FO4UR Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 How do you teach your dc to stand up for themselves and not stoop to the level of being the "mean kid" themselves? We had an unpleasant incident at the park today. A little boy was just being mean and rotten...dare I say, trying to bully my ds8. We left the park b/c ds8 just wasn't handling it well, and I could see it spiraling downward. Part of the reason I HS is to keep my kids out of " the pecking order"...but now I'm suddenly unsure HOW to teach them to remain above it. We are pretty isolated here, so ds8 is used to being the oldest, strongest, and smartest kid in the bunch. Obviously, we are in store for some...growing in that area.:001_smile: Word of wisdom?:bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I teach mine to say "You are being mean. Please stop." (or something to that effect. If they do not stop, I see nothing wrong with them coming to me to resolve it. I would then step in and tell the child to stop their behavior or I would do as you did and would leave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I: 1) Ask the parent to assist. If 1 doesn't work: 2) I tell the kid directly "knock it off". If that doesn't work: 3) I tell my kid to walk away, stand firm, tell the kid to knock it off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I: 1) Ask the parent to assist. If 1 doesn't work: 2) I tell the kid directly "knock it off". If that doesn't work: 3) I tell my kid to walk away, stand firm, tell the kid to knock it off. :iagree: Either stop interacting with the bully completely, AND/or your son needs to LOUDLY protest the behavior. "STOP HITTING ME." (walks away) Often this will stop a kid in his tracks, but the other advantage is that the loud voice draws attention (hopefully) from parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pegasus Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 We left the park I think this is the perfect lesson. You can't necessarily control what other people do but you can remove yourself from the situation. Just picture your son as a teen with a group of friends in a situation that starts to get out of control. If he can't control their actions, having your son remove himself from the situation is critical to his safety and well being. Pegasus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommamia Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I'm sorry this happened. I could totally relate as I have had something similar happen with my ds8. I actually did try to get the other parent to help, but they just stared.:tongue_smilie: I decided to just stand and show my presence on the playground. I also obviously used it as an opportunity to teach my dc how to respond ( I gave dc words they could say in that situation). I would rather them learn with my presence than on their own (YKWIM?) My dc can be tough with each other, but not with strangers. I think personality has something to do with how they might respond. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommamia Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I think this is the perfect lesson. You can't necessarily control what other people do but you can remove yourself from the situation. Just picture your son as a teen with a group of friends in a situation that starts to get out of control. If he can't control their actions, having your son remove himself from the situation is critical to his safety and well being. Pegasus :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I teach mine to say "You are being mean. Please stop." (or something to that effect. If they do not stop, I see nothing wrong with them coming to me to resolve it. I would then step in and tell the child to stop their behavior or I would do as you did and would leave. :iagree: I would want ds to try to handle it verbally first. He might not be able to deal with it on his own, but he is old enough not to come running to me if simply saying "Please stop, I don't like that" will work. OTOH, if that didn't work I would absolutely step in and handle it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 Well, if that happens again he's going give a firm "Back Off!" and ignore/avoid the bully from that point. (He tried being meaner than the bully today...he learned that doesn't work.) If "Back Off!" doesn't work, he's going to enlist an adults help. The kid's parents were *right* there, closer than I was and they said/did nothing...and smirked as we left the park.:glare: I had a talk with ds8 about how I'm not everyone's mommy and I can't parent that kid the way I do him (It's not fair that ds8 got into trouble for being mean back and had to leave the park b/c THAT kid wouldn't stop, yadayada)...and he can't change anyone's behavior but his own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitestavern Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 :iagree: I would want ds to try to handle it verbally first. He might not be able to deal with it on his own, but he is old enough not to come running to me if simply saying "Please stop, I don't like that" will work. OTOH, if that didn't work I would absolutely step in and handle it. :iagree: I think at this age they do need to know how to attempt to handle it themselves. I cannot see/hear everything that my dc are doing when we are out and about at parks and such. They know that if their attempts fail, then I will get involved. I think there is too much parental involvement that happens before kids try to settle situations on their own. (obviously there needs to be if children are very little or unable to help themselves). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 :iagree: I think at this age they do need to know how to attempt to handle it themselves. I cannot see/hear everything that my dc are doing when we are out and about at parks and such. They know that if their attempts fail, then I will get involved. I think there is too much parental involvement that happens before kids try to settle situations on their own. (obviously there needs to be if children are very little or unable to help themselves). This. I want to teach him HOW to handle it the next time this happens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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