Which is best? Close to home, far away, or somewhere between

[Beebalm]

I won't go into extensive detail about our situation....just would like to hear from some homeschool moms out there about how you feel about where your college student chose to go. Is staying near home a big advantage (escape from dorm on some weekends, occasional meals, help from family), or is it an obstacle to the 'college experience' (independence, diversity, new surroundings)? Knowing what you know now, would you encourage home-schooled students (with maturity and a good sense of direction) to get through school as inexpensively as possible? Is the 'college experience' really supposed to be some magical transforming experience? Mine wasn't but I find my expectations for my dd's college journey to be high. I need grounding so I can offer her solid, non-emotional advice. She has the opportunity to go to a good local school (probably most paid, if not all) with a high acceptance rate to med school (the main goal). However, I wonder if it's best to encourage her to spread her wings and go to a bigger place in a new city so she can experience more. But am I trying to turn college into a 'prom' thing, based more on emotion than on logic? Help me, veteran mothers of collegiates. What have you learned?

[Kareni]

My daughter is attending a college that is cross country from us. Since her intended major was very poorly represented in our state being available at three colleges (the local state university which has a ho-hum department, a selective liberal arts college, and a highly selective liberal arts college), she looked at colleges nationwide.

 

Even had my daughter attended the local state university, I would have encouraged her to live on campus. I've always been a micro-managing parent, and I knew that I would continue to be so if she lived at home. For her own sake, I knew it would benefit her to live away from home.

 

I suspect that what is best for a given student will depend upon a multitude of factors. I wish you and your daughter well in weighing possibilities and considering options.

 

Regards,

Kareni

[Jane in NC]

There is no one size fits all answer regarding higher education. Hence the variety of opportunities available. Have you had this discussion with your daughter?

 

In some respects, my post will echo Kareni's. My son's intended major is not offered at many schools. Before applying, he examined the strengths of the departments at a variety of colleges. He chose to attend a liberal arts college that is several states away--too far for regular visits.

 

My son was clearly ready to spread his wings, be challenged and meet people from around the world. He is very happy and doing well.

[Beebalm]

Oh yes, of course my dd and I are discussing this. Lots. Every day. While I would LOVE to have her nearby, I want what's best for her. The nearby college has the major she wants, has a decent reputation, and we have reason to believe she'll receive a good scholarship package. Practically, there's no good reason NOT to go there. (as my husband points out frequently...he's right.) The drawback is that we're not crazy about the atmosphere and the highly political nature of things. There are a lot of cliques. Over the past ten years, we've had a lot of dealings with this place and many teachers/students there....that's how I know. I just want her to be free to learn, make lots of friends, and have lots of pleasant memories, without politics and complications. However, I wonder if I'm looking at this in too emotional a way. I will support wherever she chooses to go...she has just been asking my opinion. Part of me thinks she should take off...have a whole new experience AWAY from the familiar. But is that practical, is that actually the best thing?

 

One more thing. Have you run into situations where your college student needed help (car, health, whatever) where distance was a real problem?

 

Thanks for listening. I appreciate the wisdom of those who have gone before me! Congratulations on your success of your children in their college journey. They (and their moms) are to be commended on a job well done!

[Jane in NC]

 

One more thing. Have you run into situations where your college student needed help (car, health, whatever) where distance was a real problem?

 

 

No, but he has yet to finish his first semester so we are early in the game.

 

At the parent portion of the orientation program last August, various people from his college addressed parents on their concerns: general health facilities, mental health counseling, and access to the students' faith based communities. These are universal parental concerns and I think that small colleges in particular attempt to assuage the rising fears before parents say their goodbyes. Many colleges recognize that eighteen years are emerging adults--adults on paper but most do not have it together yet.

 

There was a thread on this board which did raise some problems concerning medical care. Perhaps someone can pull that thread up for you to read.

[momofkhm]

One more thing. Have you run into situations where your college student needed help (car, health, whatever) where distance was a real problem?

 

A mom at tennis ran into this. Her son was going to school locally - about 30-45 minutes from their house. But they travel to the college town a lot. The son's roommate needed medical attention for something. I can't remember if he got really sick or ended up in the ER or both. My friend is the one who took him in and sat with him and was basically the second mom to this young man. She kept the parents in the loop.

 

So that's always a possibility - roommate, friend's parent, coach.

[creekland]

There is no one size fits all answer regarding higher education...

 

In some respects, my post will echo Kareni's. My son's intended major is not offered at many schools. Before applying, he examined the strengths of the departments at a variety of colleges. He chose to attend a liberal arts college that is several states away--too far for regular visits.

 

My son was clearly ready to spread his wings, be challenged and meet people from around the world. He is very happy and doing well.

 

This is word for word my response as well.

 

My oldest is going to school 12 hours from our house - that far due to his being an unusual major and that school is superb for it. Ideally, I want all my boys at least 2 - 3 hours from home so they can start their independence more easily. I don't know that this is a hard and fast rule though. My middle son has a school an hour away on his "top" list albeit not top of the top. We will consider it. It was chosen due to being good in his field, not due to distance.

 

But, my kids are all ok with being away from home and look forward to it. My oldest is thoroughly loving it. With differing personalities I might have a different opinion.

[memphispeg]

My dd went over 1000 miles away. The school she goes to had what SHE wanted, culturally, curricularly, extra-curricularly. When we went to visit, in spring of jr. year, I knew it was one of our top 3. It just looked like her, I got a nice mommy feeling in my tummy that it would work. I think she might have been as happy somewhere a bit closer but, everywhere she applied was at least 1 plane flight away. I say trust your dd's and your own gut on this.

BTW, the dorm and social thing can happen even locally. Can she live on campus at the local school?

[mcconnellboys]

I showed my son a variety of big, state schools and small, private schools. I showed him schools in cities and schools in small towns (some really not even in towns, but in the boonies).... As we visited these places, I told him all the things I could think of that were good and bad about the living environment for those places. I tried to keep any indication of what I might prefer out of it, because that was irrelevant.

 

Then, of course, the campus environment and what the schools offered had to be considered, too, even more so than the surrounding environment.

 

Because he was hesitant about being farther from home, I only showed him schools that were within 5 hours or less of of our home, although we talked about other schools that were further away than that and he did apply to one further than that.

 

But ultimately, it was the quality of the school more than where it was located that had to be taken into account. I guess location was a close second for him. He waited until the last minute to make a decision, as he does with most things, but ended up going to a small private school in a town about 40 minutes from our home. We really thought all year that he would end up at a school in the heart of our city. I think everyone is happy with the decision.

 

I think not all kids are going to be needy of parents once they get established. I know he was freaked out the first week; but now he's quite acclimated and happy. Cell phones mean that people stay much more connected now than they did when I was in school, so it in general isn't as important if you're in the same town or not. I'd just lay out pros and cons and then let my child make the decision.

[TravelingChris]

I just think there isn't a hard and fast rule at all. Some kids go to college nearby and do become independent. I know a mom of an Aspie who went to a nearby college (it happens to have an excellent program in a area where there aren't many programs) but they put him in a dorm since they thought they were going to be moved. As it turned out, they didn't move but the transition for him was great. Now this summer they will probably be moving but he will now be a junior next year.

 

On the other hand, I knew someone at my college in the middle of the country who was from CA. SHe was always calling her mom and her mom was very regularly visiting. It didn't seem like she was making a good transition to adulthood and independence at all.