About leaving your children in the car....

[Heather in Neverland]

So we were walking into our favorite Indian restaurant and there was a car parked near the entrance. As I walked by it I noticed there was a girl asleep inside the car...in the driver's seat...windows up...car off...doors locked.

 

It was a "cool" day here, meaning about 80 degrees. The girl looked to be around 7 years old.

 

There are no laws in Malaysia against this. In America, if I saw a toddler in this same situation I would immediately get help, try to find the mother, etc. But I am not in America now and this wasn't a toddler so I didn't know how to react.

 

Was this an acceptable situation? I know the problem with leaving babies and young children in the car is that they are trapped. This child could easily open the door and get out.

 

Would a child this age die due to the heat or would her body wake her up and she would get out of the car? Then there is the whole issue of abduction (although very rare here) or her getting out of the car and wandering off.

 

I seriously did not know what to do. There are no car seat laws here for kids, in fact, parents ride around on motorcycles with two kids and no helmets (yes, 4 people on a motorcycle). So safety of the child is not as big an issue here.

 

And, of course, I have to be careful of the cultural situation here. I don't want to be the "ugly American". But it bothered me a lot.

 

What would you have done in this situation?

[hsbaby]

I have to admit that my mom left us in the car when we were about that age (all my friends parents did the same). I remember asking to stay in the car when she went into K Mart (was it just me or was K Mart a running joke of kids in the 80's?). However, I don't leave my kids alone in the car at all. Anyway, not sure what would have been the best thing to do. Just wanted to throw my experience out there. Maybe it is just the norm there??

[Tangerine]

What would you have done in this situation?

 

 

I would have recognized the cultural differences and moved along. The same as I would have done if I saw a baby in a carriage unattended outside a restaurant in Denmark. If I didn't see a child in what was obvious peril, I wouldn't impose my American brand of appropriate child safety practices.

[myfunnybunch]

I would ask someone Malaysian, or who's lived there for a long time. They would probably be able to tell you whether (in the future) it would be appropriate to alert someone or whether it's best to just walk on by.

 

Cat

[Momling]

My 7 yr old is always asking to stay in the car and read her book when I have to run to the bank or supermarket or whatever. And I'm tempted to let her... And I know she'd be fine... She's capable of getting out if necessary. We live in a safe area. She could come find me.

 

But I always say no - because I imagine the throngs of people and police cars that could await me as I go back out to the car. That said, I wouldn't freak out if I saw a happy looking school-aged child hanging out in a car in a not-dangerous situation. A baby or toddler is a different situation.

[Tangerine]

I seriously did not know what to do. There are no car seat laws here for kids, in fact, parents ride around on motorcycles with two kids and no helmets (yes, 4 people on a motorcycle). So safety of the child is not as big an issue here.

 

I don't think the safety of the child isn't an issue. I'm sure mothers there want to keep their children safe just as much as a mother here does. I think there are a couple of issues at play here. 1) Americans tend to have more of a paranoia about child safety. Crawling helmets, crawling knee pads, no-slip gloves so you don't drop baby in the bathtub, gates gates and more gates.

and 2) It took us a long time to get to seat belts, car seats, etc in this country. Perhaps the finances and infrastructure are stumbling blocks to implementing these kinds of laws in other countries. If it just isn't part of the consciousness there, it's really no different than before we adopted those laws in this country. Mamas still wanted their babies safe, but at that time those kinds of things weren't yet under the heading of keeping babies safe, in their minds.

[Julie in Austin]

Here in Texas, it is legal to leave a 7yo in the car.

 

(I know this because a friend did it. Someone saw the boy and called the police, who came out, scared the boy to death when they surrounded the car, and then apologized to the family.)

[Tree House Academy]

I think it depends on so many factors...one of the biggest is "what is the law there?" If the law doesn't mandate any rules on leaving a child alone in the car, then I am not sure there was much you COULD do. You could make a scene, but I am not sure it would have gotten you very far.

 

I would think a child would wake up and get out of the car if she got too hot. I also wonder if she was asleep or maybe just had her had back, eyes closed, listening to the music or something? Maybe she got in the front seat so she could lock the doors and wait on her parents to come back???

 

Definitely has to be an adjustment when living in another country, huh?

[Renthead Mommy]

I don't think the safety of the child isn't an issue. I'm sure mothers there want to keep their children safe just as much as a mother here does. I think there are a couple of issues at play here. 1) Americans tend to have more of a paranoia about child safety. Crawling helmets, crawling knee pads, no-slip gloves so you don't drop baby in the bathtub, gates gates and more gates.

and 2) It took us a long time to get to seat belts, car seats, etc in this country. Perhaps the finances and infrastructure are stumbling blocks to implementing these kinds of laws in other countries. If it just isn't part of the consciousness there, it's really no different than before we adopted those laws in this country. Mamas still wanted their babies safe, but at that time those kinds of things weren't yet under the heading of keeping babies safe, in their minds.

 

 

I totally agree with this.

 

I'll also say, after living in Okinawa and traveling in Tokyo, it's a totally different feel.

 

Yes she was 7. When she woke up, she'd get up and go inside. The kids over there seem to have more, I don't know if indepence is the right word, but it's all I can come up with right now. Very young children walk to school on their own. But if they have a problem, they stop any adult and they are then helped. You don't see that 'cross the street so it doesn't become my problem' mentality.

 

I used to leave my 5 yo in the car to go into the post office and check our box. Something I would NEVER do here, but I'd roll the windows down and run in. Over there it just didn't bother me.

 

When we were in Tokyo we wanted to take the kids on a rick shaw ride. My friend and I stuck a 4th grader, 2nd grader and 2 1st graders into a rickshaw. The driver says give the 4th grader the camera. We did, and off they went. As they took off down teh street we sort of looked at each other and said, 'huh, we just sent our kids off to god knows where with some rickshaw driver.' And you know what, we were okay with that. (We'd been living in Japanese culutre awhile by the her 2years, me 1)

 

Same trip we walked into a great little India resturant. The kids were done in for the day, especially the 1yo. The woman brings out all our food, set it in front of us and says "Okay, I take your baby now." Holds out her hands, takes the 1yo, (who is thrilled not to be in a highchair) walks around talking to other customers while holding the baby. Takes her into the kitchen to see her parents/owners. They took pictures with her. She had a great time and it was the best meal we had in Tokyo.

 

It's just different. Truthfully, while I would like a few more seat belts and motorcycle helmets, I hope those cultures don't get caught up in the paranoia Americans do. Or that their cultures start developing the crime and things that led to the paranoia state we live in. And I dont' mean that we live in a bad way, it's just a shame our culture came to be what it has come to be.

 

If it had been really hot, and it looked like she was in distress-over heating or struggling to out of the car, then I'd do something. Otherwise, I think she was fine.

[momtoboys]

It's so weird how times have changed. Just 20 years ago or so, we rode in the back of the car w/ no seatbelts, wore no bike helmets, and waited in the car at young ages while our parents went into the store. Now you'd potentially be arrested for these things.

[Heather in Neverland]

I was definitely conflicted. On the one hand, it was 80 degrees out, the windows were UP and she was out cold. I think my biggest concern was that she would overheat and not wake up. But then I told myself, surely her body would wake her up right?

 

The car was parked on the street (very few actual parking lots around here) so that concerned me a little, like what if she was hit by a car while getting out, etc.

 

I do admit that living in Detroit for 37 years has made me a bit paranoid. :tongue_smilie:

 

FTR, I did nothing (well besides wonder and worry). I knew that the rest of the people in the restaurant would look at me like I was crazy and the age of the child really made me falter. If it had been a baby I would have tried to do something no matter what (you just can't leave a baby in car in this kind of heat).

 

I guess part of me felt guilty for not doing anything and part of me knew it would probably turn out fine and I just didn't know which part to listen to.