How do you inspire a passion for something?

[Deece in MN]

My ds is 13 (will be 14 in a month). He has some interests (legos, video games and reading), but no real passion for anything.

 

He has no idea of what he might want to do for a career. My dh and I want to make sure he is prepared for college, but I am not sure he will go to college (at least right out of high school). I know it is early to determine that, but he is starting high school and so the thought of college is on my mind.

 

We are not sticklers about our dc going to college so that is not the issue. My issue is that I would like to help him find his talent or passion for something. How do you do this? We have offered music lessons, sports activities, classes, etc. over the years. Some he has tried and others he has passed on, but nothing has sparked an interest that he has continued to pursue.

 

What else can I do to help him find a passion? Or should I just step back and let him find it? Or are there people who just don't have a passion for something and just have random interests (some fleeting, some lasting)?

 

Any thoughts?

Thanks!!

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't know that everyone has to have a passion for things. There are the "steady-Eddie" types who are content doing normal everyday jobs and chores and activities without any particular burning desire to do any of them. I don't know if that is your son's personality but I know about it because I married a "steady-Eddie". My dh chose his particular career (nursing) based on the fact that it would bring a steady income no matter what the economy. He has an aptitude for math and science (necessary for nursing) but while he likes helping people, he really had no burning desire or passion to help nurse people back to health! He's pretty matter of fact about it and he's actually pretty good at it.

 

Now the funny thing is that God gave my "steady-Eddie" a passion - when he was 30 years old! He pastors on Wed. and the weekends because of that passion (which doesn't pay the bills by the way)!

[wide eyes & laughter]

...experience or advice to offer! Only a couple books that sounded like they might come in handy one day :)

 

I Could Do Anything If Only I Knew What it Was - Barbara Sher

 

What Color is Your Parachute? - Bolles

 

 

Maybe it's like Jean says and/or maybe he doesn't know what he "wants" to do b/c he's aware that he has no passsion... waiting for some great thunder clap that may or may not occur for him?

[momto3]

Do you or your husband have a passion that you can share and/or develop with him? I am not talking about making him do something just because you guys like it but, often you see fathers passing their interests and passions on to their sons. For example, my neighbor is a total car freak. Surprise! So is his son. They go to car shows and the kid could tell you any model car you ask him. My husband's thing is golf. Surprise! My son loves it. The family goes out and spends time playing together because it is husband's thing. I could go on but I think you get what I mean. I imagine they are less impressionable as they get to those teen years so it may be more of a challenge.

[Kelli in TN]

I don't think you can. It is either there or it isn't.

 

I would just insist on excellence, or at least an excellent effort, in all that he does and let him develop in his own time.

[Jenny in Florida]

I don't think you can. It is either there or it isn't.

 

I would just insist on excellence, or at least an excellent effort, in all that he does and let him develop in his own time.

 

What she said.

 

For me, "pasison" by its very definition means something you love just because you love it. So, I don't believe you can "give" someone a passion.

 

And, as difficult as it is for someone like me who has more interests than she has time or energy to pursue and who is raising kids with the same personality type, there are some folks who simply don't have that one thing that makes their eyes light up. It doesn't mean there's anything "wrong" or that their parents "failed" them. They just aren't wired that way.

 

That said, I do believe that it's difficult for kids to find a passion for something if they don't know it exists. So, I'm a big believer in exposing kids to as broad a variety of ideas and experiences as you can manage. And, since people who genuinely love what they do are probably in the best position to spark interest in someone else, I also believe in getting kids the best quality experiences available.

 

But, once you've presented the smorgasbord filled with healthy and attractive options, the best you can do is to stand back and see what they choose to put on the plates . . . and what they like enough to go back for seconds.

[Jenny in Atl]

I don't think you can. It is either there or it isn't.

 

 

I have to agree as well. I think you can foster appreciation for things but not passion. I also think passions can come and go. He might find something later on that inspires passion or drive. Things change, give him time.

[Linda in NM]

The other end of things...my son is OBSESSED with hockey (he is the best goalie his age in the state; he'll be going to Utah to Rocky Mtn Select camp next week)...when he's not obsessed with baseball. He watches hockey, he plays hockey, he plays hockey on the deck (even though he's a goalie), he plays hockey on x-box, he reads goalie strategy books...we encourage him to do other things (classical viola, for example) because we worry that he's too passionate. I think my husband's more of a "steady Eddie..."

[Deece in MN]

I don't know that everyone has to have a passion for things. There are the "steady-Eddie" types who are content doing normal everyday jobs and chores and activities without any particular burning desire to do any of them.

 

This may be my son, at least to this point in his life. :)

 

...experience or advice to offer! Only a couple books that sounded like they might come in handy one day :)

 

I Could Do Anything If Only I Knew What it Was - Barbara Sher

 

What Color is Your Parachute? - Bolles

 

 

Maybe it's like Jean says and/or maybe he doesn't know what he "wants" to do b/c he's aware that he has no passsion... waiting for some great thunder clap that may or may not occur for him?

 

Thanks for the book suggestions. I will look for them the next time we go to the library.

 

Do you or your husband have a passion that you can share and/or develop with him? I am not talking about making him do something just because you guys like it but, often you see fathers passing their interests and passions on to their sons.

 

My ds doesn't share interests with dh. Dh likes motorcycles, fishing, throwing darts and playing pool and ds has no interest in these things. They do both like to read and sometimes play video games together, so that is something they can maybe build on.

 

I don't think you can. It is either there or it isn't.

 

I would just insist on excellence, or at least an excellent effort, in all that he does and let him develop in his own time.

 

This is good advice, thanks.

 

That said, I do believe that it's difficult for kids to find a passion for something if they don't know it exists. So, I'm a big believer in exposing kids to as broad a variety of ideas and experiences as you can manage. And, since people who genuinely love what they do are probably in the best position to spark interest in someone else, I also believe in getting kids the best quality experiences available.

 

But, once you've presented the smorgasbord filled with healthy and attractive options, the best you can do is to stand back and see what they choose to put on the plates . . . and what they like enough to go back for seconds.

 

This is what we have tried to do over the years, so I feel better knowing I at least presented the opportunities.

 

I have to agree as well. I think you can foster appreciation for things but not passion. I also think passions can come and go. He might find something later on that inspires passion or drive. Things change, give him time.

 

I see a theme here with the advice. ;) I appreciate the advice that you all have given and when there is a general agreement like this, it helps to settle things in my mind. Thank you!

 

The other end of things...my son is OBSESSED with hockey (he is the best goalie his age in the state; he'll be going to Utah to Rocky Mtn Select camp next week)...when he's not obsessed with baseball. He watches hockey, he plays hockey, he plays hockey on the deck (even though he's a goalie), he plays hockey on x-box, he reads goalie strategy books...we encourage him to do other things (classical viola, for example) because we worry that he's too passionate. I think my husband's more of a "steady Eddie..."

 

Yes, there is always the extreme on either side, isn't there? I am one who likes to find a balance with things so it is a bit funny to me that I am questioning this.

 

I really appreciate the responses and advice you all have given me. I will continue to offer my ds opportunities yet at the same time try to give him space to continue being who he is.

 

Thanks!

[Trivium Academy]

Field trips, I would expose him to others that have a passion for what they do. If he can meet people who are passionate it might "inspire" him to find something that he's passionate about. Passionate people are contagious. I would stop throwing activities at him and just let him know that whatever he's interested in doing, you (and dh) will support it. My bro liked diving, that isn't something my parents would have thought of on their own.

[Deece in MN]

Field trips, I would expose him to others that have a passion for what they do. If he can meet people who are passionate it might "inspire" him to find something that he's passionate about. Passionate people are contagious. I would stop throwing activities at him and just let him know that whatever he's interested in doing, you (and dh) will support it. My bro liked diving, that isn't something my parents would have thought of on their own.

 

Ok, normally I don't make a big deal over the wording someone uses, but I want to clarify something based on your choice of words.

 

You said to "stop throwing activities at him". That is not what I do. He does know that if he has an interest in something that we will support it in any way we can.

 

What I do is when the community education bulletin arrives in the mail I let him know so he can look through it and see if there is anything he would like to do. Or when someone sends me an email about a class or field trip or whatever, I pass that along and ask the kids if they would be interested.

 

My ds is not one to say "Hey, are there any classes being offered on this?", but if I told him about an event or activity that I heard about he would be like "Oh, that sounds cool. I would like to do that.".

 

Anyway, I just want to clarify that I am not pushing my ds to do anything or signing him up for stuff just to try and spark an interest. I just let him know what is going on in our area and he is free to choose if he wants to participate or not. I don't see this as "throwing activities at him".

 

Jessica, I am not upset or anything and I assume you didn't mean anything by it, I just wanted to create a more accurate picture of our situation. :)

[Trivium Academy]

I didn't mean anything by it, it was a poor choice of words. I'm sorry Deece. I just meant 'offering' activities that's all. I know you're not pushing. Sorry about that.

[Deece in MN]

I didn't mean anything by it, it was a poor choice of words. I'm sorry Deece. I just meant 'offering' activities that's all. I know you're not pushing. Sorry about that.

 

Thank you, Jessica and no worries. I do see what you are saying and appreciate your advice. :)

[sweetbaby]

I would simply follow his cues. We have four sons and all love sports except for one. He is more into chess etc. We enrolled him into many sport activities they just bored him. Everyone is different and your son is just 13. I'm sure a passion is inside of him only he just hasn't discovered it as yet. Give it time and just open him to different experiences and opportunities then follow his lead if you see that something has peaked his interest.