Aubrey Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 I'll start, but I've only had the one, & he's still 10, & today I want to tear my hair out (only a little bit, though), so hopefully more experience will have better tips. :D 1. Remember that maturity isn't a smooth, across-the-board transition. It's fits & starts. Sometimes they're really grown-up & wise. Sometimes they're more like 4yos. If you *expect* that, it's less...distressing. 2. They're *developing* a sense of humor. Appreciate it when it comes off. Stay calm when it flops. 3. This seems like a good time to start practicing the art of treating someone like a fully developed, sentient human being. Even if they're not. I think you can mess that up w/ a 10yo, & they'll still think you're great for trying. Then maybe you'll have it ready to go when it really counts: the teen years. (My 10yo is my oldest, so I could be wrong.) 4. *They* think they know everything, so it's not really an insult or an attitude problem when they think they know better than you. They're simply misinformed. If you can explain this calmly, they've got a little more ability to rationalize than the 2yo who's also testing his boundaries, so you might get somewhere w/ a discussion. This time. :lol: 5. Remember to pet, praise, reward like a really little kid. Because deep down, we ALL love that. Gold star, anybody? 6. Remember to listen. And think about your own pov at that age--not how wrong you were, but how right you *thought* you were. Understanding, REALLY understanding, goes a long way to getting them to listen. And jeepers, once you say it back to them & *mean* it, sometimes you realize you might be a little wrong after all. They *really* like to hear that. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 This seems like a good time to start practicing the art of treating someone like a fully developed, sentient human being. Even if they're not. I think you can mess that up w/ a 10yo, & they'll still think you're great for trying. Then maybe you'll have it ready to go when it really counts: the teen years. (My 10yo is my oldest, so I could be wrong.) I have been thinking a lot about this one with my 10yo. It definitely isn't a smooth transition. It's so true how one minute you're talking to a someone with really good insight into an issue and the next minute they're burping and farting in a giggly heap over something inane. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ipsey Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 I'll start, but I've only had the one, & he's still 10, & today I want to tear my hair out (only a little bit, though), so hopefully more experience will have better tips. :D 1. Remember that maturity isn't a smooth, across-the-board transition. It's fits & starts. Sometimes they're really grown-up & wise. Sometimes they're more like 4yos. If you *expect* that, it's less...distressing. 2. They're *developing* a sense of humor. Appreciate it when it comes off. Stay calm when it flops. 3. This seems like a good time to start practicing the art of treating someone like a fully developed, sentient human being. Even if they're not. I think you can mess that up w/ a 10yo, & they'll still think you're great for trying. Then maybe you'll have it ready to go when it really counts: the teen years. (My 10yo is my oldest, so I could be wrong.) 4. *They* think they know everything, so it's not really an insult or an attitude problem when they think they know better than you. They're simply misinformed. If you can explain this calmly, they've got a little more ability to rationalize than the 2yo who's also testing his boundaries, so you might get somewhere w/ a discussion. This time. :lol: 5. Remember to pet, praise, reward like a really little kid. Because deep down, we ALL love that. Gold star, anybody? 6. Remember to listen. And think about your own pov at that age--not how wrong you were, but how right you *thought* you were. Understanding, REALLY understanding, goes a long way to getting them to listen. And jeepers, once you say it back to them & *mean* it, sometimes you realize you might be a little wrong after all. They *really* like to hear that. :D These are great! Thanks so much for the reminders. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Laps around the house are not punishment but an activity of daily living! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beach Mom Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Laps around the house are not punishment but an activity of daily living! :iagree: Everything goes better when a 10 yo boy gets PLENTY of physical activity (running, football, push ups etc). * Help them learn that each day is a brand new start, things are not as serious as they seem when you are 10, perspective is important. * Enjoy the fact that they are goofy at this age, and a bit forgetful. * Don't sweat the small stuff. Someday they will leave for college, or the military or to get married, and you will miss that baseball cap they hang on your kitchen chair every.single.day. * Know that if the 10 yo boy has a brother they will wrestle and fool around and sometimes fight - but they are bonding. Admire the bond and pray it sticks for life. * Know that if the 10 yo boy has a sister this is the age he will push her buttons (especially if she is 13!), she will roll her eyes and he will get that twinkle in his eye that tells you he loves her and he will stick with her even when she treats him badly. * Enjoy the moments. See and appreciate the bits of him that remind you of his father and maybe even your father and the bits of his personality that are unique to him. * As your pantry empties and the milk consumption doubles, step back in wonder at how fast they grow and how much food a skinny ten year old boy can consume. If you want to feel appreciated, cook some food for a 10 year old boy - it doesn't usually matter what it is - they are so happy to eat! Boys - they are an adventure! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coffeetime Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 If you want to feel appreciated, cook some food for a 10 year old boy - it doesn't usually matter what it is - they are so happy to eat! Truer words have never been spoken... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krisperry Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Thank you. This was a timely post for me :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Remember your head will not actually explode if you have to tell him for the fiftieth time to pick up his shoes. And then where they belong. And then remind him that he must actually walk toward the garage if he wants to put his shoes there. And then remind him not to stop to play with the dog on the way..... *sigh* Mine has lost his brain. It has been replaced with a jar of fog. My second tip: Assume he will find his brain again sometime before adulthood; therefore, you cannot treat him as though he's got fog for brains even if you think you can see it leaking out his ears a little. It was a long day. But he offered to stay up and help me peel peaches just because he knows it's a messy job. :001_wub: Swell guy? Or survival strategy? Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 Remember your head will not actually explode if you have to tell him for the fiftieth time to pick up his shoes. And then where they belong. And then remind him that he must actually walk toward the garage if he wants to put his shoes there. And then remind him not to stop to play with the dog on the way..... *sigh* Mine has lost his brain. It has been replaced with a jar of fog. My second tip: Assume he will find his brain again sometime before adulthood; therefore, you cannot treat him as though he's got fog for brains even if you think you can see it leaking out his ears a little. It was a long day. The jar of fog: I've wondered if it should be medicated. :tongue_smilie: But he offered to stay up and help me peel peaches just because he knows it's a messy job. :001_wub: Swell guy? Or survival strategy? Cat Mine offered to stay up & do math. Because he's a day behind, because he'd rather do anything than go to bed--even math, & because he knows that his math entertains me right now. (8.75 mos pg, & the hormones are getting weird, lol) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 :iagree: Everything goes better when a 10 yo boy gets PLENTY of physical activity (running, football, push ups etc). Why is this so hard for me to remember??? * Help them learn that each day is a brand new start, things are not as serious as they seem when you are 10, perspective is important. Mine is a firstborn, though, being raised by 2 firstborns. Things may not be as serious as HE thinks, but dh & I probably need a PSA, too. :lol: * Enjoy the fact that they are goofy at this age, and a bit forgetful. Enjoy? Sorry, does not compute. This isn't coming across right in print...hmmm...I'm just...not equipped for goofy. Although...I've been checking his math lately, & getting a couple wrong here & there (pg brain), & when he's gotten one *really* wrong, I laugh & gloat & then comment on how other moms won't even use a red pen because it might be too discouraging. Me? I'm dancing around a fire pointing & laughing like Rumpelstiltskin. It's fun. He laughs. Today he caught another one of my errors, I fixed it before he marked it, & he complained that he didn't get to put a big X & then an OK over that. I shrugged & said go ahead, & the boy lit up. It's funny what feels like "good parenting" & what doesn't, in the thick of things. :lol: * Don't sweat the small stuff. Someday they will leave for college, or the military or to get married, and you will miss that baseball cap they hang on your kitchen chair every.single.day. * Know that if the 10 yo boy has a brother they will wrestle and fool around and sometimes fight - but they are bonding. Admire the bond and pray it sticks for life. * Know that if the 10 yo boy has a sister this is the age he will push her buttons (especially if she is 13!), she will roll her eyes and he will get that twinkle in his eye that tells you he loves her and he will stick with her even when she treats him badly. * Enjoy the moments. See and appreciate the bits of him that remind you of his father and maybe even your father and the bits of his personality that are unique to him. I know this is good advice, really. But can I just say that his dad has ADD & mine had a sense of humor that...I'd be more than happy to see passed through, say, my brother's line instead of my own? ;) * As your pantry empties and the milk consumption doubles, step back in wonder at how fast they grow and how much food a skinny ten year old boy can consume. If you want to feel appreciated, cook some food for a 10 year old boy - it doesn't usually matter what it is - they are so happy to eat! Boys - they are an adventure! Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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