Does this happen to you?

[kristinannie]

I seem to get comments from homeschoolers that we are doing too much for K and I seem to get comments from public schoolers that we aren't doing enough for K. I actually had someone ask me how my kids were going to be able to go to junior high when they wanted to have friends and play sports if we didn't have tons of structure in our day. Um...my kids are 5, 3 and 1...how much structure do we need? Anyway, I was wondering if anyone else noticed this!

Edited August 24, 2011 by kristinannie

[Aurelia]

Everyone wants to prove their way is best. Do what you feel is best for your family, and stick your fingers in your ears and go "lalalalalala" to everyone else. ;)

[kristinannie]

Everyone wants to prove their way is best. Do what you feel is best for your family, and stick your fingers in your ears and go "lalalalalala" to everyone else. ;)

 

 

I wish WTM had a like button!!!

[WIS0320]

YES!

 

Apparently, we are too academically heavy and have too many activities per general feedback I've gotten from a few longtime homeschoolers. Everyone else seems to be worried she'll be "behind" if we reenter school at some point and haven't tracked 100% with our state's SOL content and that she won't have enough time with other children to gain appropriate "social skills".

 

At this point I think time and experience will let me know one way or the other if we are on the right track or need to adjust some things. I'm not altering my plans based on other people's perceptions of my kid and our family's overall needs. :)

[frankcassiesmom]

I really think it's because the school and homeschool environment are totally different. In many ways if you don't do enough in K in SCHOOL they struggle because they enter first grade with 30 other kids if they are remotely behind they will struggle to get the attention they need. A teacher with 30 children at 10 different reading levels has a heck of a job truly building up each and every one. But at HOME they can flourish learning to read at their own pace, work on character issues, play, etc. and still get all the one-on-one attention they need to thrive as first grade rolls around.

[StartingOver]

Don't worry about others, just do what is best for each individual child. I have been called everything in the book over the last 24 years. Thankfully I reached a place where I don't give a %$^* many years ago. hehehe

[9763653]

YES!

 

Apparently, we are too academically heavy and have too many activities per general feedback I've gotten from a few longtime homeschoolers. Everyone else seems to be worried she'll be "behind" if we reenter school at some point and haven't tracked 100% with our state's SOL content and that she won't have enough time with other children to gain appropriate "social skills".

 

At this point I think time and experience will let me know one way or the other if we are on the right track or need to adjust some things. I'm not altering my plans based on other people's perceptions of my kid and our family's overall needs. :)

 

I totally agree with the last sentence. If nothing else, most people won't have an accurate perception of what your children are actually working on. Those who are worried they'll fall behind have worries based on prejudice (because homeschoolers are not as publicly accountable as public schools?). Those who say you're doing too much may see your curriculum list on a forum like this, and conclude you're overdoing things. Of course, they don't know your child or how much you are doing in one day.

 

Assessing whether what you are doing is working probably largely comes with experience (we're new homeschoolers, can't talk about that yet!) but also by watching your kid and seeing whether they are happy and learning. When your kid is bored, you're not doing enough or not using the right materials. When they're not getting it or are unhappy, you may be doing too much.

 

If your kid is happy and learning, and excited about school, you're probably doing it right :D.

[9763653]

And by the way, these type of comments came my way when I had babies all the same. Some of it probably comes from peoples' inherent need to criticize others and to be convinced their way is right? When I wore my baby in a carrier, I was told he should be in a stroller. When he was in a stroller, I was told I should carry him. You can never win. Parenting is a harder topic to discuss than politics!

[Kuovonne]

This is why I seldom discuss what I'm doing with my kids, even with homeschoolers, unless I have a specific question.

[9763653]

This is why I seldom discuss what I'm doing with my kids, even with homeschoolers, unless I have a specific question.

 

Yeah, I am leaning that way too now (and we've only just started). But that is such a shame, because exchanging experiences and ideas can be so helpful. Though these forums are great for that.

[boscopup]

This is why I seldom discuss what I'm doing with my kids, even with homeschoolers, unless I have a specific question.

 

Yeah, I discuss with a few really close friends who are good for bouncing ideas off of (one uses a lot of the same curriculum, but even where we differ, we both do so because our kids are different in those cases, and we both think the choices each one has made are good for those kids).

 

I've never had comments about how much we're doing, since we just haven't discussed it with most people. Strangers will ask about school, and we'll say we homeschool, but we don't tell them everything we're doing. I can't think of a time where I've needed to discuss everything we're doing to another homeschooler or to a public/private schooler except in the above case of my close friends, where I will send the list of eveything I plan to do and get some advice (and she likewise does the same). And again, that's only because I know that friend will give good advice, not say I should do xyz because she is. ;)

[kristinannie]

Those who say you're doing too much may see your curriculum list on a forum like this, and conclude you're overdoing things. Of course, they don't know your child or how much you are doing in one day.

 

I think this is the problem. We do use a lot of stuff, but we definitely don't do everything daily! Maybe I just shouldn't list my curricula. Although it is nice for people to see what I am using so they can ask questions or help me out.... :D

[kristinannie]

YES!

 

Apparently, we are too academically heavy and have too many activities per general feedback I've gotten from a few longtime homeschoolers. Everyone else seems to be worried she'll be "behind" if we reenter school at some point and haven't tracked 100% with our state's SOL content and that she won't have enough time with other children to gain appropriate "social skills".

 

At this point I think time and experience will let me know one way or the other if we are on the right track or need to adjust some things. I'm not altering my plans based on other people's perceptions of my kid and our family's overall needs. :)

 

:iagree:with every word of this!

[MerryAtHope]

Everyone wants to prove their way is best. Do what you feel is best for your family, and stick your fingers in your ears and go "lalalalalala" to everyone else. ;)

 

:iagree::lol: Love it!

[blondemonkey]

well, being to new homeschooling, and being so excited with the whole process, I get a lot of questions and comments on WHY I left PS. I usually comment that my son is getting exactly what he needs because his education is completely customized to him. As for the social aspect, if anyone comments on the lack of social opportunities, I have to ask, "Have you met my son? He has designated himself the Welcoming Committee to all the new kids on our street." He makes friends not just in a school or neighborhood setting, but in scouts, swimming, rock climbing, soccer and basketball with kids of ALL AGES. School time is his 'alone and quiet' time and he thrives with it. So far, I have not had to stick my fingers in my ears and sing LALA LA LA LA, but I am sure it will happen :lol:

[grace'smom]

As for the public schoolers saying you aren't doing enough...

 

I had an experience recently where a friend of mine who isn't very homeschool friendly (we became friends preHS) grilled me about what we are doing for first grade... She asked me a ton of questions about what we do, where we get our curriculum, do we do art, music, exercise? I had all my bases covered but she just kept asking and asking. Finally, she asked about computers. I said we didn't do any formal computer curriculum. She said "Well, I think that's very important and necessary for children. My DD (3rd grade) gets that in school. It's VERY important, etc." I said I didn't think it was necessary for a first grader, but she was adament that she'd found a hole in our plan, LOL. It happened to be computers but if she hadn't found it she would have kept on chipping away until she found something else. I remembered at that point all the advice on this board about passing the bean dip. Rookie mistake.

 

All that is to say that sometimes I think public school advocates will say you aren't doing enough for reasons that have nothing to do with your personal homeschooling plan. Remember that everyone has their own issues they are trying to work out in their mind, and sometimes it is very important for them to back up their decisions by finding flaws in yours.

[Wildiris]

Along the line of too much or too little~ I researched K12 before I signed up for this school year. I found people either loved it or hated it. Those who didn't like it thought it was too much: Too much busy work, too much daily accountability, and too much work. Of course, these are just opinions and that is my point. What is "Too Much" is a matter of opinion. You will see the same on these boards when a new product hits the homeschool marketplace. The bandwagon will get in high-gear backing this new product as "The Product to End All Products," which of course it is not.

 

Aurilia said it well, " Everyone wants to prove their way is best." Unfortunately, people want to prove their point by resorting to an ad hominem argument.

[WIS0320]

All that is to say that sometimes I think public school advocates will say you aren't doing enough for reasons that have nothing to do with your personal homeschooling plan.

 

I think the public school parents are feeling a little defensive about the decision to opt out of what they have chosen for their own child. It has been a funny thing in my neighborhood where I am very friendly with so many moms and we get together with our kids all the time' date=' etc. It is almost like the feel, "why isn't our school good enough for your kids?" when it is really so much more than that and it is an impossible conversation because most people really don't want to know why, they just want to feel like they are right so obviously homeschooling is wrong.

 

On the other side of the coin, I've found that homeschoolers want to be supportive of each other but they also feel very firm in their own homeschooling niche and think those who are choosing otherwise are in error. I don't think anyone is genuinely trying to be critical to drag the other homeschooling family down but the attitude of, "I've been doing this for x,y,z years so I am experienced and know better than you, so you should listen to me" gets really annoying after awhile.

 

I'm sure I will figure out things that need to be changed and gain a lot more knowledge and be a better homeschooling parent after we've been at it awhile but the idea that I do not know what is best for my children [i']now[/i] is patronizing and really bucks against the spirit of homeschooling in general. If we all needed x,y,z years of experience to teach our children adequately then that is buying into the same idea that others use to tout traditional school with teachers who have been trained and have "experience".

 

I DO think experience means something but I know in my heart of hearts that I have the best intentions for my kids, that I will be proactive in helping them learn and that I am capable at this very moment of achieving great things at home. I don't need to hear that your child was exactly like mine and you chose differently for them and they turned out fine so that is what we should do. My children belong to me and I know them best - not another well intentioned homeschool or public school mom.

Edited August 25, 2011 by drexel

[LillyMama]

I get this ALL the time. The public school thing just makes me laugh. If those parents had any idea how much time their kids are learning how to go to school, rather than actual subject matter, they would probably be shocked. So much of K-2 in the public school is learning how to sit at a desk, put your backpack away, stand in line... What a waste of a kid's day and energy! They already have to do that at home, and it's not like it's such a remarkable skill people need to develop at the age of 5 if they are going to ever survive in the workplace. My sister teaches first grade in an inner city public school, and she just started her 6th year. She's finally disillusioned enough to admit to me that, yeah, there's absolutely no reason for my kids to go to public school right now. They're much better off at home with me.

 

I often feel more isolated by homeschooling moms, though. I think it's because they feel like they KNOW about homeschooling, so they are experts and can comment. My PS friends think I live on another planet so they just sort of ignore it. It's the HSers that tend to over-step their bounds. But I have all those thoughts in my head about them, too, so I just use their boorishness as a reminder to me that I was raised better. :001_smile:

[9763653]

After seeing what my kid learned in these last six weeks, my anti-HS friend didn't want to criticize our curriculum choice anymore. She came up with something new: "But how do you think they'll be able to function in the workplace when they're used to having their needs met? If you tailor everything to their needs, they'll become brats!"

 

Like being intellectually stimulated means not doing hard work, or like an individually tailored education means never doing things they don't like?

 

:confused:

[sagira]

Welcome to the tea party :). Yes, and yes. People will tell you everything under the sun. My friend who was homeschooled but her education was neglected, thinks her son is "covering" so much in public school. However, she's the first to admit he's not learning much, hates reading, and screams to do homework. He's starting third grade, just like my ds. She thinks public school will do so much more.

 

Some of my homeschool friends think I'm doing too much, that I have to relax and enjoy my children (that I do agree with, but not to the detriment of academics). That doing nothing is better than sending them to public school. I think balance is key, as always.

 

The ebb and flow of pushing hard and letting go is what parenting and home educating is all about, and I wouldn't worry a whit about what others said. After all, you know your child best, and if you're working with his best interests in mind, you're fine.

[kristinannie]

Thanks so much for your replies! I totally agree that we need to strike a balance between work and play. I was actually looking at our state standards (WV) for K and I was very disturbed. There was very little content (aside from reading and math). The rest was basically teaching them how to be a good citizen. It basically seemed like they were being formed into a cog to fit neatly into the wheel of society. I am actually glad that my kids will miss this aspect of socialization!!!!

 

As for homeschoolers, I do defer to those to who are much more experienced. However, I do have to admit that I know my kids better than anyone else. Maybe another 5yo boy wouldn't be able to handle so much seatwork, but my son can. I am going to stop feeling guilty. We have PLENTY of time to play in this house!!!!

 

Now that I am starting to get into a rhythm and finally settled on our actual curricula, we are getting so much done and having such a wonderful time doing it! I am starting to feel a lot more confident. I can do this!!! It isn't easy, but it isn't hard either! Thanks for the pick-me-up ladies! HUGS! :grouphug:

[ScoutTN]

Everyone wants to prove their way is best. Do what you feel is best for your family, and stick your fingers in your ears and go "lalalalalala" to everyone else. ;)

 

Amen and Amen! :D

[halfdozen]

You have to do what works for you and for your family. Sometimes we overcompensate, because we don't want anyone to think that we are slacking off. School is an artificially created environment, and a lot of stuff that has to be carefully presented there just happens naturally at home. You don't need a play kitchen if your kids are working in a real kitchen. You don't need a learning center with math manipulatives if your child is counting the sorting and stacking all the cans in your cupboard. You don't worry about worksheets where they tell you what happened first, second, and last, because you are listening to them. A teacher in a school does not have time to let every kid retell a story in the proper order. You definitely relax more with each child, just like potty training, because you know that you have succeeded in the past. And you tailor your program to their abilities. Kindergarten gets done whether you have one hour or six hours to spend on it. It gets done with carefully chosen resources or with some paper, crayons, and a library card.

[Alexa]

I always figure if I'm getting both "too much" and "not enough" comments, that probably means I'm hitting just about right. If your kids are happy, I think that's all the confirmation you need.

Edited August 25, 2011 by Alexa

[kristinannie]

I always figure if I'm getting both "too much" and "not enough" comments, that probably means I'm hitting just about right. If your kids are happy, I think that's all the confirmation you need.

 

That's a great way to think about it!

[Critterfixer]

I actually was thinking about this question last night. (What else am I going to do while I steam the floors, right?:001_smile:) Anyway, housework seemed to provide an answer.

School all week, and work on my days off leaves me very little time to do anything in the way of housework, except at night. So, I have this little mental list of all the things that I MUST get done. The very list is overwhelming. Before I know it, if I am not careful, I'm running around trying to do about six things at once. Only by maintaining my focus, and setting my sights on what I am doing FIRST, can I actually get my goal accomplished. If I do not do this, I wind up getting a few things half-done and nothing done well.

The same seems to apply to public education in my opinion. By trying to do too much, in the manner that seems to me to be more like a whack-a-mole game than serious study, it seems that we would end up with a group of children that knew a little bit about a lot of things, with no real depth and no good way of making connections between what they know and what they think they know.

[TheAutumnOak]

Exposure and learning are two entirely different things...Just because a child is exposed to something in PS doesn't mean that child has learned it...I prefer to take my time with the basics and make sure my boys are actually learning what they need to learn and not just simply being exposed to it...Yes my 1st grader is doing handwriting sheets and copywork when ps kids may be using computers, but who cares?...I NEVER had or used a word processor when I was growing up (and that was the big rage then)...I started using computers about 10 years ago...I get along just fine, manage to read and comment here, host a blog, and make documents I need for myself...No one is using a word processor now...All this to say, whatever computer work children are learning now probably won't exist when they are older...And if it does, they will have no problem learning it then...