CC-Talking to teens about secular music

[Peggy in Ks]

My ds and dd received iTunes cards for Christmas from their Grandparents. Our family listening to CC music,but my ds and dd have gotten into listening to other types of music through Pandora on the internet. They are careful about what the lyrics say and we also check on what they are listening to.

Well, they want to buy some secular songs with their iTunes and we don't want them to. Are we making a big deal out of nothing? We want to set high standards for our children and don't want them getting into to buying secular music while they are in our home. When they get out of the house that is up to them. They are great Christian kids and strong in their walk with God. We don't want the music they listening to to cause them lose that.

What do you all think?

Thanks,

Peggy

[Sarah CB]

I don't think that music has to be explicitly Christian in order to be honouring to God. If your kids are seriously thinking about what the lyrics say and are choosing songs that have some merit to them then what is the problem?

[Melinda in VT]

I'm confused.

 

You let your kids listen to some secular music on Pandora, but you refuse to let them buy that same secular music? I would think it is the act of listening to the music, not purchasing it, that would concern you.

 

And although I understand wanting to set high standards for your kids, I don't think the criteria you are using leads to a high standard. If I'm reading your post correctly, your sole determining factor as to whether a song is acceptable or not is whether it has been marketed with the Christian label?

 

I think it's great that your kids are carefully considering the lyrics when they decide what to listen to. That's the standard I would reinforce, not the marketing label applied to the music.

[abreakfromlife]

Christian is a terrible word for an adjective. There are some 'christian' songs out there that have messed up theology. There are lots of artists out there who have a christian world-view and that comes across in their non-christian music. It should be the lyric content of any song that we look at, not whether the selling genre is a particular word.

[hillfarm]

I don't have an answer for you, just an anecdote. I grew up liking most of the secular rock music. My dh played bass in several heavy metal bands during his youth. Even now I like some heavy metal, though not so much as before (I am getting more picky). It is my "get the house clean quick" or "get my exercise done" music.

 

We are also very committed evangelical, fundamentalist Christians. Dh has served as a deacon, a Sunday School teacher, and does one of the most thorough daily Bible studies I have ever seen. We have been on several international and national missions trips and serve as part of our denomination's disaster relief/response team. I consider us very committed Christians who are seeking God's will for our lives on an ongoing basis.

 

I can honestly say that I don't think listening to secular music has hindered my spirituality. While I certainly wouldn't expose my very young child to such music, when she was old enough to understand the meaning and context, I wouldn't mind it so much. Actually we often discuss why a particular song is popular and what kind of people seem to identify most with it.

 

Sometimes dd dances around with me to my cleaning music, but yesterday, in response to an Egyptian study she has been doing, we listened to Steve Martin's ancient King Tut song (still as funny to me now as 30 years ago!), and the Bangles' Walk Like an Egyptian. We are snowed in and it is truly amazing what a touch of cabin fever will cause in a person. You can imagine how we walked and danced around all day yesterday!

Edited January 6, 2010 by hillfarm

[mrsrevmeg]

Some of the music that is marketed as CCM is not very God honoring. Look at some of the music you are allowing. Would a non-Christian listing to it realize the song is about God, or would they think it is referring to a girlfriend/boyfriend? Personally, I like to listen to Christian music. However, in the car, we can't always get a Christian station to pick up. There are some songs out there that are not to bad. If your family is actively researching lyrics, that is a good thing. If your teens are not trying to sneak around and get music that is not mom and dad approved I think that is showing you have done something right with them. I really think that if you give a firm no, they will be more likely to try to sneak music without you knowing.

 

 

 

Kelli-who never watched the Bon Jovi video "Living in Sin" until someone told her mother it was vulgar and her mother then forbade her to watch it. :huh:

[6packofun]

By the time our children are teens, the discernment part of their training should be kicking in. They should be beginning to make decisions according to *their* worldview. Of course, it's a Biblical worldview, but that doesn't mean they're only allowed to hear Christian praise music. :) We've helped our teens to make better choices--boy, that's more than half of what parenting is all about, I think! lol--and they're doing pretty good. Do they mess up? Sure, but they *know* they've made poor choice, which is very important, and unless it's a glaringly awful song/CD, we let it go and just ask them later how they are enjoying it. They tell us the truth and sometimes that sparks wonderful discussions about how they came to the decision that something was OK when maybe it wasn't.

 

All this to say, we let our teens choose because we feel like they've been in the habit of weighing their choices for a while now and not just holding on to mom and dad's shirttails and riding through the decision-making. They usually present their choices to us first and if there really is a need to take something away because they've been boneheads, then we do. This is where the application of Scripture comes into their lives, IMO. It's hard, but we have to LET them apply it. ;)

[momtoboys]

I personally believe that all music should have words that do not DIShonor God. Other than that, I don't find style addressed at all in Scripture. Like others have said, by the teen years, they should have be (hopefully) excercising some discernment of their own (LOL--not that I have any teens yet, but that's my opinion now). Anyway, if the words to some of what they like are offensive or dishonoring to the Lord, it might be a good chance to sit down together and talk about why you disapprove, and look into the Bible.

[Laurie4b]

My ds and dd received iTunes cards for Christmas from their Grandparents. Our family listening to CC music,but my ds and dd have gotten into listening to other types of music through Pandora on the internet. They are careful about what the lyrics say and we also check on what they are listening to.

Well, they want to buy some secular songs with their iTunes and we don't want them to. Are we making a big deal out of nothing? We want to set high standards for our children and don't want them getting into to buying secular music while they are in our home. When they get out of the house that is up to them. They are great Christian kids and strong in their walk with God. We don't want the music they listening to to cause them lose that.

What do you all think?

Thanks,

Peggy

 

We are very conservative Christians but we have chosen not to monitor the songs our dc download onto their ipods. Our reasoning is that we want them to have some areas in their lives where they are practicing using their own "moral muscles" to develop their own responsibility to exercise discernment and be accountable to God while in our home. We assume that they will make some mistakes and will later say to themselves, "I really shouldn't be listening to this." We talk to them in a general discussion way about music choices, etc. and we are very open with them about giving them this area (and some others) to exercise their own moral choices in.

 

I think there is more long-term spiritual danger in a scenario in which on leaving home, a young man or woman is suddenly being confronted with all kinds of moral choices without the moral muscles being developed than there is in letting teenagers exercise their own discernment (even when making mistakes from our point of view) in some minor areas. In other words, I think that listening to some music now that you wouldn't approve of is much less likely to make them lose their walk with the Lord than it is if you control things now and they perhaps resent it and also few opportunities to develop moral muscles of their own. If they have a strong walk with the Lord, encouraging them to seek God about what they listen to can show that you trust that relationship.

 

That's our approach . I came from a nonChristian home and dh grew up in a home where his parents controlled the decisions about music, etc. so we had different life experiences going into this from which to draw wisdom. Parenting is fraught with difficult decisions and our decision might not be the right one for you, but I offer it as a different way to think about the situation.

Edited January 6, 2010 by Laurie4b

[ChristusG]

I find music to be such a fine line to walk. I listen to Christian and country music. I do not want my children (or me) hearing music that talks about things that are dishonoring to God. Occasionally, a song will come on the country music station that I find displeasing to God, and I will change the station immediately. On the pop/top 100/rock stations, I find that majority of the songs hold some questionable lyrisc, so we steer clear of these stations. I am appalled at some of the songs that my Christian 16 year old sister listens to....and my mom allows it. It really baffles me because I have no idea how that can by pleasing to God. Okay, I went off on a tangent LOL.

 

It is hard to monitor music unless you listen to every single song that your child does. If you allow them to listen to the music on Pandora, I would also allow them to purchase it. I would look up the lyrics online and see if they are okay.

[Parrothead]

"Why should the devil have all the good music?" - Martin Luther

 

C

[6packofun]

Yes, very subjective as well! For example, we don't even bother with country music because of the content--of course, it helps that we don't like the twangy music, too, but it seems like it's all about being heartbroken, kicking a cheating guy or girl's butt--or at least destroying their property, hehe--and fighting and such. LOL Don't get me started on the grammar...

[Joanne]

My ds and dd received iTunes cards for Christmas from their Grandparents. Our family listening to CC music,but my ds and dd have gotten into listening to other types of music through Pandora on the internet. They are careful about what the lyrics say and we also check on what they are listening to.

Well, they want to buy some secular songs with their iTunes and we don't want them to. Are we making a big deal out of nothing? We want to set high standards for our children and don't want them getting into to buying secular music while they are in our home. When they get out of the house that is up to them. They are great Christian kids and strong in their walk with God. We don't want the music they listening to to cause them lose that.

What do you all think?

Thanks,

Peggy

 

My Christian kids are currently happily attending a Youth Group function, where they've invited 2 additional guests (new kids from the neighborhood). They talk about God, church, scripture as much as they do baseball, tae kwon do, Twilight.

 

We listen to a variety of music, from Christian to hiphop to pop culture to contemporary rock.

[Peek a Boo]

I personally believe that all music should have words that do not DIShonor God. Other than that, I don't find style addressed at all in Scripture. Like others have said, by the teen years, they should have be (hopefully) excercising some discernment of their own (LOL--not that I have any teens yet, but that's my opinion now). Anyway, if the words to some of what they like are offensive or dishonoring to the Lord, it might be a good chance to sit down together and talk about why you disapprove, and look into the Bible.

 

ayup.

 

My oldest pulled me aside last summer and showed me a website w/lyrics to a particular song. It was horrible. He had heard a friend singing bits and pieces of it in a group setting [at a homeschool function] and was appalled. They didn't seem to respond to a general "why aren't you listening to something less violent?" so he googled the phrases he remembered till he found the song. He couldn't even read all of it. Neither could I.

 

I forwarded the link to the kid's mom. She found about a dozen other songs like that on the dc's computer. She simply hadn't been paying attention and was trusting her "good kid." And this WAS a good kid!

 

Trust, but verify.

[Guest janainaz]

I love secular music, but I don't like dark lyrics. It's about the overall heart of a song and if you have any faith in what you have put into your kids, you'll lend them some trust and believe they will pick music that is ok.

[Old Dominion Heather]

I'd say that as long as you are listening to the music together, you don't have much to worry about. You need to decide if this is the hill you want to die on... and whether you will give them the impression that their faith is SO weak, a secular song will destroy it.

 

Our kids listen to (most) of what we listen to, and as Christians, we DON'T allow them to listen to most CC music because the music and the lyrics are so poorly written. I'd rather them learn discernment for GOOD music than listen to poorly-written, inane music just because it happens to have a CC label.

Edited January 7, 2010 by Old Dominion Heather

[Peek a Boo]

and whether you will give them the impression that their faith is SO weak, a secular song will destroy it.

except that's not how scripture defines building -and keeping-- a "strong" faith. ;)

[6packofun]

Now you've got me curious about what inane and poorly written Christian music you've listened to! LOL :D

[Peggy in Ks]

All your input was very helpful.