Suggestions to help DD14 get over her fear?

[funschooler5]

DD14 just joined a girls choir. She's got a great voice, but she's very shy and quiet. Her choir director requires the girls to stand up and sing a solo in front of the class at the end of classtime each week (they rotate each week). Next week is her turn, and she's extremely nervous about it. It's a very casual setting...she can just sing a few lines of her song of choice and sit down again. The choir director just wants the girls to trust each other, and have the experience of singing by themselves. I think it will be great for DD, because she lacks confidence, and she's never had the experience before.

 

DD is terrified that she will cry in front of everyone. She does that when she's nervous...in fact she did it when she auditioned for the choir teacher. She couldn't get through her song, so the teacher had her sing along to some scales...she was very patient with DD, and DD did great on the scales.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions to help DD prepare for her solo? I've only just recently been able to get her to sing the song in front of me. I want her to sing in front of DH and her brother and sister, and then maybe move on to her grandma and grandpa. I know she's going to fight me on that, but I can't think of any other way to prepare her.

 

Any suggestions?

[funschooler5]

I hope it's ok to bump this now. Is the poll frenzy over?;)

[jennsmile]

Have her close her eyes imagine she is somewhere else and just sing.

Video tape her? Let her watch and do it over and over.

[Twigs]

Can she practice in the room at a time when no one else is there? Then with maybe 2-3 other people. That way she can gradually get used to it.

 

Best wishes.

[Jenny in Florida]

My daughter dealt with anxiety like that when she was younger. (She still has anxiety, but not so much about performing these days.)

 

What we used to do was the sit down and have her imagine the worst possible thing that might happen. Then, we would brainstorm together what she would do if that awful thing actually occured.

 

That way, she felt prepared to cope, and would usually be able to get through whatever the event was.

 

So, for example, if your daughter is afraid she'll cry, I wouldn't try to make her believe she won't. Instead, I would assure her that she wouldn't be the first person to do so in that setting. I would ask her to think about the worst thing that would happen if she did cry. Would people laugh at her? Would she feel embarrassed?

 

As she named each thing, I would help her strategize ways to handle it.

 

Usually, mine would calm down as we talked.

[Rosie_0801]

I got over my fear of doing speeches in front of the class at school wwhen I realised most people weren't listening and were, in fact, busy listening to themselves panic. The rest weren't listening because they didn't care what I was saying and were drawing in their diaries. The only person who was listening was the teacher and it is not difficult to speak to the teacher even if there were other people in the room.

 

This only works if people really aren't listening. :tongue_smilie:

 

If she has a good voice, the most likely things people will be thinking are "I hate singing in front of everyone all by myself. I'm so glad it isn't me," "Hey, she's good!" or "Oh, for goodness sakes, why doesn't she sing loud enough so we can hear?"

 

Good luck to her! (The only people who like my singing are my children and that's because they are too young to know better, lol.)

 

Rosie

Edited October 5, 2011 by Rosie_0801

[Beth in OH]

I have 3 dds involved in performance, and each of them would say it's much easier to perform for a group than just 1 or 2 people. It's less intimate--tell her just to look over the tops of their heads. Plus, I totally agree with what Rosie said. They won't be listening closely.