What do you do when you feel burned out?

[Guest momk2000]

I am hsing 2 dds, both on the spectrum. Lately I have been feeling so tired, burned out, and I totally need a break. Dd (10) talks non-stop all day long. Sometimes my eylids aren't completely open yet in the AM, and she's already approaching me with a long drawn out story. I love my kids more than anything in the world, but lately I am feeling crosseyed between the non-stop talking and the frequent bickering between the 2 girls. I have so little time in the evenings. My youngest takes long to fall asleep, and I am frequently up late with 10yo dd helping her deal with anxiety issues. She is on medication, but still has some problems at night. I try to discuss my feelings with dh, but all he can say is "what do you want me to do about it." No words of encouragement. I honestly don't think he understands how much I deal with on a daily basis, and how much work it is to HS. Our house isn't very big, so it's hard to get away from it all. I sometimes feel so isolated and alone in this. :confused:

[Laurie]

. I try to discuss my feelings with dh, but all he can say is "what do you want me to do about it." No words of encouragement. I honestly don't think he understands how much I deal with on a daily basis, and how much work it is to HS. Our house isn't very big, so it's hard to get away from it all. I sometimes feel so isolated and alone in this. :confused:

 

:grouphug: I have two on the spectrum also. Mine are both teens now but I remember the more frequent sleep problems, bickering, etc. when they were your dds' ages.

 

Maybe when your dh asks you what you want him to do, tell him. Maybe he could read to/sit with your younger dd while she's trying to fall asleep. My dh and I were both on duty at bedtime and frequently one of us would have to go wake up the one who'd fallen asleep at the foot of the bed.

 

My dd is also a chatterbox and I don't hesitate to tell her sometimes when my nerves are raw and I just need some quiet for awhile. Maybe set a timer if you need to?

 

I hope you're able to go grocery shopping alone. I found it too stressful to take my dc with me, especially when they were younger, so for years I've been doing my shopping early on Saturday mornings before the store gets crowded. My dh sits around in his bathrobe and reads the newspaper until I get home. Sometimes I bring home croissants or we'll thaw and toast some Costco bagels for breakfast. It's not as exciting as it sounds but I get out of the house alone for awhile and I have help carrying in the groceries. :D

 

Hang in there! :grouphug:

[rafiki]

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[matchpenalty_2]

I know what you mean. It is hard when you are constantly giving and not getting yourself "filled up" regularly for the next round.

 

Prayer has really helped me in this regard. Even if I have to get up earlier than everyone else, it helps me just to sit quietly and look out the window and pray.

 

Some quiet, meditative music might be good too. I recently found solo piano worship CDs that are really nice. The pianist is David Nevue.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

:iagree:oh man I have just 1 and I can relate to the NON-STOP-TALKING issue....sometimes I'll listen with only "half" an ear....sometimes I'll just agree LOL....sounds awful but oh man....sometimes I tell him my ears hurt and they need a break--but literally he talks ALL DAY!!!! (has since he was about 3-4 I guess).....oh man it will wear you out.........

[Guest momk2000]

:grouphug: Thank you all for your wonderfully supportive responses. :grouphug:

 

I just felt so horrible last night, because it all finally just got the worst of me and I had my own little meltdown. I was screaming at everybody. When I finally calmed down, I felt so horrible about myself that I could lose my cool in front of my family like that.:confused: After a good night sleep, I'm feeling more refreshed and diving into a new day.

 

And yes, I have also had many good cries in the shower!

[Penny_P]

:grouphug:

 

Everyone has bad days.

 

:crying:

 

Being a parent can be taxing even under the best of conditions. How do I cope? I've done much better since I joined a gym. It's a little slice of "me" time.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

trying to find that ME time here...it's hard....I keep saying "I need to find a regular babysitter"....but that's hard too with zach's issues-and these days you can't just trust everyone--and most of my other family members work.....so my only option now is to leave him with DH when I need a little time out of the house....

[oliveview]

Oh!! The constant talking!

 

I agree with everything that everyone has said! The only other thing that I have to add is to acknowledge to myself that this whole thing is hard, really hard. With that in mind, I find myself needing the grace and forgiveness that I readily give others but am reluctant to give myself. I end up having talks with my kids about being flawed and far from perfect and that I need them to forgive me just like they ask me for forgiveness.

 

Then there is chocolate!!

:grouphug:

[Dobela]

I make certain I have alone time, out of the house, with no kids. Sometimes I join knitting groups. Sometimes I go to the library and read magazines or cookbooks. Or I go out for a long walk. Or a friend and I meet for coffee. Or I find an old cheap novel at a thrift store and read it in my room for an hour or so. Fortunately my dh is very understanding and willing to let me have an evening out - of course he decided that was much better than the meltdowns I had before. Not too long ago he took both kids out to dinner by himself and let me be home alone so I could watch a favorite TV show uninterrupted. I also stopped being a classroom teacher at church because I simply needed a break from the responsibilty of any children. The hour I spend in the adult class gives me a much needed break from responsibility. What it all gets down to though is refreshing myself. Breaking out of my day to day thoughts and ruts of thinking. Giving to myself so I can give more to my family.

[Critterfixer]

I don't know that the constant talking bothers me as much as the decibel level. I have some sound sensitivity myself and I have to wince sometimes and remind them to use their "inside voice". For little boys this seems to be a real challenge!

I send them outside to vent, or sometimes to their room to play at a louder level if they need to. I also keep ear-plugs to use if I need to.

 

I have one chatterbox DS, but I always try to remind myself that when he's fifteen I'm going to want him to talk to me about his life, and he may be less willing.

 

I find that when I feel like I need "me" time, what I mostly need is sleep! That's my number one deficiency and cure for frayed nerves.

[NittanyJen]

We all get frustrated and burned out... And even lose it sometimes, I think. I have a DS10 and a DS7 who cannot physically stop touching me. It got a little better when I pulled them out of school, strangely, but there are still times when I take extra long in the bathroom on purpose ;).

 

SN kids can be draining for all different reasons, and sometimes it just builds up. I take walks, go out by myself, take the kids out to play soccer, tell them mommy is in time out, or sit and write a list of the counterbalancing gifts my SN son has that he would not have, likely, were it not for his extra chromosome. ie, he might not be as smart, observant, spatially gifted, sweet, sensitive, mathematically inclined... Etc.

 

But I think we've all been there. Hugs to you.

 

Jen

http://hillandalefarmschool.blogspot.com/

[Leeanne]

Just want to add my 2 cents here. I have a nonstop talker on the spectrum as well. He is 16. The nonstop talking was somewhat ignorable at 10, but now it has really become a social barrier for him. Other kids don't want to stand around him while he carries on a one-sided conversation. I have a few hand signals for him to stop talking, especially when I am at a distance and he is talking to others. Really, it is important to start training your dd so she can gain some discretion in the art of conversation and so you can keep your sanity as well. What bothers you also bothers others as well. Instead of running away, make it a teaching lesson and stand your ground.

 

I also wanted to mention that it took my dh many years to fully appreciate the issues of our ds. He still struggles understanding how our ds's brain works. If you can educate your dh in the process of caretaking, I think he will have a greater understanding and appreciation of what you are doing.

 

Edited to add: I don't want to seem as though I am not being sympathetic to the burn out issue. I have been there myself many times. Obviously, our ds is not cured of his nonstop talking, but he is aware of his problem. I think the awareness comes with age. It is much better at home because I can tell him to stop and he does. When he gets in social situations with his peers or other adults, he gets excited and just talks away. I guess I am resolved to the fact that this issue (among others) requires constant teaching. And, yes, you do need a break from it. On a positive note, your dd should get better with time.

Edited July 14, 2011 by Leeanne