Pushing too hard

[justamouse]

A while ago we talked about slacking standards in homeschooling :D, but I was wondering if you've ever pushed too hard?

 

I loved Michael Pollan's Omnivore's Dilemma, the Slow Movement and started thinking about how helicoptering and homeschooling can go hand in hand-how we can take our kids out of PS, but yet still take up every moment of their time with homeschooling and 'educational' work.

 

So, if that's been you, how did you pull back? Or, do you just not believe in anything less than rigorous?

 

Do you Slow Homeschool? :001_smile:

Edited November 24, 2009 by justamouse

[Rosie_0801]

I'm not homeschooling yet and haven't read those things, but when you said about filling up everyone's time with homeschooling and educational stuff, I think it depends what you call school and what you call recreation. For some people, baking bread is recreational, for others it is work. Some kids consider reading to be school and for others, reading is what they do for fun.

 

Rosie

[Jean in Newcastle]

I look at the capacity of my children. It is different for different children at different ages. Sometimes if they seem overwhelmed there is a simple fix of switching things around. Sometimes it means that there is just too much of a good thing.

[Cedarmom]

When my son was younger ( upper elementary) I tried to make sure a didn't have more than 3 hours of school work. Sometimes he took longer because he dawdled, but if he worked he could finish school in time to have the afternoon off. Middle school probably only took 4 hours. High school he does have about 6 hours a day, so there is not a lot of free time. But, I try and give him say in what we're learning, so most of what he's doing is following his interests.

[unsinkable]

A while ago we talked about slacking standards in homeschooling :D, but I was wondering if you've ever pushed too hard?

 

I loved Michael Pollan's Omnivore's Dilemma, the Slow Movement and started thinking about how helicoptering and homeschooling can go hand in hand-how we can take our kids out of PS, but yet still take up every moment of their time with homeschooling and 'educational' work.

 

So, if that's been you, how did you pull back? Or, do you just not believe in anything less than rigorous?

 

Do you Slow Homeschool? :001_smile:

 

I don't know...but I did spend time with a few 6 year olds recently & I got teary-eyed at how small they seemed.

 

It is hard to balance.

[Peela]

Yeah, I think it can definitely be an issue. I would say, if the joy level is low, the priorities are not right. Doesn't mean the kids need to enjoy everything they do...but their lives should be in balance with heaps of free time to think and dream privately, as well as follow their interests and passions- or, just to play imaginatively.

But all kids are different- some thrive on academia, for others its the nasty part of the day they need to get over and done with so that they can do what they enjoy.

I think homeschooling parents can get rather obsessive about their kid doing really well. Without a teaching career experience to give us correct perspective, we can feel that if our child isnt doing brilliantly, we are failing. We can take things personally. We can focus too much on achieving academically- thinking it is in our kids' best interest to be able to get into the top universities at any cost- but the cost can be a healthy childhood.

To me...this is their life now and the daily tone and overall joy levels they experience now, will influence the rest of their lives. The present is all any of us ever have- and kids live in the now- we adults get jaded and think we need to put all this serious stuff onto them, because it was put onto us, but much of it isnt very healthy. And their emotional health will have much more effect on their happiness in life, than what career they end up with.

Fortunately as homeschoolers we can have a balance of work and play, or responsibility and freedom, of fun and doing what just needs to be done. Its a balance we probably all struggle with at times..leaning one way then the other- or getting stuck somewhere.

I think a key point is, are we coming from fear and stress in pushing our kids? Or love? Are we frightened they won't do well if we don't push hard? Do we feel inadequate and overcompensate? I know we all feel its in their best interests, even when we are pushing too hard...but is it, really?

As my kids get older, I realise more and more, that most of the things I have stressed about, simply didn't matter so much. I am glad we have had a daily routine of doing our schoolwork, so that we have covered a lot. But we aren't going to cover everything I ever dreamed we would. But my kids are strong and happy people, grounded in the present, with bright futures. We havent done as much Latin as I had hoped, we quit a modern language, we arent going to get to read all the books I had hoped....they dont remember as much history as I thought they should considering it has been such a strong focus. But...they are good people, good communicators, they are widely read, open minded and open hearted, and cappable of doing anything they want. They have strong self esteem and compassion for others.

I did used to push too hard and after a few years of that, I relaxed a lot, because I didnt want to waste these years, which pass so quickly. We still do our work, but I don't necessarily go for the top curriculum...I will go for the one we enjoy more and does the job adequately. I won't push so hard in a subject that just isn't working for us. Its a balancing act and its going to be different for every family.

I have a child with LDs and it was a relief to me when SWB said that some kids just wont get past the logic stage while they are homeschooling. I realised...for this kid, that may well be the case. And what a relief to allow him to work at his own pace, to mature into the logic stage, and do the logic stage well...rather than rushing him through to get to the next level- he would constantly feel that he is not doing well, not achieving enough. A solid logic stage education is far better than most kids get in schools here, and far better than he would have achieved if he were in school.

Anyway, enough of a ramble from me....

[TrixieB]

Yeah, I think it can definitely be an issue. I would say, if the joy level is low, the priorities are not right. Doesn't mean the kids need to enjoy everything they do...but their lives should be in balance with heaps of free time to think and dream privately, as well as follow their interests and passions- or, just to play imaginatively.

But all kids are different- some thrive on academia, for others its the nasty part of the day they need to get over and done with so that they can do what they enjoy.

I think homeschooling parents can get rather obsessive about their kid doing really well. Without a teaching career experience to give us correct perspective, we can feel that if our child isnt doing brilliantly, we are failing. We can take things personally. We can focus too much on achieving academically- thinking it is in our kids' best interest to be able to get into the top universities at any cost- but the cost can be a healthy childhood.

To me...this is their life now and the daily tone and overall joy levels they experience now, will influence the rest of their lives. The present is all any of us ever have- and kids live in the now- we adults get jaded and think we need to put all this serious stuff onto them, because it was put onto us, but much of it isnt very healthy. And their emotional health will have much more effect on their happiness in life, than what career they end up with.

Fortunately as homeschoolers we can have a balance of work and play, or responsibility and freedom, of fun and doing what just needs to be done. Its a balance we probably all struggle with at times..leaning one way then the other- or getting stuck somewhere.

I think a key point is, are we coming from fear and stress in pushing our kids? Or love? Are we frightened they won't do well if we don't push hard? Do we feel inadequate and overcompensate? I know we all feel its in their best interests, even when we are pushing too hard...but is it, really?

As my kids get older, I realise more and more, that most of the things I have stressed about, simply didn't matter so much. I am glad we have had a daily routine of doing our schoolwork, so that we have covered a lot. But we aren't going to cover everything I ever dreamed we would. But my kids are strong and happy people, grounded in the present, with bright futures. We havent done as much Latin as I had hoped, we quit a modern language, we arent going to get to read all the books I had hoped....they dont remember as much history as I thought they should considering it has been such a strong focus. But...they are good people, good communicators, they are widely read, open minded and open hearted, and cappable of doing anything they want. They have strong self esteem and compassion for others.

I did used to push too hard and after a few years of that, I relaxed a lot, because I didnt want to waste these years, which pass so quickly. We still do our work, but I don't necessarily go for the top curriculum...I will go for the one we enjoy more and does the job adequately. I won't push so hard in a subject that just isn't working for us. Its a balancing act and its going to be different for every family.

I have a child with LDs and it was a relief to me when SWB said that some kids just wont get past the logic stage while they are homeschooling. I realised...for this kid, that may well be the case. And what a relief to allow him to work at his own pace, to mature into the logic stage, and do the logic stage well...rather than rushing him through to get to the next level- he would constantly feel that he is not doing well, not achieving enough. A solid logic stage education is far better than most kids get in schools here, and far better than he would have achieved if he were in school.

Anyway, enough of a ramble from me....

Thank you, Peela. I needed to hear this. I have been pondering whether I am pushing my kids too hard... and your post really spoke to me.

[Mom2boys]

Great post Peela! Thank you.