Lizzie in Ma Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 I don't know about others, but I recommended it because of: "I asked X and his response was 'yes, but the knife didn't hurt when he dragged it across my face.'" The child not only: 1) Threatened 2) Had a weapon but also: 3) Executed the threat (only failed because the weapon was inept) 4) Went for the face :iagree: Ummm, yeah. Beyond the talk to the Mom. Major, major issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 The thing that most concerns me is that DS would be "too scared" to tell you. Why was he scared to tell you? Is he a child who keeps secrets? Have you talked to him about how he must always tell you when someone has been mean or has touched him? Has he seemed upset or traumatized? Did he not tell you because he was "scared" of looking like a tattle tale or the social ramifications of telling, or is he scared of being attacked? Did he act normal and happy on the day of this attack or could you tell something was wrong? I can mentally create scenarios that are not particularly upsetting (the kid pulled a knife out, they all started messing around, your son allowed him to run the knife over his face saying, "That isn't sharp enough to hurt, try me." That sort of thing. I can also imagine pretty horrible scenarios, though I can't imagine my child seeming normal and relaxed after a really bad scene. I was a secret keeper as a child, so I am not suggesting there is anything wrong with you or with him if he didn't tell you. I had a couple of bad things happen that I didn't tell my mother about (badder than this). But I would want to explore what he was thinking about it and even more than I would want to address this problem with the other family (which I would) I would want, within my own family, to address the fact that my child has a knife used as a weapon against him and, for whatever reason, didn't confide that in DH or me. Believe me, THAT can be a very dangerous thing as he gets older. You need to work out that part of this with your son and your DH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 You need more info. Is all your info coming from a 4 yo? Not to belittle him, but he's only 4. What kind of knife? Was it a toy plastic knife? Is F the sort of kid who touches faces too much? There are a lot of hyper kids who touch faces too much. It's a common thing. It's something to teach a child to stop, but it's still common. The leader of my son's Royal Rangers said that every year in his 1st grade class there's a "face-toucher." We don't want to be like the teacher who told on that 6 year old who brought a fork/spoon/knife set to school and almost got suspended for bringing a "weapon" to school. You don't want to overreact. You don't want to underreact. We all know how bad it could be. But it also could be 4, 7, and 8 year old boys fooling around and being perfectly innocent. F should be taught that what he did was unacceptable, but it doesn't mean that F is being abused or that he's a psychopath. He could have just seen something like that scene from Crocodile Dundee where he says, "That's not a knife. THIS is a knife." Or some other movie like that. And maybe he's a face-toucher. Or maybe not. What I'm saying is, is that you need more info before freaking out and calling the police. And I agree with the other poster. The fact that your child was too scared to tell you is odd. It could be a sign that the event was truely horrible, or a sign that you need to work on making sure your ds finds you approachable. (Not that you're not--but you need to teach your little guy how to come to you when he's scared.) Talk to F's mom and get a feel for things. Go from there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeneralMom Posted November 25, 2009 Author Share Posted November 25, 2009 I sat X down last night and tried to talk to him about it. Here are some salient points: 1) X will be 5 in two weeks so not like he just turned 4. He is also very mature for his age. 2) The boys were all playing Jedi Warriors in the forest. X, J, and F went off to build a fort. X was pretending to be a Jawa and F wanted him to stop being a Jawa and when X refused, that is when the knife incident occurred. 3) I asked him why he didn't tell me and he said that all the kids had sticks or play swords, etc. and he didn't realize that the knife was not a toy and at first X thought it was part of the game, and that F was being a Jedi who was threatening a Jawa (and not X as a person). 4) When I told him he has to come to me IMMEDIATELY when he feels threatened or in danger he said he knows and he will. 5) F's mom is merely a park acquaintance for me, but she is dear friends with some of my other friends. I had to miss park day yesterday, but I will speak to her next week as I don't have contact information for her, nor do I want to involve anymore people (my friends) by randomly asking for her information. I had a big discussion with the kids about personal safety and boundaries last night...so far we have really reinforced the concept of private parts, but now I have to emphasize personal space and safety even more. I DO NOT want my kids to think this is ever acceptable, but I need to find out if this really was just a game gone too far. I really appreciate everyone's advice, and if she blows me off I will consult the DH of a friend who is a police officer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 I sat X down last night and tried to talk to him about it. Here are some salient points: 1) X will be 5 in two weeks so not like he just turned 4. He is also very mature for his age. 2) The boys were all playing Jedi Warriors in the forest. X, J, and F went off to build a fort. X was pretending to be a Jawa and F wanted him to stop being a Jawa and when X refused, that is when the knife incident occurred. 3) I asked him why he didn't tell me and he said that all the kids had sticks or play swords, etc. and he didn't realize that the knife was not a toy and at first X thought it was part of the game, and that F was being a Jedi who was threatening a Jawa (and not X as a person). 4) When I told him he has to come to me IMMEDIATELY when he feels threatened or in danger he said he knows and he will. 5) F's mom is merely a park acquaintance for me, but she is dear friends with some of my other friends. I had to miss park day yesterday, but I will speak to her next week as I don't have contact information for her, nor do I want to involve anymore people (my friends) by randomly asking for her information. I had a big discussion with the kids about personal safety and boundaries last night...so far we have really reinforced the concept of private parts, but now I have to emphasize personal space and safety even more. I DO NOT want my kids to think this is ever acceptable, but I need to find out if this really was just a game gone too far. I really appreciate everyone's advice, and if she blows me off I will consult the DH of a friend who is a police officer. Sounds like a balanced response. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 3) I asked him why he didn't tell me and he said that all the kids had sticks or play swords, etc. and he didn't realize that the knife was not a toy and at first X thought it was part of the game, and that F was being a Jedi who was threatening a Jawa (and not X as a person). The fact that all the kids had "weapons" would make me less worried about F's behavior. I'm assuming a knife that didn't leave a mark on a kid's face must have been a toy or a butter knife from his family's picnic and that's not that different than a toy sword or a stick, IMHO. I'd also delve into the possibility that the reason X and J were afraid to tell is that they would get into trouble for something they did, especially if they had sticks in their hands. I'd watch all the kids more carefully, but I'd be less inclined to think of F as a potential psychopath in the context of this new information. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 The fact that all the kids had "weapons" would make me less worried about F's behavior. I'm assuming a knife that didn't leave a mark on a kid's face must have been a toy or a butter knife from his family's picnic and that's not that different than a toy sword or a stick, IMHO. Perhaps, but the kids all need to be taught, in the strongest possible terms, that it is NEVER acceptable in play to touch someone else's face or poke or hit them on the head. Too much risk to eyesight. NEVER NEVER NEVER. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 I sat X down last night and tried to talk to him about it. Here are some salient points: 1) X will be 5 in two weeks so not like he just turned 4. He is also very mature for his age. 2) The boys were all playing Jedi Warriors in the forest. X, J, and F went off to build a fort. X was pretending to be a Jawa and F wanted him to stop being a Jawa and when X refused, that is when the knife incident occurred. 3) I asked him why he didn't tell me and he said that all the kids had sticks or play swords, etc. and he didn't realize that the knife was not a toy and at first X thought it was part of the game, and that F was being a Jedi who was threatening a Jawa (and not X as a person). 4) When I told him he has to come to me IMMEDIATELY when he feels threatened or in danger he said he knows and he will. 5) F's mom is merely a park acquaintance for me, but she is dear friends with some of my other friends. I had to miss park day yesterday, but I will speak to her next week as I don't have contact information for her, nor do I want to involve anymore people (my friends) by randomly asking for her information. I had a big discussion with the kids about personal safety and boundaries last night...so far we have really reinforced the concept of private parts, but now I have to emphasize personal space and safety even more. I DO NOT want my kids to think this is ever acceptable, but I need to find out if this really was just a game gone too far. I really appreciate everyone's advice, and if she blows me off I will consult the DH of a friend who is a police officer. Are you considering 'turning him in?' This sounds like a boy game that got out of hand. Do you even know if the knife was a knife (like something sharp) or a "knife" like something from a Pirates play set? I DO think that having a friendly officer come to play time to discuss with ALL of the kids safety issues and the like would a. be wonderful, b. loved by the kids, c. educational, d. impart wisdome they ALL need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 I DO think that having a friendly officer come to play time to discuss with ALL of the kids safety issues and the like would a. be wonderful, b. loved by the kids, c. educational, d. impart wisdome they ALL need. Wow - that is a really good idea! Subtle, yet probably really effective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 Wow - that is a really good idea! Subtle, yet probably really effective. In VA, the state police LOVE doing this sort of thing. They'll even give you a special agent to show various CSI techniques. It's part of the community outreach programs nearly everywhere, and these guys (and gals) KNOW what they're talking about. The kids and the parents learn so much from their presentations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeneralMom Posted November 25, 2009 Author Share Posted November 25, 2009 Are you considering 'turning him in?' This sounds like a boy game that got out of hand. Do you even know if the knife was a knife (like something sharp) or a "knife" like something from a Pirates play set? I DO think that having a friendly officer come to play time to discuss with ALL of the kids safety issues and the like would a. be wonderful, b. loved by the kids, c. educational, d. impart wisdome they ALL need. The knife was a real knife that his mum brought for lunch, but X says it was a butter knife. I am not considering turning him in, just having the advice of an officer if something like this happens again or there seems to be a continuing trend with F. I love the idea of having an officer discuss safety with them. I will bring it up with the group organizer when I talk to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 The knife was a real knife that his mum brought for lunch, but X says it was a butter knife. I am not considering turning him in, just having the advice of an officer if something like this happens again or there seems to be a continuing trend with F. I love the idea of having an officer discuss safety with them. I will bring it up with the group organizer when I talk to her. Oh, okay! I just had visions of the kid getting a rap sheet for something that, while incredibly stupid, did not seem outright malicious (more of a boy doing something rediculous that he probably knew was not right, but would not mean to actually hurt anyone). It's really easy, ime, to set up a visit. All the officers I've worked with have been enthusiastic :) ETA, where are you at? I could probably find a site and link it, if you'd like :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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