While decluttering I realized I've lost myself...

[Tardis Girl]

Do you ever wonder if YOU have any hobbies or passions anymore? When I had two kids I think I coped better with juggling all of life, but now we have 5 spread over 16 years, my dh has significant chronic health issues that also require a completely different diet from everyone else (and the knowledge that his health will only continue to decline, most likely). I love my children and my dh dearly, and I try to be a completely devoted wife and mother. When I'm not doing stuff with or for them, one of my main "hobbies" is decluttering! lol Always looking for ways to simplify our lives, live with less, etc. But the stuff (physical and more) creeps in at record pace. And although I feel like I desperately need a break, I have come to realize that I have no hobbies anymore that are for me. Everything is homeschooling, food prep/cleanup, household stuff, mom stuff.

 

How do I "find" myself again after all these years, when all I want to do is sleep? Or is this just normal for this season in my life? Of course, I feel guilty if I do try to do something for myself, and it feels like it's more trouble than it's worth. But I know I shouldn't feel that way and have to look at it like a "sharpening the saw" kind of thing. But it's so hard. Seriously, if everyone left home for the day and I could do ANYTHING I wanted... I would just sit here and look around and wonder what I could possibly do -- I just feel empty. For a time I enjoyed watercolor painting, and a couple of years ago I went ahead and bought myself some decent supplies and a couple of instructional DVDs. Haven't touched them in well over a year.... And the thought of doing it just seems overwhelming. So maybe I should just get rid of it, let it go. Lots of things in life seem like that now.

 

Does anyone else ever feel this way? Is this "normal" for a (long) season??

[ElizabethB]

:grouphug:

 

I have to cook separate meals for myself, I have multiple severe food allergies. It is exhausting. We just moved, and on vacation I only had to cook for myself, it was great only cooking a few meals a day, it made a huge difference.

 

How old are your kids? Can you hire someone to help out with something or have the kids do more?

 

I would add in a watercolor class for everyone and join in with them, watch the DVDs together and have fun. (Don't share your expensive stuff, though, they can use cheapie stuff, except maybe the older children if they are artistic.)

[Rosie_0801]

I think a certain amount is normal. I'm on the tail end of the baby phase of life and that sure hasn't been all sweet sailing. I haven't lost myself though, because I prize my own mental health above everything else. There's something about having a mother with mental illness that makes you think that way, I guess. Not that I do a lot with my hobbies, most of the time, but I do read and think about them, and that is enough to see me through most of the time.

 

:iagree: with Elizabeth. Make your watercolours school and some of the housework a home ec class. Teach them to cook. Maybe I'm weird, but I really enjoy the meal analysis while we eat. What could be done to improve the recipe, etc. And I like to write those improvements in the cookbook and try it again until I get it right.

 

Rosie

[Peela]

I have been through phases like that with only two.

If you need sleep more than anything...can you book a weekend at a hotel to just go and sleep? Sleep deficit is a seriously unhappy-making condition.

As for interests...I have plenty, but my main one over the years has been to read..even if it was just moments before falling asleep. Reading has kept me interested in various things, even if it was parenting, housekeeping, organising books.

Sounds like you need a break though.

[Guest ME-Mommy]

:grouphug:

 

I've been going through something like this for the past few months...it comes in "waves", then diminishes, then creeps back in. In my case, I'm wondering if it's related to hormone levels before/during "that time of the month"...but I haven't slowed down enough to keep track of it.

 

I've decided that I need to SCHEDULE "me" time -- just like I would schedule for anyone else. I realize I have a short amount of time before all my "ducklings" leave the nest and I need to have something in place -- a hobby or job -- or I'm going to lose my mind.

 

I think sometimes we (mothers) give, give, give to everyone else and neglect ourselves. We need to realize that you can't keep sucking the tank dry and be any good for ourselves (or others).

[CathyT]

It can be so hard to do it all and take time to be yourself as well. I remember stopping in to bring something to a friend and found her curled up reading a book on the couch in the middle of the day. LOL. Taking time to read while her kids napped rather than cleaning the kitchen or doing any other chores. It really opened my eyes since I felt at the time I should be working since my dh was off working. My friendandmy dh gave me"permission" to take time for me.

 

I still feel like I have so so little time for me but it is getting better. I am now waking up on good days earlier than the rest of the family to have time for myself and trying to sew just for 30 minutes two times a week - that is my fun. And try to take walks on evenings when I can after dinner. My older boys are in charge of cleaning the kitchen twice a week and that truly helps. They also do their own chores if I give them a list and washing the floor of the kitchen is one of them...

 

As for decluttering, I have found a messy house makes a truly unhappy me. I started flylady again a couple weeks ago. My bedroom is the first place I am working on, that and the kitchen. When I am stressed I try to go to my bedroom to fold clothes or something like that where the clutter is mostly gone. Dh asked me last night if I could just clean out the walk in closet in our room! Ooo, now that is a chore and a half but mostly because it is all my sewing stuff in bins and boxes and all over the floor when I pulled things out and didn't put them back well. Take care of yourself and hopefully everything else will fall into place. And don't forget to ask for help.

[Ravin]

I do my best not to let it creep in and take over. We stay active in the SCA, and that's MY thing. DD enjoys it too, and I do SCA-related things I probably wouldn't if I wasn't a mom (like Youth Coordinator for Estrella War, a week-long event), and adapt what I do to accommodate having DD along as much as possible (like doing overnights at the first aid station instead of doing battlefield first aid during the day--I'm usually at children's during a good chunk of the day). All you have to do is take a look at our front room or garage to know that much of the clutter is generated by MY hobby: the sewing table, the bins full of medieval clothes and the canvas tent in the garage, etc.

 

Honestly I'd let Spiral Scouts and other activities we do primarily for DD's benefit go before I'd give up the SCA.

[Tardis Girl]

THANK YOU!! for sharing of yourselves, ladies. I'm feeling encouraged this morning. I think I will try to get my littles to try some watercolors. My older teens are pretty helpful (chores, taking care of the littles) and they do often say they would be happy to do more to help if I tell them what to do -- they say I don't ask for help when I need it, which is true.

 

But so many of the things you said really helped or reminded me of things I already know: the impact of clutter on your state of mind (that's a huge one for me!), separate meal prep for severe food allergies (with never a break, but at least after several years of this I have some good routines in place to get this done more efficiently), some examples of how your "me" time looks and how you make it a priority.

 

Seriously, thank you. It was so lovely to find all these thoughts waiting for me today.