Should you force the issue?

[Mommybostic]

Since I started homeschooling last January, I've been giving my son piano lessons. He's done very well, even though he was quite skeptical to say the least. However, I don't think I'm that great at teaching piano, and I would prefer him to take lessons outside the home.

 

I would like for him learn a different instrument--one that is a little more portable and that I think he will enjoy more. I'd like for him to take some guitar lessons. He loves to hear people play the guitar and he loves listening to guitar music. However, he says he doesn't want to take lessons from anyone else. He says he doesn't understand why he has to study any instrument at all.

 

I'm perfectly fine with making him do it, because I think once he starts he will like it. I just wondered what my "support group" thought about it. I always try to take his opinion into consideration, but ultimately I'm the parent, and I feel like I have to do what is best for him.

 

Can't wait to hear your thoughts!

[5LittleMonkeys]

I'm in a similar boat with my oldest, dd13. She has taught herself how to read music and can play most things she hears by ear. She'll listen to a piece a few times and then be able to teach herself how to play it. I've asked her to take piano lessons because I think she has an amazing talent that would probably be even more so if she were to have professional instruction. She just recently got a guitar and is doing the same thing with it. Again, she won't take lessons for it either.

 

Her reasons are that if she has to take lessons and is required to practice at certain times, for a certain amount of time and on certain pieces, it won't be enjoyable anymore. She doesn't want to be restricted to playing someone else's way.

 

I've tried to explain to her that she would still be able to play whatever she wants however she wants...that lessons won't take up all day, everyday. She is so resistant, but like you, I think she would find it rewarding after a while. Right now we are opting to let her enjoy and learn and experiment her music in her own way, but we hope that she will at some point decide that she would like to have some professional instruction.

 

I don't know how helpful that is.:tongue_smilie: I will tell you that the second she tells me she'd like to try lessons I'll probably do a little happy dance.:D

[Create Your Ritual]

Lessons have been non negotiable in our home since they each were 5 and reading on their own. I just put it in the same category as math and all the other subjects. I will say now that dd10 has been playing piano for 5 years, she has been getting bored. She took a summer of violin, and dh plays guitar so they kind of play with him sometimes. We ended up switching instructors this year to a woman that plays multiple instruments. Her goal, and mine, is to bring in a love for music in general, not just a specific instrument. She is planning on staying with the piano, and adding in the guitar. I know they are not going to be concert pianist or anything, so really it's about learning how to read music, and foster a love and appreciation for it.

[Hedgehog]

In our home, music is no more negotiable than math. So far, Rabbit (11), Pooh (10) and Tigger (6) learn piano with me, and Rabbit and Pooh do Music Theory. Rabbit has also recently taken up the clarinet which was completely her own choice. (They all have one activity - that's as much as we can afford or fit into our week.)

 

I think whether or not you insist on music lessons depends on how important it is to you - is it a hill worth dying on?

[Mommybostic]

"Is it a hill worth dying on?"

 

You made my day with that, I have to say!

 

Well, studying music is a whole separate issue. We will study music no matter what, but it's the lessons I was dithering about.

 

I personally feel that it needs to happen, for a lot of reasons. Not only is he learning a musical instrument, but he is answering to someone other than me for practice requirements. In other words, it will teach discipline and maybe a little more structure. Also, I've been trying for most of his life to teach him that a person should always try something before they say "I don't like it" automatically. For some reason, that lesson doesn't seem to be sticking! I guess the best way to make it stick is to make him try it!

[redsquirrel]

I think it depends on what you want. Do you think music study is a necessary component of a good education or do you think it is a nice but not necessary extra?

 

Either answer is fine. But that will dictate how you will proceed.

[Beth in SW WA]

I let dd & ds quit piano when they were in 3rd grade (after 4 years of lessons). They both came back to it on their own in grade 6 and now play keys for youth groups, chapel worship, etc.

 

It helps for some boys to have a practical reason to play. Lessons & practicing can be tedious and boring. Music came alive for my dc when they began to play with a purpose.

 

He takes private guitar lessons & plays guitar also in various worship teams. Dd plays from her Phantom and Les Mis books daily after school. It is her escape. At night she plays piano worship music. When my younger dds get a moment they play as well. Music is our life here. :)

 

HTH!

[onaclairadeluna]

I encourage my students to study for at least 2 years before they quit or change instruments. If it were a piano student I might encourage a change only if I thought the student would be more motivated by a group experience and then I would encourage them to switch to a wind instrument (band) or a string instrument (orchestra). I would certainly not have a student switch instruments if they didn't want to. When in doubt I encourage them to stay put until they have seen enough progress to decide on their own.

 

The only exception to this would be a student who is having frustration because of a physical issue. A trumpet player with large lips might just do better on baritone. So in those cases, a switch can sometimes be helpful. If you really think an instrument switch would make a difference go with your gut. I tend to proceed with caution though when it comes to switching so early.

 

After two years a student has a good feeling for whether they like it or not. At that point if they don't love it then maybe it's not their thing. I don't have many drop out at this point because they have gotten to the point where music is enjoyable. In the beginning it is tough and there is something to be said for staying the course.

 

It is much like skills in the grammar years of WTM.

 

Lessons vs. no lessons. Well that depends. I teach my own children but I am a music teacher (I never thought I'd be able to teach my own kids music though, funny huh? I don't mind teaching them things that I am totally unqualified to teach, silly me).

 

What if YOU took lessons and had your ds come watch? I don't know, it might be fun for you and he might learn something. Or you could take back to back lessons. Just some ideas. I am learning a new instrument along with my kids. It is extremely fun. I encourage it. We sit around and play trios. Best part of the day. As a matter of fact I think it's just about time...:auto:

[Blessedchaos]

Yes, I'm in the camp that parents have the right to require music lessons if they choose.

 

If we had not required our children to take piano lessons, we never would have known our eldest son is amazingly talented and he never would have been passionate about music like he is now. And even though we go through valleys where he gets bored and wants to quit, we still require him to keep on and he is always glad.

 

I respect those who allow their children to chose, but I know too many talented people who never would have discovered their talent had they not been required to do it.

Edited October 4, 2011 by Blessedchaos

[Chris in VA]

We required ds to take a year of guitar with his dad. He loathed it. It killed any love for the guitar. He never was very good at it, and it was probably very counter productive. Big mistake.

 

Dd, on the other hand, wanted to take piano. She took two years with our awesome organist at church, and then decided to add the viola. Bad idea--we went thru the ps and the teaching was lousy. She said she never wanted to play again. Anyway, she loves piano, and decided to take viola with a different teacher. Go figure. I think it so depends on the child.

 

Music knowledge here is not optional. Music lessons are.

 

I think there's a ton of skills that can be learned thru lessons, but they can also be learned thru something the child finds enjoyable. Why not go that route?

[jhschool]

Here is the possible problem with making him

take classes outside the home:

He might start disliking it and not want to play any more. The

damage could be permanent!

 

Here is the possible problem with

not making him take classes outside the home:

He might not progress to his full potential and in a few years reach

a barrier. This one is fixable if he decides to take classes on his own

at that point.

 

Now, if you can keep advancing at home, you have the perfect solution!

There is no need to do it outside the home if you can teach it and he

likes you to be his teacher--you are lucky!

 

Here is what we did:

Violin: he takes violin classes outside the home. Violin is not optional.

It is not negotiable. It was *very* hard for the first year.

He has now been playing for 4 years and loves it!

 

Piano: we got a super-laid back teacher that we only see about once

a month, and he practices when he wants, what he wants. He has now

been playing for 4 years and also loves it!

 

What I have seen is: his violin skills are pretty good now--he auditioned

for orchestras and got into the highest level one for middle school

at a private performing school, and

he is very confident. His piano skills are slightly lower,

BUT he always runs to the piano for relaxation and

pleasure. I have NEVER had to make him play the piano--he always

does it himself. In his future, he probably will be in a decent orchestra

as a violinist, but he will play the piano to his children! :)

 

So, maybe you can pick one instrument to be the "non-negotiable" one

and one instrument to be the one where he can do what he wants.

Let him pick which can be which.

 

Anyway, good luck!