RAD . . update about my prayer request Saturday night.

[Rose in BC]

I posted about our struggles with our our 13 yr ds. As a result of some of the responses I got I began reading about RAD. There is no doubt that my son has this. Today I am going to contact our social services to see what support we have locally although I doubt there is any (because I live in a rural area).

 

Mostly I feel sad that we didn't know this from day one. The child has always been challenging. We thought we were dealing with supreme stubbornness. Had we known we could have handled things differently because, as some have posted, traditional consequences/discipline do not work for these kids.

 

I did homeschool him until this past September when we hit rock bottom and we stuck him in PS. I see some posters say homeschooling a RAD child is virtually impossible. This was my experience. I thought I needed to learn new ways to teach this child.

 

On the one hand I feel relieved that we can nail down what the problem is, sad because we wasted years doing things wrong, hopeful that we can move forward.

 

All to say my desperate post Saturday night has provided some answers to years of struggle.

 

Thank you.

[Impish]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[texasmama]

:grouphug: If you call your local Child Protective Services office, a caseworker may have a recommendation for a therapist who specializes in or has expertise in RAD kids. The therapy isn't just for the child -it is for the support of the parent, as well. RAD is not an uncommon issue among foster kids so often CPS has therapist(s) that they can recommend. Therapy with a professional who does NOT have RAD experience/knowledge will likely not be too helpful.:grouphug:

[mom2denj]

:grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Tammyla]

:grouphug:Rose:grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

Oh, Rose, my heart is absolutely aching for you. I'm typing through my tears because I, too, was filled with anger because I had no idea what we were dealing with. I am fortunate, though, because I did learn years later, and dd is only 8 now. But the toll it's all taken on my family has been horrific. I hope one day my boys will understand the situation and forgive the circumstances. What this has done to them *kills* me. My marriage has survived, but it's been a difficult journey. The stress placed on EVERYONE is just HORRIFIC.

 

Had I known what to look out for, things would have been different. I had NO IDEA what attachment disorder or RAD was. NO IDEA.

 

Although your child is older, there are still resources to help you. I'd recommend Nancy Thomas' "When Love Is Not Enough," Heather Forbes Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control (I don't agree with everything as I'm not an endless ball of patience and undertanding, and I had to learn that it was OK not to be able to do EVERYTHING she suggests, and sometimes if I really disagreed, I just didn't think about those recommendations either.) Also look into Bryan Post, and Parenting With Love And Logic.

 

There are many resources available to you, and there are the webinars through many, many different therapists. If you like HEather Forbes she offers webinars and also look into this: http://consciouslyparenting.com/

 

I guess you didn't see my thread where I was trying to find your post. Now that I know YOU were the one starting it, I will go back and read it. I've read so much online and have countless books. I'm not sure if I can help you but I will certainly try.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

:grouphug: If you call your local Child Protective Services office, a caseworker may have a recommendation for a therapist who specializes in or has expertise in RAD kids. The therapy isn't just for the child -it is for the support of the parent, as well. RAD is not an uncommon issue among foster kids so often CPS has therapist(s) that they can recommend. Therapy with a professional who does NOT have RAD experience/knowledge will likely not be too helpful.:grouphug:

 

I have never, ever found anyone who works with kids, only someone who helps to train the parents on how to deal with difficult behaviors. Rose, you may not get help for your son. PLEASE move forward and try, but if you can't get therapy for him, if you DO find a RAD therapist, go yourself. This is what I did with Heather Forbes and it helped me IMMENSELY, which helped my dd.:grouphug::grouphug:

[Rose in BC]

Oh, Rose, my heart is absolutely aching for you. I'm typing through my tears because I, too, was filled with anger because I had no idea what we were dealing with. I am fortunate, though, because I did learn years later, and dd is only 8 now. But the toll it's all taken on my family has been horrific. I hope one day my boys will understand the situation and forgive the circumstances. What this has done to them *kills* me. My marriage has survived, but it's been a difficult journey. The stress placed on EVERYONE is just HORRIFIC.

 

Had I known what to look out for, things would have been different. I had NO IDEA what attachment disorder or RAD was. NO IDEA.

 

Although your child is older, there are still resources to help you. I'd recommend Nancy Thomas' "When Love Is Not Enough," Heather Forbes Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control (I don't agree with everything as I'm not an endless ball of patience and undertanding, and I had to learn that it was OK not to be able to do EVERYTHING she suggests, and sometimes if I really disagreed, I just didn't think about those recommendations either.) Also look into Bryan Post, and Parenting With Love And Logic.

 

There are many resources available to you, and there are the webinars through many, many different therapists. If you like HEather Forbes she offers webinars and also look into this: http://consciouslyparenting.com/

 

I guess you didn't see my thread where I was trying to find your post. Now that I know YOU were the one starting it, I will go back and read it. I've read so much online and have countless books. I'm not sure if I can help you but I will certainly try.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

 

Thank you for your kind words and advice. I did see your earlier post but I've been in a fog all weekend. Today I am exhausted. I can't help but think through the years of turmoil. I too am so sad for my other kids who are also adopted but don't have this issue. (btw I do have another boy we adopted at the age of 4. We don't have these issues, or at least not to the same extent.)

 

I will definitely check out the resources you've linked.

 

I'm debating talking to my oldest brother about our circumstances. he is a social worker in the British Columbia system. I do trust him but we've never really shared all our circumstances with anyone. Honestly we thought we were the problem many times. Anyway I thought I'd ask him if we should even go back to our social worker and express our concerns and ask for resources.

 

Today I'm in the "can't stop crying" mode. . . makes for a difficult time at work :).

[texasmama]

I have never, ever found anyone who works with kids, only someone who helps to train the parents on how to deal with difficult behaviors. Rose, you may not get help for your son. PLEASE move forward and try, but if you can't get therapy for him, if you DO find a RAD therapist, go yourself. This is what I did with Heather Forbes and it helped me IMMENSELY, which helped my dd.:grouphug::grouphug:

 

:grouphug: I know of a very good RAD therapist who works primarily with kids in foster care/adoptive situations locally. Therpists with the specialty are difficult to find and much of the work does involve supporting the parent and giving practical suggestions.

 

All the best to both of you as you walk this path. It is a difficult one. :grouphug: