How do I make the most of this situation?

[plain jane]

My brother and his fiance are coming for a visit soon. I've never met her and want to make a good impression because I want her to feel welcome in our family. They are well-off globe trotters and have both been overseas for almost a decade now :w00t: My brother has come back to visit family but obviously we haven't been able to spend much time together over the years.

 

We have a room we can make into a spare room (we would need to buy a bed and the room needs one wall to be put up :lol:) that has a private (full) bathroom so they would have their own space should they stay here.

 

Here's the thing: My brother is *very* allergic to animals and we have a cat and dog. :001_huh:

 

He hasn't mentioned that they expect us to put them up here, but I feel like it would be rude not to, kwim? Plus, I'd like to spend as much time as possible with them (I realize that they'll want time to themselves but again, they'd have a room, bathroom and a private living room area all to themselves).

 

I haven't talked it over with him much but he's talked about taking lots of allergy meds and dealing with it :lol: or (after some prompting on my part ;)) staying at a hotel.

 

If they stay at a hotel, should dh and I be paying for it since our pets are the reason they can't stay here? Money isn't tight for them, but, like everyone else, it's nice to save when you can, kwim? I don't mind putting them up, but I really don't want him to be grumpy the whole time because his allergies are driving him crazy. I don't have allergies but I can imagine that it could make for a less enjoyable vacation for him too. OTOH, I don't want him to feel like he paid to travel all this way only to be forced to pay for a hotel as well.

 

It's not like they won't come here at all (they both prefer home-cooked meals and truth be told, both cook FAR better than most expensive restaurants) but the less time he spends here, the better for him.

 

What do you think? Should we be offering to pay for hotel? Offer to split it? Tell my brother to suck it up and medicate himself?

 

I want this to be the best visit possible! There's talk that my sister may come through town at the same time and for someone with no family around, I'm thrilled at the possibility!

[MindyD]

I wouldn't feel obligated to pay for their hotel. I'd give them the option of staying with you if they choose. They know you have pets, but I'll bet he'd rather take some allergy meds for a few days and spend as much time as possible with you.

[elizabeth]

Actually I have a husband who is so allergic to dogs and cats that he has trouble breathing. He would never expect others to pay for accomodations that he needs due to his personal health requirements. He would elect to not travel were he not able to easily take care of his needs. We do not attend parties where the homeowners are animal owners as it always means days of illness afterward and sometimes a trip to the ER for breathing problems.

[MamaT]

Would it be possible to board your animals while your brother is visiting? If I had the chance to spend time with a sibling that I didn't see very often, I would do whatever I could to maximize the time. If you boarded the animals and really cleaned before he got there, would that take care of the problem?

 

If he stays at a hotel, I don't think you should pay for it, but if he is coming over for meals during his stay, won't that set his allergies off if the animals are there?

[IlluminatedAttic]

Do you have any friends that your pets can stay with for the duration of the visit? Maybe leave a day early so that you could do some mopping and dusting to try to cut down on the dander in the air, and maybe run an air purifier? I wouldn't usually suggest farming out members of the family like this, but this seems like a rare and special situation since you are willing to buy furniture and erect walls so I thought I would throw it out there.

[elegantlion]

I would not pay for his visit, but I would consider boarding the pets.You'd have to do some deep cleaning as allergies are usually to the dander, not just the animal itself. We often do not stay with family when we visit, and we don't expect them to pay for our hotel either.

 

I'd take them out to a nice dinner and find other ways to entertain. Perhaps a gift basket delivered to their hotel the day they arrive.

[plain jane]

Hmmm. Thanks all. I can't board the dog (for reasons I can't/won't get into) but the cat is a possibility. His allergies are worse to cats so this alone would help a great deal. Of course, I have my work cut out for me because, despite the fact that I sweep twice a day, I'm sure there's enough cat hair laying around everywhere to recreate a whole new cat. :glare:

[Acadie]

Your excitement at spending time with your brother and your desire to welcome his sweetheart into the family are absolutely lovely.

 

You don't need to make this decision yourself. Just communicate that sense of excitement to see them and your desire to make them comfortable, both in terms of your brother's allergies and giving your SIL-to-be a warm welcome. Then ask him what he thinks will work best--you have a number of good options, from fixing up the guest suite at your house, to boarding the pets if you see that as an option, to a nearby hotel. Another possibility is to have them try staying at your house, as long as you'd be able to find a vacancy at a suitable hotel at the last minute if it didn't work out. And as long as you'd be ok if they choose the hotel after the work you put into readying the room.

 

Whatever pleases your guests will likely be the most comfortable for all of you. No pressure, no sense of obligation on either side, just whatever works.

 

Like a pp, my hubby gets major asthma attacks from cats and it's simply not an option for us to stay with my sister when I'm traveling with him. We stay at a nearby B&B and are able to spend time in certain rooms of their house (hard flooring that is easy to clean, no upholstered furniture), out in the yard, at the B&B and out on the town. I would never expect them to pay. They make us feel very welcome and treat us to lovely meals, BBQs and outings.

 

Now that I think of it, their understanding goes a long way to make us feel welcome and visits fun. We do have other relatives who are in denial about allergies and it tends to create some tension and misunderstanding.

 

Enjoy the visit!

[UnsinkableKristen]

My husband is severely allergic to cats, and my Mom and her husband have a very very hairy cat - LOL.

 

When we've visited previously, he ends up so doped up on medication that the weekend is barely tolerable. However, the last time she boarded the cat, vacuumed the whole house (a few times) and washed all the bedding in the room we were in and it made a HUGE difference. He still needed to be on medication, but it was no where near as unpleasant as it had been.

 

That said, if his allergies were to the point we needed to sleep somewhere else, we would NEVER expect them to pay for our hotel. We travel to see her, not to get a free place to stay. The effort it she extends to ready her home for DH to visit is always so appreciated and we love to be able to spend time there.

[Starr]

The house and furniture are probably full of enough cat hair that boarding might not solve the problem. I would offer them the choice and let them decide but I don't think you have to pay for the hotel. Be creative and think of places you can go and all be together. Let him try his allergy meds one day and see how it works. (put the cat in a bedroom while they are over.) Sit around the kitchen table where there isn't as much cat hair. Relax and have fun!