Trying to figure out why this makes me so mad!

[choirfarm]

I was so incredibly furious with my 9th grade (14yo) boy. I'm trying to figure out why this is making me so mad.. This is what he is taking:

Spanish- at CC

Racquetball- CC

English- Windows to the World with novels and poetry. Just finished Great Expectations and skimming To Kill a Mockinbird that he did last year for co-op

AP Government through PA Homeschoolers

Apologia Biology

Geometry- started with TT just switched to Chalkdust

Total Health this semester

Driver's Ed next semester

 

This is totally doable it seems to me. But the days of him just cramming the day before are over. You cannot do it with these subjects. There is way too much vocabulary. He didn't use his planner this past week and it showed. He is getting an A in Spanish and finding it easy and very doable. He was a little behind in Apologia Biology and we went over the module 3 study guide or should I say.. tried to.. He couldn't do half of it... didn't understand it. Well, I haven't read it and it has been 25 years since I've had Biology. So I siced (sp?) my doctor hubby on him when he got home on Tuesday.. He just didn't really read it carefully..he said. So he promptly made him go outline and take notes on the chapter an did over half of it that night. ( He was supposed to be doing that anyway, but hadn't...) He's taking the test tomorrow. I saw him on his AP Government website every single day...saw him spending a good amount of time each day, reading etc. Well... he had 3 Analyzing Governent website assignments ( they watch a video or listen to a transcript for a trial of something and then answer questions. I LOVED last week's assignments. They had to listen to poliitical songs by Black Eyed Peas, Martina McBride, and m&M ( I know that isn't how you spell the rappers' name but that is how it sounds.. einem or something???) Then they had to analyze the political messages in them. Both boys hated it. They had to think creatively!!!) Ok, so he had that. He had to write an evaluation of the bomb shelter exercise, take the multiple choice quiz for the week, take the short answer quiz for the week, answer one discussion question, and do an AP essay . He hadn't done ANY of it on Friday.. NONE!!!! He got it done and actually got a decent grade on the quiz, but oldest had to wait to get to play his computer game ( only 2 hours on weekends and he was done by 3, but had to wait until after 7 because we only have 1 computer). We had the disaster with TT. Now I'm wondering how hard he was working. We watched the first chapter videos together this week waiting for the book to arrive. He'll have to sit with me and do his math which I will tell you right now he will scream about. I'm not looking forward to the battle.

 

I'm mad that he didn't do his work all along the way. I'm mad that I didn't check on him like I should have and that he just can't see like my oldest one can how much easier it makes it. I mean my oldest spent maybe an hour on AP government by taking the quiz and the essay. He had done the rest throughout the week. What in the world was he doing????? His English because he likes it better... GRRRRRRRRR.

 

I made out a planner for Biology and AP Government that includes Saturday and Sunday for this one. He sat and filled it out. He completely agrees that he needs to do it as he goes along. Yeah... but will he follow it??? Probably this week because he wants to go the home football game, so he will. But at some point the motivation needs to be intrinsic. I am so tired of asking him... are you on schedule...where are you supposed to be??? Are you there????? I didn't do it last week and see what happenened. But why am I mad... I was so furious because he wanted me to sit there and tell him what to write down for the AP Gov questions, which I wouldn't do.. I already went to school. I don't need this grade I angrily yelled at him Friday afternoon...

 

Yet somehow if he doesn't do well, then I didn't prepare him well enough...maybe this class is too hard... I'm not a good mom...

 

But wait... why do I always take responsiblity if someone is unhappy or if they fail.. Why is it my responsibility??? Why in the world does this make me so angry????

 

Christine

[lmrich]

14 year old boys are more like children than adults. The freshmen year is really tough for some. Help him stay organized. Most kids this age have no idea how to manage time. I am sure he thought he could just read the biology and understand it in less then an hour. Show him some grace (I know it is hard) and structure his studies. He is not ready for you to let go yet.:grouphug:

[memphispeg]

I'm mad too. The dd says she can do all the calculus and physics problems I've assigned but, when it comes to quiz time.....I get a big nothing from her. Not to mention that the schedule has totally gone out the window!

So, what I've done with physics has been to take a very few select problems that she can work out along with the study guide line-by-line; and then change a variable or 2, have her solve those problems, make a little data table and draw some practical conclusions based on the data. She does this well but, would really like to blow it off. I think I've got to do this for the rest of the class. I want her to think and analyze what the "Laws" and equations MEAN and how to use them. I have not done a test with this new method but, when I do I think it will have to be open book. (She does not want open book but then, see above) Is this a bad idea? I'd just rather have her understand things and be able to show it rather than wasting both of our times.

 

I found a pretty good study guide for AP Calc. with lots of sample problems figured-out step-by-step. I'm going to have to match it up with the text and have her do some from both that are similar. Hopefully, she will do this. But again, very few problems with lots of writing, far fewer than the recommended dose of the teacher's guide of the text??? Again, quizzes and tests will have to be open book.

 

So, am I coddling too much, not enough? Expert and amateur opinions are welcome. I'm trying to teach her how to study (college is next year!!!!!)

[AngieW in Texas]

I spent a lot of time unhappy with my oldest in high school. She is and always has been a procrastinator. She has always been happy to do just enough to get by. Occasionally something will motivate her to go beyond that. She had an English teacher at the cc who she loved and adored and she really went the extra mile for that teacher, but the class was mostly writing and she usually got to choose what she wrote about and there was NO literary analysis (2nd semester was ONLY literary analysis). She put things off as much as possible while telling me that she was right on course.

 

For her trig class at the cc, all homework assignments were to be turned in on the day of the final. All problems assigned had the answers in the back of the book and students who couldn't get the answers in the answer key were encouraged to go to the learning lab for help. She assured me that she was keeping up with the homework, but the last two weeks of the semester she did all but the first two weeks of homework. She spent a LOT of time on it at the end. It would have been so much easier if she'd kept up with it all along.

 

She did almost her entire senior year at the cc and she definitely worked harder for them than she was ever willing to work for me.

 

She's in college now, but she seems to have gotten a little better about scheduling herself without my assistance. I got her a whiteboard just to use for assignments and she puts EVERY assignment on there with due dates and checkmarks them when they're done and wipes them off when they've been turned in. That has worked better for her than the planner because the whole thing is visible at once.

 

Her college has a service called "success coaching" which is supposed to help with time management and planning. I finally got her to make an appointment with them last week. She said that not much happened with the first appointment, because that was mainly a meet&greet, but she has stuff that she needs to bring to her next appointment.

 

She'll get her midterm grades in two weeks. I'm really curious what they're going to look like. Since she's in college, it's up to her to choose to share them with me or not. The midterm grades are reported online only.

Edited October 9, 2011 by AngieW in Texas

[memphispeg]

Angie -

I think if your dd takes the "coaching" seriously she will succeed. It is so hard for kids to admit that they need help. If she can get in the habit of reaching out when she needs to, she will do so much better. I know that it has always been ME who has decided this need, never my kids. But, when they've done it (coaching or tutoring), grades go up and sulking and B&*%$iness is down! Big surprise?

 

Christine - I went to school too....long ago and far away....I haven't been able to avoid "going back to school" at all. I will draw the line at doing ANY of the work, I try to evaluate frequently and make comments about changes but, I cannot DO any of it, only prescribe, assign, and manage. It makes me ANGRY when dd does not put in the effort. That's why we're homeschooling, she is old enough to quit if she wanted to.

Edited October 9, 2011 by memphispeg
added more response

[ereks mom]

14 year old boys are more like children than adults. The freshmen year is really tough for some. Help him stay organized. Most kids this age have no idea how to manage time. I am sure he thought he could just read the biology and understand it in less then an hour. Show him some grace (I know it is hard) and structure his studies. He is not ready for you to let go yet.:grouphug:

 

:iagree: Turning it all over to him will have to be a gradual process. Remember when he was 2 and you couldn't just say, "Go clean your room"? Well, it's the same way now with his schoolwork. It's just like back then when you had to say, "Put all the blocks in the bucket," and then when he was finished with that, "Put the cars in the basket," and so on, and you had to stay right there so he would stay focused and get it done. Gradually he began to catch on and figure out how to tidy his room by himself. Fourteen year old boys are a lot like toddlers in some ways. :lol: You'll have to stay nearby to see that he's doing his work in every subject every day, and you'll probably have to check over it every day too, or he'll lose focus just like he did when he was 2. Gradually, he'll become more able to refer to his planner and keep himself on track, but if my experience is any indication, that probably won't happen until at least the second semester of 10th grade or the first semester of 11th grade.

Edited October 10, 2011 by ereks mom

[choirfarm]

:iagree: Turning it all over to him will have to be a gradual process. Remember when he was 2 and you couldn't just say, "Go clean your room?" Well, it's the same way now with his schoolwork. It's just like back then when you had to say, "Put all the blocks in the bucket," and then when he was finished with that, "Put the cars in the basket," and so on, and you had to stay right there so he would stay focused and get it done. Gradually he began to catch on and figure out how to tidy his room by himself. Fourteen year old boys are a lot like toddlers in some ways. :lol: You'll have to stay nearby to see that he's doing his work in every subject every day, and you'll probably have to check over it every day too, or he'll lose focus just like he did when he was 2. Gradually, he'll become more able to refer to his planner and keep himself on track, but if my experience is any indication, that probably won't happen until at least the second semester of 10th grade or the first semester of 11th grade.

Yes, but I've been doing this since 7th grade ( or longer). I'm really tired of it. I never had to do it with my oldest. I'm just ready for him to grow up!

[creekland]

Yes, but I've been doing this since 7th grade ( or longer). I'm really tired of it. I never had to do it with my oldest. I'm just ready for him to grow up!

 

:grouphug: I shared your frustration with my oldest and youngest. Some maturity did come, but they were never as "natural" with it all as middle son. I try not to compare. To a large extent it has to come from within and I wish I had the key to how to do it.

[Starr]

I wouldn't expect a 14 year old to manage all that on their own. It's my experience that checking on them all the way through high school is beneficial. :D

[choirfarm]

I wouldn't expect a 14 year old to manage all that on their own. It's my experience that checking on them all the way through high school is beneficial. :D

 

But then how do you assure that they can do it on their own when they get to college...when a friend says, "Let us go play xbox 360 or a game of football.." but he has a test the next day!! My oldest would tell the person that he has to study. He makes choices like that all the time. My oldest cannot, but must get that way over the next 4 years!!! It has to become intrinsic.. I will not always be with him.

 

That said, he hated having to do all that work Friday, so he has already done 2 out of his 4 AG assignments for AP government. So maybe natural consequences ar e working

[LibraryLover]

WWTMD? What would Tiger Mom do, that is. ;) or any 'good' WTM, Korean, or Singaporian mom, for that matter? :) Those kids are highly supervised and their work is checked to make sure it is done. I am not saying I agree or not with this level of involvement, but It's not likely that Tiger Moms expect kids are doing all that needs to be done without incessant nagging... er, I mean encouragement and/or prodding

 

:) My tongue is in my cheek, but if academic excellence is the goal, parents need to play a key role in supervision, time management, and organization.

Edited October 10, 2011 by LibraryLover