"She would rather read than play"

[Jennifer]

You guys are awesome! I've read through all your responses and will be back later today to re-read them and post again. Thank you so much for your words of advice and encouragement.

Jennifer

[sadiegirl]

:iagree:

Schools are very big on socialization and conformity. Their definition of a problem does not have to be your definition of a problem. Just keep in mind that they are looking at the world through a different lens than you, and are probably genuinely concerned about your dd. I wouldn't be overly upset that they suggested the referral.

 

If I thought that dd was happy in school, and not bothered by limited interaction with classmates, I'd refuse the referral and assure them that dd is fine and has other social opportunities, isn't overly shy, etc.

 

If I felt that dd was unhappy in school, I'd still refusal a referral for those reasons, unless I knew and trusted the school and counselor very, very well. If I didn't, I'd pull her out and have a very low-key, low-prep academic year if needed. Dealing with school issues and traumas would be far more stressful to me than having them at home, even in the midst of burnout, and I wouldn't want dd to go through that.

[Desert Rat]

Your daughter is just fine! I was that kind of girl except I lacked hour dd's self confidence! I tried and tried to fit in. Good for her!

My ds is very similar to your dd. He would be in the same boat in ps.

You'll both be fine! Heal your mind and work on yourself. Enjoy your little one at home. And don't worry about what the grown-ups at school say. You know your daughter and she seems perfectly happy the way she is.

ITA, if she isn't happy, you can do what we did. Encourage her to watch a few shows or read a few books that "all" the kids are reading. That way she has common ground.

[LauraGB]

I haven't had time to read all the other replies yet, but it sounds like you have a socially and emotionally gifted young lady on your hands and I would not accept the psych eval unless I was absolutely forced to (and by that, I mean by law). Its really not a bad thing that she's not into all the frivolous things other little girls at her school are. In fact, I find it refreshing that she has been there this long and is still true to who she is.

 

If she needs to stay in school for this year, and you are confident she'll be back home for next school year, you might feel better to consider it 9 months of life lesson education. Really, if she's okay with what's going on, 9 months in the grand scheme of her education is really not that bad, and she will learn some things from her experience.

 

:grouphug:

[Scarlett]

There's nothing wrong with her. If they really want her to socialize with her peers, then they need to find her some peers to socialize with. Those girls on the playground certainly aren't them.

 

Great point. For some reason it really angers me that they think she needs help. Maybe they need help. Yeah, I think those teachers need help in identifying the kids who really need help.

[Aubrey]

From what I've read on the first pg, you don't need another reply, but I at least wanted to agree--I was also the type who would sit at recess & draw, write, read--worse, sometimes I'd do math. That I'd made up for myself.

 

I'm just that way. I wish...I'm not sure I completely wish my mom had been able to hs me--she started in K, but got scared out of it by the district, so I was in ps by 1st g. But mom & I have *very* different personalities, etc.

 

Anyway, I wanted to really, really tell you that it's not hs'ing that would make her that way necessarily. Others have said that. You probably know.

 

The psychologist--I don't know anything about this sort of thing, but I wouldn't turn it down automatically. I guess if it were me, I'd find out a little more. Gifted kids have a hard time socially, even as adults. One of the things missing from gifted education, imo, is some kind of lesson in coping skills, like other kids--say Aspergers kids--get. Gifted kids could really use that. Without those skills, they have higher rates of suicide, divorce, college dropout, etc.

 

Now...your dd is in 4th g & has involved parents, so I don't know how relevant any of the above is, but I'd be willing to bet that that is the school's goal--to help teach coping skills. Whether or not they'll be any good at it, whether or not 4th g is really the time to teach it, I don't know.

 

In my case, I think a psych would have been helpful at some point, but that's *totally* irrelevant to you, because my home life had all kinds of crazy going on. Completely different situation.

 

I guess all that's to say--maybe it's not something to be offended by or scared of. (Maybe.) Maybe it's not something to be embraced, either, but I bet if they took the "psychologist" labels off of the thing, it wouldn't be as big of a monster. It would be easier to look at, consider, & then accept or decline.

 

I hope it works out ok & really isn't an issue. Hugs to you & your dd!

[Melinda in VT]

I realize I may be misreading tone here, but I don't think the teachers were trying to "fix" or "change" your daughter. It sounds like they genuinely enjoy her and appreciate her strengths, but are concerned that she spends so much time by herself and are trying to help her be more comfortable in school.

 

I don't know what your school is like, but in my kids' school there aren't many kids with big problems, so the counselor has time in her schedule to help with more minor socialization issues. Lots of kids participate in friendship groups.

 

I think learning how to talk with people with whom you don't necessarily have a lot in common is an important life skill. The gifted/non-gifted issue doesn't go away when everyone grows up. If the school can help her find common ground with her peers while maintaining her individuality, so much the better.

 

Meeting with the psychologist might help you get a sense for whether it would be something that could help your daughter.

[lionfamily1999]

Disclaimer: ...

Jennifer

:grouphug:

 

This is one of the issues we had with ds. There is NOTHING wrong with your daughter.

 

:grouphug:

 

Your dd is not alone, lots of other kids don't find typical playground games fun, tons of other kids would rather not be in a clique (or mini gang).

 

:grouphug:

 

As for the school :glare: Phooey on them :sneaky2:

[Garga]

I realize I may be misreading tone here, but I don't think the teachers were trying to "fix" or "change" your daughter. It sounds like they genuinely enjoy her and appreciate her strengths, but are concerned that she spends so much time by herself and are trying to help her be more comfortable in school.

 

I don't know what your school is like, but in my kids' school there aren't many kids with big problems, so the counselor has time in her schedule to help with more minor socialization issues. Lots of kids participate in friendship groups.

 

I think learning how to talk with people with whom you don't necessarily have a lot in common is an important life skill. The gifted/non-gifted issue doesn't go away when everyone grows up. If the school can help her find common ground with her peers while maintaining her individuality, so much the better.

 

Meeting with the psychologist might help you get a sense for whether it would be something that could help your daughter.

 

From what I've read on the first pg, you don't need another reply, but I at least wanted to agree--I was also the type who would sit at recess & draw, write, read--worse, sometimes I'd do math. That I'd made up for myself.

 

I'm just that way. I wish...I'm not sure I completely wish my mom had been able to hs me--she started in K, but got scared out of it by the district, so I was in ps by 1st g. But mom & I have *very* different personalities, etc.

 

Anyway, I wanted to really, really tell you that it's not hs'ing that would make her that way necessarily. Others have said that. You probably know.

 

The psychologist--I don't know anything about this sort of thing, but I wouldn't turn it down automatically. I guess if it were me, I'd find out a little more. Gifted kids have a hard time socially, even as adults. One of the things missing from gifted education, imo, is some kind of lesson in coping skills, like other kids--say Aspergers kids--get. Gifted kids could really use that. Without those skills, they have higher rates of suicide, divorce, college dropout, etc.

 

Now...your dd is in 4th g & has involved parents, so I don't know how relevant any of the above is, but I'd be willing to bet that that is the school's goal--to help teach coping skills. Whether or not they'll be any good at it, whether or not 4th g is really the time to teach it, I don't know.

 

In my case, I think a psych would have been helpful at some point, but that's *totally* irrelevant to you, because my home life had all kinds of crazy going on. Completely different situation.

 

I guess all that's to say--maybe it's not something to be offended by or scared of. (Maybe.) Maybe it's not something to be embraced, either, but I bet if they took the "psychologist" labels off of the thing, it wouldn't be as big of a monster. It would be easier to look at, consider, & then accept or decline.

 

I hope it works out ok & really isn't an issue. Hugs to you & your dd!

 

I agree with these guys.

 

I'd look into this more and see if it's valid to your situation.

 

I was a shy kid at school who loved reading and read all the time. I never told my mom, but secretly I wished I knew how to be friends with the other kids. Many times I would cry myself to sleep and wonder why they didn't like me.

 

As an adult, I can now see that my parents had very poor social skills, so I was never taught how to behave in social situations. I would say the wrong thing and then hide in my book. I didn't know how to reach out to others in a way they understood. I finally learned how to behave in social situations in my 20s. If there had been something for a shy kid like me in school to help me connect with the other kids, it would have been a god-send.

Edited October 9, 2009 by Garga

[Scarlett]

From what I've read on the first pg, you don't need another reply, but I at least wanted to agree--I was also the type who would sit at recess & draw, write, read--worse, sometimes I'd do math. That I'd made up for myself.

 

I'm just that way. I wish...I'm not sure I completely wish my mom had been able to hs me--she started in K, but got scared out of it by the district, so I was in ps by 1st g. But mom & I have *very* different personalities, etc.

 

Anyway, I wanted to really, really tell you that it's not hs'ing that would make her that way necessarily. Others have said that. You probably know.

 

The psychologist--I don't know anything about this sort of thing, but I wouldn't turn it down automatically. I guess if it were me, I'd find out a little more. Gifted kids have a hard time socially, even as adults. One of the things missing from gifted education, imo, is some kind of lesson in coping skills, like other kids--say Aspergers kids--get. Gifted kids could really use that. Without those skills, they have higher rates of suicide, divorce, college dropout, etc.

 

Now...your dd is in 4th g & has involved parents, so I don't know how relevant any of the above is, but I'd be willing to bet that that is the school's goal--to help teach coping skills. Whether or not they'll be any good at it, whether or not 4th g is really the time to teach it, I don't know.

 

In my case, I think a psych would have been helpful at some point, but that's *totally* irrelevant to you, because my home life had all kinds of crazy going on. Completely different situation.

 

I guess all that's to say--maybe it's not something to be offended by or scared of. (Maybe.) Maybe it's not something to be embraced, either, but I bet if they took the "psychologist" labels off of the thing, it wouldn't be as big of a monster. It would be easier to look at, consider, & then accept or decline.

 

I hope it works out ok & really isn't an issue. Hugs to you & your dd!

 

Aubrey you are so wise. I don't know why I had such a bad reaction to the school's suggestion, but on further thought I guess it really does just depend on the child, homelife, and all that jazz. In this case, it appears the child is content to be alone and read. If there was reason for the parents or the teachers to think the child is unhappy then I might feel differently.

 

And also I guess we have to admit kids don't always share how they really feel inside for a number of different reasons. They don't know how to express it, don't want to hurt their parents feelings or don't want to come off more weird than they already feel.

 

So again, I wish I had not posted because I really don't know what I am talking about. :tongue_smilie: