Are you married to an adult with ADD?

[Lovedtodeath]

I called DH and he straightened me out. :) He really loves me. :001_wub: I am not a good housekeeper and I am not a good schedule follower, but I cook nutritious, delicious meals, I spend time with my family, I am easy to get along with (compliant where it is needed), I am fun (unlike some wives who seem to hate anything fun) etc. Its all good! :)

 

Oh and just for you all's TMI: I am working to get DD sleeping in her own bed which resulted in a 1AM bed time after over an hour of screaming two nights ago and waking up every 2 hours last night, so I think that is affecting my mood big time today. Sorry to dump on you all.

I am reading this as Katy Perry is singing Firework in the background. ;)

 

Do not be depressed! You were created perfect in the Gods image! :) :grouphug: We can't hide the fact that our way of doing things causes an affect onour families. But that can be said for all people whether they struggle with ADHD or not.

 

BABY YOUR A FIREWORK! EVEN BRIGHTER THAN THE MOON! :lol:

[AngelBee]

I called DH and he straightened me out. :) He really loves me. :001_wub: I am not a good housekeeper and I am not a good schedule follower, but I cook nutritious, delicious meals, I spend time with my family, I am easy to get along with (compliant where it is needed), I am fun (unlike some wives who seem to hate anything fun) etc. Its all good! :)

:grouphug:

[BatmansWife]

:grouphug:

 

What are the symptoms of ADD? I never thought about this possibility for my son until I read your post. Just the other day I was thinking to myself how frustrating it is because I have to tell him things over, and over, and over again.....and he'll still get it wrong (or will ask me again). It dawned on me that I can't seem to give him really any more than one instruction at a time. Here's an example (which is what actually sparked my thinking of all of this): two nights ago I asked him to take the garbage to the bin and then bring the bin to the road (a 2-step instruction). He took a bag out, came back in to get the 2nd bag of garbage, took that to the bin and came back. I said, "Did you take it out to the road?" He didn't say anything but just did a 180 and immediately went out to bring the bin to the road. While he was doing this I was thinking....why can't he remember more than one thing at a time?? It's like this with e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. Interestingly, a few weeks ago he had his first ever assessment (for language arts placement) with a special education teacher at the public high school (I suspect he has dyslexia, so we are in the process of several assessments). A few of the teachers comments in her summary report are: "his processing time appears to be slow", "S____ is aware (from his answers on the learning checklist) that he reads slowly, has trouble spelling, and has difficulty following verbal directions". Anyway, I'm just kinda putting 2 and 2 together and your post reminded me of him. But...maybe I'm way off and it has nothing to do with ADD. I hate to think he's got another problem to deal with!

[Aubrey]

I called DH and he straightened me out. :) He really loves me. :001_wub: I am not a good housekeeper and I am not a good schedule follower, but I cook nutritious, delicious meals, I spend time with my family, I am easy to get along with (compliant where it is needed), I am fun (unlike some wives who seem to hate anything fun) etc. Its all good! :)

 

Oh and just for you all's TMI: I am working to get DD sleeping in her own bed which resulted in a 1AM bed time after over an hour of screaming two nights ago and waking up every 2 hours last night, so I think that is affecting my mood big time today. Sorry to dump on you all.

 

:grouphug: I'm glad your dh helped. I really, really meant it when I said I couldn't imagine someone w/ ADD opening this thread: I'd hate to see dh reading it.

 

And for all of us, remember--our BEST FRIENDS, the people we CHOOSE to spend our lives w/, share our dc w/ are ADD. I wouldn't trade dh for the world, & like your dh told you, he's got a ton of qualities that I value so much more than following a schedule, etc. :grouphug:

[Lovedtodeath]

:grouphug: I'm glad your dh helped. I really, really meant it when I said I couldn't imagine someone w/ ADD opening this thread: I'd hate to see dh reading it.

 

And for all of us, remember--our BEST FRIENDS, the people we CHOOSE to spend our lives w/, share our dc w/ are ADD. I wouldn't trade dh for the world, & like your dh told you, he's got a ton of qualities that I value so much more than following a schedule, etc. :grouphug:

Thanks so much for replying. I will unsubscribe now so you all can go back to venting. I don't want to be a thread-killer.

[elfgivas]

I am the spouse:D. I really have issues completing tasks and staying focused. It must drive DH nuts because he is a list checker and I always have 20 things going at once. Thankfully I don't grill but more than once I have boiled all the water out of a pot or something like that. I use the kitchen timer to remind me of just about everything. Sounds silly but it really works!

 

:iagree: this is me, to a "T". i don't turn anything on that can't turn itself off without setting the timer. when it goes off, at the worst, i go into the kitchen to turn it off, and, oh look, the chicken's done. we have kettles and coffee makers and toaster oven that turn themselves off. thank goodness. my dh and kids text my phone so that when someone calls and i check messages, i remember to do the next thing. i also put sticky notes on the steering wheel.

 

but i do not interrupt people in the midst of things. ever.

 

fwiw,

ann

 

eta: maybe we should have a spin off thread to share coping strategies. i think another piece of the puzzle is myers briggs personality types. i wouldn't use a list even if i weren't ADD...

Edited May 19, 2011 by elfgivas@yahoo.com

[MariannNOVA]

yup -- and the twins have it as well. Thank heavens for Direct Deposit, and those kinds of things......oh, and his Admin who does his expense reports or we would never get reimbursed for a thing.

 

And, ask me about the teeny weeny little receipts that he takes out of his pockets every night and leaves on his night stand. :toetap05:

 

I am super organized, a place for everything and everything in its place. And dh wants to know where the twins 'learned' to just drop their stuff wherever they are. :001_rolleyes:

[Mimm]

:grouphug: I'm glad your dh helped. I really, really meant it when I said I couldn't imagine someone w/ ADD opening this thread: I'd hate to see dh reading it.

 

And for all of us, remember--our BEST FRIENDS, the people we CHOOSE to spend our lives w/, share our dc w/ are ADD. I wouldn't trade dh for the world, & like your dh told you, he's got a ton of qualities that I value so much more than following a schedule, etc. :grouphug:

 

I have ADD. I opened this thread because I am interested in what it's like to deal with me.

[LND1218]

My dh is ADD - it's hard! I have been reading the ADHD Effect on Marriage. It's been helpful for both of us.

 

Well I'm not married to anyone with ADD. However my husband claims he is!

 

Jackass bought me a tee shirt that says "I don't have ADD I just - OH look! A bunny!"

 

We have a very similar joke in our house that keeps us from killing each other. When he's being particularly distracted and I am getting annoyed, he stops midsentence and says "squirrel!"

 

Just like the dogs from UP seen here.

 

It makes me laugh and it's his way of recognizing how hard it is for me to have to be his brain or to repeat something for the millionth time.

Edited May 20, 2011 by Steph

[Heather in Neverland]

We have a very similar joke in our house that keeps us from killing each other. When he's being particularly distracted and I am getting annoyed, he stops midsentence and says "squirrel!"

 

Just like the dogs from UP seen here.

 

It makes me laugh and it's his way of recognizing how hard it is for me to have to be his brain or to repeat something for the millionth time.

 

We do the SAME thing! :lol::lol::lol:

 

Even my ds-13 who has major ADHD will tease himself by saying "squirrel!" in the middle of a conversation!

[Merry]

but he definitely cannot handle the family budget or menu planning. I think if he were to homeschool our kids, he would just get ACE or something like that because he wouldn't be able to cope with the planning and carrying out anything complicated. I didn't realize that I'm not the only one to have him change the subject abruptly on me. Or for me to worry about him spending impulsively without consulting me. And we recently finished the Financial Peace University classes. He hasn't changed his habits towards setting up a budget and keeping goals but at least he is trying to save up for emergencies which is a start. That's if he doesn't move on to something else. At least, he has the information that he needs for our future.

But he actually has a better head for finances than I when he takes the time to focus on that.

 

Am I also not the only one who has to listen to him repeat himself two or three times to me? Do the other ADD spouses repeat themselves a lot?

 

As for hyperfocusing at work, he used to work with dangerous plastics at Lockheed. He had to be super vigilant not to get killed by the fumes from the plastics he was cutting on the machine. At least two guys were killed by not being careful enough. In this case, I'm thankful for his ADD:)

[Tutor]

My dh was recently diagnosed with ADD and depression. His meds have been a lifesaver (academically as well as in our married life). He is getting a bit tired of my asking "did you take your meds" any time he he gets forgetful or down. My response was, "Now you know what if feels like when you comment on what 'time of the month' it must be if I am in a bad mood." :)

[KLinWI]

I can't believe this thread's been here and gotten so much response as I have just been dealing with this.

Must be a God thing.

I have a newfound suspicion that I am ADD. I happened across a little screening test while I was researching the next strategy for a strong willed adolescent. The result of that was a strong recommendation for further testing. I found another, more thorough screen on another site. Again, a strong recommendation to pursue evaluation for ADD. Next step of course, a book. I chose Women With Attention Deficit Disorder by Sari Solden. It told my life. Including the part about everything getting out of hand when women hit perimenopause. I hope that further evaluation and treatment gives us a path to restore our marriage.

[Ellen in PA]

My husband has ADD and on medication most of the time. He has difficulty with follow through which is my exact opposite. Home improve projects take forever and gentle prodding by me. He helped me homeschool while he was off work and thought one subject was good for the day which drove me crazy. He said he couldn't figure my system despite three years of trying to explain it to him. His ADD also effects his sleep and takes medication to help him get up in the morning for work. I get frustrated, but just try to stay quiet to keep the peace.

[6packofun]

He has difficulty with follow through which is my exact opposite. Home improve projects take forever and gentle prodding by me.

 

YES. I have given up the idea of a husband who spends his time off doing anything productive for the family, list or not. It's very hard for me to see other people's husband's doing projects, getting things accomplished while I'm here trying to homeschool the kids on his day off and he's glued to his iPad interrupting to tell me tidbits about movies, video games, celebrity news and other totally shallow stuff that I can't pretend to be interested in. If I make a list, he doesn't stick to it or procrastinates to the point that I might as well have NOT made a list. LOL If I verbally tell him more than twice, it's nagging and I'm treating him like an idiot. ??

 

I think that the worst part is trying to keep myself from feeling shortchanged in our relationship as *equals*. He's always forgetting, not doing, doing things halfway, etc. and I get resentful. I don't want to be a MOTHER to him--sometimes I even feel mad at HIS mom that she did a crummy job raising him! LOL I can't imagine how fun it was for her, ugh--and knowing that he's so intelligent but not getting to SEE it so much of the time in the little things is very hard. I don't want to be married to a scatterbrained teenager, but that's what it feels like much of the time!

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I don't know if anyone else has said it yet, but I think the worst part of being married to a man with ADD is I can't tell if he's being thoughtless or has truly forgotten. And heaven forbid he say "hey, I've got ADD, remember? It happens sometimes. It wasn't intentional, but I'm still sorry." I would much prefer that to him letting me think he's being a jerk. :glare:

[Rosie_0801]

And heaven forbid he say "hey, I've got ADD, remember? It happens sometimes. It wasn't intentional, but I'm still sorry." I would much prefer that to him letting me think he's being a jerk. :glare:

 

I always wonder why that happens.

 

Me: "Did you get the rice milk?"

Him: "Oh, no, sorry."

Me: "ARGH! I emailed, sent you a text and an message over FB chat!"

Him: "Oh, well, I can go get some now."

Me: "Ugh, forget it. It's 9pm, you need sleep." (He doesn't drive so it's a 45min round trip, at least.)

 

Me, ten mins later: "Why didn't you say you bought almond milk instead?"

 

But this doesn't happen all the time. He's just come home from doing some errands and he did buy the iron supplements even without having written a list :) :001_wub:

 

Rosie