Tiff in TX Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 We are having this problem currently. She doesn't lie often, and half of the time I think she simply giving incorrect information or unsure of what the the truth is. We really just want to teach her at this young age that you always tell the truth no matter what. I am having a difficult time explaining such an abstract concept to her. We have the book 'Bearnstain Bears Tell the Truth', but she isn't getting it. I guess I am just looking for the 'magic words' to tell her that will help her understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunty Social Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Is this your 3 yo? At that age, I think they don't always know what the truth is. They are so involved in their play and pretend worlds that to them that is real - of course, they know that the "real world" is real too, they just can't always make the distinction. She should start getting it over the next year or so. What we always tell our kids is that they are better off telling the truth, even if they are afraid of getting in trouble, because while they might get in a little trouble when they tell the truth, it'll be 10 times worse WHEN we discover they lied. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Maybe I'm the wrong person to answer this, because I firmly believe most children understand the concept of 'truth' from a young age; they just don't always want to tell the truth, if ykwim. :glare: However, I can identify with the 'giving incorrect information' part. We teach the boys, from a young age, the importance of telling the truth based on our faith as Christians (don't know your faith, so ymmv). However, we also stress that if they honestly don't know the answer to something, they should say so. If I ask Zee 'Did Moose hurt you on purpose, or was it an accident?', I've learned to also add 'or do you not know?'. 'Cause frankly, an angry, hurt 6yo is very likely to pick the 'on purpose' just to get little brother in trouble. Even if he has no idea. That aspect of truth telling, where it's sort of 'grey' instead of 'black and white' is an area I think takes more time to teach and learn. We've had to teach them that saying 'brother hurt me on purpose' when you don't know (maybe he fell over on accident, etc) is still a lie; if you're not SURE something is the truth, you cannot PHRASE it as the truth. Something being your OPINION is also not the truth. So, I guess my answer is that there are 'stages' to learning the truth, and all aspects of it. So don't expect kids to 'get it' all at once. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 I don't consider things they tell me, that I know are not true, "lies" when I can tell it's a scenario they've made up in their little noggin and are sharing with me. I think of those as stories they can't separate from reality. I really only consider them to be lying when they're deliberately hiding the truth out of fear. And I don't think a 3 year old can make the distinction between those. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 I avoid asking for it. For example, I'll say to Tazzie, "I know that you stuck your fingers in the cake icing. You need to go for a time out." rather than, "Did you put your fingers in the icing?" when I already know the answer. I also role play, so they can start to understand how much trouble lying can cause. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forty-two Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 I've read that 3yo are usually in the "magic words" stage - they've learned that words have meaning and power, and so sometimes they say things that aren't an accurate reflection of reality, but that they *wish* things were that way. So they are saying it in the hopes that saying it will make it reality. My 3yo obviously does this, all the time. Like, "Daddy's home!" when Daddy is clearly not home. Sometimes it's part of her pretend play, but often it is because she just wants Daddy to be home. I usually state what is reality in a matter-of-fact way and, if applicable, tell her when/how what she wants will happen (Daddy isn't home now, but he will be home in 2 hours). As for teaching the importance of telling the truth, I mostly teach by example at the moment. I work really hard to always be straight with dd3, even when a lie would be easier ("You may not have any cake" vs "The cake is all gone"). As well, I try to be precise in my speech ("Mommy doesn't want the baby to have any cake" vs "The baby doesn't want any cake," when I can't tell what the baby actually thinks about it). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiff in TX Posted October 5, 2009 Author Share Posted October 5, 2009 Thanks for the tips and suggestions everyone. I guess this is just one of those things where we don't want DD to develop a bad habit. Since she is our first, we are still trying to figure out the 'normal' age for learning such things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiff in TX Posted October 5, 2009 Author Share Posted October 5, 2009 I avoid asking for it. For example, I'll say to Tazzie, "I know that you stuck your fingers in the cake icing. You need to go for a time out." rather than, "Did you put your fingers in the icing?" when I already know the answer. I also role play, so they can start to understand how much trouble lying can cause. Thanks Impish, I think rewording the information to her is a great idea. I will have to try it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiff in TX Posted October 5, 2009 Author Share Posted October 5, 2009 As for teaching the importance of telling the truth, I mostly teach by example at the moment. I work really hard to always be straight with dd3, even when a lie would be easier ("You may not have any cake" vs "The cake is all gone"). As well, I try to be precise in my speech ("Mommy doesn't want the baby to have any cake" vs "The baby doesn't want any cake," when I can't tell what the baby actually thinks about it). I really fail when it comes to this.... I can't tell you how often our local McDonalds is 'closed':lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kmacnchs Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 I avoid asking for it. For example, I'll say to Tazzie, "I know that you stuck your fingers in the cake icing. You need to go for a time out." rather than, "Did you put your fingers in the icing?" when I already know the answer. I also role play, so they can start to understand how much trouble lying can cause. I was told not to ask like that when I was dealing with my 2 yo b/c the person said it was like I was "testing her" when I knew what the truth was. But now that she is 3, I do ask her at times and praise her when she tells the truth. If it is a small offense, I may talk to her about what a good job she did telling the truth and that I was going to show her grace and not punish her. If it is something big (like hitting her sister), I may still spank her but I will make it very clear that she is getting spanked for hitting but that she did a really good job telling the truth (still give her plenty of praise for that). Three yos know what pretend is and what truth and lies are...at least mine does. I am BY FAR no expert...those are just some things I have been told and I have done.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.