RachelFlores Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 I need some help helping members of my family. My sister (27) has a list of medical problems, both physical and emotional a mile long, many of them sever and obscure. For the past two years she has been in severe pain almost constantly because of several different problems, whenever one gets solved she might have a week or two of relief and then something else will show up. Her newest diagnosis (made two weeks ago)is neropathy with what looks like permanent nerve damage. She is on disability with medicaid, but can't see many of the doctors she needs to see in order to get better or at least relief from the pain, this included pain doctors, a good psychiatrist and good therapists. She lives with my parents, but they do not have the money to pay for these doctors either, neither does anyone else in our family. We are very active in our church and I have suggested contacting the leaders for help. When my sister is in severe pain she reverts to a three year old mentality, everything is about her, she cannot see beyond the moment and she wants her mommy. My mom is about to go crazy. She has a full time job and cannot be taking off all the time. If this is ever metioned, my sister threatens suicide. She did make an attempt last month, she took a bottle of pills, but then called my mom and the police immeadiatly, she claimed it was because she couldn't stand the pain, but it also happened to be the first time my mom had left her alone in several days. She has a lot of supervision through a medicaid service, 60 hours a week of "helpers" for her. I am one of the helpers, two times a week me and my children go to my parents' house and help her run errands (she can't drive), cook and clean. She still wants my mom there much of the time, even when someone else is there for her. She has no perservereance when it comes to trying to make doctor appointments which is extremely necessary when dealing with medicaid so my mom is often saddled with that too. My mom is being held hostage by my sister's threats of suicide, and my mom's mental health is deteriorating because of it. I feel terrible for my sister and her situation, it is horrible and frustrating and feels hopeless. I am scared for my mom. Right now it is a no win situation, my mom can do NOTHING but help my sister cope with life, which is incredible draining on her and truely hurting her mental health OR she could put some boundaries on my sister who I'm sure would make another suicide attempt, possibly successful and then my mom would have to live with that. Is there ANY other option? Something we just don't see? I wouldn't normally share something like this on a public board, but I don't know what to do. Thank you for listening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 I'm not sure how it works where you are, but it is possible to admit someone that is a danger to themselves to the hospital...they could probably help her get the meds, etc she needs while there. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 :grouphug: Hoping someone here has some answers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RachelFlores Posted May 13, 2011 Author Share Posted May 13, 2011 I'm not sure how it works where you are, but it is possible to admit someone that is a danger to themselves to the hospital...they could probably help her get the meds, etc she needs while there. :grouphug: When she took the pills last month, my parents were actually hopefull that it would lead to this result, but they were told that the hospital will not hold her if SHE says she is not a threat to herself. Also, no other medical doctors would see her while she was in the psych ward AND when she was younger and had also made a suicide attempt we learned that the drs. there are only worried about THAT particular crisis and are willing for their patient to do whatever it takes to get over it even if it is a very short term solution. I was pretty shocked when I learned that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 It sounds like she needs an assisted living type situation. I think your family needs to contact a social worker (the doctor should help you find one) who can help you navigate the health care system and medicaid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 :grouphug:Wow- that sounds like a really tough situation. I agree with Jean, contact a someone in social services. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 This may be circular reasoning, but I will give it a go. I think getting your sister admitted in a good hospital is a very good start. Access to social workers, Drs. and other such things. It seems the way to do this is to convince your mother she needs to set up boundaries. If she sets up boundaries and is willing to stick with them...you guys can predict what your sister will do. The moment she "threatens" suicide you have her admitted. If mom jumps in at this point and rescues that doesn't help sister. If mom sticks to her boundaries, sister will be in danger of harming herself and will be admitted. Did that make sense? It's kind like taking two step backward to then take 3 forward. Someone else may have a better idea, but this was my first thought. :grouphug:s I am sorry you guys are going thru this. I also thinking looking into a support group for caregivers that your mom can go to would be a good idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RachelFlores Posted May 13, 2011 Author Share Posted May 13, 2011 It sounds like she needs an assisted living type situation. I think your family needs to contact a social worker (the doctor should help you find one) who can help you navigate the health care system and medicaid. I've brought this up with my mom and she said the ones she looked at won't take her because of her extreme health issues or because of her extreme behavior issues. It seems like assisted living is only for those with one or the other, but not both. The "helper" program she is in is to keep her out of a nursing home, which is also a consideration BUT that wouldn't help her get better mentally or physically and my mom has some extrememly bad associations with nursing homes due to my grandmother's death two years ago so it probably wouldn't help her either. *I* haven't looked into assisted living maybe I'll find something they haven't. Thank you for suggestion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RachelFlores Posted May 13, 2011 Author Share Posted May 13, 2011 This may be circular reasoning, but I will give it a go. I think getting your sister admitted in a good hospital is a very good start. Access to social workers, Drs. and other such things. It seems the way to do this is to convince your mother she needs to set up boundaries. If she sets up boundaries and is willing to stick with them...you guys can predict what your sister will do. The moment she "threatens" suicide you have her admitted. If mom jumps in at this point and rescues that doesn't help sister. If mom sticks to her boundaries, sister will be in danger of harming herself and will be admitted. Did that make sense? It's kind like taking two step backward to then take 3 forward. . It does make sense, unfortunatly, with medicaid she would be admitted to the county hospital which is not a good hospital. I also thinking looking into a support group for caregivers that your mom can go to would be a good idea. This is an excellent idea. I will look some up and suggest them to my mother. Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 :grouphug:Wow- that sounds like a really tough situation. I agree with Jean, contact a someone in social services. :iagree: Also, possibly a lawyer. If this gal is truly unable to care for herself she may need to have a court appointed guardian. What happens when your parents are no longer around to care for her? It's a scary question, but one that needs to be addressed for the future. I certainly wouldn't want to be thrown into that situation. I'd rather have a plan in place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Before going back to health care, I worked both in the office and in the field for a company that provided housing and support for ppl with disabilities. Most residents were in a group setting, but there were some that were one on one, and we also had a residence specifically for ppl w/schizophrenia (sp). Ppl with both physical and psychological issues were residents. Look around, and see if there is a similar non profit group in your area. Call mental health, they may be able to put you on the right track. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoPlaceLikeHome Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 It sounds like she needs an assisted living type situation. I think your family needs to contact a social worker (the doctor should help you find one) who can help you navigate the health care system and medicaid. :iagree:Definitely some sort of assisted living home is needed here.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InterestingCase Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 (edited) I have a sibling who suffers from peripheral neuropathy and skeletal/trauma issues as well. The pain is horrible and I think it may be hard for others to understand the stress, depression, and fear it can cause. Has your sister been to a teaching/university hospital? They can refine the neuropathy diagnosis. My sibling's is very rare and it took a long time to get the correct diagnosis. Has your sister been prescribed neurontin or gabapentin? They both cause side effects, but can make a huge difference for nerve pain. Alpha Lipoic Acid is a supplement that has had success in treating neuropathy. Hope it improves for you and your family. Edited May 13, 2011 by InterestingCase typo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 If you are looking into some kind of group home situation, be very, very selective about which home you choose. I've worked in a variety of group homes for years now, and sadly, they're horrible. Without exception, from what I've seen. They tend to be staffed by underpaid, vastly undertrained twenty-somethings who come to work, text their friends, and scream at the residents when they interrupt Farmville or whatever. I wish I was kidding. And these places have such a staffing shortage that no one is ever fired or even reprimanded no matter what they do, short of actually assaulting the residents. It's very frustrating for those of us who are actually good at our jobs. I don't want to scare you away from the idea, because I'm sure there are great ones out there, but don't move her into a group home until you've met all the employees first, and then visit frequently and keep an eye on how things are going. You need to be extremely vigilant, and don't be afraid to complain and throw your weight around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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