Please talk me down

[mlktwins]

Hi all! I have just turned 5 year old twin boys (my only children). I have started homeschooling K, but their behavior (mostly DS2) is not good and I'm not sure I can do this. I just packed everything up and told them they are heading to PS K. Please help me want to continue homeschooling...

 

Here's a little background (if you care to read):

DS2 did everything early (rolling over, crawling walking, etc) except for talking. He started talking at 31 months and started reading at 33 months. He is now reading at a 5th grade level. Comprehension is great. He taught himself skip counting (just for kicks decided to skip count by 12's to 204 while I'm driving down the road), counting backwards from high numbers, adding and subtracting (can do with 3 digit numbers) all on his own. We've just started talking about multiplicaion and divison and it won't be long before he takes off with that. He has done some very basic alegebra when we ask him a quesiton. He can tell time to the minute on an analog clock/watch.

 

He memorized the presidents in numerical order (did this at late age 3) and can spout off the name of any numbered president you ask of him. He started doing 36 piece puzzles at age 2 and has progressed from there. He has a memory like an elephant. Until a month ago, I have not sat down and formally taught him. We play games, talk about things, do puzzles, talk about numbers and such, but he taught himself most of these things (including reading). He needs work on fine motor skills (writing, cutting) and spelling. He is an EXTREMELY INTENSE child (yes, I've been reading the recent post on that). He needs to win or be first at everything (racing all of us down the stairs, to the door, finishing dinner, playing games). He has major meltdowns. He is disrespectful to DH and I (and my dad for some reason), but was great for his pre-school teacher, soccer coach, swim teacher, VBS leader, etc. He is also great for my in-laws. He is just a "turkey" to the 3 of us. I'm affected most because I'm with him ALL DAY LONG. He has to have the last word, he hits his brother and slaps at us, but does not like it done to him in return (has a total fit if brother hits him back). We are consistent in our discipline with him. I have not yet found his "currency" as to what will make him behave. I have never wanted to break his spirit 'cause there is so much positive

to him too, but when it's bad, it is really bad.

 

I would 100% blame my parenting if his twin were the same way, but he is not. He is also advanced in reading. Has already learned math that he would learn in K and 1st. He is not as interested in learning as brother. He like to play with his Batman toys, play Wii and do art :-). DS1 has gotten more sassy and a little defiant in the last month though (probably from hearing his brother do it so much). I feel they are both AT ME ALL DAY LONG.

 

So, I'm 43 and never intended to homeschool until I realized what we were dealing with academically. I have not had DS2 tested, but from the reading I've done, he is probably EG to PG. DH is gifted. I love these kids more than life itself, but I don't know that I can be around them all day anymore. I've done it since they were born. I know there will be problems with PS as DS2 gets bored and into trouble when he's bored. I know I will have to fight with the school to get him more challenging work (I don't want him to move up any grades due to maturity level and fine motor skills issues). They will miss time with their grandparents who are quite up in age and see them several times a week during the day. They will miss nap, which means to bed early and very little time with DH in the evenings.

 

So please tell me I can do this. I know I need to, but I'm not sure it will be good for my health. We are also going to be moving in a month (very stressful, but so worth it to have more room and a safer yard for them to play in).

 

I have no one other than family to vent to or talk about this with. I haven't told my friends why I'm homeschooling -- their kids are the same age and I don't want them to feel I'm bragging. I've just given them the positives of homeschool (yes, I'm trying to keep those in mind) and that it is best for our family. Please don't bash me as I'm already doing that to myself. Please tell me how you guys stay sane while dealing with children like this.

 

Please tell me I can do this....

[In The Great White North]

Of course, you can do it.:001_smile:

 

Things that might help:

 

Swim team (Tire him out. He's a little young but kids do occasionally start at 5 or 6. If he can't swim that well yet, get him a few private lessons til he can. An hour a day of peace and quiet for you is worth it!)

 

Karate/martial arts (Someone besides you emphasizing respect and self-control.)

 

Have him start to learn to play an instrument.

 

Give him responsibilities of his own (ie chores. He's old enough to wash a floor, clean a bathroom, set the table, make sandwiches, pour cereal, pull weeds, dig a garden, feed the dog, etc. Every time you do something for him, he has more time to be bored and get into trouble.)

 

Acquire a set of encyclopedias. (A never ending source of new and fascinating stuff for him to explore!)

 

Start a foreign language.

 

Teach them to play chess.

 

I would not expect behavior or attitude to improve from being bored all day (at school or at home.) It could get much worse. At home at least you will try to challenge him. No kindergarten teacher is going to be willing to start algebra!

[lionfamily1999]

Schools aren't nearly so lenient on active boys.

 

:grouphug:

 

You can do this!

 

The school system won't love them like you do.

 

:grouphug:

 

You can do this!

 

They'll be in their own homes soon enough.

 

:grouphug:

 

You can do this!!!

 

:hurray:

 

And welcome :D

[HeidiD]

Sure you can. But have you considered sending them to kindergarten, just to get a break from them? A few years ago, one of my 7 kids (she was 5 at the time and she has Aspergers) was wearing me down just as you describe. For the sake of my own sanity, I sent her to school. Yes, we did struggle with the school in an effort to get appropriate services for her, and we ultimately pulled her out the following spring, but I really needed the space away from her (as did the rest of the family).

 

Have you considered testing for him (perhaps a neuropsych eval.?) I've found it really helpful to arm myself with as much info as possible. It's useful to know exactly what you're dealing with in a case like you're describing. Then you'll be in a better position to make educational and life choices.

 

There's no doubt, it's very hard. The "gifted" label evokes mixed feelings in me. Not necessarily the most accurate description, because it comes with such a mixed bag of strengths and weaknesses (something people who don't have to deal with this don't always understand). I've never felt "gifted" and when I saw the same traits emerging in some of my kids, I knew it wasn't going to be an easy road. If you're concerned about the effects of homeschooling on your mental and physical health, that needs to be an important consideration for you. You're not required to sacrifice your health in service to your kids' educations.

 

I would never bash someone struggling with this - there's no perfect solution. But remember, you don't have to plan out their entire educational journey right now - you can take it one year at a time.

 

How to stay sane? You need outlets, hobbies, things that you enjoy - time without the kids! You need personal space, time to relax and regroup. I pray A LOT - couldn't survive otherwise. If I could smoke, I would, but since it's not healthy, I knit things - a marvelously mindless stress reducer. :001_smile:

 

HTH! Good luck!

[MelanieM]

It sounds like what you really need is a way to get regular breaks. Maybe you can have those lovely, caring grandparents watch them *without you* a couple times a week? Is a mother's helper a possibility? Are there any drop-off programs you can enrol them in for a few hours a couple mornings a week? Maybe a childcare swap with another family?

[Mommy2BeautifulGirls]

 

I would never bash someone struggling with this - there's no perfect solution. But remember, you don't have to plan out their entire educational journey right now - you can take it one year at a time.

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

Or sometimes, as in my house, a month at a time. You never know when either of them will make that leap into "I already know this, I'm bored!"

[lionfamily1999]

:iagree:

 

Or sometimes, as in my house, a month at a time. You never know when either of them will make that leap into "I already know this, I'm bored!"

Wow, you plan for a whole month?!? :lol: We have days when I'm good planning thirty minutes ahead.

[mmasmommy]

I signed up here just now so that I could respond to you. :grouphug:

 

My DS is 7 and is the same as your DS. It all started around 5 too. We are just starting the homeschool journey this year due to issues at PS. I don't really have any advice about homeschooling but wanted you to know that the grass is not greener on the other side. PS just brings a whole host of other issues for kids like our DS'.

 

I would highly recommend the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It has changed our entire way of thinking about DS and we are starting to see small changes in behavior.

 

Amy

Newbie HSing Mom to my 3

DD - 9, DS - 7, and DD - 2 along for the ride

[mlktwins]

I will come back after I put the boys down for nap (thank goodness I still get an hour or two of naptime :-)! Usually I'm so drained I fall asleep with them -- LOL.

 

I can't thank you enough for your replies. I am feeling a little calmer now.

 

Now if only I can figure out how to use the multiquote function so I can respond :-)!!!

[lionfamily1999]

In the bottom right hand corner of every post there is a "Quote" button and next to it is a button with a piece of paper, ", + and that button is the multi-quote button. Once you've pushed it, it should turn red and when you get done clicking all the posts you want to quote you click the reply button and viola!

[Staceyshoe]

You can do it! Really, you can! Just take it one day at a time. :grouphug:

 

Your post reminded me a lot of my oldest whose internal motivation to learn is extreme. I've finally learned that his behavior is soooo much better when he's being challenged intellectually. I think he needs intellectual stimulation like he needs food and water. One of my gauges for his level of challenge is how crazy his behavior is. When things get out of hand and I make changes to give him more challenge, he settles down again.

 

I know you are re-arranging your life to do what is best for your child, and I applaud you for that! Once you get in a "groove" with homeschooling, you may be surprised to find that things actually get easier rather than more exasperating.

[catz]

You can do this! :001_smile: My now 9 yo was so intense at age 5 (somewhere approaching that PG range). He literally drove me bananas. I didn't start homeschooling him until age 7, but he didn't start K until a month before he turned 6 (Oct birthday w/Sept cut off). I didn't even know he was gifted because that was not even remotely on our radar (DH and I ARE gifted, but no ID where we went to school). Anyway, there was only one of him and that was his most crazy, intense year.

 

I would give yourself a total break and maybe unschool for a couple years. My daughter is really intense right now too (very newly 6), and I require very little structured work out of her. I'd be consistent on the discipline, let them follow their interests, and go easy on yourself. Sounds like they are doing great learning on their own anyway. Lots of active, outdoor activity is good. Make sure you are taking care of yourself and getting lots of breaks.

 

Music lessons and other regular activities have been great for my kids too. Music lessons really give them something to focus all that mental energy on, and get used to working with a teacher, patience, performing, small motor, and they can move at their own pace etc. My son start piano at 5 1/2 and I really think that helped settle him down a little.

 

Hang in there. My 9 year old is still intense, but really quite a delight compared to where he was a few years ago. Hanging in there with my little one! :willy_nilly:

[JennW in SoCal]

 

I would give yourself a total break and maybe unschool for a couple years. My daughter is really intense right now too (very newly 6), and I require very little structured work out of her. I'd be consistent on the discipline, let them follow their interests, and go easy on yourself. Sounds like they are doing great learning on their own anyway. Lots of active, outdoor activity is good. Make sure you are taking care of yourself and getting lots of breaks.

 

Music lessons and other regular activities have been great for my kids too. Music lessons really give them something to focus all that mental energy on, and get used to working with a teacher, patience, performing, small motor, and they can move at their own pace etc. My son start piano at 5 1/2 and I really think that helped settle him down a little.

 

 

:iagree:

 

Sounds like you are already doing all the right things. It is just going to take time and lots of patience. Definitely find someone to take them for a bit several times a week whether it is grandparents or a regular babysitter, just so you can have regular alone time. Grocery shopping alone can be such a treat!!

 

School doesn't have to look like school. You can call a time of the day, such as mornings, "school" if having some rhythm to the day helps your active ds, but don't feel you need to make it look like school with worksheets and assignments. I pretty much unschooled my kids (the oldest was the loud and intense one) until they were 8 or 9 by following their interests and keeping a bottomless supply of library books, documentary videos, craft materials, legos and kits.

 

Karate, music lessons, swim lessons will all give you a tiny break and will redirect intense energy. Chocolate, Starbucks....my kids learned that when I had food and a book they shouldn't bother me. (They may have been older than 5, though.) I can remember locking myself in the bathroom, looking myself in the eye in the mirror, and repeating "I am the adult. I am the adult. I am in charge. I am the adult".

 

The years go by so fast but oy! those days with intense little boys are just endless. :grouphug:

[mlktwins]

Of course, you can do it.:001_smile:

 

Things that might help:

 

Swim team (Tire him out. He's a little young but kids do occasionally start at 5 or 6. If he can't swim that well yet, get him a few private lessons til he can. An hour a day of peace and quiet for you is worth it!)

 

Yes, thanks for the ideas!! We were doing swim lessons, but took a break. They go back on Aug 15th for 2 weeks (4 days a week) and then I will look into it again for when the PS kids go back to school.

 

Karate/martial arts (Someone besides you emphasizing respect and self-control.)

 

Have him start to learn to play an instrument.

 

We will have my piano in the new house and my music books out of storage. They both want to learn to play -- should be interesting to try it with 2 at a time -- LOL.

 

Give him responsibilities of his own (ie chores. He's old enough to wash a floor, clean a bathroom, set the table, make sandwiches, pour cereal, pull weeds, dig a garden, feed the dog, etc. Every time you do something for him, he has more time to be bored and get into trouble.)

 

Our current house is kind of in chaos, but I'm planning to have a chore chart in the new house -- DS2 actually loves to "help" me. He likes to dust the floors and we will have 2 whole levels of dustable floors. Have at it :-).

 

Acquire a set of encyclopedias. (A never ending source of new and fascinating stuff for him to explore!)

 

I had bought him a 200 page dictionary for kids 6+ last Christmas. He finished it in no time. I will look into the Encyclopedias.

 

 

Start a foreign language.

 

Teach them to play chess.

 

I would not expect behavior or attitude to improve from being bored all day (at school or at home.) It could get much worse. At home at least you will try to challenge him. No kindergarten teacher is going to be willing to start algebra!

 

They also play spring/fall soccer. That will help burn extra energy.

 

 

 

Schools aren't nearly so lenient on active boys.

 

:grouphug:

 

You can do this!

 

The school system won't love them like you do. YET ANOTHER REASON TO HOMESCHOOL!

 

:grouphug:

 

You can do this!

 

They'll be in their own homes soon enough.

 

:grouphug:

 

You can do this!!!

 

:hurray:

 

And welcome :D THANK YOU :D

 

Sure you can. But have you considered sending them to kindergarten, just to get a break from them? A few years ago, one of my 7 kids (she was 5 at the time and she has Aspergers) was wearing me down just as you describe. For the sake of my own sanity, I sent her to school. Yes, we did struggle with the school in an effort to get appropriate services for her, and we ultimately pulled her out the following spring, but I really needed the space away from her (as did the rest of the family).

 

Have you considered testing for him (perhaps a neuropsych eval.?) I've found it really helpful to arm myself with as much info as possible. It's useful to know exactly what you're dealing with in a case like you're describing. Then you'll be in a better position to make educational and life choices.

 

I will talk to the pedi about this in early September for his 5 year well visit. He has been to OT for some minor sensory issues. His OT did not see any signs of him being on the spectrum or ADHD. His pedi is not concerned with this either, but I haven't talk to him yet about where he is academically and his behavior -- not since he turned 4. DS2 is very, very good at focusing on things that interest him or even getting through his school lessons that don't. He is very social and loves to play with other kids. He shares his toys and is just generally happy when we have our playdates.

 

There's no doubt, it's very hard. The "gifted" label evokes mixed feelings in me. Not necessarily the most accurate description, because it comes with such a mixed bag of strengths and weaknesses (something people who don't have to deal with this don't always understand). I've never felt "gifted" and when I saw the same traits emerging in some of my kids, I knew it wasn't going to be an easy road. If you're concerned about the effects of homeschooling on your mental and physical health, that needs to be an important consideration for you. You're not required to sacrifice your health in service to your kids' educations.

 

I would never bash someone struggling with this - there's no perfect solution. But remember, you don't have to plan out their entire educational journey right now - you can take it one year at a time.

 

How to stay sane? You need outlets, hobbies, things that you enjoy - time without the kids! You need personal space, time to relax and regroup. I pray A LOT - couldn't survive otherwise. If I could smoke, I would, but since it's not healthy, I knit things - a marvelously mindless stress reducer.

 

I would love to find time to exercise, but I'm so exhausted I have trouble getting up in the morning and just fall into bed at night. He just sucks me dry each day. Yet he is the first kid to come give me loves and tell me he loves me each morning and at bedtime. I also want to get their scrapbooks done. It is a wonderful creative outlet for me. It's also very important to me -- my mom passed away unexpectedly 10 years ago. She never did anything with our pictures -- label them, etc. When I move, my dad is going to bring all our pictures over to my place and he will go through them with me to tell me what he remembers one packet at a time -- place, date, etc.

 

HTH! Good luck!

 

It sounds like what you really need is a way to get regular breaks. Maybe you can have those lovely, caring grandparents watch them *without you* a couple times a week? Is a mother's helper a possibility? Are there any drop-off programs you can enrol them in for a few hours a couple mornings a week? Maybe a childcare swap with another family?

 

You are so right! My in-laws are coming over tomorrow and I'm getting out of dodge. They try to give me as many breaks as possible. I either get caught up on things around the house or run out to do errands. I love them for that. I'm ready to come home when I'm done. I just started letting my dad stay with them while I go out. DS2 is so intense, that I worried how my dad would handle things if I'm not there.

 

They are heading to summer camp for 2 weeks starting Monday. I will do great with that time. I am so ready to go get them when they've been gone for a few hours.

 

I don't like people to come to my current house (long story), but plan to get more help when we move. I have a friend with triplets. She has several people that help her and I am going to start using them too.

 

I know that there are things I can do better to deal with him. I just never expected this. He likes to be challenged, but whatever he does he wants me to be right there with him. His brother doesn't like to do the same things and he wants me with him also. I'm always pulled in two directions. They have to take turns, but man....

 

Someone in a later post mentioned unschooling. We do a lot of that -- get books, etc. on what topics he is interested in. We are getting ready to start a unit on Presidents because he wants to learn about them -- not just what number there were. He does like structure to his day and is a clock watcher. If I say we will start in 15 minutes, he will get his watch and tell me what time it will be in 15 minutes and then remind me when the 15 minutes is up. So I try to work with that too. He does adapt to a change in schedule easily though.

 

So, basically I need to just do what I need to do. I know they are best off we me at home although I don't like when I am the yelling mom that I was today. I have never been a yeller, but lately....

 

My dad was here this morning when it all exploded. He talked to them quite a bit about behaving and that I was choosing to HS them when I don't have to. That I was doing it because I love them and wanted what was best for them. When I went back downstairs, they both crawled up on me and said they don't want me to send them to school. They would miss me. They asked me to please bring out their school stuff again (they love their workboxes :-). They let my dad finish our lessons with them today.

 

I'm sorry I vented so much :-(. I just don't have anyone IRL that I can talk to about this other than family. Of course they know what I'm dealing with and help as much as they can. DH respects my decision, but doesn't know how I do it all day, everyday. He gives me breaks when he can -- but always makes sure he tells me to come back when I leave :lol:!

 

You guys are all great and I love this forum. You've calmed me down with your kind words of wisdom and advice. Thanks again!!!

[mlktwins]

I signed up here just now so that I could respond to you. :grouphug:

 

My DS is 7 and is the same as your DS. It all started around 5 too. We are just starting the homeschool journey this year due to issues at PS. I don't really have any advice about homeschooling but wanted you to know that the grass is not greener on the other side. PS just brings a whole host of other issues for kids like our DS'.

 

I would highly recommend the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It has changed our entire way of thinking about DS and we are starting to see small changes in behavior.

 

Amy

Newbie HSing Mom to my 3

DD - 9, DS - 7, and DD - 2 along for the ride

 

Thank you so much for signing up and sharing with me. I appreciate your insight from the other side and I know you are right. My library has the book you recommend -- I'm picking it up tomorrow :001_smile:. I'll try or read anything if there is a chance it will help!!!

[mmasmommy]

Thank you so much for signing up and sharing with me. I appreciate your insight from the other side and I know you are right. My library has the book you recommend -- I'm picking it up tomorrow :001_smile:. I'll try or read anything if there is a chance it will help!!!

 

We found the book extremely helpful. I will warn you that the first 1/2 at least is descriptions of kids behaviors. It was very helpful to read them and know we weren't alone but after a few chapters you're ready to get to the what do we do part! Hang in there though and read the whole thing. I actually had to read it twice to really grasp the concepts fully. He also has a website ( www.livesinthebalance.org ) with some video talks he gave about his methods. It was helpful for me to watch these, listening to him really made the books' methods more clear. Maybe I'm just an auditory learner. :D

 

Good luck and feel free to PM me.

 

Amy

Newbie hsing mom to my 3

DD-9, DS-7, DD-2 along for the ride

[Tracy]

I have a friend who had a child she was having similar problems with. He was not gifted, but was an intense child. Martial arts was a tremendous help, because it taught discipline and respect for authority. The instructor would not allow a child to move up if he was having problems at home or at school. Given your child's desire to "be first," this might be something to consider. This would also give you an occasional break.

[alisonslp]

you have gotten such great advice!!! I particularly second the ones about keeping him active physically as well as intellectually. Swimming, nature walks, playground visits, biking - you name it. have something physical planned for at least an hour every day. It will help to balance his energy and it is great for everyone.

 

I wouldn't worry so much about formal schooling at this point. sounds like the both are learning so much on their own. I would focus more gaining control of the behaviors and the disrespect. you're not looking for perfection - it's a process. gaining control of these will help make schooling go more smoothly in the long run. every kid has good and bad days but it sounds like this is happening much to often for it to be considered normal fluctuations. By focusing on daily routines, games, chores, and outings you can set up situations that you know will set him of and practice them, model the right responses. talk to him before and afterward about how to handle various situations. When you are in the middle of a mini-crisis, it is so hard to remain in control as a parent. Easy to get riled up as his emotions explode. But if it's planned, you are prepared. I am a speech therapist who works with 2-5 yr olds and I often recommend this for children with extreme behaviors, regardless of whether they are sensory based or not, with very good results. For instance, if you want to work on appropriate behavior when he loses a game, bring out a new game and let him know when a person is learning a game, usually they will lose a few times because they are learning it but that after learning, they begin to win sometimes. Talk about how to handle losing ahead of time (congrats to the winner, offer to play again sometime, help to clean up the game). be sure to try to make it close games so he feels like he has a good chance of winning sometime in the near future and praise him for his positive attitude.

 

sorry for it being so long, just wanted to give an explanation. BTW, I have 9 yr old twins and a 7yr old. the 7yr old had many of the same issues you described. We worked hard from 3-5 to mold him and he had a great K yr at home. Sent them all to school for one year and within 3 months we began seeing a lot of the disrespecting and disobedience crop up again. We are HSing them again this fall and are taking the summer to reinforce the positive behaviors again.

 

alison

[Laura Corin]

What forms of discipline are you using at the moment? I'm wondering if all the playing up is a way of getting attention - the negative feedback he gets from you may satisfy his need. This was the case with my 'Hobbes' - is it possible that being a twin might exacerbate it?

 

What we did with Hobbes was to substitute hugs for punishment. I know that this sounds crazy, as if we were rewarding him for doing wrong, but the punishments we were using (time-out in a chair, etc.) were pushing him away from the family and making him more needy, leading to an increase in bad behaviour. He needed, instead, to feel that he was part of the core of the family, following the expectations that membership brings.

 

If he did something wrong, I gathered him into my arms and held him until his body went soft. Then I would hug him some more, perhaps sing a little song and rock him on my lap a bit. Then I would look him in the face and talk to him about what he did and why it was not acceptable. The first week was hard but within a couple of weeks his behaviour changed enormously. I made sure to give him lots of spontaneous hugs throughout the day as well, so that his need for negative attention would be less.

 

Oh, and I agree with the pp - lots of exercise, at least an hour of hard exercise a day, makes an enormous difference to behaviour here.

 

Best of luck

 

Laura

Edited July 17, 2010 by Laura Corin

[MelanieM]

Laura, your fabulous advice makes me think of a great story I heard yesterday about the Babemba tribe:

 

http://bambicorso.com/2010/01/transformation-and-healing-through-love/

“In the Babemba tribe, when a person acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he or she is placed in the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, the entire village gathers around the accused individual, then each person of every age begins to talk out loud to the accused. One at a time each person tells all the good things that the one in the center ever did in his or her lifetime. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy is recounted. All positive attributes, good deeds strengths and acts of kindness are recited carefully and at length. No one is permitted to fabricate, to exaggerate or to be facetious about the accomplishments or the positive aspects of the accused person. The tribal ceremony often lasts several days, not ceasing until everyone is drained of every positive comment that can be mustered. At the end, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the person is symbolically welcomed back into the tribe. The necessity for such ceremonies is rare; it only occurs once in every 4 or 5 years.”

 

[mlktwins]

What forms of discipline are you using at the moment? I'm wondering if all the playing up is a way of getting attention - the negative feedback he gets from you may satisfy his need. This was the case with my 'Hobbes' - is it possible that being a twin might exacerbate it?

 

What we did with Hobbes was to substitute hugs for punishment. I know that this sounds crazy, as if we were rewarding him for doing wrong, but the punishments we were using (time-out in a chair, etc.) were pushing him away from the family and making him more needy, leading to an increase in bad behaviour. He needed, instead, to feel that he was part of the core of the family, following the expectations that membership brings.

 

If he did something wrong, I gathered him into my arms and held him until his body went soft. Then I would hug him some more, perhaps sing a little song and rock him on my lap a bit. Then I would look him in the face and talk to him about what he did and why it was not acceptable. The first week was hard but within a couple of weeks his behaviour changed enormously. I made sure to give him lots of spontaneous hugs throughout the day as well, so that his need for negative attention would be less.

 

Oh, and I agree with the pp - lots of exercise, at least an hour of hard exercise a day, makes an enormous difference to behaviour here.

 

Best of luck

 

Laura

 

I'm going to give this a try. Thanks for posting! I usually send him to his room for time out for both of us to cool down. Funny thing is I NEVER had a temper until I had kids :-(. I do give hugs and kisses often throughout the day. He also loves backrubs -- they calm him down instantly -- so I do that a couple times a day also. I try to play with him (wrestling and such), but he isn't gentle and I often end up hurt. He doesn't mean to not be gentle, he just has a hard time being gentle.

 

I know he needs to burn a lot of energy, but it's been so dang hot here. We've been playing a lot of high energy Wii games and trying to get outside really early or late in the evening.

 

Thanks again!

[Laura Corin]

 

I know he needs to burn a lot of energy, but it's been so dang hot here. We've been playing a lot of high energy Wii games and trying to get outside really early or late in the evening.

 

Thanks again!

 

When we lived in Hong Kong, which was very hot in summer, we spent a lot of time at the pool - it wore the boys out and saved my sanity.

 

Best wishes

 

Laura

[MariannNOVA]

I signed up here just now so that I could respond to you. :grouphug:

 

My DS is 7 and is the same as your DS. It all started around 5 too. We are just starting the homeschool journey this year due to issues at PS. I don't really have any advice about homeschooling but wanted you to know that the grass is not greener on the other side. PS just brings a whole host of other issues for kids like our DS'.

 

I would highly recommend the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It has changed our entire way of thinking about DS and we are starting to see small changes in behavior.

 

Amy

Newbie HSing Mom to my 3

DD - 9, DS - 7, and DD - 2 along for the ride

 

I signed up here 3.5 years ago -- I agree with everything written above - in fact, my homeschooling journey began with my b/g twins who will be starting 4th grade in a couple of weeks when our new school year begins.

 

I DID send the twins to PS for the 2nd half of first grade -- I won't say it was a disaster, but I could just have easily sat them in front of the TV for 4 months and achieved the same results. They came out of PS, spent the summer getting ready for private school, and 2nd grade was very good for them.

 

THAT being said, BOTH my twins sound like your little squeaky wheel - they are now taking ADHD meds (not to suggest that you should or anything like that - but my twins' behavior improvement is partially due to their meds).

 

There is alot to be said for maturity (theirs not yours) --

 

And, finally, I have learned that I have to be teaching them grade levels ahead of where they would appear to be age-wise -- it is very difficult to challenge them, but if I can keep them challenged, then we are kinda okay.