Homeschool groups??

[kmom]

I am wondering how your exeriences have been with homeschool groups as far as discipline issues with the other children. We belong to a group that we really enjoy however, they is a real problem with some children that are completely disruptive.

 

How have you seen this problem handled? There are other families that are upset with the behavior issues in their children's class and I would hate for people to leave due to this:001_unsure:

[Jay3fer]

Yup!

My general rule, and I guess this is a BIT uncharitable, is "I hate other people's children."

My kids all know this. Occasionally, VERY rarely, I am delighted by other people's children, but mostly, I am appalled.

I go to group things and organize group things, including trips and possibly, this year, a co-op, fully aware that most of what I see from the other kids will appall me. :-)))

 

I tell myself that I have the best-behaved kids there, and it's usually true. Sometimes, they are the ONLY "behaved" kids.

 

Still and all, I go when the social benefits outweigh the disadvantage of me being annoyed by the other kids.

My kids know who's behaving properly and who isn't and they rarely "catch" inappropriate behaviour from other kids. So I'm okay with it, overall.

 

Does this sound ignorant, or dumb, or what? I dunno... just practical, I guess...

[Farrar]

I think so much of this depends on the group and the expectations for the group. After all, in a loose nature walks group with tons of families, then I would say even if people don't all like the behavior of all the kids, then it's probably not their business unless other kids are getting hurt or bullied. At the other end of things, In a formal class in a rented space that everyone paid for, that's not acceptable.

 

I think expectations have to be laid out really clearly and not assumed at the beginning. The idea that kids shouldn't be allowed to go in and out of class, for example, might be obvious to some people, but not to others. It should be completely clear to the parents and the kids what the expectations are. I feel like people making assumptions from both sides and group leaders feeling unsure of their own authority as a result is usually (though not always) the cause of this sort of problem.

[kmom]

Thanks for the quick responses! I am most apalled by the fact that the parent's will see their childrens behavior and do nothing or come out with excuses for the bad behavior:confused:

 

However, I realize we are not all going to have the same expectation or discipline our children the same way. In this particular case we are all paying money for this group and for the facilities. There is a discipline policy in place...which is to send for the parent if they are not in the room for some reason after one verbal warning. Unfortunately either that is not being done or the parent is the teacher. So frustrating!!

[Ellie]

Are you talking about a co-op? Because if so, whoever is teaching should have the authority to ask obnoxious dc to leave the class. There should also be an understanding in general about children's behavior, which should include the parents' being told to not come back if they cannot control their children. I would say it's up to whoever is in charge of the co-op to go to the parents. Also, any other parents who are standing by when children are being disruptive should feel free to tell the children to straighten up and fly right.

 

If you were talking about a support group, then it would depend on the situation. We once told a mother that her children were not welcome to come to any field trips because of their behavior. Another time we were gearing up to tell a mother that her ds was an obnoxious twit and that she needed to discipline him or not bring him to park day...but then her dh got a new job and they moved away. ::cheers::

[SonshineLearner]

Also, it's important to remember that other people's "bad behavior" and yours, might not match. For example, some are horrified with running in the church bldg, others are more concerned with children not hurting other children's feelings..... (Or properly addressing adults, or not chewing with their mouth open... etc.)

[linguistmama]

Can you speak to the leader of the coop? I would expect that a class would have enough rules that my child could still learn. Are the other parents who are also bothered by this willing to talk to whoever is in charge with you?

[Sevilla]

Ugh, we're dealing with this too. We just started a really neat class in our community today, and there was one child in the group who was completely disrespectful and bossy throughout the entire event. His mom wasn't even paying attention to his behavior until it was completely out of line, and then her resopnse was to call his name. Repeatedly. No further discipline used (and I'm not using discipline here as 'smack his bottom or put him in time out' - we do neither in our home. I mean proactive parenting - stopping your conversation to go to your child and monitor them closely, teaching/correcting/training/guiding - and if they could not be respectful while glued to my side then we would have gone home b/c it was clear he wasn't going to be successful in the class today).

 

I was really frustrated and honestly wanted to tell her 'please get off your butt and parent your child.' It was not a drop-off class, which means the parent is in charge of discipline and the teacher just facilitates the material. The instructor was so diplomatic and nice, but that doesn't mean I was ok with an unsupervised child constantly interrupting and saying things like "Let's stop this - I don't like this - Can we do something else now? - Give me that!" and doing things they were told not to do (repeatedly for the whole class). Good parenting would have intervened and helped curb those behaviors - they were not ok and the parent is the one in a position to say so. That so did not happen today and that was my big problem.

 

I have been spoiled with the kids of my friends from church and the classical homeschool community, because what I saw today was totally out of the norm. Not that kids don't have bad behavior at times - they all have their moments ;), but the parent's level of NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT and LETTING IT CONTINUE FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR OF CLASS that I witnessed today drove me up a wall.

Edited September 13, 2011 by Sevilla

[SonshineLearner]

Instead of smacking the child's tush, when this happens, don't you wanna smack the parent's head?? (Where is that NEWSPAPER??!!) Now, since we don't get to do what we want to... I just say, "Little Johnny, that's not appropriate classroom behavior. Would you like to stop that, or would you like to talk with your mom for some ideas on how to stop?" Seriously, it's not inappropriate to make sure your child can learn, as long as you're kind. It's VERY inappropriate for the teacher to have to put up with snotty, "me centered" children. (or chatting parents in the back!)

[lorrainejmc]

I was part of a group like this once. It wasn't a co-op as such, just a group of homeschooling families together once a month where we picked a theme and everyone contributed. One family were unschoolers, so the mother forced her children's choice of themes once too many. That and the fact that her kids bullied mine, behaved like wild animals setting off fire alarms and such and spoke to me with total disrespect. I also think there may have been an incident with these kids knowingly giving a young boy a meat product that his religion forbids.

[Ellie]

(or chatting parents in the back!)

I have zero tolerance for chatting parents. I have no qualms about stopping what's going on in the front of the room and telling parents to take their conversations outside or waiting until later to carry them on.:glare:

[bnrmom]

We stopped going to homeschool park days years ago because of the out of control behavior of many of the kids. I am strongly supportive of unschooling in an academic sense (although we are no longer unschooling ourselves) but I have found that those families who unschool "discipline" usually have completely out of control children. I couldn't take being the only parent dealing with it all the time. Even when brought directly to their attention the parents didn't intervene. Their child could do no wrong.

 

I'll admit that my older son can get a little too uptight and testy with other kids sometimes, but when this happens I am on him like white on rice. I can read his body language from across the playground, and can usually get there before he even starts to get going. I have no problem picking up and leaving right then and there if he can't pull himself together. I wouldn't stand for a minute him disrupting a class or co-op, and if there was another child creating problems I would be teaching with the teacher/facilitator pronto.

[mom2att]

I think expectations have to be laid out really clearly and not assumed at the beginning. The idea that kids shouldn't be allowed to go in and out of class, for example, might be obvious to some people, but not to others.

 

This. Put it in writing, even if it seems like a no-brainer. Our co-op has a Parent Handbook with a statement of behavior for both parents and kids to sign. That way nobody can say they didn't know. We also have a policy in place to deal with misbehavior (1st offense talk to parent after class, 2nd offense removal from class, 3rd offense removal from co-op), but we've never had to actually use it. Having everything written down keeps everyone on the same page and is a reminder that each individual is responsible for giving a positive representation of the group. One rotten kid can spoil it for everybody when it comes to abuse of the church building where the group meets. It's important for group members to know and respect that.

[Lily_Grace]

Are you talking as a parent or a teacher for the group?

 

If it were my child being disrupted I'd encourage him to go to the teacher and ask to be excused from the class, given that he cannot concentrate on the material. No, it's not fair to my kid to have to leave, but we encourage taking matters into our own hands and doing what we can about a situation before attempting to control others. It might be an eye-opener for the parent teaching.

 

I will admit I have the "disruptive" children in the class I teach at the co-op. They are fun in small groups and off the wall when all together. Little boys feed off of each other. LOL I do what I can before sending them out: I keep their hands busy, I talk one-on-one: touching a child's shoulder, telling part of the story directly to him or getting him to answer a question before moving on to the next and the next...we're loud, we're noisy, and we're active for the hour. When parents have dropped in I've had some with deer in the headlights looks because the children are behaving "badly" but forcing them to conform to the classroom setting didn't work for me. This keeps most discipline issues at a low and gets them to remember the work they've done.

[Trresh]

Our experience has been quite the opposite. I've found the kids at homeschool gatherings much more respectful than the kids we encountered in school. The kids in my son's Boy Scout group were so loud and rowdy that he didn't even want to go. He was there to learn and actually participate while the others just wanted to talk and run around.

 

I think it also depends on the age of the kids. 5 year old kids being a little wild doesn't bother me much but a 10 year old acting crazy makes me nuts.

Edited September 14, 2011 by Trresh

[Ellie]

We stopped going to homeschool park days years ago because of the out of control behavior of many of the kids. I am strongly supportive of unschooling in an academic sense (although we are no longer unschooling ourselves) but I have found that those families who unschool "discipline" usually have completely out of control children. I couldn't take being the only parent dealing with it all the time. Even when brought directly to their attention the parents didn't intervene. Their child could do no wrong.

Unschooling doesn't necessarily mean undiscipline. I unschooled. :-) The ocassional badly behaved children (including some Mean Girls) at my park days included children from every homeschooling philosphy camp.

 

I'll admit that my older son can get a little too uptight and testy with other kids sometimes, but when this happens I am on him like white on rice. I can read his body language from across the playground, and can usually get there before he even starts to get going. I have no problem picking up and leaving right then and there if he can't pull himself together. I wouldn't stand for a minute him disrupting a class or co-op, and if there was another child creating problems I would be teaching with the teacher/facilitator pronto.

I'm with you.

[msjones]

The worst behavior I've had to deal with when teaching was at a homeschool co-op. I've taught ps in large, urban school districts; the kids at the homeschool co-op were more obnoxious, blatantly rude, and clueless about appropriate behavior.

 

I do not teach at homeschool co-ops and my children do not attend.

 

(I'm sure there are some good ones, but a bad one isn't worth trying to fix, in my opinion. It's like swimming upstream...)

[FairyMom]

Well, the one inclusive Homeschool group I belong to has a weekly co-op. A 12 y/o boy was allowed to hit and/or pinch his 6 y/o sister because she pestered him. The mom said she couldn't control the girl, so she had no problem with it. I visit only once.

[Sevilla]

The worst behavior I've had to deal with when teaching was at a homeschool co-op. I've taught ps in large, urban school districts; the kids at the homeschool co-op were more obnoxious, blatantly rude, and clueless about appropriate behavior.

It seemed (to me) like the children hadn't been taught how to behave in a group. There are different social norms and rules for one-on-one interaction with an adult vs. being in a group with other children and one adult. They acted like they could run the show and say whatever they wanted, which was SO NOT OK.