amo_mea_filiis. Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 My kids play with a little girl on our block frequently, and I sometimes see them with some type of snack or drink that I would prefer them not to have. It's not "bad" stuff, but still stuff we don't keep in the house. Both kids have social problems (mild autism). How do I go about teaching them to refuse things without being rude? I certainly do not want to come across as "I don't allow them to eat/drink that stuff!" LOL. I need to throw in a self control lesson as well. I know they would like to have that stuff, but if it isn't around, they are more than happy choosing a piece of fruit, and a bottle of water. Far from perfect here, I just like knowing my kids put better things IN their mouths than what comes OUT! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 If the foods you don't want them to have aren't allergens, and you don't want to tell the other mom you don't allow them to eat those foods, I think you need to let it go. Just invite the other girl to play at your house more often and provide healthy snacks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mirth Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Kids need simple rules, esp if the idea is restricting foods. You could start out by saying don't accept or ask for anything. Not even a glass of water. If you are thirsty, call me or come home. Or you could send yours over with a small bag of snacks/drink (to share or no). Then the rule becomes, if it didn't come out of the bag, you are not to eat it. Everything else is greeted with a polite smile and "no thank you." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Is your desire to avoid the foods worth the awkwardness & discomfort that will come from telling the other family that their food isn't good enough for your child? If it's not, then I would let it go. A little bit of sub-optimal food once in a while is not going to make a difference. I assume you're talking about stuff like goldfish crackers, fruit snacks & Go-gurt - stuff that they may consider "healthy enough." If you refuse to let them eat that, I think it would be hard to not come across as judgmental. If they are giving your kids candy or chips, then you could just kindly tell the other parents that are you pretty careful about what your children eat and would rather they didn't have junk food. I think most parents would be understanding about that, because it's pretty universally accepted that junk food is junk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 We have always had the rule that our young dc don't eat anything given by someone else without our permission. It started because dd had a milk intolerance, and she could only have one dairy serving per day. I'm really glad we instituted it, though, even though we are long past those days. Until they are old enough to understand that good food makes them feel better than bad food (my 15 and 12 yo are there, but not my 8 yo :D,) they won't really be able to politely decline out of their own desire. It will need to come from a mom/family rule. That can either mean you talk to the mom, or it can mean that you tell them to say that they aren't allowed. But they won't be able to honestly say that they don't want the food, because I'm sure they do. :D "No thank you." and then "My mom prefers we don't have extra snacks" if the mom presses would work out fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 How do I go about teaching them to refuse things without being rude? I certainly do not want to come across as "I don't allow them to eat/drink that stuff!" These 2 sentences seem contradictory to me. I think you either need to let them eat or drink it, or give up on not coming across as "I don't allow them to eat/drink that stuff!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted March 20, 2011 Author Share Posted March 20, 2011 My ds had a life threatening allergy to milk for about 3 years, so until recently it wasn't an issue. A lot of foods still give him an upset belly, but nothing epi-pen worthy thankfully. My dd has oral sensory problems and always has stuff in her mouth, and is getting a bit heavy. I didn't mean to sound contradictory. I don't want to seem like I'm judging another parent for a constant flow of cupcakes, soda, and sunny-d ('cause I'm really, really, not, but I realize it doesn't matter how I say it it still seems judging!), but this stuff will have my kiddos in the bathroom for a long time. Seriously not kidding. DD already has a stack of preferred toilet reading! This whole friends thing is new for us. My kids do not make friends easiely, and usually do not care to play with other kids. I do feel strongly about food/drinks for many reasons, but do not want to hinder this first time non-related friendship. Between their ages and issues, unfortunately they do not recognize that (certain) foods = pain. I think we'll just work on saying "no thank you, I already have ____." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 If you feel strongly about it, you need to talk to the other adult(s) involved. Refusing politely is the easy part - teach them to say "No thank you" when someone offers them something. But trusting them to have the willpower to refuse food they want, especially when they may not have a clear understanding as to why, is harder. You could say something like "I really appreciate your generosity, but my kids really act out/get a bellyache/whatever excuse when they have wheat/dairy/whatever, so please don't allow them to have anything other than water (or fruit, or whatever you're comfortable with). Please feel free to send them home for a snack if they're hungry!" This way, you appear to be trying to deal with your children's idiosyncrasies, not criticizing their food choices. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelanieM Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 I don't think it comes across as at all judgmental to say your kids have food sensitivities and you want to monitor what they eat. I would teach your kids to say they have to ask you before accepting anything. We did that with our kids (who do not have sensitivities) and it worked out fine. They would call or run home to ask for permission for anything offered to them, or if I specifically said no snacks (i.e. it was almost dinner time, etc.) they would respond with a polite "no thank you". I actually found other parents to be really impressed with it rather than offended by it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 I would just teach your kids not to accept snacks from anyone. Mine know to ask me before eating any snacks that I have not given them. If they need an explanation, I like the one that someone mentioned "My mom doesn't like us to have extra snacks." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 Thank you all for the replies! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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