Guest Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I grew up in a house where bribing = bad. So, I have always been pretty against it. BUT. I could use some serious help with immediate motivation. If I were to say to my son - if you finish your math problems in X amount of time, you can have an M&M, is that really bad? I need some immediate motivation, as opposed to "if you are obedient all day..." or losing privileges at the end of the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily_Grace Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I can only offer my experience, and I find that what I say really matters. With The Kid I had to do away with "If-Then"s and replace them with "When-Then"s, if that makes sense. "If" offered a choice, a challenge, and sometimes, a thought that he wouldn't. "When" offers confidence in ability and encouragement. "IF you finish, you may have a treat" makes it optional. "WHEN you finish, you may have a treat" gives something to look forward to. Our family also works better with timers or breaking things down into small time increments. I cannot ask for good listening all day. I can ask for it for 15 minutes, and if there's a mishap, fine. We pick ourselves up, brush it off, and the 15 minutes start over. Or I can ask him how long he thinks it will take for him to finish X and set the timer for it, giving him a high five and congratulations when he beats the buzzer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.m Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I think if the "bribe" isn't about making it an option to do the assignment at hand but rather exceed the expectations, then it is a good method to use. Try to find incentives that aren't food or snack related every time or just extra praise. My children wouldn't do anything for just 1 m&m. They would be motivated by a snack pack though. ;). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I didn't see a point in doing that. Maybe my dc were different, or maybe I wasn't determined that they finish a certain amount of work. We sat at the table together to do most of our Official School Stuff, and dc usually did what I asked. If I felt the need to bribe dc to do school work, I would probably first check out myself, the methods, the materials the dc were using, to see why they were lagging behind, or why I thought they were lagging behind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Thank you all for these words. I am thinking about and digesting them. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woolybear Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I can only offer my experience, and I find that what I say really matters. With The Kid I had to do away with "If-Then"s and replace them with "When-Then"s, if that makes sense. "If" offered a choice, a challenge, and sometimes, a thought that he wouldn't. "When" offers confidence in ability and encouragement. "IF you finish, you may have a treat" makes it optional. "WHEN you finish, you may have a treat" gives something to look forward to. Wow. So simple, but so logical. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 I love the "when ... then..." I have found myself saying, "if... then..." and it simply is not effective here. My kiddo is not particularly candy motivated, but after reading here about M&M bribery, we've occasionally had chocolate chip math lessons. But generally - I don't do bribery on a daily basis. Celebrations, on the other hand... :) ...Those really get us going! Last night we had a "halfway party" for completing the first half of his current AAS book. We finished the lesson, put a sticker on the chart and he decorated while I baked cookies. He made "half decorations" (halves of words and pictures) and taped them all over the house, we ate half cookies (I cut them as they came out of the oven) served on half paper plates. We drank half full glasses of milk, and spoke in half sentences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 My gifted aspie was totally overwhelmed with the sight of 30 Saxon math problems. I put a pile of skittles on the table and started racing him one problem at a time. Whoever got the right answer first got the skittle, and ate it in front of the other person who got none. Lessons that were taking over 4 hours were now completed in 30 minutes. I did what I had to do to save my sanity. We were poor and I didn't believe in wasting our money on junk food that led to health problems we couldn't afford to treat. Skittles were a BIG deal to my son, each and every one. Sometimes I bribe myself now. When you finish...you can have... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristinannie Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 I do think that kids should (in a perfect world) be motivated solely by the fact that they are doing a good job...but this is the real world. My son would NOT be reading if it wasn't for blatant bribery. He gets an M&M for every book he reads and another one for completing OPGTTR because he hates it. I don't have to bribe him for anything else. Sometimes he asks for the bribes, sometimes not. :D I don't see anything inherently wrong with it!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 so an update: this morning I said we are going to drill flashcards for 10 minutes. Every 10 cards you give me the answer to earns you an M&M. 81 cards were done in less than 5 minutes. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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