Paisley Hedgehog Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 (edited) nm Edited June 30, 2013 by Paisley Hedgehog typo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamonaQ Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 With what you have said I would also probably consider giving him more time for 5th grade. We spent a lot of energy getting my ds up to speed in 5th grade, it was a very, very tough year academically (socially, ds is quite mature-- sometimes too social for my tastes :tongue_smilie:). However, I see that our work has really paid off as 6th grade is going so smoothly and easily. I think it can also be attributed to ds going through another developmental leap. Perhaps this is also what you are feeling? If you do consider slowing down, perhaps you can talk to him about wanting to solidify his skills, give him some more time to help his brain grow (we talk a lot about this here-- dyslexics brain development is different). Taking time is not because he is stupid or slow, etc..... I will say that my ds his self-esteem is very fragile, and puberty is most definitely not helping. It was very helpful for him to go through the neuropsych work up because they did such a brilliant job of pointing out how smart and brilliant ds is in their talks with him, talking about other brilliant dyslexics.... In the same vein, I think I would consider ways to help your ds feel good about himself, which I am sure you do, but now may be a good time to go overboard -- talking about other brilliant dyslexics, meeting other dyslexics in real life (I have been shocked how many adults in our circle of friends have shared with me their own dyslexia once I talk about ds), talking about all the things that your ds is good at, talking about how dyslexics do think differently, and why that can be a very good thing. I will re-iterate 5th grade has been our most difficult year by far....so, perhaps you are also feeling that right now, and next year may really be much easier. I am not sure about the social stuff, and the impact that has, so perhaps others will weigh in on that front. So, yah, I guess I didn't give a definitive answer...sorry! PS-you got my pm, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Personally, I think pushing him to be somewhere he isn't ready to be, causes much more damage in the long run than holding them back a year. He's 10. He's really not middle school. He's elementary. The stigma of being held back will go away. The depression from never feeling good enough, or being depressed and overwhelmed may not. We chose to hold back all of ours due to late summer birthdays-like your ds. Academically they were ready, but I wanted them to have that extra year to mature before college. I am seeing tremendous differences now in middle school. They are exactly where they need to be emotionally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Shari, it sounds like you already know you need to put him back. The only question is how to do it. I'd start thinking now of something really sneaky. There's a special sports team he can join but ONLY if he's 4th grade? Or he's starting a new curriculum provider that uses a different cut-off? Or do it but don't talk about it so much. Just repeat the grade using new materials from a different curriculum provider that will be EASIER for him, rebuilding his sense of confidence. I mean I think we've all had that experience where we were midway into something hard and going man, if I had chosen xyz he'd be swimming and it would be easy right now. That's what I'd find, something to where the change in grade level actually IMPROVES his self-confidence. Say I who've never done it, haha. Now another thing that is none of my business. Has he been evaluated for OT and sensory issues? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deacongirl Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Haven't read replies, but those I know with older kids were really in favor of *not* holding back due to puberty--also didn't want to "lose" the year at the end for services that they thought would be really helpful before going out into the world. We don't have to decide yet--good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deacongirl Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 ok went back and read more carefully--I don't think my situation (or those of my friends) is applicable and it sounds like your instincts are right on). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 We held ds back in 2nd grade, or rather, we reassigned him for outside activities and kept plodding along in academics. The extra year has really helped him be able to participate in extracurriculars that might have overwhelmed him if he'd been with his age group. He fits in fine physically at age 10 and given the range of age of puberty, I don't think it will ever be a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 maybe damaging was done with institutionalized (private or public schooled) children. There is no data that holding back a homeschooled kid is damaging. Also, the data available on the first group is iffy at best. Hold him back NOW. Tell him you made an error in assigning him his grade, that you pushed him into Kindy before he was ready, and now is the time to correct that error. Take all the responsibility on yourself. Please don't feel badly about this, though. My neighbor's little girl, who is in ps, is experiencing something similar this year - 3rd grade. They began her in first when she was only 5 - they sent her to a private school for k - and she's just not ready. Making this choice now will certainly release some pressure for you, but more importantly, it will release some of that pressure for your ds. School should be challenging but also enjoyable. It this constant need to keep up to a grade level expectation is creating a joyless school environment, then make the change now and both of you may begin enjoying the educational process instead of stress over it. All the best, Stacy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paisley Hedgehog Posted January 20, 2011 Author Share Posted January 20, 2011 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rafiki Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 Shari, remind me, have you done anything therapies or anything with your ds5th gr? I know it's none of my business. I was just feeling really bad that things are such a slow slog for you right now. We were there last year, so we've btdt. I didn't know if there was anything to do about it or if it's just how it is. <<Hugs>> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 We held back my 8yo in 1st. He was already an older first grader with an October birthday, so he is much older than the other kids (and he is BIG, too!) However, he fits perfectly there because of his mental level. If he had gone to 2nd, he probably would have had to go in a self-contained room. Hopefully he'll hold off puberty to 13 or 14. We held the 9yo back in 3rd, and that was a mistake. He is likely to go through puberty young *and* he is already very tall for his age (5 feet.) He's showing signs of earlier puberty like my oldest, so he may be shaving in 5th.:001_huh: I am hoping that we can remedy that later if necessary. We held the 12yo back in 6th and so far that seems like the right choice. 7th grade is a rough year and it's better to be the big kid in your grade when you are a middle school boy.:lol: Academically, he fits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 We "held back" our oldest (Aspie with social and learning issues) in 5th grade. He will be 19 when he graduates. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paisley Hedgehog Posted January 22, 2011 Author Share Posted January 22, 2011 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamonaQ Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Great! Sounds good and you sound better! I am sure you will have a great year next year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paisley Hedgehog Posted January 22, 2011 Author Share Posted January 22, 2011 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Well good, I'm glad you've sorted it out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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