issues struck me from the beginning:

The very first sentence has a subject-verb disagreement,

as has

Linux and all of its components is developed by the user

is should be "are".

The first paragraph "the paper will explain", "the paper will discuss". Not academic writing.

The use of the superlative

C is a programming language, in fact, it is what absolutely everything in the entire computing world is based on,

is not just bad style; it is factually incorrect.

 

I noticed several run-on, or too long, sentences:

 

Ritchie needed to create a programming language that would efficiently compile and execute scripts and be able to make an operating system function highly, thus was the birth of C.

BSD (Berkeley Software Distribution) was created in 1977 and sued for stolen UNIX code by AT&T, this lawsuit was greatly important to Linux because it impaired BSD’s ability to make their operating system, which is stated by Linus Torvalds that he would not have written Linux had the BSD operating system been released (Matpal).

He was named after Linus Pauling, the American Nobel Prize winning chemist, however, Torvalds has said, "I think I was named equally for Linus the Peanuts cartoon character", noting that this makes him half "Nobel-prize-winning chemist" and half "blanket carrying cartoon character” (rebel code).

Linux was written within the MINIX operating system, but instead of using a microkernel, he chose a monolithic kernel but Linux inherited the file system.

Grammatically clumsy the use of the passive here:

Being under the GPL, Linux was able to be added to, modified, shared, and distributed by anyone who wanted to have a go at it.

The conclusion is weak:

The history of the happenings in Linux history,

:confused:

from itscreation until today, is a very interesting subject. From its creation to its current development, we can see that the Linux operating system is growing fast and with a little help, has the potential to become a world standard OS. The history of Linux is a very interesting subject

very interesting twice in consecutive sentences; not a strong statement; looks like lack of proofreading

and the idea behind the open source movement is phenomenal, in an attempt to build a free world within computers, Linus Torvalds was able to use his programming genius to build an operating system that is changing the world.

another run-on sentence

 

I do not know what grade I would have given, but my student would have been required to rewrite this essay. I would not have accepted it as the final product.

ETA: all style issues aside: a high school paper with subject-verb disagreement does not merit a perfect score.

Edited November 7, 2011 by regentrude

[ilovemy4kids]

Thank you both. Just for the record, I didn't accept the paper. This was a "hands off" workshop for me. Just my son and his writing coach and me to provide library access etc.... He did the work himself without my input. We have decided to take the input from "the hive" and work on revisions. Now I just have to decide how to do the grading. In light of his confusion on what was to be done, we are going to go back to the notecard step, and I am going to provide the feedback and redo the project. :) Thanks again.

 

If anyone has an interest in grading the final product for me privately, please pm me. :)

 

Blessings

Sandra

Edited November 7, 2011 by ilovemy4kids
didn't want to sound negative....

[ilovemy4kids]

Update: I have emailed with the instructor and have a clearer idea of how the score was given. It was given based on improvement and although the score was a perfect 5/5 it was not meant to imply a perfect paper. That part is still confusing to me. I see 5/5 and I think perfect score,. The paper has been regraded and now is a 4.17/5 which I still feel is way too generous, but we are simply going to redo this project and count this as a learning process.

Blessings

Sandra

[Ester Maria]

I would not accept it.

 

At some point I simply quit reading and skimmed the rest. Linguistically, many of the constructions were awkward to the point of providing a feeling as though I was reading a paper by an ESL student (it may have been my own projection, though, being that *I* am an ESL person and get to notice in retrospect such awkward moments in my own writing). My experience suggests to me that when you get such a feeling with native speakers it is typically a clear sign that they have not reread their work before submitting it, i.e. that they have essentially submitted a draft rather than a thought-out work, so that would be my first red flag. Furthermore, there is a general and overall lack of clarity in his writing - perhaps too much factual information, but too poorly connected, leaving a reader confused and making it difficult to navigate the paper for what is relevant. Next, there are several "bombastic" claims and expressions, which are typically problematic (I am in particular referring to the conclusion, but there were instances of that even earlier in the body of the text), both factually and stylistically.

 

If this was my child's work and somebody had given it not only a positive, but a good grade, I would seriously question their ability to grade and/or the time allotted to grade a single paper. My dilemma regarding this paper would not be whether it is a 4 or a 5 on the scale of 5, but whether I should promote it at all or simply fail it. That would depend on several other educational factors, but I would probably be more inclined towards the latter option. Sorry.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

IMO, a 5 point scale doesn't offer much fidelity in teaching writer how to improve their product. I would be looking for something that had mechanics, content (or the way the argument was laid out) and stylistics separately graded.

 

(A 5 point scale might be appropriate for an essay that was only on content with style and/or mechanics assumed to be mastered.)

[8filltheheart]

Update: I have emailed with the instructor and have a clearer idea of how the score was given. It was given based on improvement and although the score was a perfect 5/5 it was not meant to imply a perfect paper. That part is still confusing to me. I see 5/5 and I think perfect score,. The paper has been regraded and now is a 4.17/5 which I still feel is way too generous, but we are simply going to redo this project and count this as a learning process.

Blessings

Sandra

 

 

I would still not be satisfied. What instruction was actually being given? Even the most BASIC beginner level writing instruction should teach the student to never refer to the paper itself. (That is an error I wouldn't let my 3rd graders commit.)

 

Obviously none of us are privy to your student's prior writing abilities, but unless he was completely lacking in fundamental skills, I would want the instructor to demonstrate what skills were supposed to have been developed. I think that this paper should not only warrant your student's re-writing, but an exploration into what you supposedly paid for.

 

I personally am appalled that any writing instructor of a high school student would not provide authentic critiquing of this paper. To let him think it was appropriate as is is simply disingenuous.

Okay, I posted the paper on the writing forum above. My son received a perfect score for his research paper. I don't think it is a perfect paper. Opinions? thanks so much!

Sandra

 

There's a lot of data and research here, but not much of a paper. I wonder how much time he spent researching vs. writing? I think it is fine to tell him that what we have here is a fine example of the end of the fact-gathering stage of writing a paper. After that stage, the real writing, editing and re-writing need to begin. This is such an important lesson to teach! Most good writers are actually not very good writers at all, at least for the first draft, but are really very good re-writers. With a fair amount of re-writing and editing, he could have a paper he is really proud of, and one where he can see the difference between a first draft and first rate. I would encourage you to push him on this, for this is vital for good college writing.

[snowbeltmom]

I think that this paper should not only warrant your student's re-writing, but an exploration into what you supposedly paid for.

 

I personally am appalled that any writing instructor of a high school student would not provide authentic critiquing of this paper. To let him think it was appropriate as is is simply disingenuous.

:iagree:

 

I would e-mail the owner of Write at Home with your concerns (and excerpts from your son's paper) and request that he assign another writing coach to work with your son on this project free of charge.

 

In my experience, this feedback , or lack thereof, is atypical from WriteatHome.

[Janice in NJ]

http://library.bethel.edu/class/tutorials/writ-cit/Avoiding_Metadiscourse.pdf

 

Hope that helps,

Janice

 

Enjoy your little people

Enjoy your journey

[Nan in Mass]

This is why I don't grades, only comments lol. I think perhaps you and the teacher are considering "grade" to mean two different things. There is the sort of grading that compares the student's paper to a perfect adult finished product. There is the sort of grading that compares the student's paper to papers written by other students in his grade. (If this were a third grade public school English class his teacher would probably give his paper an A. If he were lucky, there would be comments to help him improve, but probably he would left alone while the teacher concentrated on trying to get the rest of the class to write more than three sentences.) and there is the sort of grading that compares a student's paper to his previous papers. (I don't do the first because my own writing isn't perfect. I don't do the second because I have no idea what "grade level" looks like. And I don't do the third because I don't feel that that is what the outside world is expecting and comments are more useful.) In your case, I think perhaps the teacher is grading the third way and you are expecting a grade based on the first way? Maybe?

Nan

[Kathy in Richmond]

I would e-mail the owner of Write at Home with your concerns (and excerpts from your son's paper) and request that he assign another writing coach to work with your son on this project free of charge.

 

In my experience, this feedback , or lack thereof, is atypical from WriteatHome.

 

:iagree: Yes, do this. I'm guessing that the owner of Write at Home, Brian, will make things right for you. I found him to be open to suggestions and easy to deal with.

 

My kids took six W@H classes over the years, and only once did we get a straight-A tutor who only had praise and no helpful comments on rewriting and corrections. I worked with her directly & resolved things, but it was a year-long class, not the Research Paper seminar. My son took that seminar, btw, and it was not like you've described. All of our tutors except one held my kids to high standards and had lots of constructive criticism. Rewriting and improving successive drafts of papers was expected, and often my dd would completely rework large chunks of her papers. With that one exception, first drafts and messy thought processes were not accepted as the final product.

 

IMO, a 5 point scale doesn't offer much fidelity in teaching writer how to improve their product. I would be looking for something that had mechanics, content (or the way the argument was laid out) and stylistics separately graded.

 

(A 5 point scale might be appropriate for an essay that was only on content with style and/or mechanics assumed to be mastered.)

 

Write at Home grades each paper in several categories: Content, Structure, Rhythm, Word Choice, Style, and Mechanics. Each subsection is scored from 1 to 5, and then a final paper grade is derived from averaging all of those subsection grades.:)

[ilovemy4kids]

I would like to let everyone know that we have used writeathome for many years with the full year courses and have been very pleased. I realize my initial post sounded like it was bashing writeathome and that is NOT my intent. If I could figure out how to remove the post I would! I do appreciate all of the comments and help. We are going to continue on with the paper as though this were his first draft and work together using the comments we've received, Writer's INC and internet resources as well. I have decided not to request a refund or a redo. I read every bit of feedback that the instructor provided each step of the way. Although he didn't provide much grammar or sentence structure guidance, he did make some suggestions regarding content, and adding more of his own thoughts, which my son did not utilize. I would like to have seen that when an instruction was not followed that the instructor would have addressed that, however, I also feel that if I had not chosen to be "hands off" I could have caught these issues earlier. The End. :)

 

Blessings

Sandra