Osmosis Mom Posted January 4, 2010 Share Posted January 4, 2010 Just venting here. Ds 14 is really lonely. His soccer has been on hiatus and while indoor practice is starting up this week, then that is barely an outlet. His peer kids in our religious community are either too young or getting him into trouble (cyberspace trouble etc.). We go to a coop, but the boys there are younger and so, he is always different or appearing out of place. He is also shy so he bottles up his emotions. Tough. Just venting here. He has always been a bit lonely and is sort of jealous of his outgoing, talkative younger brother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted January 4, 2010 Share Posted January 4, 2010 Does he have other interests that could be developed online? I mention this because my kids who move frequently got through those lonely periods with online contact. One of mine is very interested in film and also in fiction writing. She started by commenting on other's writing and went on to publish her own and get criticism on it. Another option is volunteering. SInce he is a homeschooler, he can volunteer in school hours. His fellow workers and volunteers will be adults but all my kids made some good relations doing that plus learned very well how to work in the adult world. One volunteered at a veterinary office and the other volunteered at the library. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna Posted January 4, 2010 Share Posted January 4, 2010 Hi Nadia, If your son is lonely and shy I would try to find activity with other kids his age IRL rather than on the computer. Learning to make good friends is a skill that can be quite challenging for a shy, quiet kid. My oldest was that way for years and it was hard for her too. What about a book club with other boys his age at your local Barnes & Noble? Or snowboarding where ever young boys snowboard, Boy Scouts, volunteer work. I know you have a large family so I'm trying to think of activities with other kids that don't cost much but my mind is drawing a blank. Maybe someone else can come up with ideas. If money's not an issue you could look to all sorts of activities like skiing, basketball, fencing, hiking club, rock climbing group. Do your local colleges have classes for young kids his age? They do here. Is he at all into arts or crafts? Maybe a class at Hobby Lobby or Michael's? Does he like to dance? Maybe Irish tap dancing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 4, 2010 Share Posted January 4, 2010 Nadia, Poor kid. I think finding friends with similar interests gets harder after the age of twelve. It seems like so many activities, and opportunities are geared for those younger than twelve or jumps to young adults. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted January 5, 2010 Author Share Posted January 5, 2010 Yes, Tammy. It also seems that homeschooled boys are few and far in between. I think my best bet is to look for a couple of volunteering opportunities; him being shy, I know he'll feel resistant at first, but I think he mgiht grow to really like the independence of doing this alone while meeting people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in MN Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 I find big co-ops for kids past 6th grade just dry up here. The options are all classroom-oriented, and we do our classwork at *home* :) But smaller groups have emerged for my son over the past few years, including: - book club that has now evolved into a critical thinking & gym group on Friday afternoons - YMCA homeschool teen gym class - monthly snowboard/ski days at local hill - math team, through a big classroom co-op but you didn't have to be a member to join the team - group guitar class or piano teacher who does a lot of group things - finding a local homeschooler to do science lab and cooking projects at our house (she was a girl, but it worked) - an art teacher offered a class at a church - biweekly bowling day with our local support group One of my mentors was a mom with an only child who started a Friday game night at her house. It evolved into a Friday teen night as they got into high school, where they planned their own activities & this set of parents chaperoned. They did anything from movie nights where they dressed up like the movie to outdoor sports. This mom told me that her son spent several years alone & probably learned a lot about himself during those years. But as a high schooler, he was part of a fun crowd that always volunteered at homeschool events & were fun to see. Maybe something here will spark an idea? Julie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori D. Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 (edited) Our quiet, reserved older son unexpectedly blossomed in the Youth & Gov't program, even though it required meeting new people and some speaking in a group! More ideas just for high school homeschoolers: - join a public/private/charter high school sports team for the spring - Youth & Government (mock state legislation program), thru your local YMCA - Model U.N. (mock United Nations program), thru your local YMCA - National Forensics League (public speaking/debate program) (http://www.nflonline.org) - join a public/private/charter school extracurricular club, such as chess, debate team, DECA (http://www.deca.org/), Mock Trial (http://www.nationalmocktrial.org/), robotics, art, etc. - teen community theater group (they always need stage hands and other "behind the scenes" support, too!) - join a public/private/charter high school jazz band, orchestra, etc. - after school teen bowling league - do a search for a local teen hiking or orienteering group, teen airsoft or paintball group, or other interest your DS has - see what events your local Library or Parks & Rec has for teens - join a local community teen choir, ham radio club or other special interest group - join a local 4-H group (archery, dog training, etc. etc.) - become a member of a local kids newspaper (written for/by students) - join or start a book club, media club, or group of one of DS's specific interest - see if there is a teen group of Ultimate Frisbee or Disc Golf in your area Edited January 5, 2010 by Lori D. added info Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4wildberrys Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 Urg---I totally hear ya! Our 14 1/2 ds is SOO lonely too. Yes---homeschooled boys this age are few and far between. But I will add that my son's good buddy who homeschools-----has kind of ditched our son. It's really sad. He's lonelier than ever. Add to that: NO homeschool groups or co-ops here---not to mention a TINY handful of older homeschoolers anyways, He is NOT a team sports oriented boy---and that IS what this entire small town focuses on---and this town is so small there is ONE school---and of course the entire town revolves around the public school and the public school/sports schedules. yuck! If we lived close to you---we could try and get our boys together ;) The truth is, we are planning on moving back to CA in less than a year because our kids are way too isolated and neglected here----and too far away from healthy activities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary in GA Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 Hi Nadia, I think 14 is a tough age. When ds was that age we had a really hard time finding home schooled friends, and he and his public schooled friends had drifted pretty much apart by then. Ds was on a travelling soccer team from the age of 10 up until 18 and in that entire time there were 2 hs'd boys who came and went from the team. He formed a lasting friendship with one of them (ds is 19 now.) At 14 ds started talking about wanting to go to school to be around more people. Getting him out and into more activities got him through that stage. He started working at a barn where his sister was taking riding lessons in exchange for lessons for himself. He didn't meet any boys his age there, but he was around many people younger and older and he found he really liked the horses. He felt like he was doing something useful as well. He also began volunteer assistant coaching his sister's soccer team. This translated into a paid position as a coach. I'm starting to ramble here, but my main point is getting out combined with feeling "productive" helped ds immensely at that age. I think volunteering is a great idea and can provide some growth opportunities. Good luck to you and your son in finding something that suits him! Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 Things that have helped over here: youth group at church, swim team, guitar lessons, hobbies Homeschooling can get lonely, I encourage our kids to learn something new when they are in that awkward in between friends times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted January 5, 2010 Author Share Posted January 5, 2010 Thanks for all the suggestions. A lot of the suggestions don't apply here, though. Fx. YMCA does not offer anything if not with a cost and that said dh is unemployed and there are basically nil activities apart from ds' travel soccer. Travel soccer has been meeting less this year as we changed soccer club. Apart from that, then he is not making personal friends at places (possibly due to the kids seeing we are Muslims, who knows). I met another homeschooling family at coop where the mother was lamenting over her own ds 16, him always being alone. They boys didn't click at all, but there was a huge difference isnc eher ds really did not seem to mind being a loner and my ds while shy really wants to hang with peers. So he hangs out with the younger boys, but he is getting to big for that and too strong physically for them to be able to play fair which he knows and tries to compensate for!!). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KaciMI Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 the library and the Humane Society. Especially when you're there in the middle of the day when others are in school. You could ask the directors to let your son volunteer on days when other home school teens are there. Friends of mine have teens who volunteer at something called 'Teen Court'. It is at the local courthouse, but don't know much more about it. My dd also was involved in two youth groups that met at local churches. She was very shy at first and it took a while, but she met tons of friends. But.... now we're in a new town and I have two lonely kids 15 and 12 years old. Here we go again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in MN Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 A lot of the suggestions don't apply here, though. Fx. YMCA does not offer anything if not with a cost and that said dh is unemployed This might be for later, when finances are better. But most folks don't know that the Y offers a "youth membership." It's WAY cheaper than a family membership -- only like $30 a month. But for now, that may be too much. Julie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted January 5, 2010 Author Share Posted January 5, 2010 This might be for later, when finances are better. But most folks don't know that the Y offers a "youth membership." It's WAY cheaper than a family membership -- only like $30 a month. But for now, that may be too much. Julie Julie, I do know about yourh memberships, but our closest Y does not offer things like mentioned. I used to do Model UN with my dd's, but we did not find a partner for ds so it has kind of washed out on its own. Right now we are actually looking around for a health clubmembership for ds as he is very athletic. At least he could burn off some energy and focus on building muscles. We'll see. A ysingle youth memebrship runs less than $10 monthly, so doable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 (edited) How about scouts? Both my boys (very different personalities) have found their niches in cubs/scouts. I know that scout groups often have subsidised fees for people who couldn't otherwise join. I know that there might be a religious problem, but some scout groups touch very lightly on (non-specified) religion. Laura Edited January 5, 2010 by Laura Corin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.