Foster parent questions.....would love some information

[ChristusG]

I have been thinking about fostering....but I have quite a few questions. I know there are foster parents here on this board and that this board is a wealth of information on just about any topic. I was wondering if anyone could answer some questions that I have.

 

1. Can you specify an age range? My youngest is three and I really would not want a child over that age....just due to safety reasons.

 

2. How do my values anintertwine with foster care? For example, would I be able to take the child to church and put them in the nursery/kids program? Can I read the Bible to them? We have a family bedroom that our children sleep in with us. I know that foster children cannot do that, but would it look bad if my own children continue do it? Is homeschooling ever an issue?

 

3. Discipline - I know that you cannot use physical discipline on a foster child.....but we do spank our own children....only occasionally. But can we continue to discipline our own children how we see fit?

 

4. Vacations - Can foster children go on vacation with us? What about out of state?

 

5. What about babysitting? Sometimes we leave our own children in the care of my parents so that we can go out on a date night. I assume it is okay to leave foster children with the same babysitter?

 

6. Basic necessities - If you don't know what age child you may have come through your home, how do you know what to have on hand? Must I have a crib on hand? What about things like high chairs? What about clothing? I know that the states gives some money for foster children, but when you buy the clothing, what happens to it? Does it go with the child when they go home? What if you only have them for a week and they only come with one pair of clothing? Do you buy clothing and then send it with them when they leave? What about toys....say you have a child for a year and they acquire toys while living with you....does everything go with them when they leave? How do you work out the logistics of things like that?

 

7. I saw something online about a sibling group of two brothers that were currently in foster care. They had been in the same home for over 5 years and were seeking adoptive parents. Why couldn't the foster parents adopt them? Is that not an option? I've heard of foster to adopt, but what does that entail?

 

8. Are foster parents in any danger? I assume that a lot of times a parent is angry when their children are taken away from them. Do the parents know where the children are staying? Do the foster parents ever meet the real parents?

 

9. What about schooling? Are you allowed to homeschool a foster child or do they attend public school? If they attend public school and they previously attended a school that is far away from you, does the child continue at that school or do they go to the school that's close to you?

 

Sorry about all the questions.....these are just things I've been thinking about that do not seem to be addressed anywhere.

[Julie in Austin]

I have been thinking about fostering....but I have quite a few questions. I know there are foster parents here on this board and that this board is a wealth of information on just about any topic. I was wondering if anyone could answer some questions that I have.

 

1. Can you specify an age range? My youngest is three and I really would not want a child over that age....just due to safety reasons.

 

Yes. But I need to be honest with you: I would not take in foster children if I had a three year old--only older teens. The risk of violence, sexualization, or just plain using-all-of-Mom's-time is too great.

 

2. How do my values anintertwine with foster care? For example, would I be able to take the child to church and put them in the nursery/kids program? Can I read the Bible to them? We have a family bedroom that our children sleep in with us. I know that foster children cannot do that, but would it look bad if my own children continue do it? Is homeschooling ever an issue?

 

None of these should be issues.

 

3. Discipline - I know that you cannot use physical discipline on a foster child.....but we do spank our own children....only occasionally. But can we continue to discipline our own children how we see fit?

 

You may not be able to spank your bios in front of your fosters.

 

4. Vacations - Can foster children go on vacation with us? What about out of state?

 

At the discretion of judge and/or social worker.

 

5. What about babysitting? Sometimes we leave our own children in the care of my parents so that we can go out on a date night. I assume it is okay to leave foster children with the same babysitter?

 

Specifics depend on your area; the person may need to pass a background check first.

 

6. Basic necessities - If you don't know what age child you may have come through your home, how do you know what to have on hand? Must I have a crib on hand? What about things like high chairs? What about clothing? I know that the states gives some money for foster children, but when you buy the clothing, what happens to it? Does it go with the child when they go home? What if you only have them for a week and they only come with one pair of clothing? Do you buy clothing and then send it with them when they leave? What about toys....say you have a child for a year and they acquire toys while living with you....does everything go with them when they leave? How do you work out the logistics of things like that?

 

You should probably be set up for the ages you would take in in case you get a middle of the night call.

7. I saw something online about a sibling group of two brothers that were currently in foster care. They had been in the same home for over 5 years and were seeking adoptive parents. Why couldn't the foster parents adopt them? Is that not an option? I've heard of foster to adopt, but what does that entail?

 

Usually, foster parents are given first choice to adopt. They may not have wanted to adopt either because they feel called to foster and not adopt, or because they didn't feel that they would be a good match for those particular kids.

 

8. Are foster parents in any danger? I assume that a lot of times a parent is angry when their children are taken away from them. Do the parents know where the children are staying? Do the foster parents ever meet the real parents?

 

In general, this is not a risk.

 

9. What about schooling? Are you allowed to homeschool a foster child or do they attend public school? If they attend public school and they previously attended a school that is far away from you, does the child continue at that school or do they go to the school that's close to you?

 

In general, homeschooling is not allowed. They would go to your local ps.

 

Sorry about all the questions.....these are just things I've been thinking about that do not seem to be addressed anywhere.

 

I've written elsewhere why I don't think it is a good idea for people with young kids to foster. We tried it. It wasn't catastrophic at all, but we decided not to continue after only two placements, mainly because I felt that CPS wasn't entirely honest with us about many things.

[RebeccaS]

My responses in bold. All my answers are specific to my region. :)

 

 

I have been thinking about fostering....but I have quite a few questions. I know there are foster parents here on this board and that this board is a wealth of information on just about any topic. I was wondering if anyone could answer some questions that I have.

 

1. Can you specify an age range? My youngest is three and I really would not want a child over that age....just due to safety reasons. Yes-We filled out several sheets of info regarding what we would and would not accept in children (ie, special needs, age, race, gender...)

 

2. How do my values anintertwine with foster care? For example, would I be able to take the child to church and put them in the nursery/kids program? Can I read the Bible to them? Our foster kids go to church with us, have attended Bible Schools with us, etc. The parents can specify that you must take their children to a certain church, synagogue, etc, but we have not run into that yet. As for the nursery, that may be a little trickier. There are rules about who you can leave the kid with-many times background checks are required.We have a family bedroom that our children sleep in with us. I know that foster children cannot do that, but would it look bad if my own children continue do it? I don't have experience with that-my kids have all had bedrooms separate from dh and me. They do have to sleep girls in one room, boys in a different room if the kids are over age 5.Is homeschooling ever an issue?While I cannot homeschool foster children, homeschooling my own is not an issue.

 

3. Discipline - I know that you cannot use physical discipline on a foster child.....but we do spank our own children....only occasionally. But can we continue to discipline our own children how we see fit?When we had our homestudy done, we noted that we do spank our children on occasion and signed a paper stating we would not spank the foster children. We can lose our license if we do. So long as we don't spank our foster children, it's fine. And, incidentally, my youngest was 2 when we got our first placement and the kids didn't seem to mind that they got spanked and the foster kids didn't.

 

4. Vacations - Can foster children go on vacation with us? What about out of state?We have taken our foster kids everywhere we have gone, including out of the country. So long as the bio parents agree and the court ok's it, you can take them.

 

5. What about babysitting? Sometimes we leave our own children in the care of my parents so that we can go out on a date night. I assume it is okay to leave foster children with the same babysitter?Our baby sitters must have a background check first. So, my parents and anyone else we wish to use for babysitting has had a background check and is given the ok by social services.

 

6. Basic necessities - If you don't know what age child you may have come through your home, how do you know what to have on hand? Must I have a crib on hand? A lot of that depends on what ages of kids you'll be accepting. By law, here, foster kids 2 and under must be in a crib. So, we have a crib as well as a toddler bed (we accept children aged 3 and under.)What about clothing? I know that the states gives some money for foster children, but when you buy the clothing, what happens to it? Does it go with the child when they go home? The child must go home with an adequate amount of clothing. Anything the child has outgrown while in our house stays with us. We just store it for emergency placements. But, we've never received a placement, so far, that didn't give us at least a few hours to get ready.What if you only have them for a week and they only come with one pair of clothing? Do you buy clothing and then send it with them when they leave? Yes-but you should get money from social services to buy it.What about toys....say you have a child for a year and they acquire toys while living with you....does everything go with them when they leave? Yes. We send all toys with the kids when they leave. We have had longer placements that spanned Christmas and birthdays. The toys are theirs when they leave.How do you work out the logistics of things like that?

 

7. I saw something online about a sibling group of two brothers that were currently in foster care. They had been in the same home for over 5 years and were seeking adoptive parents. Why couldn't the foster parents adopt them? Is that not an option? I've heard of foster to adopt, but what does that entail? In Ohio, if you want to adopt a child under age 5, you must be a foster to adopt family. That means, the child will be placed with you and the bio family will work towards reunification. Reunification is the priority. Not you adopting the child. If reunification fails, then you may adopt the child so long as there are no other extenuating circumstances. We lost the newborn placement to another family that was willing to adopt her along with her 3 siblings. We just didn't have the room/resources/energy to adopt her and her troubled older siblings along with her.

 

8. Are foster parents in any danger? I assume that a lot of times a parent is angry when their children are taken away from them. Do the parents know where the children are staying? No. Your name and address is kept from them, unless you choose to reveal that information.Do the foster parents ever meet the real parents? In Ohio, we can choose our level of involvement. With our current placement, I take him to his visits, so I meet with and talk to him Mom there. We meet every couple of months as a team (mom, us, social workers, etc) to discuss the case and how things are going.

 

9. What about schooling? Are you allowed to homeschool a foster child or do they attend public school? See above.If they attend public school and they previously attended a school that is far away from you, does the child continue at that school or do they go to the school that's close to you?The child will attend your local school district, but in the case of school age kids, they try not to place them outside of their school district if at all possible.

 

Sorry about all the questions.....these are just things I've been thinking about that do not seem to be addressed anywhere.

 

You'll also need a carseat/booster seat for a potential placement. This, of course, you keep and the social workers should have their own seats for transportation.

 

ETA: In Ohio, you won't get any middle of the night or weekend calls until you are licensed for...2 years, I think? At our 2 year mark, we were allowed to put our name on the emergency placements list for the middle of the night/weekend calls. So, if your state is the same, you should have a little time to get things ready-maybe not days, but usually a few hours.

Edited October 7, 2010 by RebeccaS

[truebird]

I think a lot of this differs from state to state, or even county to county. I'm in CA, and here's how it's been for me.

 

1. Here you can request an age, but the younger you ask for, the longer it will take to get a placement. I agree with you that it would be best to not go above the age of your youngest, and I agree with the previous poster that even a very young child will greatly impact the lives your other kids.

 

2. I'm not sure about the church/religion issue, as that hasn't come up in our case, but here we are not allowed to have any children (even our own) sleeping in our room with us. We also had to rearrange bedrooms. We'd had our 7yo, 5yo, and 3yo sharing one bedroom, while they used the second room as a playroom, but the requirement was no more than 2 kids per room, and no boy/girl combinations. We now have a boy room and girl room, with 2 kids in each room.

 

3. We had to sign a paper saying that we won't be using physical discipline with any children in our home. (In our case, that wasn't an issue, as that's not the approach we want to use with our children.)

 

4. We are allowed to travel within the state but would need to get permission to leave the state.

 

5. We are allowed to use whomever we see fit, but anyone who will regularly be caring for our foster child has to get a background check done.

 

6. Sorry, I'm not as much help on this one. My circumstances were a little different, as I became involved in foster care when my young nephew was removed from his home. He's been placed with me for most of the year, and we're in the process of adopting him now.

 

7. Here, once parental rights are terminated, adoption is encouraged, and they prefer not to disrupt the child's current placement. The process involves a home study (which we've already completed), and waiting through a 60-day appeal period.

 

8. I think this differs a lot from case to case. In mine, of course, I already knew the people involved. (My brother, who'd had full custody of my nephew, died last year, and my nephew's mother wasn't able to care for him properly once he was returned to her. Dealing with her and her family has been the most difficult, complicated part of this whole process.) I think in cases where you don't already know the people involved, you might still end up interacting with them when dealing with court-ordered visitations.

 

9. We technically aren't allowed to homeschool, but we WERE allowed to enroll the kids in a public charter school that allows us to design our own curriculum and teach at home. That has been working very well for us.

[Dobela]

My answers in color. Know every state/ agency will do things differently.

 

1. Can you specify an age range? We did specify age and at one point even specified sex. Our supervising case worker didn't call us unless the child fit our profile. We were always given the option of refusing based on the information presented. The oldest child we ever kept was 5 yo. Friends with the state or other agencies would not always get the same treatment. A friend said her calls to keep a toddler were always followed by, "Well he has a brother that is 15 that needs to come as well." Be aware that you may have some very street smart and very abused 2 yr olds. I have seen 2yos act out sexually because that is what they were taught in the bio home.

 

2. How do my values intertwine with foster care? We have a family bedroom that our children sleep in with us. Is homeschooling ever an issue? We licensed thru a private Christian agency. However, all of our children came to us from the state agencies. When the state social worker couldn't find a placement for a child (not enough homes usually) they would start calling the private agencies. Because we were with a private agency, that agency made the social workers sign a statement when the child was placed,the children went to church with us & all of our family activities. The statement said that she understood the children would attend church and religious services with us. However, we have friends that signed up directly with the state and they could only take the children with them if the biological parents agreed. Most didn't care, but occassionally the bio family would request a particular denomination instead.

 

Our son was sleeping with us still when we began. Again, our agency thought it was ok and the state didn't know about it. He also had his own room & his own bed so it was assummed he slept there. I will say though that with a a couple of children (in the 3/4 yo range) there was some jealousy because they wanted to be treated the same-and sleep with us.

 

Our homeschooling was never an issue. In fact, every worker I ever dealt with loved that I was going to be home and spend more time caring for the child.

 

3. Discipline - can we continue to discipline our own children how we see fit?

We did, but we were careful how we used it. A couple kids had been spanked so severely that for us to spank ds caused meltdowns and PTSD symptoms in them. It also helped if we had similar discipline techniques for our own and the foster children so they could be 'fair'.

4. Vacations - Can foster children go on vacation with us? What about out of state? Depends. We had 2 foster children that were not allowed to leave state with us. I don't know why but suspect that the bio family was against it. We did have to fill our tons of paperwork for the state: give specific details of location, contact numbers, schedule, time of departure, time of return, etc. Other children were allowed to go with us. However, we were warned that their state funded medicaid was not valid out of state and that we could possibly be held responsible for any medical costs. The last foster child we had, and eventually adopted, was allowed to go everywhere with us as long as our private agency approved. It also depended on the worker assigned to the child.

 

5. What about babysitting? Sometimes we leave our own children in the care of my parents so that we can go out on a date night. I assume it is okay to leave foster children with the same babysitter? Check with your state, here it is as long as it is not a long term thing. If it is a regular or long term situation, the babysitters must go thru background checks and be approved first. A couple of our kids had serious enough needs that I had to find another foster parent to give me respite instead.

 

6. Basic necessities - If you don't know what age child you may have come through your home, how do you know what to have on hand? You don't. You hope they come with something, but usually they don't. I started keeping a few items in every size and season to last me until I could find more. For infants, and older, I kept a package of diapers and pull-ups in each size as well. I also kept some formula on hand. Lice treatment kits are a must to keep on hand as well. Must I have a crib on hand? We were expected to have 'appropriate' beds available. We still owned our crib so we used that. Other foster families I knew just used pack and plays. But your regulations may state otherwise. things like high chairs? Again, we had our own already. If I had it to do again, I would just buy one of those baby booster seats I could strap to a dining table chair. Just because it takes up less space. What about clothing? Out of all the children we fostered, only one did we receive clothing money for, and that was long after he left. We bought clothes out of our own pocket money, asked friends for hand me downs, and so on. If the child outgrew it, we kept it when they left. If they could still wear it, we would send it on with them. We decided that we would treat the next foster family as we would want to be treated. Since I hated scrambling for clothes, I always sent them on. Some kids had favorites that I would not have kept. I also sent on any clthing that they brought with them from biological family. Even if it didn't fit sometimes it was an important connection for the child. Does it go with the child when they go home? How do you work out the logistics of things like that? Honestly, every situation is unique and what you do one may not be done again. I tried to send everything with that child that was theirs. I made photo scrapbooks & sent those as well. The only time toys/clothes were refused were when 2 girls went home to parents and the parents asked me to not send them. I think they wanted to put the whole ordeal behind them and not have anything to remember it by (they had been falsely accused of abuse but the girls were with us over Christmas and had received many gifts). When it is time for a child to leave, you just start packing it up and send it with whoever picks the child up.

 

I made it a point to send belongings with the kids because too often they came with nothing and those few belongings are very important to them. They had already been stripped of everything familiar once, I wasn't going to do it again.

 

7. Why couldn't the foster parents adopt them? Is that not an option? I've heard of foster to adopt, but what does that entail? In our state the process to foster and the process to adopt are the same one. How you are entered in the computer is how you are known as a foster parent or a foster -to - adopt parent. That designation can change at your request. Many people in our state are just foster parents. Sometimes it is just a season in their own life - their kids are grown but they don't have grandkids yet. Sometimes they just want to love and nurture a child until a forever home is found. Thje reasons can be as varied as the families who foster. In our state anyone can foster a baby, but you can't adopt a child if you are more than 40yrs older than the child. That makes some people ineligible to adopt kids they have cared for long periods of time.

 

8. Are foster parents in any danger? I assume that a lot of times a parent is angry when their children are taken away from them. Do the parents know where the children are staying? Do the foster parents ever meet the real parents? I personally never had any problems. Well, except when my dd's biomom would come to court. Once an armed guard was assigned to protect me and dd because biomom was threatening to abduct her. But it never happened.

The parents may, or may not, know where the kids are. I always ended up keeping children from other counties so that never happened to me. I did meet all the parents at some point though because I always transported my kids to visits. Friends from our county said that occassionally they would have minor run ins with parents - as in a drunk parent would start calling in the night demanding to talk to a child. But most didn't have any problems. The parents were typically happy that the child was in a good home. Visitations didn't occur in their homes. Most likely they would run into family at stores and such that didn't realize the child had be removed from the home.

 

9. What about schooling? As a preschooler, they stayed home with me unless they qualified some other program - usually if they had developmental delays. Some can qualify for programs such as Head Start. In our state, they can't be moved from their current school district unless there is some extreme reason to move them. If however they do change school districts, the social worker is responsible for registuring the child in school and providing all the appropriate documents.

 

At first I never wanted a child to be out of my care, but with time I found that for some preschool was the best case. Since reunification was the goal, the school would end up being the constant in the child's life and provide the support needed after returning home to the parents. It also gave me a break if the child had demanding personality issues or needs.

[Dobela]

I've written elsewhere why I don't think it is a good idea for people with young kids to foster. We tried it. It wasn't catastrophic at all, but we decided not to continue after only two placements, mainly because I felt that CPS wasn't entirely honest with us about many things.

:iagree::iagree::iagree: We started fostering when ds was 4. He was too young to protect himself from children placed in our home with RAD that were younger than him. He didn't understand why mommy was so busy, or why B hit when that was wrong, or why C broke all his toys. And so on. He didn't understand that the sexual languge, curse words, and sexual play behavior was wrong.

2. I'm not sure about the church/religion issue, as that hasn't come up in our case, but here we are not allowed to have any children (even our own) sleeping in our room with us. We also had to rearrange bedrooms. We'd had our 7yo, 5yo, and 3yo sharing one bedroom, while they used the second room as a playroom, but the requirement was no more than 2 kids per room, and no boy/girl combinations. We now have a boy room and girl room, with 2 kids in each room.

In our state you have to have 50sq ft per child per bedroom. The size of the room determines how many children you can have. You must also provide each child with their own dresser and hanging space in the closets. Each child must have a separate bed and bedding. We often used toddler beds so we would have more floor space. After a 4 yr old that acted out sexually we put alarms on doors so we would know when she was leaving her room. Honestly, after her, I would never have my bio children sharing a room with any foster child unless it was a tiny infant. She is also the next to last child we ever took in. The psychological damage to my son still shows.

 

 

 

Many Christian homeschooling families I know began fostering as a mission of sorts. However, when you foster parent you invite the world and all its ugliness into your home as an example for your children. If you are homeschooling in part to keep your children innocent and sheltered from the world, then you do not want to be fostering in any way, shape, or form.

[Ravin]

My experience is secondhand, as my mom is the one who has been a foster parent for years and years. Keep in mind that things vary from state to state, this is just what I know from my mom fostering in Texas:

 

1. Can you specify an age range? My youngest is three and I really would not want a child over that age....just due to safety reasons.

 

Yes. My mom fostered teenage girls only for years, and decided to trade drama for diapers and now has little ones instead.

 

2. How do my values anintertwine with foster care? For example, would I be able to take the child to church and put them in the nursery/kids program? Can I read the Bible to them? We have a family bedroom that our children sleep in with us. I know that foster children cannot do that, but would it look bad if my own children continue do it? Is homeschooling ever an issue?

 

Generally, you can go ahead and take children along for participation in normal family religious activities. My mom would take one teenaged foster sister to Mass at Fsis's request, usually on Saturday. She still had to attend church with the family on Sunday (they're Protestant) as she wasn't allowed to stay home alone.

 

 

3. Discipline - I know that you cannot use physical discipline on a foster child.....but we do spank our own children....only occasionally. But can we continue to discipline our own children how we see fit?

 

Generally, yes. I would rethink it based on not wanting to have a double standard, though. The parenting classes you get as a foster parent give you plenty of other discipline tools.

 

4. Vacations - Can foster children go on vacation with us? What about out of state?

 

Generally yes, but you may have to work around visitation, court dates, etc., and you have to get written permission beforehand as well as follow certain guidelines for accomodations while traveling.

 

5. What about babysitting? Sometimes we leave our own children in the care of my parents so that we can go out on a date night. I assume it is okay to leave foster children with the same babysitter?

 

Generally yes, but that babysitter may have to undergo a background screening. On the up side, most foster parents can get a certain number of hours of respite care paid for--and that background check and maybe a class are all that's usually required to get a family member cleared as a respite provider. My (adult) sisters babysit for my mom all the time on this basis, and she can also find respite providers who are other foster parents that work with her agency.

 

6. Basic necessities - If you don't know what age child you may have come through your home, how do you know what to have on hand? Must I have a crib on hand? What about things like high chairs? What about clothing? I know that the states gives some money for foster children, but when you buy the clothing, what happens to it? Does it go with the child when they go home? What if you only have them for a week and they only come with one pair of clothing? Do you buy clothing and then send it with them when they leave? What about toys....say you have a child for a year and they acquire toys while living with you....does everything go with them when they leave? How do you work out the logistics of things like that?

 

Anything bought for and/or given to a child that could reasonably be considered that child's belongings go with the child when they leave your home. You are provided stipends to pay for such things. Big ticket items like furniture or swing sets that are for your home or all the children including your biological children aren't included in that, and you usually don't have to send outgrown clothing with a child, it can be passed on to other children or sold or whatever just as you would with your own child's clothing. Most foster parent I know utilize second hand stores, clothing swaps, and donations made available to the children to outfit them, esp. in short-term situations. If you are expecting to have a child in a particular age category, then accomodations for a child that age should be in your home before placement. My mom on several occasions when she usually had teenagers did respite care for infants, and on those occasions was able to borrow a crib from a local crisis prg center in her town that her pastor's wife volunteered at.

 

7. I saw something online about a sibling group of two brothers that were currently in foster care. They had been in the same home for over 5 years and were seeking adoptive parents. Why couldn't the foster parents adopt them? Is that not an option? I've heard of foster to adopt, but what does that entail?

 

Not all foster parents can or want to adopt. My mom and stepdad will be adopting baby bro and sis--sis has been place in the adoption unit, bro is still waiting on termination of his bio father's rights (which is waiting on the man's sentencing for a recent conviction that will likely put him away for a long, long time).

 

8. Are foster parents in any danger? I assume that a lot of times a parent is angry when their children are taken away from them. Do the parents know where the children are staying? Do the foster parents ever meet the real parents?

 

It depends on the individual situation. Many foster placements are with family, so the parents know where they are. Ones that aren't might be in the same town, or halfway across the state. Visitation varies from one situation to another, but is generally geared at keeping the children safe and connected to their families. Sometimes foster parents may supervise visitation and get to know the bio families, sometimes not.

 

9. What about schooling? Are you allowed to homeschool a foster child or do they attend public school? If they attend public school and they previously attended a school that is far away from you, does the child continue at that school or do they go to the school that's close to you?

 

Generally they have to attend public school. In some cases, that may mean a charter school, including an online school. I had one foster sis who just needed a couple of classes to graduate and was pg, she was able to finish her education by attending an online charter. It tends to be another case-by-case thing, where caseworkers, a judge, a CASA, and/or an ad litem may all have say in the matter. I knew one hs'ing family in my mom's hometown who also fostered--they preferred to take short-term placements of preschoolers to avoid the school issue, but one placement was turning into a longer-term one and they were hoping an online charter would become available for elementary in their area to give them another option.

[TravelingChris]

In terms of schooling, that depends completely on your state. When we fostered a long time ago, we sent the girl to a private school that we paid for. A number of years later, we met a mother in that same large state who was homeschooling the foster children with the social worker's enthusiastic approval.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Several others have answered and I haven't read them yet, but...

 

1. Can you specify an age range? Yes. You can be quite specific on a few things, however, obviously age is easiest as they can lie or simply not know about certain other things like sexual abuse background or whatever.

 

BTW, I have seen all sorts of situations work. We had no real issue fostering when my kids were little and that includes that my bio-son had special needs. It was exhausting, of course, but otherwise, it was easier to care for a young sibling group then than it would be now! Now, I think I'd want older kids. Another group we've always been interested in were parenting teens. I get the concerns, but I have seen many people do just fine. One fostermom I worked with regularly had another baby after she started fostering so almost all her fosterkids were older than her youngest. Of course, if YOU are the family that doesn't do just fine, then that becomes a real issue. You have to decide if that is a rish you're ready to take.

 

2. How do my values anintertwine with foster care? Yes, I don't think I know any fosterkids who do NOT go to some sort of religious service or another.

 

3. Discipline - I know that you cannot use physical discipline on a foster child.....but we do spank our own children....only occasionally. But can we continue to discipline our own children how we see fit? Yes, but.... You have to realize these kids have witnessed a lot of abuse and mistreatment and could find it very disheartening. Also, a 2yo is NOT going to get that you will hit your own kid but not him. Of course, as you learn to deal with these challenging kiddos, you are much more likely to beef up your own discipline so you'll punish your own kids less also. It's a win-win-win situation for everyone :)

 

4. Vacations - Can foster children go on vacation with us? What about out of state? Get permission first. Depending on circumstances, they may ask that you arrange childcare or use respite instead; but most of the time, fks go where you go.

 

5. What about babysitting? Sometimes we leave our own children in the care of my parents so that we can go out on a date night. I assume it is okay to leave foster children with the same babysitter? Caregivers have to meet certain requirements much of the time. For example, the 15yo neighbor kid usually would not qualify. Her mother would, usually. Of course, I'm sure this depends on the state.

 

6. Basic necessities - When we got our first fosterkids, the socialworker met me at KMart to purchase the clothing and certain other necessities. Obviously, if you're regularly fostering kids all about the same age (0-3), you'll get up a store of clothing, toys, safety devices, etc. Some of these things will be yours that each kid that comes through uses. Some will be THEIRS and will go with them. Of course, some could be theirs and will go to Goodwill or storage as they grow out of things also. One sibling group was SO showered with stuff from the birth family ALL the time (plus bdays and holidays) that most of that stuff sat in a storage area to be shipped back to family when the girls went home. Glad I wasn't THAT social worker!

 

7. I saw something online about a sibling group of two brothers that were currently in foster care. They had been in the same home for over 5 years and were seeking adoptive parents. Why couldn't the foster parents adopt them? Is that not an option? I've heard of foster to adopt, but what does that entail? Many foster parents are JUST foster parents. They want to be there for the kids they have but they hope these kids will go to forever families and they'll help the next set of kids. Additionally, a good fosterhome doesn't necessarily make them a great forever home. There could be all sorts of "fit" issues the family choose to take on for 2, 5, 8 years, but isn't interested in taking on full time. Lastly, unfortunately, they may not be equipped to deal with these kids as their own. If they have some medical or behavioral issue that will cost a great deal of money and the state won't consider a subsidy for adoption or whatever.....

 

8. Are foster parents in any danger? I assume that a lot of times a parent is angry when their children are taken away from them. Do the parents know where the children are staying? Do the foster parents ever meet the real parents? Depends. If there is real reason for concern, they try to protect everyone involved. In other situations, foster parents and parents really get to know each other and stay in contact later even. And of course there is everything in between. You may have seen our story on how we got started. We actually had the kids before the state took custody and left them with us. So yes, that bio-mom knew us well as she had given us her kids before the state did. Unfortunately, that didn't work very well after the state had custody.

 

9. What about schooling? Are you allowed to homeschool a foster child or do they attend public school? If they attend public school and they previously attended a school that is far away from you, does the child continue at that school or do they go to the school that's close to you? Some foster kids are homeschooled if that is best for them. Usually, they go to public school. Of course, occasionally private would be best. They go to the school they would go to as your kids usually. Again, sometimes there may be reasons to be a little different, but...

Edited October 7, 2010 by 2J5M9K

[jenn1129]

8. Are foster parents in any danger? I assume that a lot of times a parent is angry when their children are taken away from them. Do the parents know where the children are staying? Do the foster parents ever meet the real parents?

 

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We fostered for 2 years. As long as I have my own children(we have bio and adopt), we will never do it again.

 

In my area, social workers are on burnout. We also had a few national news headlines about foster children dying at the hands of the foster parent. So, if a bio parent accused a foster parent of abuse, the allegations were taken seriously. They would remove those specific foster children, and depending on the believability of the charge, they could also remove other fosters. Here, an investigation takes 2 weeks. After you are found not guilty, the children can be placed back with you.

 

In the meantime, you are basically shunned except by your own personal social worker. Nobody is allowed to tell you what is going on. You are made to feel like scum. Your own kids are scared if they are gonna get taken away.

 

Our county has a shortage of foster parents. We know a few who have been falsely accused. One, after 20 years of fostering, quit after being accused of molesting a child by the bio family. We were accused of burning a baby with a cigar(he had a rug burn). We don't smoke and the shape of the rug burn didn't match up with the accusation. By the time the kids got to the hospital to have the spot looked at, mom had accused us of drugging her other child and molesting her. At the hospital, they took lab work and full body x-rays on these kids. And worse of all, they did a rape kit test on the toddler. Bio mom had already gotten bored and left for the night. Social worker couldn't handle the little girls screaming, so she left the room. So this beautiful little 18 month old went through this test all by herself for reasons EVERYONE knew were ridiculous but they had to follow procedure. DISGUSTING.

[Julie in Austin]

. In the meantime, you are basically shunned except by your own personal social worker.

 

We were not accused of abuse or anything like that, but . . . one of our main reasons for ceasing future placements was that when a [small] conflict did arise, our own social worker was extremely quick to take the "other side." While she later [sort of] apologized to me for that (when she was aware of more facts), that incident scared the daylights out of me--here was the person who was supposed to be in *our* corner and instantly assumed the "other" side was right . . . this after we were told in training that it was not a matter of -if- but a matter of -when- we would be accused of abusing foster children.

 

It hurts my heart that we couldn't make this work, esp. after seeing some foster children up close and personal in our own home, but I just couldn't put my family through this.