Lawana Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I have one. My mother has one. My grandmother had one. Now, my daughter has the same affliction. I can understand projecting an aura in real life. But in cyberspace too? Dd is taking an online course. In a class of 15 or so, the instructor invariably leaves dd out. Asks questions of certain individuals, never dd. Gives assignments to everyone but dd. Rotates questions, but leaves dd out. Assigns problems to everyone but dd. You get the idea. Why is that? Does this aura extend beyond the "in person" interactions, and if so, how? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Teach her now while she is young to gain a voice. In real life as well as online, she can say/write: "Wait, I do have a thought on this..." Assert yourself - in a positive, polite way. It is not okay for people to be habitually overlooked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 :iagree: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 You are not invisible, btw!!! I see you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam Wilhelm Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Wow! I thought I was the only invisible person...... :( I see you....and understand completely. I hope your daughter finds her voice in the class and gets noticed. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 :iagree: Teach her now while she is young to gain a voice.In real life as well as online, she can say/write: "Wait, I do have a thought on this..." Assert yourself - in a positive, polite way. It is not okay for people to be habitually overlooked. ****** I wish someone had taught me this when I was younger. I was the type to say "I don't gettttttt it!" and think it was cute when really it was playing the role of airhead for attention rather than simply doing what PP suggested. Not cool. I grew out of it. My point is there is a right way to go about this, and I think PP is spot on. As far as assignments, she can try saying, "I'd like to contribute. May I please (fill in the blank)?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 You are not invisible, btw!!! I see you! Crap. Are you... talking to... me? P.S. This is the perfect opportunity to ignore me and talk to the OP... lol... I like to pretend I'm invisible! Then I can say really stupid things and somehow invisible people are mute too! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 You are not invisible, btw!!! I see you! :lol: I can't help it. It always makes me think of Avatar. Crap. Are you... talking to... me? :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I have one. My mother has one. My grandmother had one. Now, my daughter has the same affliction. I can understand projecting an aura in real life. But in cyberspace too? Dd is taking an online course. In a class of 15 or so, the instructor invariably leaves dd out. Asks questions of certain individuals, never dd. Gives assignments to everyone but dd. Rotates questions, but leaves dd out. Assigns problems to everyone but dd. You get the idea. Why is that? Does this aura extend beyond the "in person" interactions, and if so, how? OH yes, Lawana, I do see you. In Georgia. I'm waving. Waving to your mother and your daughter, too! :seeya: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 Teach her now while she is young to gain a voice.In real life as well as online, she can say/write: "Wait, I do have a thought on this..." Assert yourself - in a positive, polite way. It is not okay for people to be habitually overlooked. I would love to do this. But how do you pull it off when this is your story too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 You are not invisible, btw!!! I see you! :seeya::seeya: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I would love to do this. But how do you pull it off when this is your story too? It gets easier the more you do it. Don't you wish someone guided you through it? So do that for your dd. Write it down on a paper and tell her to just say it. Be Nike and just do it. It'll make your palms sweaty and heart race, but think about it: roller coasters do the same thing. It will get easier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I would love to do this. But how do you pull it off when this is your story too? Can you write a script together and practice it? We do this often for other situations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 Wow! I thought I was the only invisible person...... :( I see you....and understand completely. I hope your daughter finds her voice in the class and gets noticed. :grouphug: Actually, it made a huge difference for me when I could articulate the "cloak of invisibility". Dd at least has the opportunity to give voice to this cloak decades before me. There must be some way this can be addressed. At least we can laugh about it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 Crap. Are you... talking to... me? P.S. This is the perfect opportunity to ignore me and talk to the OP... lol... I like to pretend I'm invisible! Then I can say really stupid things and somehow invisible people are mute too! LOL My heart goes out to anyone with this same issue. I see you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 The question is, do you plan to use your powers of invisibility for good or for evil? :) I think it's interesting that it's happening in an online course. I would discuss with dd why this is happening and what others are doing differently than her. It should be pretty obvious since everyone is online, so it may be a good opportunity to discuss ways of getting involved in discussions. Maybe if she had a couple on-topic questions prepared ahead of time, she could have them typed up and ready to copy and paste at the right moment? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Lawana: Here is a link for a helpful resource: https://secure2.convio.net/nlm/site/Ecommerce/130541113?FOLDER=1197&store_id=1201 "How to be seen, heard and loved" It's a CD by clinical psychologist Dr. Jill Hubbard. She is Christian. I don't know how you view this but the CD is very practical and helpful. I really like most of her resources. She is such a down-to-earth, very wise lady. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 The question is, do you plan to use your powers of invisibility for good or for evil? :) I think it's interesting that it's happening in an online course. I would discuss with dd why this is happening and what others are doing differently than her. It should be pretty obvious since everyone is online, so it may be a good opportunity to discuss ways of getting involved in discussions. Maybe if she had a couple on-topic questions prepared ahead of time, she could have them typed up and ready to copy and paste at the right moment? That is an interesting topic. She is following the directions to not create idle chit-chat. Perhaps that is the problem. Instructor requests only topic related comments, and dd complies. She generally can answer the questions asked, and often does so. But she does not add to the offtopic background chatter that is happening, despite the instuctors requests. Is that what is required to be "visible"? Chattering against the expressed wishes of the instructor? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 That is an interesting topic. She is following the directions to not create idle chit-chat. Perhaps that is the problem. Instructor requests only topic related comments, and dd complies. She generally can answer the questions asked, and often does so. But she does not add to the offtopic background chatter that is happening, despite the instuctors requests.Is that what is required to be "visible"? Chattering against the expressed wishes of the instructor? Maybe he prefers lecture to dialogue and is giving the other students things to do in order to get them to be quiet, similar to how we occupy disruptive toddlers while we teach our older students. If so, I disagree with his method, but it's a possibility. Would it be too forward of her to privately request he ask her more questions or include her in assignments? I think that might bring her to his attention without making him feel criticized. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 That is an interesting topic. She is following the directions to not create idle chit-chat. Perhaps that is the problem. Instructor requests only topic related comments, and dd complies. She generally can answer the questions asked, and often does so. But she does not add to the offtopic background chatter that is happening, despite the instuctors requests.Is that what is required to be "visible"? Chattering against the expressed wishes of the instructor? I was referring to on-topic comments/questions, assuming there is an appropriate discussion time. If there is no discussion time in the class, she could contact the instructor outside of class. Teachers like to know that kids are interested. If she is logging on but never saying anything, is that similar to sitting in the back of the classroom sleeping through the class? That is not complimentary to a teacher, they like to think they are engaging to their students and thus the student needs to interact in some way. I'm not sure how the class is structured so you will have to be the judge of what is appropriate behavior. If others are chatting, is that a good time to ask a question of the instructor? Is there an appropriate time for interacting with other students? The other students are getting the teacher's attention somehow, maybe you can analyze transcripts and see what the difference is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Ha ha. I used to be invisible too. In fact I spent many years weaving a cloak and it was a pretty good quality one too. One day I didn't want it any more so I tossed it out. You have as much right to speak as anyone else. You are very unlikely to say anything as stupid as what other people say. If you do, you say "Oh, der!" and carry on anyway. :D For the most part, if you act as though you have the right to speak, people will treat you as though you have the right to speak. As Ranchgirl says, teachers like to feel they are talking to someone who cares. At this age, your daughter needs to take responsibility for the use of her own voice. If she wants to comment on the discussion or ask a question, she should butt in and say what she wants to say. If the teacher forgets to give her the assignment, she should ask. The way to deal with the chitter chatter is to make a small reply to that, and redirect. "Ha, yeah, I love that movie! Hey, did anyone actually like that character (or something applicable to the conversation.) It could be she's left out because the teacher and her classmates have given up on her. Basically, fake it until you make it :) Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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