Spinoff Again: Was your home abusive?

[lionfamily1999]

I had not seen the stats on sexual violation but would be interested in the definitions they use as I am almost certain that more than 14% of boys are sexually active before 18 so are we talking about them having been raped?

Sorry. Line crossed.

 

I really, really, really, cannot stand to "hear" sarcasm, regarding sexual abuse of boys. Yeah, I'm a girl, but I've known boys/men who were abused. This idea that because they're sexually active they can't be abused, which I am inferring from your seeming incredulous response to the stats in conjunction with their sexual activity, is flat out wrong, cruel and one of the biggest hurdles that men face when trying to get past the sexual abuse in their past.

 

Why don't you just say they liked it?

 

What, you think they can't be abused?

 

A boy can't be raped?

 

Yeah, they can. There are lots of toes being stepped on here and I really think if you want to debate the merits of boys or girls claiming sexual abuse or any other type of abuse another thread is necessary.

 

How. dare. you.

 

I'm so HAPPY for you that you lived a good life, that you did not face or know anyone who faced abuse, but ENOUGH. There's no need to debate the merits of abuse claims wherein people are not being named, accusers are not being outed and charges are not being filed. If it makes someone feel better to say, "Yes, my parents beat me and they didn't think it was wrong, but it HURT." Then keep your disagreements to yourself. THEY went through it, not you.

 

Enough.

[wheezie]

There were all forms of abuse in my house growing up-mostly aimed toward my middle sister and my older (adopted) sister. I find I cannot read this whole post, as it triggers so many bad memories for me. Needless to say, the cycle was broken with me, and there is NO abuse AT ALL in my home. My kids will never, ever know what it's like to have blood run down your legs b/c you were "switched", they'll never have to hide the fact that their dad is in your sister's bedroom, doing who knows what to her.

 

NEVER.

Edited November 2, 2009 by wheezie

[Seeker]

I do not know where it stands, my issue is that I very much doubt that it approaches 40%

It is simply 40% of the people on this board who responded to the poll. I don't know how that ratio works with the general public, but I cannot say that I am surprised in a higher percentage of childhood abused suffered by homeschooling parents, if this is a good sampling of homeschooling parents. I would say that it is rather common for those of us who suffered bad childhoods to make it our focus to give our children good ones. However, my husband had a good childhood and he was even more for homeschooling than I was years ago before we had our child.

 

I had not seen the stats on sexual violation but would be interested in the definitions they use as I am almost certain that more than 14% of boys are sexually active before 18 so are we talking about them having been raped?

If we look at this strictly as an argument in logic, I think you are confusing consensual sexual activities with abuse. Not all sexual abuse is considered rape, but rape would be sexual abuse. It does not matter if or when the boy has had consensual sex, in this case, only if he has every been sexually abused and I think that number is too low, but probably accurate with how many actually admit to having been abused.

[pqr]

Sorry. Line crossed.

 

I really, really, really, cannot stand to "hear" sarcasm, regarding sexual abuse of boys. Yeah, I'm a girl, but I've known boys/men who were abused. This idea that because they're sexually active they can't be abused, which I am inferring from your seeming incredulous response to the stats in conjunction with their sexual activity, is flat out wrong, cruel and one of the biggest hurdles that men face when trying to get past the sexual abuse in their past.

 

Why don't you just say they liked it?

 

What, you think they can't be abused?

 

A boy can't be raped?

 

Yeah, they can. There are lots of toes being stepped on here and I really think if you want to debate the merits of boys or girls claiming sexual abuse or any other type of abuse another thread is necessary.

 

How. dare. you.

 

I'm so HAPPY for you that you lived a good life, that you did not face or know anyone who faced abuse, but ENOUGH. There's no need to debate the merits of abuse claims wherein people are not being named, accusers are not being outed and charges are not being filed. If it makes someone feel better to say, "Yes, my parents beat me and they didn't think it was wrong, but it HURT." Then keep your disagreements to yourself. THEY went through it, not you.

 

Enough.

 

 

What are you talking about? I was simply asking it we were talking about violent rape, statutory rape or a 17 year old and his girlfriend engaging in consental activities. No sarcasm here! As I am not a female I am less qualified to state that XXX percentage of females are sexually active but have a fair idea about boys.

 

As to your question of course a boy can be raped.

 

 

Please actually read the post not what you think I stated.

Edited November 2, 2009 by pqr

[Lovedtodeath]

pqr, I had the same reaction as Julie at first, but I think what you are saying is that statutory rape does not stand out in your mind as sexual abuse, but that it may be included in those figures. Is this what you are thinking?

[Seeker]

What are you talking about? I was simply asking it we were talking about violent rape or a 17 year old and his girlfriend engaging in consental activities. No sarcasm here! As I am not a female I am less qualified to state that XXX percentage of females are sexually active but have a fair idea about boys.

 

As to your question of course a boy can be raped.

 

And a boy can experience sexual abuse without being violently rape. I don't want to get graphic here, but there are many acts without consent that can be perpetrated by someone who dominates the child.

[6packofun]

Were there instances of behavior by my parents that would be labeled abusive? Yep. Do I feel that I grew up in an abusive home? No. Did their behavior shape who I am and give me baggage that I've had to deal with for a long time? Yes.

 

My parents made mistakes, they were young, selfish, neglected me many times to deal with their own issues, occasionally "used the belt" but I really do feel like they *tried* and were tripped up by their flaws many times as we all can be. I think that my view of my childhood has softened as I've become an adult and my parents grow older and express their regrets and sorrow for the things they did do wrong. It stays with them and they feel it and for that I respect them. I don't *like* my parents very much at all, even now. But it's a difficult thing to say that they were abusive people. I'm just not sure it was so... :confused: Tough subject.

[pqr]

And a boy can experience sexual abuse without being violently rape. I don't want to get graphic here, but there are many acts without consent that can be perpetrated by someone who dominates the child.

 

 

No argument here.

[Daisy]

Do we really have to argue about this too? :(

 

Bottom line.

 

1) We can't know for sure what percentage of people on this board, in the homeschooling community, or society at large have been abused.

 

2) How various agencies collect their data could be disputed.

 

3) There are gray areas of abuse that are not well defined by the legal system but still cause damage to those who suffered. Personal pain is personal. I can't tell a person that they shouldn't be bothered by the fact that their parent did "x" to them because it was part of the normal culture.

 

4) There are always people in every single issue of life who will milk a situation to their best advantage. They'll play the victim card, the race card, the religion card, the woe-is-me card. We all know they are there. I don't think that was really the point of this thread.

 

5) Any amount of abuse is WRONG whether it be 1% of a population or 40%.

 

6) We'll never know how many children are being abused in our society because it happens within a culture of silence.

 

7) People who have been abused have been told throughout their life that they are over-reacting, liars, fakers, mentally ill, deserved it, etc. It gets old.

[Seeker]

One might wonder who needs to get over what.

Or who could use some sensitivity training.

 

My aunt once put it this way for people who just did not seem to understand. If your child fell off of a swing set and it was obvious that he was in terrible pain with a broken arm, you would not say: "Oh, just shake it off." You, hopefully, would not let it heal without some help to get it to heal right. However, the bruises and cuts will heal so that it is not so obvious, but underneath, the bone would have healed better if it had been set correctly or the breaks may not heal at all.

 

For many who have been abused, it is like that. Some have not yet healed internally, and some have healed the best they could with the opportunities they had, and, sadly, some never do heal. For them, life is really a constant struggle and that is why this is a very sensitive and very personal subject for so many.

 

You are talking in statistics, but these are not numbers, they are real people.

[Joanne]

Do we really have to argue about this too? :(

 

Bottom line.

 

1) We can't know for sure what percentage of people on this board, in the homeschooling community, or society at large have been abused.

 

2) How various agencies collect their data could be disputed.

 

3) There are gray areas of abuse that are not well defined by the legal system but still cause damage to those who suffered. Personal pain is personal. I can't tell a person that they shouldn't be bothered by the fact that their parent did "x" to them because it was part of the normal culture.

 

4) There are always people in every single issue of life who will milk a situation to their best advantage. They'll play the victim card, the race card, the religion card, the woe-is-me card. We all know they are there. I don't think that was really the point of this thread.

 

5) Any amount of abuse is WRONG whether it be 1% of a population or 40%.

 

6) We'll never know how many children are being abused in our society because it happens within a culture of silence.

 

7) People who have been abused have been told throughout their life that they are over-reacting, liars, fakers, mentally ill, deserved it, etc. It gets old.

 

:iagree::iagree: Great post.

[pqr]

Or who could use some sensitivity training.

 

My aunt once put it this way for people who just did not seem to understand. If your child fell off of a swing set and it was obvious that he was in terrible pain with a broken arm, you would not say: "Oh, just shake it off." You, hopefully, would not let it heal without some help to get it to heal right. However, the bruises and cuts will heal so that it is not so obvious, but underneath, the bone would have healed better if it had been set correctly or the breaks may not heal at all.

 

For many who have been abused, it is like that. Some have not yet healed internally, and some have healed the best they could with the opportunities they had, and, sadly, some never do heal. For them, life is really a constant struggle and that is why this is a very sensitive and very personal subject for so many.

 

You are talking in statistics, but these are not numbers, they are real people.

Your point is well taken and my reply subject to misunderstanding.

 

I was not suggesting that she get over any abuse as that is something that sometimes can not be done....badly written on my part.

[Garga]

A friend once told me that every single woman he had ever dated and pretty much all of the women he knew had been abused at some point in their lives--by parents or boyfriends or someone.

 

Since I didn't know a single person who was abused (or at least who'd told me about it) I thought he was just being overly-dramatic or making it up and said skeptically, "Oh come on. That's crazy. EVERY one?" (I was in my late twenties at the time.)

 

He looked at me like I was the crazy one and said, "Yes, it's true. Why would I make this up? Every single woman I've dated and most of the women I know--at work or my friends' sisters or something--have been abused at some point in their lives."

 

For some of us, abuse is common and everyone they know is abused, so their worldview holds that "people are cruel and abuse each other often." And for others of us (like me), we've never been abused or even known a single person who was and our worldview is that "people are good to each other and it's very rare for abuse to happen."

 

After that conversation with my friend, I was able to change my view a bit and realize that it was all around me, but I personally had been blessed not to be part of it.