Anyone have experience with temporary custody of family member's child/children?

[Crystal in VA]

I am suppose to be getting my brother's three kids today. Later this week, we will do the legal papers. I have no idea what I'm doing.

 

Background:

My brother and his wife have been separated for 2 years. They have 3 kids ages 8, 7, and 6 years. They have been a disaster couple since day one. Even though they have been separated legally, they have not been separated. They see each other daily because they have joint custody and...well...that's just what they do. They fight constantly and there has been physical fighting as well. I have babysat a lot for them. Often because my brother is being an a** and wants to punish SIL by making her deal with the kids. She's working at a nightclub and he's not really working at all...a few odd jobs here and there. On the weekends I tend to have them.

 

Anyway...after a lot of talking with DH, we decided to offer to take temporary custody until the end of this school year to, hopefully, give the kids a stable environment and to allow the brother and SIL to get their lives straight...and to truly separate from each other.The kids are very much at home here. In fact, there are times when they choose to stay here instead of going home.

 

What I need help with is being sure we do this right. I want stability for the kids. I really don't want my brother coming back next week and taking the kids back. Is there something I can do to prevent that until he is stable.

 

SIL has offered to pay child-support but I have no idea what to ask for. She said that they would give us their food stamps, but shouldn't I have to go to social services and do that myself?

 

Should we get our own lawyer? Do we go through social services? What exactly is involved with temporary custody?

[Closeacademy]

Get an attorney. In the state I live in (I used to work for an attorney), if you have temporary custody papers drawn up basically, neither one can take the kids until 1. you are ready to give them up or 2. they hire their own attorney and the judge decides they are better off with the parent.

 

I don't think temporary custody papers cost that much to have drawn up about the same price as a will. You may want to ask around and find out which attorneys are good for divorce cases and don't use the ones that your brother or ex-sil went to.

 

Good luck.:001_smile:

[Perry]

 

Should we get our own lawyer?

Absolutely. This could be a legal nightmare.

[SonshineLearner]

Yup about the attorney. Getting one and paying a few hundred dollars or whatever now, will save relationships and heartaches later. Some people really shouldn't be molding their children's lives. Bummer for the parents, but sounds like the kids are doing well with you... (and will continue to once they're with you.) Are you going to homeschool them??

As far as $$$ I'd say that she should give you what she can, as she could never "pay" you enough :-)

Good for you and your husband to step up!.......

[Crystal in VA]

Okay. I hadn't thought about DH and I having our own lawyer. Sounds like that would be better. SIL said we could use hers, but for some reason I didn't really feel comfortable with that.

 

I talked to DH about getting us a lawyer...he agreed. We're going to write up a list with all our questions and expectations to take with us.

[CalicoKat]

I'd be getting a lawyer to get legal guardianship. This doesn't mean the kids won't ever go back to their parents. But it does protect you from being accused in anyway of doing something wrong. Plus it gives you a legal presence when it comes time to decide the kids should go back or not.

 

I think it will also enable you to add them to your health insurance if necessary.

 

My sister did this with one niece and having legal guardianship was so helpful in getting her enrolled in school. Without it my sister couldn't even do that or take her to the dentist.

[Pamela H in Texas]

In our family, it has happened both ways.

 

One child was taken in by the grandparents who filed for custody. The parents each were required to pay child support. Because neither had a job, it was based off of minimum wage. Ideally, the parents would have worked to get the child back, but that didn't happen. They threw their fit and the judge ruled in favor of the grandparents. The parents just went about their lives for the most part though they do visit the child on occasion and the child does know they are her parents.

 

In another part of the family, it was just done between grandma and her daughter (who was a minor when it all started). The grandmother raised the child for 11 years, but the mother was involved, did visitation, etc. Finally, the mother got in a situation where she could care appropriately for the child. He's lived with her (and her hubby and their baby) for a couple years now. It worked out beautifully though grandma did have a little trouble letting go for obvious reasons (also, grandma had a son about a year younger so the boys had grown up as siblings).

 

Anyway, so it really depends. But I think it is probably wise to make it legal.

[Crystal in VA]

Thanks for the help. I think we are going with our own lawyer.

 

The kids won't be homeschooled at this point in time. They are in schools that are very close to us and are pretty good schools. Besides...I don't know if I'm ready to hs 6 kids! :tongue_smilie: Some days are hard enough with just 3.:lol:

[Testimony]

In our family, it has happened both ways.

 

One child was taken in by the grandparents who filed for custody. The parents each were required to pay child support. Because neither had a job, it was based off of minimum wage. Ideally, the parents would have worked to get the child back, but that didn't happen. They threw their fit and the judge ruled in favor of the grandparents. The parents just went about their lives for the most part though they do visit the child on occasion and the child does know they are her parents.

 

In another part of the family, it was just done between grandma and her daughter (who was a minor when it all started). The grandmother raised the child for 11 years, but the mother was involved, did visitation, etc. Finally, the mother got in a situation where she could care appropriately for the child. He's lived with her (and her hubby and their baby) for a couple years now. It worked out beautifully though grandma did have a little trouble letting go for obvious reasons (also, grandma had a son about a year younger so the boys had grown up as siblings).

 

Anyway, so it really depends. But I think it is probably wise to make it legal.

 

I use to work for a child protective agency years ago before children. I have heard of cases like this a lot. The thing is I know in the state that I live in, you can apply for custody without an attorney. It sounds like your case may not be so amicable. So, the better way may be to get an attorney.

 

Here are some legal things that I can tell you:

1. I know that in my state it takes 6-8 weeks before the case is heard. If you have an attorney it might go sooner.

2. In every state, you only have temporary legal custody. You do not have full guardianship. For example, if the government removes your children and puts them in foster care, the government does not have full custody. It is only temporary legal custody. That's in every state. What does that mean legally? It is the same as a divorce couple having joint legal custody only you are now a part of that joint. None of the parents have lost their rights. The parents have every right to decide what can be done with their children. I remember as a caseworker, I had to get permission from the parents to cut the child's hair. Any decent attorney should tell you about what the custody means. By the way, temporary legal custody is a legal term. You can have the custody until the child is 18 years old. That will allow you to register the child in school, take them on vacation with you, get medical treatment for the child, and put them on your insurance. All those things you need.

 

I hope that helps.

 

Blessings,

Karen

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/testimony

[AnitaMcC]

Here are some legal things that I can tell you:

1. I know that in my state it takes 6-8 weeks before the case is heard. If you have an attorney it might go sooner.

2. In every state, you only have temporary legal custody. You do not have full guardianship. For example, if the government removes your children and puts them in foster care, the government does not have full custody. It is only temporary legal custody. That's in every state. What does that mean legally? It is the same as a divorce couple having joint legal custody only you are now a part of that joint. None of the parents have lost their rights. The parents have every right to decide what can be done with their children. I remember as a caseworker, I had to get permission from the parents to cut the child's hair. Any decent attorney should tell you about what the custody means. By the way, temporary legal custody is a legal term. You can have the custody until the child is 18 years old. That will allow you to register the child in school, take them on vacation with you, get medical treatment for the child, and put them on your insurance. All those things you need.

 

I hope that helps.

 

Blessings,

Karen

www.homeschoolblogger.com/testimony

 

 

This is not how it was for us.

 

We went through DCFS extended family program (and they hired a Catholic Charities lawyer for us and paid court fees).

 

We had full legal custody that included we had all decisions in raising niece and nephew. We were not required to get permission for anything to do with the kids... except if we were to move out of the state One restriction was that we had to place them in an accredited school public (all fees waived) or private school (we would have had to pay the tuition). We were not allowed to put them on our medical insurance. But then again... my sister was unable to take care of her kids and the judge agreed. The fathers' where-abouts were not known.

 

We did not receive any $$ from the state except through "welfare". They gave us a very small stipend and medical coverage. This also allowed us to put niece and nephew on free lunch program and have all public school fees waived (it is not a free public school education here in IL).

[OHGrandma]

And for us... we went to court when DFACS was trying to remove our GS10 from his dad because dad's wife beat GS. GS10's dad is our son and due to being in the military, was not able to care for his son at the time. Through the courts we were given tempory full custody. But, there was no end date entered on the custody papers so we retain custody until a judge changes changes custody.

The custody papers mean we have full say over what happens to GS, from haircuts, to school, to church, to getting him on my medical coverage.

A lawyer can help you navigate the laws about custody. If the children's parents are willing to sign over custody, it will go much smoother. If either one backs out, then you have little chance of getting custody without a huge fight. If either change their minds after you get custody, they will have to file to get custody back. Depending on your state and even local judges, they may easily get custody back even if you think the parents have gotten worse instead of getting their act together.

I would not allow the mother or father of the children to use food stamps to pay for some support. They will not be entitled to collect food stamps for the children without custody. I wouldn't take a chance on being dragged into a potential illegal activity.

The matter of visitation is an area we've found hardest to work with. With a visitation order, you'll have to make sure you abide by it, but the parents can back out after you've made plans for your kids, or show up at the last minute after saying they couldn't make it and you've made other plans for their kids. We don't have visitation orders, but try to work with both parents as much as possible. We make sure GS10 has normal extracurricular activities and both parents can participate if they desire. Visitation at either parent's home is restricted by our terms, backed by the custody order. Visitation still interrupts our life but we try to consider what is best for the child.

[brightside]

I have been looking into this regarding my niece. In Virginia if both of the parents agree the form for temporary guardianship is online and can be filed with the courts without an attorney. If there are going to be any issues with the parents I would get an attorney.

 

I am also watching for more advice myself. Keep it coming. :bigear:

[Tap]

2. In every state, you only have temporary legal custody. You do not have full guardianship. For example, if the government removes your children and puts them in foster care, the government does not have full custody. It is only temporary legal custody. That's in every state. What does that mean legally? It is the same as a divorce couple having joint legal custody only you are now a part of that joint. None of the parents have lost their rights. The parents have every right to decide what can be done with their children. They can request visits, and I can agree/disagree but I set every parameter for the visits including requiring them to travel to her if we move out of the state. I remember as a caseworker, I had to get permission from the parents to cut the child's hair. Any decent attorney should tell you about what the custody means. By the way, temporary legal custody is a legal term. You can have the custody until the child is 18 years old. That will allow you to register the child in school, take them on vacation with you, get medical treatment for the child, and put them on your insurance. All those things you need.

 

 

We have 'permanent guardianship' (different than a typical guardianship) of my g-niece (dd3) through Oregon. The parents didn't surrender their rights, but they also have none beyond what I grant them. They can't take me to court, can't get dd back, and can not contest anything I do in raising her. I have full parental authority- I have no limits over raising her. My legal rights are the same as an adoptive parent. I agreed to send pictures to the bio-parents once yearly, if they request-but that is my only requirement under law, and I signed that into our guardianship agreement, it wasn't required by the state. I send a letter to the court once yearly to verify that she is living with us.

[happyhomemaker25]

Just a word of something Dh and I noticed as foster parents and my aunt noticed when she was taking care of one of my cousins kids.

This might not be typical, but just a word of warning.

Sometimes when parents don't have their kids around and they know they are being taken care of, they tend to... give up. They just find it easier to live their lives the way they want to and not be responsible anymore.

I hope that makes some sense. I'm really not trying to be rude, I just wanted to point out that if you take them temporarily, it might turn out to be much longer while you "wait" for them to be ready to get the kids back. KWIM?