the importance of recognizing giftedness?

[nicholsonhomeschool]

Hi all,

 

I don't usually hang out here -- my older son (8yo) works well ahead of his age, but he's never been tested for IQ or giftedness. I simply put work in front of him that I feel is challenging but not overwhelming. I'll also admit to having the tendency of getting high strung about achievement and I worry that concern about "giftedness" would turn me into a crazy mom.

 

BUT, I saw a book today about parenting the gifted child -- somewhere in the subtitle it mentioned, "handling emotional outbursts, perfectionism, and underachievement." Geez, that sort of got my attention in that we have a lot of emotional outbursts and a strange mixture of perfectionism and periodic unexplained underachievement.

 

SOOOO, my question is, what might I have to gain in knowing if my son is technically "gifted?" I really don't like swapping listen-to-what-my-genius-discovered-today stories, but if there are emotional needs that are unique and need to be addressed, I'm game.

 

Thanks for listening and I'd love any thoughts or recommendations for books. Lee

[Tracy]

I don't think that you need a test to tell you if your child is gifted if what you want is to know how to parent him. (If you want him in a particular program, then that is another story.) I don't really know if my dd is gifted, but she is working ahead in every area and exhibits some of the idiosynchrocies of gifted children. That is enough to read up on giftedness and apply the advice and suggestions as I need to. And it is enough to participate in a gifted forum to compare notes and get and give encouragement.

[songsparrow]

Hi Lee,

 

Giftedness absolutely creates unique social and emotional needs, as well as intellectual needs, in kids. I've spent the past two years learning about this with my own kids, and by learning how to meet their needs, we have all been happier. Plus, it's so reassuring to learn that your kids' behavior is normal for a gifted kid and can be worked with, instead of being misdiagnosed.

 

Some books you might want to check out:

 

* A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children by James T. Webb et. al. I worked through this with a parent's SENG group that met weekly to discuss a chapter at a time, which was helpful for me because it's not a quick and easy read. But it is absolutely packed with info, and we all found the strategies suggested to be very helpful with our children (although different strategies worked or didn't work for different children).

 

* The Survival Gide for Parents of Gifted Kids by Sally Walker

 

* The SENG website has tons of resources

 

Hope this helps!

[regentrude]

I think an important thing one can learn from the result of a test is that a highly gifted kid has special intellectual needs, and all age recommendations and grade level designations are not remotely useful. It can be comforting to know for a parent that it is OK if a 3rd grader is reading Jane Austen, a 5th grader is doing algebra, or a 8th grader is taking college classes - and that it is neither needed nor desired to "slow down" the accelerated learner. What is "normal" for the average child will be far from normal for the gifted child. They can be very far out of the box.

The test result may give you the peace of mind and the ability to trust in the child.

 

Perfectionism can occur in non-gifted kids, too. Only they will be earlier in a situation where they do something not perfect - whereas a gifted child may make it through many years of school without ever encountering a challenge. One of the most important tasks for the parent is to provide this challenge so that the child can experience occasional failure and develop character and coping strategies.

 

Lastly, it can be helpful to know whether any difficulties are the result of the child being unABLE to perform a task, or whether one is dealing with a gifted child who is bored out of his mind and thus shutting down, resulting underachievement.

 

OTOH, it is perfectly possible for parents to recognize that their children are gifted without taking a formal test. To us, the test result did not tell us anything we did not already know from observing our child.

[Embassy]

Geez, that sort of got my attention in that we have a lot of emotional outbursts and a strange mixture of perfectionism and periodic unexplained underachievement.

 

SOOOO, my question is, what might I have to gain in knowing if my son is technically "gifted?"

 

Understanding. It helps me understand why my child is like he is and how I respond to his difficulties. It helps my son understand that he is not weird and that it is okay to be himself.

[deacongirl]

Seconding the SENG website.

[lewelma]

An IQ test did identify that my son has auditory processing issues relative to the other aspects of his IQ. What this means is that he would never test for Auditory Processing on that kind of test, but a below average score compared to the other 12 subscores topping the test, meant that IN HIS EXPERIENCE, it would feel like he had auditory processing problems. This result explained his dreadful spelling -- he learned to read at 4 and because he heard English sounds incorrectly, he mapped the English sounds to the wrong letters. It was incredibly useful for us to know this. Also, we had no idea how high he would test. There is gifted and then there is gifted. I suppose it changed my idea as to what would be appropriate material to put before him.

 

Ruth in NZ

[hil]

When I see my son (7), I think, "future nobel prize winner." Silly, I know.

 

I'm homeschooling him for now, and I don't think I'll be testing his IQ outside of some admission process for school. I have to admit I'll be keen to know the results when the time comes.

 

Perfectionism and outbursts are probably equal-opportunity offenders. (The unsmart have feelings too.)

 

Aside from identifying learning strategies or easing the parent's mind, is it helpful to create the framework of you're neurotic cause you're brilliant?

 

Hilary, mom to 'Bruno', 7 and 'Miloshka', 1

Edited September 23, 2011 by hil

[deacongirl]

When I see my son (7), I think, "future nobel prize winner." Silly, I know.

 

I'm homeschooling him for now, and I don't think I'll be testing his IQ outside of some admission process for school. I have to admit I'll be keen to know the results when the time comes.

 

Perfectionism and outbursts are probably equal-opportunity offenders. (The unsmart have feelings too.)

 

Aside from identifying learning strategies or easing the parent's mind, is it helpful to create the framework of you're neurotic cause you're brilliant?

 

Hilary, mom to 'Bruno', 7 and 'Miloshka', 1

 

Perfectionism is a greater issue for the gifted because if everything that a kid does comes easily they don't experience struggling to learn things. They don't experience failure. They don't get practice at dealing with those feelings and how to respond appropriately. I don't think anyone is advocating telling kids you are neurotic because you're brilliant.

 

Again, the articles on the SENG website are excellent.

[boscopup]

I think you can read those books and apply them without testing your child. I haven't tested my son. I can tell he's gifted, but the actual IQ number doesn't really matter to me and wouldn't change anything that I'm doing. I'm already giving him material that is appropriate to him - meeting him where he is. He's not PG, so I don't have those issues. I don't know if he's MG or HG, and really, I don't care. It just doesn't matter. I homeschool him because he was bored in a classroom, and grade skipping wouldn't have worked due to asynchronous output (and he still would have been bored in the new grade reading and math level wise, while struggling to write creatively like they expected :glare:).

 

There are certainly cases where testing is beneficial. I'm waiting a bit on DS2, but if he continues to be a "mystery", I may at some point get him tested to see what's up, because I just can't figure the child out. I have suspicions about him, but am still in "wait and see" mode, because again, I am meeting him where he is, and he's very young anyway (not quite 5). He's not needing to be radically challenged or anything, so I haven't worried about it.

[mommymilkies]

 

Perfectionism and outbursts are probably equal-opportunity offenders. (The unsmart have feelings too.)

 

:001_huh:

 

This is something I have been thinking about lately. My oldest two are such perfectionists. It causes so many problems. They could do so much better, but are held back emotionally sometimes.

[hil]

Hey Deacongirl,

 

My family is so rife with this personality complex maybe I don't want to give it too much credence. I've also known a lot of perfectionists-prone-to-outbursts with pretty 'middling' mental faculties.

 

I do tell my son I think he's brilliant. (I think the other kids would be brilliant too, if they were given half a chance.)

 

Seeing emotional issues through the matrix of "typical for the gifted child," seems like putting a nice, even misplaced, spin on difficult, (and surely universal?), issues.

 

Are being emotionally labile or having peculiarities of motivation really unique to smart people? There are reasons to test, but testing in order to strategize emotional development? I'm unconvinced, but I will read the SENG site!

 

Thanks for the tip,

 

Hilary

[deacongirl]

Hey Deacongirl,

 

My family is so rife with this personality complex maybe I don't want to give it too much credence. I've also known a lot of perfectionists-prone-to-outbursts with pretty 'middling' mental faculties.

 

I do tell my son I think he's brilliant. (I think the other kids would be brilliant too, if they were given half a chance.)

 

Seeing emotional issues through the matrix of "typical for the gifted child," seems like putting a nice, even misplaced, spin on difficult, (and surely universal?), issues.

 

Are being emotionally labile or having peculiarities of motivation really unique to smart people? There are reasons to test, but testing in order to strategize emotional development? I'm unconvinced, but I will read the SENG site!

 

Thanks for the tip,

 

Hilary

 

Hil,

I think particularly for someone who is gifted but unidentified, who most likely has family members also gifted but unidentified, who would tend to choose a spouse who is gifted, and then have children who are gifted, and be drawn to friends who are gifted, it may *seem* universal because that is the universe that person is in.

 

But as a teacher who has worked with kids with autism (gifted and not), and with typically developing and gifted (officially identified and identified by me:001_smile:)kids from pre-k through 5th grade, and as the mother of a son with Down Syndrome and two gifted daughters, I absolutely believe that there are characteristics and intensities that are unique to the gifted. A behavior may look the same from the outside, but what is motivating that behavior and how to modify it can be quite different.

 

I think if a kid is prone to outbursts it is useful to figure out what is causing the outbursts in order to choose the best way to lessen them. A gifted kid with an inappropriate educational fit could look like he has ADHD or ODD. Or a gifted kid could also have ADHD but the giftedness compensates for it (esp. if the work is easy for the child) and therefore he doesn't receive interventions that could be useful and helpful. Or the kid could be typically developing and just not getting enough sleep.

 

I sound like a broken record on this forum about the Living with Intensity book, but I can't help myself because I think the information is just that valuable. And I also think the Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis book by James Webb is invaluable. For kids (and adults) who are 2E (or not) it is so relevant and appropriate and useful in their lives to try to determine what is caused by typical gifted intensities (usually combined with an inappropriate educational fit) and what may be caused by an LD or something else. And for people who can explain it way better than me, it might be worth googling gifted + motivation (couldn't hurt to add in underachievement either).

 

For me reading Living with Intensity was an enormous gift. Dabrowski's theory of positive disintegration, overexcitabilities, etc. just made perfect sense and I can see it clearly at work in the lives of people I know. (and also in the Pixar movies:D)

[hil]

Hey Deacongirl,

 

I'm in agreement with everything you wrote and will try Webb's book. You raised complexities I hadn't considered. I have a lot of ambivalence about the assessment and labeling process, but data are data, and needn't be shied away from.

 

Thanks again,

 

Hilary and home-schooled 'Bruno', 7, enjoying the Khan Academy, Howard Zinn's A People's History, and Brave New World (what was I thinking?) and the baby, 1, very mechanical, scientific, and vocal so far.

Edited September 23, 2011 by hil

[angela in ohio]

Someone else made a distinction about "pleasantly gifted" in another thread, and I like that. If your dc is pleasantly gifted, testing and such might not be necessary. Knowing my oldest is gifted doesn't do much for me, because she is easy enough to just advance until she is challenged (which is part of my teaching method anyway.) But my middle dd is unpleasantly gifted. She is at the level of having a laundry list of issues, besides the fact that she wilts if not properly challenged. Testing was a God-send for us. I look back on the testing we did when she was in her elementary years, and I don't know how I would have made it without that info.

 

It's easy for those who aren't pulling their hair out to say, "oh, it's only for bragging rights." :D

[nicholsonhomeschool]

Wow, so many thoughtful responses. I've asked myself whether a diagnosis would make me see the outbursts differently -- an outburst is an outburst and requires compassion and patience. Period. But, if what I'm presenting is not the most appropriate material, I need to know. I appreciate all of the perspectives! Thank you!